It was a lot to think about. Banjo drove a little distractedly to Alero’s house. He was a little surprised when he found himself pulling up at her gate.
He contemplated the option of calling her on her cell phone and inviting her to meet him outside and going up to knock on their gate. He pulled out his cell phone and punched in her digits.
“Hey Banjo…” she picked up on the third or fourth ring.
“I’m outside your gate. Are you coming out or do I come in?”
There was no response from her for a few moments and then she answered rather breathily.
“I’ll be out soon.” The line went dead in his ear and Banjo felt a spike of annoyance at that. A less disturbed part of his mind argued that he was being unreasonable. She would need to drop the call in order to come out and meet him right?
A few minutes later, the sound of the gate being unlocked drew him out of his thoughts. He watched through the rear view mirror as Alero stepped out into the street and made her way towards his parked car. He studied her face and her body language almost subconsciously, looking for signs of what going on with her. She looked worried, maybe even a bit distraught and Banjo felt his unease ratchet up a notch. She pulled at the passenger door and Banjo released the locks to let her in.
“Hey! She plastered what was patently a fake smile on her face. Banjo said nothing in response to her strained cheer. He just continued to watch her as she settled herself in comfortably. When she turned a curious glance to him, he asked her.
“Care to go for a ride?”
She slowly shook her head as she considered his request. “I don’t …think that’s a good idea.”
Banjo raised his eyebrow sardonically in question at her.
“I’m tired. I have had a rather rough week at work.” She responded to his unspoken question.
“Oh?” Banjo queried, some of his belligerence leaking into his tone.
Alero eyed him slowly, taking in the nearly blank expression on his face, only the agitated tic just below his jaw line revealed that he was not as relaxed as he looked.
“What’s th…are you mad at me?” she asked quietly.
“Should I be?” Banjo retorted back.
“Is…If there’s something wrong, I’d appreciate if you’d just say what’s on your mind. What’s with all the passive aggression?” Alero snapped.
“Are you avoiding me?” Banjo asked, his question taking the wind out of Alero’s sail. She shifted uneasily on her seat telling Banjo more than words could that she had been avoiding him. Now he wanted to know why.
“What’s wrong Alero? Why are we doing this back and forth dance? I thought we had passed this.”
Alero seemed to cringe as he spoke and Banjo felt his air becoming thinner and thinner.
“Alero?”
“Banjo it’s…” her voice came out as a barely there whisper. “I don’t even know how to begin explaining this to you. I’…I’ve…I don’t think I’ve fully processed it myself.”
“What’s the matter? Is your boss being difficult about our relationship?”
Alero turned to him in surprise. “Mr. Wanigo? No! Why…he was a little concerned but that’s not it.” She responded and then slumped despondently on her seat.
“Banjo,” she started turning in her seat to face him more fully. “I am Christian.”
Banjo looked at her oddly for a few minutes and when he realized that she was expecting some comment from him, he responded. “So am I.”
“Yes but I AM A CHRISTIAN. I am…a born again Christian.” She tried again.
“Okay? What’s the…are you going somewhere with all this?” Banjo asked as a tension headache started to split his head.
“Yes I guess I am.” Alero sighed as she turned to look out the windscreen. “I have been drifting for awhile now though.”
“Drifting how?” Banjo asked still not following her conversational trend this evening.
Alero shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve been bogged down with stuff. Work, friends, Career! I haven’t really paid as much attention as I should to my faith.” She turned to him again. “I think I got a wake-up call. I need to sort my head out.”
Banjo sighed in part relief and part exasperation. At least they were talking. They should have done this talking all week if she had not dodged him at every turn.
“How far along with that are you? Making headway?” he asked as he settled more comfortably into his seat.
Alero shrugged again and smiled wryly. She looked out the side window this time, seemingly gathering her thoughts.
“What do you need to do? Do you need to do some meditation stuff or a retreat?”
She laughed out at that. It was not a really amused laugh. She turned to look at him again.
“Maybe, I need to take a break from everything for a while, until my head is sorted out.” She said gently.
“Ah mehn! Ally this is…wow! It would have been such a great opportunity for us to go away together, but I can’t right now. Work is crazy and guess what?”
Alero quirked a surprised eyebrow at him.
“Mum is going to hand over the Executive position to me soon!” he said animatedly.
“Wow!” Alero said, pleasantly surprised at his news. “Wow! That’s such a…congratulations!”
Banjo pulled her in for a hug. She went in willingly enough but he could sense the hesitancy she tried to cover up. Just like that his feeling of unease was back. He pulled away and looked closely at her face.
“You’re acting spooked Alero. What’s the matter?”
“Banjo I need some time away from everything including you.” Alero blurted out.
Banjo drew a sharp breathe that whooshed out of his lungs as fast as he drew it in. He felt a bit light headed as he slumped into his seat. Alero remained agitatedly upright on her seat watching his reaction and chewing on her lips.
“Banjo?” she called his name softly and flinched when Banjo flinched.
“Why?” Banjo asked, the conversation he had with his mother earlier replaying in bits in his head.
“I…I need some time…”
“Away from me. Why? Do I do something that interferes with your faith?” He looked at her suddenly and Alero felt the tears sting her eyes. He was furious!
“No Banjo.”
“Have I pressured you in any way to do anything that you’d find distasteful to your conscience?” he fired.
“No Banjo.” Alero answered shaking her head. “Banjo…”
“Ally what is this?” Banjo said slamming his hand on the steering wheel. The blare of the horn had both of them almost jumping out of their skin.
They were both silent after that, their stressed breathing the only thing that could be heard above the low hum of the well tuned engine that had been running silently in the background.
“You know what? Take your break Ally.” Banjo looked at her fully in the face. “But before you do, let me just tell you a few things.”
“I love you Ally. I love you.” Alero gasped but Banjo prowled on. “I hope that you’ll sort whatever it is that’s going on with you right now and still see a way for both of us to be together.” He seemed to lose some steam after that and searched around for words to convey what he was feeling. He shook his head sadly.
“I understand how important faith must be to you. My mum has struggled with that for a while. I’ve only, just this evening, began to understand the depth of some of that struggle. I just don’t see why that precludes our being a couple. I believe in God too. I believe that Jesus did come to die for all our sins. I grew up in a Christian household! I don’t think that you…” Suddenly he sighed. “You know what? Take your time.” He shifted the gears into drive and looked at her pointedly.
Alero placed one hand on the door while looking at him. “Banjo, just a little time.” She pleaded.
“You know what I think it is?!” Banjo shouted making Alero jerk back towards the door. “You’re scared! You’re scared to l
et this love happen to you! You’re scrambling for reasons to not even try! You’re… Get down from…Ally just …go! Take your time! I’m tired!” When Alero made no move to get out of the car he repeated himself, his cracking voice exposing the depth of his emotion.
Alero got out of his car, tears streaming down her face as she turned to shut the door.
“I’m not scared to love you.” She said in her own emotional voice. Banjo scoffed and refused to so much as even glance her way.
“Good night Alero. Please shut the door.” He said quietly still not looking at her. Alero hiccupped on a sob and banged the door shut. She ran away from the car like there were hounds chasing her but even as fast as she ran, it seemed to her that Banjo sped off faster. She collapsed on the ground once she was inside the compound crying like her heart had shattered.
It felt like it too. Surely doing the right thing should not hurt so much. What was the right thing? Suddenly, she was not so sure of this road she had taken.