This one is dedicated to you, every single fan that has taken a chance and supported an indie. Thank you.
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I would like to take a moment to acknowledge an awesome fan who was willing to beta reader this piece, Beccie Weaver. An author without fans is like a boat without oars: floating aimlessly and going nowhere.
1
I looked up at the night sky, the stars were shining through the blackness, and I wondered where in the hell I'd gone wrong. Over a year pissed away. That's what it felt like. I had given that girl over a year of my life. I wasn't the guy that just dated and dropped a bunch of girls. I wanted to find someone I could live with for life, and the truth was I thought it was her. We didn't fight, ever. We were good together and we balanced each other out. I thought we did anyway.
I rubbed my eyes with my palms, trying to get her face out of my mind. Her daring eyes were the last thing I wanted to see right then, but they wouldn't go away. She always had that look, that challenge to her smile. Like she was daring me, pushing me. She made the people around her better.
"Yo Miles, you up there?" I took a deep breath knowing exactly whose voice it was. I didn't want to talk to my best friend or anyone else. I just wanted to sit up here and sulk.
"What?" I called back because if I didn't he would just climb up there. I sat up from my spot on the roof and scooted to the edge so I could see him in the light of the porch.
"Bro, just heard about you and Jordan."
"Yeah and what? You thought you'd come over, be a shoulder to cry on and go get me ice cream so I could wallow?"
"Something like that. You okay?"
"I'm fine man." I looked off down the street where I could see the top of Jordan's house from the roof of mine before looking back down at him.
He was silent for a minute, staring at his feet before he looked back up. "Come out with me. I'm meeting up with some guys at the cemetery. They're bringing beer."
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, really just wanting to crawl back in my window and watch reruns of CSI. "Come on, bro. Let me get you wasted. It'll make me feel like I'm being productive."
I shook my head smiling. Getting wasted didn't sound all that bad.
****
Someone had their car stereo blaring an old rock song as we walked up. Most of the basketball team was there and half the guys were already drunk. There were too many people for my liking so I grabbed half a six pack and went off by myself, dropping down against a headstone. All these people died and we were dancing on their graves. Considerate bastards, the group of us.
"Hey," Parker said, dropping down beside me after awhile
"Hey."
"You don't seem shit faced, bro." He smiled, nudging me with his shoulder.
"I'm working on it." I held my can up and he bumped his into it, Champaign glass style. Then I tipped it back and finished it off.
"So what’s exactly up with Jordan? Did I miss something or is this out of left field?"
"Left field." I popped the top on my next can.
"She'll be back," he said, tapping his foot to the music.
I was silent for a minute, leaning back and resting my head on the back of a grave stone. "No she won't."
I knew she wouldn't. I knew Jordan better than anyone and she was serious. This was it. She wasn't coming back. She had kept going on about wanting to see what else was out there and not getting attached to a guy in a small town. That's great if she wasn't attached after over a year. I sure as hell was.
After the third beer began to set in, my head started going downhill with its thoughts. I shouldn't have decided to get drunk in the mood I was in. I was prone to getting depressed when I drank and being in the cemetery got me to thinking about Rayla and Mom. The car accident had been a year ago last month. Some dumb ass on his phone had crossed the line on a two lane highway and killed my mother and my little sister.
I got to my feet, needing to get out of there. They weren't buried in this cemetery, but being surrounded by dead people wasn't helping my mood. I slipped away from the group without anyone noticing and took the long way home, trying to clear my head. If Jordan didn't want me, that was just fine. Better knowing now than in another year. I was the one who didn’t need someone holding me to this place. As soon as graduation rolled around, I was leaving and never coming back.
I snuck into the house quietly, hoping I wouldn't wake Dad with the creaking floor boards in our old house. I dropped in bed fully clothed. I was out like a light.