“Um, red light,” I said, despite my entire body screaming at me to shut up and let him continue what he was doing. I wanted it, wanted him, but having sex with Will right now wasn’t a good idea. It was the opposite of a good idea.
As soon as the words left my mouth, Will withdrew his hand and sprung away from me as if I’d caught fire, a look of terror on his face.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have . . .”
I waved my hand.
“No, it’s not completely your fault. I guess we just sort of got caught up in the moment.” More like ensnared in the moment.
“I think I should probably sit over here,” he said, sliding down to the opposite end of the bed. Part of me wanted to protest and make him come back over and continue with what he’d started, but I moved away from him instead.
“Okay,” I said, turning my attention back to the movie. I’d completely forgotten what we were watching, but it took five seconds to realize it was one of the Star Wars movies. Somehow Will had convinced me to watch them. Again. My one caveat was that he had to watch all the Harry Potter movies with me.
“Aud?”
“Hm?” I could feel Will’s eyes watching my face.
“Will you come to the party with me tonight? I know it’s not really your thing, but it will be a lot more fun if you’re there.” Sometimes it astonished me that two such different people as Will and me could find common ground. He made interacting with just about anyone look effortless. He had such an easy smile and could talk to anyone, whereas I seemed to forget how to talk and spent most of the time in a corner.
I knew about the party way before now, and I’d already agreed to go with Lottie and the other girls, but I couldn’t say no to Will. Well, at least where a party was concerned.
“Sure, I’ll go with you.” He smiled so brightly, but then suppressed it. I bit my lip and pretended I didn’t notice.
“Great. So I’ll pick you up around seven?”
“Sounds good.” He brushed his still-long hair back from his eyes. I guess he’d taken me seriously about not cutting it all off. My fingers twitched, remembering how it had felt to be touching that hair only a few minutes before. For a guy, he must have used good conditioner.
We watched the movie in silence, which was odd for Will. He loved to talk during movies, but I didn’t mind, especially when he got so excited about something he’d seen a million times.
He was thinking hard about something, and I hoped it wasn’t the fact that I’d told him to stop when we’d been making out. It definitely wasn’t because Will was a bad kisser.
I knew from reading between the lines, and from what Lottie had told me, that he had had a lot of kissing experience. I was very glad of this experience and chose to ignore the fact that he’d used them on girls who weren’t me. He had a set of lips and he knew exactly how to use them.
After a few more minutes of Will’s silence, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“What are you thinking about?” I turned my body so I was facing him.
He kept his eyes on the television screen.
“Nothing much. Just have a lot of homework. I really shouldn’t have made that resolution about my GPA. It’s hard enough keeping up with you without worrying about my grades.” What the hell was he talking about?
“What do you mean by keeping up with me?”
He finally looked at me.
“I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but you’re very intimidating, Aud.”
He was so serious it made me snort.
“No, you are,” he said as I shook my head. “And the best part is that you have no idea.”
Someone had told me something similar once. As soon as I touched the edge of the memory, all kinds of things flooded forward. Things I definitely didn’t want to think about when I was with Will. I pushed them aside, but I knew they would be back later. They always came back.
She was being . . . more difficult to figure out than normal, which was definitely saying something. I spent a lot of time sitting around and dissecting our conversations.
At least she’d agreed to go to the party with me, even after I’d gotten handsy and she’d told me to stop. I kind of wanted to die of shame, but she seemed just as embarrassed as I was.
“Just give her time,” Lottie said.
“She’ll come around. She can’t resist you. I can barely resist you,” Simon said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
I ignored the second part of what he said and tried to focus on the first part as I grabbed my keys to go pick Audrey up.
She didn’t look any different than usual, but still. Seeing her took my breath away. Sometimes I couldn’t even believe that I was lucky enough to exist in her presence. As if she was some sort of royalty, or a goddess.
“Hey,” I said as she pulled herself up into the truck. I didn’t think this was technically a date, so I didn’t get out and open the door for her. I’d debated on whether I was going to do so or not for at least an hour, which was pretty pathetic.
“Hey. You look nice.” Instead of one of the nerdy/band shirts that I usually wore, Lottie had forced me into a fitted black t-shirt and the nicest pair of jeans that Mom had bought me when we’d gone back-to-school shopping.
“Thanks, so do you.” She looked more than nice, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I wasn’t her boyfriend.
“Everyone is going to meet us there,” I said, just because the silence felt awkward.
She just nodded and stared out the window. Clearly, her mind was occupied with something else.
“Everything okay?”
“Hm?”
I repeated my question.
“Oh, yeah. Fine. Just thinking about homework.” Hey, I gave it a shot. I had a feeling she would lie to me. I knew her well enough now to know the change in her voice when she lied.
“I like your new earrings.” She’d gotten second holes done and I kept getting distracted by the new bling in her ears.
“Thanks.” I waited for her to elaborate, but she didn’t.
I didn’t say anything else until we got to the house where the party was being held. It wasn’t technically a frat house, but a lot of guys who wanted to have the fraternity lifestyle lived there, so it was an unofficial house. I had a few of the guys in my classes, which was how I’d even known about the party in the first place.
I texted Lottie as I crammed my truck into a spot near the back of the lot behind the house. I didn’t see her car yet. She messaged back that Katie’d had some sort of wardrobe crisis and they were on their way. Figured. Katie was constantly having wardrobe crises.
“Guess it’s just you and me. Do you want to go in?” My truck’s heater was a piece of shit and she was clenching her hands together.
“Yeah, sure.” I escorted her across the icy parts of the parking lot, both of us laughing and agreeing if one of us went down, we were both going down.
Finally we made it to the front of the house, where the porch pulsed with a bass beat that moved from our feet up through our bodies. I used to love parties like this, but I’d actually been hoping Aud and I could talk tonight. Guess that wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d thought.
I could feel her getting tense next to me, and I wondered why she’d agreed to this if she felt so uncomfortable. Once again, I had no idea what was going on in her head.
As soon as we got through the door some of my friends spotted me and came over. Judging by the smell on their breath and their glassy eyes, they were already several drinks in. Not that long ago, I would have been jealous.
I had a red cup shoved in my hand and Audrey did too. I tried to introduce her, but I didn’t know what to introduce her as, so I just went with, “this is Audrey.” I wasn’t real close with a lot of these guys so this was the first they were hearing about her. That didn’t stop them from giving me suggestive looks and trying to tease Audrey. She took it in stride and sipped from her cup, but I definitely caught her making a face as she sw
allowed.
I was beginning to regret bringing her and wishing Lottie was here so she at least had another friend to talk to (other than me) when someone called her name from across the room.
“Audrey!” It was a guy I’d never seen before and the second she saw him, all the color drained from her face and the plastic cup fell from her hand and splattered on the floor.
This wasn’t happening. Couldn’t be happening. I saw him about a half second before he yelled my name. My brain hadn’t even registered who he was.
I could feel Will watching me freak out and I felt the cup slip from my hand, but I couldn’t move to do anything about it. I wanted to run. Really did. But that wasn’t possible.
He made his way through the crowd. He was just as good looking as he’d been in high school, which was the last time I’d seen him. Junior year, specifically, when he’d tried to come and speak with me, but I’d avoided him. Right before I’d transferred to another school. Mostly so that I didn’t have to speak to him again, or see him again, or explain anything.
Finally, he reached us at the same time that he noticed I was standing next to Will.
My voice stuck in my throat.
“Hey, long time no see. I didn’t know you went here.” I didn’t know he did, either. It was one of the downsides of deleting all your social media accounts and transferring schools without a word.
My stomach started churning with memories and I finally found my voice.
“Hi, Eddie.” His dark hair was longer than I remembered, and he might be taller, or maybe my memories were faulty. That was a possibility.
I could feel Will twitching next to me, dying to know who the hell this guy was. That was a question with a complicated answer that very few people knew about.
“So, how have you been?” Eddie said, flicking a glance at Will, but ignoring him.
“Fine,” I said, shifting from one foot to the other and resisting the urge to start playing with my hair. “Um, Will, this is Eddie. We went to high school together. This is my friend Will.” Friend was the easiest way to describe Will right now.
“Sure, nice to meet you,” Eddie said, nodding at Will.
“Same here. Small world, isn’t it?” Will was smiling, but I could tell it wasn’t one of his real smiles. He had seen my face when I’d first caught sight of Eddie and it told him that I wasn’t thrilled to see Eddie. That was an understatement.
“There you are!” Lottie’s voice cut through the noise and the crowd and then there was an arm around my waist.
“Who’s this?” she said, staring at Eddie.
“Eddie,” he said, nodding at her as Zan, Simon, Brady, Trish, Max, Katie and Stryker all came in behind Lottie. The gang was all here. No getting out of this situation now.
“We knew each other in high school,” I said to the new arrivals as Eddie introduced himself to everyone. It was the easiest explanation that wasn’t an actual explanation.
“Okay, well it was nice to meet you all and see you again, Audrey. Maybe we could catch up or something sometime.” He winked and headed off in the direction of a clutch of guys who were all yelling about something.
“You owe me an explanation,” Lottie said, pulling me down so she could whisper in my ear. I turned my head and she gave me a look. I was getting a lot of those right now.
“I think I need a drink,” Will said.
“Aren’t you the DD?” Lottie pointed out.
“Shit, yeah.” I turned to him and all I could see were the questions in his eyes. It didn’t take a genius to see that there was history between Eddie and me and I wasn’t being forthcoming.
“Let’s go find somewhere to talk,” I said in a low voice so only Will could hear. He nodded and gave Lottie a look. She nodded and rounded everyone up to go get drinks as Will took my hand and led me to the stairs.
He must have been in this house before because he found an unoccupied bedroom. I walked in and he shut the door behind me. The party noise seeped through the floor, but the room was relatively soundproof.
“Are you okay?” Will said, reaching out as if he wanted to hug me. “I saw your face when that guy came over.” I was confused for a moment. I’d thought he was going to be pissed at me for not telling him about Eddie, but the more I thought about that, the more I realized he had no reason to be pissed. He didn’t know the details of my past relationship with Eddie and I definitely didn’t want him to find out.
“I . . . I’m fine. It was just a shock, to see someone from high school, that’s all.” I hoped he bought it.
His eyebrows contracted and he dropped his hands and put them in his pockets.
“Are you sure? I thought you’d seen a zombie or something. That’s not the kind of reaction you have when it’s just a high school friend. Do you have history or something with him?” He tried to ask the last part casually, but I could sense his desire to know what Eddie and I had shared.
I sighed as if I didn’t want to unburden myself.
“I had a crush on him in high school, okay? I kind of made a fool of myself and he rejected me and it was embarrassing.” This was partly true.
Will looked at me as if I’d grown an extra head.
“You really expect me to believe that guy rejected you?” Okay, so that part wasn’t completely true. I’d added that as my reason for not wanting to see Eddie. “Nope, that definitely didn’t happen. Unless he’s an idiot. Or has brain damage. Or is an alien life form.” Eddie was none of those things. Well, he was a bit of an idiot, which I didn’t realize until after the glow of having a crush on him for several years wore off. Still, he wasn’t a bad guy. What happened between us was both of our faults.
“You didn’t know me in high school, Will. I was really awkward there for a while.” I still felt awkward ninety percent of the time. Will continued to look at me as if I was suddenly speaking in a foreign language. I walked over and sat on one of the beds crammed into the room. It probably wasn’t the best idea, sitting on a stranger’s bed, but I needed to sit down. Will came and sat next to me. The sheets smelled a bit funky, but I tried not to breathe too deeply.
“Aud?” He put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
No, I wasn’t. I was far from it. My head was spinning, taking me back to another party, one where I’d had more than a few drinks and Eddie had been there and . . .
No. With all of my mental force, I pushed those memories aside. They weren’t allowed to come out now, not when I was with Will.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Really.” I smiled and tried to make it genuine.
He rubbed my shoulder and moved his hand to my back. I leaned on him and he wrapped his other arm around me.
There is something so comforting about just being held by someone you care about. Will rubbed my back, making little circles as the music pounded on below us and the party continued without interruption.
“Thanks for being here with me,” I said after a little while. “You’re always there for me.”
Will shifted so he could look at me.
“Where else would I be?” He touched my chin, holding it as if he was going to pull my face up for a kiss. I wanted him to. I wanted him to kiss me and make me forget about Eddie. Forget about my past.
“With someone that treats you better.” With someone who would appreciate him.
“I don’t want someone else. It’s you I want.” He ran his thumb back and forth on my lips. “Unless you don’t want me.”
Oh, but I did.
“I do want you.” It was the first time I’d actually said it out loud. He inhaled sharply and then smiled.
“Good. Because I was about ready to beat the shit out of that Eddie guy if you still had a thing for him.”
“Real mature, Will,” I said against his thumb. At least he hadn’t quoted Star Wars, even though I thought that was pretty adorable.
He moved his thumb and crushed his lips against mine with so much force we both fell back on the bed. I wasn’t thinking (muc
h) about how clean the blankets were, or the fact that I was in someone else’s house.
All I could think of was Will. All I wanted to think of was him. Not Eddie. Not the last few years. Nothing but Will.
All I saw, all I tasted, all I felt was his body. His warm hands holding me, his lips and tongue against my mouth, his breath, the stubble that was just breaking through on his chin, his hips on mine, matching perfectly. I gasped as he pressed against me and growled a little, low in his throat.
“Oops,” a voice said, causing me to break away from Will and smash my nose with his.
“Ow!” I screamed and fell away from him at the same time he yelled, “Shit!”
Squinting up through watering eyes, I saw Lottie standing in the doorway looking both sheepish and not surprised to find us in our present position.
“Are you kidding me right now, Lot?” I said, rubbing the bridge of my nose and wiping tears out of my eyes. “Are you okay?” I hoped I hadn’t hurt Audrey’s face with my stupid nose. She was also rubbing her eyes, but appeared otherwise unharmed.
I knew that Lottie had to know exactly what Audrey and I were up here doing. The question was, why had she cock-blocked me? Sometimes having a twin was the WORST, especially when that twin was a girl who seemed to have a secret agenda she didn’t want to inform you of.
“Just checking you two to make sure you were . . . okay,” Lottie said, her eyes acting all shifty. Her lies weren’t fooling anyone.
“We should, um, go down,” Audrey said, pulling away from me. Shitfuck. Thanks a bunch, Lot. Just when I’d thought Audrey and I were making progress, she had to come and ruin it.
Audrey wouldn’t look at me, but I knew I was outnumbered, so I got up and followed the ladies back down the stairs and into the pounding chaos of the party.
Audrey avoided touching me for the rest of the night. A tiny little microscopic part of me was pissed that things were so hot and cold, off and on, but I knew it wasn’t Audrey’s fault. There was something going on inside of her that she couldn’t face. Some deep dark secret. I’d known this since I first met her and I didn’t need to use the Force to see it.