"Here's your key." And it was. The cracked, plastic keychain had the number thirteen on it and from it dangled an old, rusted key.
"Thanks."
"Checkout's at ten, bright and early."
"Swell."
I pushed open the glass door, towing a silent Marley behind me because there was no way I was leaving her alone, and climbed in the truck. We parked in front of our room and went inside. We had no bags, but I'd fix that tomorrow and take her to the nearest Goodwill. The room was all I imagined it would be. Marley was obviously not a frequenter of these types of establishments because she looked around and gasped a little when she saw the ashtray overflowing with butts on the table.
"It's all right," I assured her. "We'll sleep in our clothes and leave first thing in the morning."
I shut the door and went straight to the bathroom. I lifted the shirt off my body, holding in my groan of agony, yanked off the bandage, and got my first good look at the wound. It looked pretty nasty, and although I was skeptical that the hotel water would help in the gangrene department, I stripped out of my pants next and turned the water to scalding.
I'd been in the shower for several long minutes before getting out. My shoulder was pulsing in a bad way and I had nothing for it. I stood there air-drying in that dirty bathroom and wondered what the hell I was going to do. I had my small stash of cash that I always kept on me, but the rest of it was in my apartment. I wondered if it was worth it to go back for it. It was hard enough to take care of myself. A few more days of meals and hotels, and my pockets would be dry.
I threw my clothes back on and came out to tell her we needed to try to save as much as possible and eat something small and cheap tonight, but the room was empty. My breath jammed in my throat. "Marley?" I called out.
When she didn't answer, I bolted to the door and threw it open, only to find a surprised Marley. Her arms were full of bandages, aspirin, and peroxide. She even had two sandwiches and two bottles of apple juice. I yanked her inside and slammed the door shut, bolting it before turning and glaring at that daggum gorgeous girl. She had my ball cap on. "What the hell are you doing?" I roared.
She leaned away as if taken aback by my response. How could she not understand why I'd be upset? I explained to her that we were being followed, she'd seen with her own gorgeous blue eyes that he'd shot her place up, and she knew we were running and being careful, so why...
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I thought-"
"What part of we're on the run don't you get?"
"I know that, but I was hungry, so I knew you would be, too-"
"I can handle that. You don't ever do that again." I lifted my hands in frustration, my knuckles grazing the cheap ceiling tiles. "I'm at a loss at what the hell to say to you right now. I can't even go take a shower and trust you to sit tight 'cause the second I do, you bolt for a snack?"
My breathing was crazy, the wound on my back aching and pulsing angrily. She looked like I'd struck her. I waited for her to defend herself, and when I finally saw the hardness come over her, I bucked up for a fight. "Wow, you are so jaded, Jude."
"That's nothing new."
"I was just trying to-"
"Just stop."
"You're not the leader of this outfit. I don't know why you think-"
"Enough," I growled, leaning back against the door. I winced as my shoulder protested. "If you're with me, you can't just leave whenever you feel like it. I already have you on my conscience. Let's not add your death to it."
Her chest deflated, like she held a breath to say something and decided against it. She stood there, her sweet face wearing a weary look that hurt my chest.
I looked, really looked, at the stuff in her arms. Dang... It was all stuff for me. She went and got the stuff to re-dress my bandage and the pills out of the truck for me to take. And something to eat. I squinted my eyes shut tight. "Marley, I'm sorry."
"You're right." She looked up at my face. She looked disappointed more than anything else. "Here. This is for you. I won't leave without your permission again."
She tossed it all into a heap on the bed and slammed the bathroom door behind her. I turned and bumped my forehead against the door a couple times. I was so out of touch with people that I forgot how to deal with them when I wasn't using them for a purpose.
Wow, what a tool that made me.
I waited for her to come out. I knew knocking wouldn't help. I heard the water running and tried to push the image of her being naked beyond that wooden door out of my mind. I had to remember what I was doing, saving her. I was saving her by keeping her at a distance.
I took my shoes off, but left my socks on, and flopped onto the bed. There wereonly three channels—one that apparently wasn't friends with the rabbit ears on the TV top. So I watched the news and ate the egg salad sandwich she got me, and then gulped down the juice, too.
She emerged, her blond hair wet and straight. I didn't look away. I wanted her to see that I was sorry. "Sandwich was good. Thanks."
She stared at me for a minute, her shoes in her arms, before finally saying, "You're welcome. I was just trying to help."
"I know," I admitted low and stood. I walked to her and took the shoes from her arms, tossing them in the pile on the floor with mine. "I just don't want anything to happen to you, especially since you're in this mess because of me. Can you imagine what I'd feel if you were hurt and it was all my fault?"
Her face fell a little. "I wasn't looking at it like that. I just thought you needed to rest and I could get back before you got out of the shower."
"I understand," I said. And I did. "I was thinking we could get as far as we could tomorrow and then find you a little place to stay. You can't go back, you know that, right?"
"You're...dropping me off somewhere?" She asked in a high, incredulous tone, before nodding and turning. "Of course, yeah."
"It's too dangerous to stay with me. Plus, I'm sure you're ready to get your life back to normal."
"Normal," she scoffed. "Homeless is the new normal, right?"
She was still facing the wall.
"I'll get you set up somewhere and then we'll get you a job. It'll be fine. I help you find a home before I leave."
"What about my classes?" She finally turned and I wished she hadn't. Her cheeks were lined with tears, her face full of sorrow. "I worked so hard, sacrificed a place to live, just so I could finish school and find a job that would make it so that I never had to wonder what I was going to eat again. Never not have somewhere to go again. Never have to depend on anyone for anything ever again. You're saying I can't ever go back? That all that time and money spent was...for nothing?"
Oh, no... What had I done? I hadn't just put her in danger, no. No this was way worse. I'd ruined her life. She was right. She could never go back, never transfer to another college with her same name which meant she couldn't transfer her credits. She had to become someone else. He'd find her. All because he'd use her to get to me. All because of me...
"Oh, God...Marley. I'm so sorry."
"Jude," she pleaded, "please don't say that I can't finish school."
"You can't. I'm sorry. I'm more sorry than you'll ever know." I turned with a laugh that was anything but humorous. "See, this is why I don't do people. I can't. They get hurt, they're ruined, life shattered, they die because of me. If you had never met me, you wouldn't be in this mess right now. You could keep on doing what you were doing, finish school, and never have known anything but your life."
"No," she argued. I didn't turn. "It's not your fault that he's doing this."
"It pretty much is." I looked over my shoulder. "I'm sorry just doesn't quite cover it, but I am sorry."
I stepped into my boots, not even tying them, and went for the door.
"Where are you going?" she asked, panic coating her words.
"Out," I bit out. I knew I was being a jerk, but I needed to get away from her. She was causing me aches and pains in my guts at knowing what I'd done to her, and I wasn't
used to caring about…anything. "Stay in the room and lock the door."
"Jude," she protested. "Come on-"
"Stay in the room," I repeated before slamming the door. I waited right there, listening, for her to bolt the latch. When I heard it, I headed downstairs to the bar I'd seen on the way in.
Yep. It was about to be a cliché night all the way around. I was going to get drunker than drunk because I couldn't handle what she was telling me. It was stupid. I was stupid.
I was heartbroken for her, heartbroken that she'd ever had to cross my path.
x
"Another," I ordered and didn't give a care about the slur. He gave me a look. The look that meant, You're about to get cut off, buddy. "Another," I said, harder.
He rolled his eyes and poured the amber liquid into my glass. The bar was a dive of the best kind. Dirty, cheap booze, and nobody cared about what anyone else was doing but themselves. Except the female currently raking my hair. I looked over at her. I hadn't said one word to her, but here she sat, trying to see if she could get lucky with me tonight.
If I wanted to send Marley for the hills, that would be one darn good way to do it.
I shook her hand off and downed my last shot. I felt raw in my insides, but the alcohol was helping the pain in my shoulder. That was a plus. The jukebox was playing country something or other. There was a girl dancing on the bar with short jeans shorts and cowboy boots, like Marley's. A vision of Marley up there doing that dance...
No.
I turned to nameless-girl and smiled. "Hey, darlin'." She beamed. "What are you doing in a place like this?"
"Looking for you, sugar," she said, sweet as saccharin. Her eyes wandered my scar before her fingers did. She made a Hmm hum and then purred, "Your scar is pretty hot."
"How about that," I slurred, though my teeth clenched. I felt her hand on my arm and winced when she pulled me.
"Take me to your room," she whispered in my ear. She smelled like vanilla something. I almost shook my head. She was pretty and smelled good, and had no business in a place like this giving herself to any man, just like that. She got closer, pressing her lipglossed lips to my ear. "Take me to your room."
I should do this. I should do it to make sure that Marley didn't have any problems getting the hell away from me when it was time. I should go up there and make a scene so that Marley knew I was a bad guy.
I should do it...
"All right," I drawled. "Let's go."
"You got a tab, pal," the bartender barked.
"I'll get it in the morning."
"You'll get it now."
It was then I remembered how stupid I was. We barely had money for food and now I was drinking the money away. I was becoming a real gem these days. I tossed the money on the bar and heard him grumble about the lack of tip. The girl tossed my arm over her shoulder. I was sure she could see how wasted I was, but I was also sure that she didn't care.
My mind was blank as we made our way to the room. When we stopped at the door was when my brain decided to start working again. I didn't knock or use my key. I turned to the girl and opened my mouth to tell her this wasn't going to happen.
As much as I wanted to piss Marley off for her own good so she'd leave, I'd done enough damage tonight. But the door swung open hastily and a worried Marley stepped out...only to step back as if I'd slapped her. Then my lips were being pressed harshly to someone else's and it took a second to realize what was going on. I pushed back a little, but the girl hung on tight before scooting her face along my cheek to my ear and whispering, "You pick up women in bars? Cheaters are bastards. I hope she leaves your sorry behind."
I laughed. "Now, darlin'-"
She leaned back and grinned. "Thanks for that, baby. You want another go-round in the bathroom, you come find me."
Then she sauntered away, fully thinking she'd ruined my relationship with her little infidelity show. I was actually impressed.
But when I looked back at Marley, I wasn't impressed anymore. She had this look on her face....I'd seen it somewhere before. It was right there on the tip of my brain, but wouldn't come. She walked backward into the room and tapped the door almost closed as she went inside. I followed.
"Marley, that wasn't what it looked like."
She chuckled sadly. "What if it was? We're not a couple. I don't care if you bang every skank in this hotel."
"I didn't bang her. I was going to pretend to...or something." My foggy brain was done for the night. "I was bringing her here, but you opened the door before I could tell her no and then she kissed me to get revenge on me for being a cheater."
"What?" she asked. "You're slurring so bad I can't understand you."
"I didn't bang her. I was going-"
"Not this whole spiel again," she groaned. "And will you stop saying bang her." She gripped my arm and made me sit on the bed. The room spun and the bed broke my fall. "Wow, you are so drunk." She sounded disappointed. I kept disappointing her. All I wanted to do was protect her, but I kept hurting her. "Let's get your shoes off."
I felt her yank them free and the thud of them hitting the floor.
She leaned over me and I smelled her. That clean, shampoo smell. She touched a spot on my neck and sighed. "Come on," she commanded. "To the bathroom we go."
She threw my arm around her shoulders and we trudged into the dingy bathroom. We stood in front of the mirror, the light blinking with its last breath above us, but even with that, I could still see it. Still see the thing that had made Marley sigh. At some point, nameless-girl must've kissed the side of my neck with her bright red lipstick. There was a clear imprint there. I also had a little on my lips. I leaned on the sink, feeling sick. I turned the water on and put a little soap on my hand, rubbing at the spot and then my mouth.
"Here," she said and handed me a toothbrush with paste on it. She must've bought that while she was out, too. I brushed hard and long. Eventually she took it from me, sat me on the toilet, and helped me take off my shirt. I hated that she was doing this. In my ill attempt to drown my sorrows because of the sorrow I'd caused her, I'd just made things worse.
She looked at my shoulder and hissed. "Oh, my..." She searched around and then ran to the bed and back. "OK, we've got to clean this."
She dabbed, poked, and put things on it. I was too far gone to care or feel it. She taped it all back up and helped me stand. She let me fall gently to the bed.
"You're gonna choke if you throw up." She climbed on the bed with me and tried to push me, to roll me over. She licked her bottom lip in frustration. So I did something epically stupid, but something I very much wanted to do.
And with my inhibitions low, I was apparently going for it.
I pulled her to my chest, my arms around her, and pressed my lips to her neck. I didn't kiss her, just pressed them there.
She was draped across me so I rolled so her legs were on top of us and she was partially under me. I blocked out the spinning room and tried to make her see. I just wanted her to see that I was so broken I didn't even know how to be human anymore. I felt the most raw I ever had and I needed her to see without me saying so that I was a good guy. I wasn't. I wanted her to run...but I wanted her to stay.
"Jude," she whispered and I opened my eyes. She looked confused. "I'm not her. You know that, right? I'm Marley."
I chuckled a little under my breath. "I know exactly who you are," I whispered against her jaw. She took a shuddering breath. I held her tightly, refusing to relinquish her. She didn't fight me and I didn't know why, but I wasn't about to ask.
"I didn't kiss her," I heard myself say, and I wasn't sure why I was supplying the info.
The lamp was on in the corner and I wanted it off, but couldn't move. I drifted. Bits and pieces fought through my mind. Lockers, a school, girls with too much make-up, a girl with a face that could melt hearts, but she was sad. Destroyed...I felt bad for her...
The next thing I knew, the light was winking from the window at me and I felt like my guts were
boiling over. Wait, they were...
I bolted to the bathroom, scrambling over the body I was lying next to. I didn't even get to shut the door before I was hugging porcelain. My stomach wretched over and over and over again and then some more. An eternity later, I was sore all over, my head hurt as I laid it against the cool wood of the wall, and I felt too awful to be embarrassed. I heard the water running and then Marley was hunching down, putting the cold cloth on my forehead. I looked at her, knowing there was something that I was supposed to remember.
She watched me. When she licked her bottom lip and sighed, it all rushed back. Me rushing to the bar and spending too much money on alcohol we couldn't afford, bringing the girl back, but changing my mind, her kissing me and hoping I got dumped, Marley taking care of me and then I...I wasn't sure what you called it. I didn't kiss her. No, that other girl had kissed me and I didn't want to taint Marley with that. So I had kissed her neck and jaw instead and then...there we were. Marley and Pukey.
I sighed, letting my head fall back to the wall with a thud. "Wow, I'm an ass."
She smiled sadly, the scar on her lip visible and kissable. "Yeah," she agreed.
"I'm so sorry."
"I know."
She gave me the wet rag and I wiped my mouth and face with it. When I looked back at her, I saw the redness of her throat. I stared at in confusion before understanding smacked into me. "Did I do that to you?"
She ran her fingers across it, her lips falling open. "It's nothing."
I touched my jaw. I hadn't shaved in days. "Dang, I can't do anything right, can I?"
"It's all right."
I rubbed my face with my hands. "Bet you can't wait to get away from me. I'm a one man demolition team."
"That's not true," she said, surprisingly forceful. "Will you stop with the pity party this morning?" she spouted and stood. "Come on. Get up. You're buying me breakfast and then we're leaving."
I felt my eyebrows rise. Well...dang. "Yes, ma'am."
I stood with her help and stayed close, looking down at her. Her small hands were on my sides as she attempted to keep me upright. "Are you OK to stand?"