wouldn't be living and experiencing all the many wonders of being alive!"
"Like sounds, music, laughter," said Boy, "and even the fact that we are sitting here conveying ideas to each other."
"Yes," said Snail, "and the funny thing is that most of the time we aren't aware of the air that surrounds us. It's an invisible entity that keeps us alive."
"Yes, indeed," said Boy, "and just the mere fact of being aware of something can change your whole perception of life. I mean, it's amazing being alive, sitting here and just breathing; just breathing air. Just sitting here and talking to you."
Girl
One day the baker, who usually brought fresh loaves of bread to the orphanage, was sick and couldn't make it. Boy was sent to the bakery to fetch the loaves by himself. As he entered the bakery, he was dumbstruck. At the counter was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and he just stood there looking at her, instantly forgetting about himself and the world around him. He forgot where he was and what he had come for. His senses were overblown by Girl's beauty, and he felt a radiance that took hold of his very being. It was love at first sight.
Suddenly, he regained his senses, and a rush of shameful blood filled his face; he felt embarrassed. He immediately turned his flaming gaze to the ground and fumbled in his pocket for the note that had been given to him.
"Good morning. How may I help you?" Girl asked.
It was the sweetest voice he had heard since his mother's. Boy didn't dare look up; he was afraid he'd be engulfed in her beautiful, boundless, shining eyes.
"Hi. I came to pick up ten loaves of bread for the orphanage. The man who usually delivers the bread is sick and couldn't make it today." Boy said in a soft shaky voice as he handed her the note from the orphanage.
"Oh, you mean my father. That's right, he's sick today and couldn't make it." Girl said with a smile that lit up the room. "Well, anyways it's good you came. Wait here while I go fetch the loaves of bread."
Boy watched as Girl went to the back part of the bakery. She seemed to glide in her dress with a dazzling display of fluid grace. She gently placed fresh loaves of bread in a big sack and returned to the counter. Boy immediately stared down at the counter.
"Here you go. Ten loaves of bread," Girl said as she handed Boy the sack. Boy noticed her delicate hands. "No need to pay. Would you like anything else?"
"No…thank you," Boy stammered, his heart racing. He smelled the intoxicating sweet smell of fresh bread and felt the warm sack as he placed his hand on it. With much effort, he looked up to see the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. Then he was lost in Girl's eyes. The world shut down around him, and her presence once again engulfed his very being. He wanted nothing more than to be with her. At the same time, Boy was ashamed of his wanting her so much. He felt vulnerable and helpless, like the ground was taken from under his feet.
"Thanks for the bread," said Boy.
"You're welcome," said Girl.
"Bye," said Boy.
"Bye," said Girl, with sparkles in her eyes.
Boy hugged the sack and left the store with his heart racing. The glaring sun was blinding as he squinted his eyes for protection. He walked on autopilot, not really noticing his surroundings on the way back to the orphanage.
In the days following, Boy kept thinking about Girl, reconstructing every moment he had spent in her presence. Thoughts of Girl and feelings for her gushed through his body, and he felt there was no place left in his body to store it all.
He couldn't really concentrate at school. He eyed Snail at its secret spot on the high window ledge of the classroom and told Snail he had to meet it after school.
When everyone left the classroom, Boy peeked out at the corridor to make sure no one was coming and quickly dashed back into the classroom, carefully picking up Snail and putting it in his shirt pocket. Off they went to their secret wall behind the bushes in the orphanage yard.
"I'm in love with a girl," said Boy to Snail.
"Congratulations! Who's the lucky girl?" asked Snail.
"The girl at the bakery," said Boy.
"Don't know her. I've never been at the bakery," said Snail.
"I need to see her again. I'm having a hard time sleeping at night, and I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't hold these feelings inside any longer. I feel ashamed at being so helpless and vulnerable. I'm being driven by forces that are out of my control," said Boy, burying his head in his hands. "I desperately want to see her and be with her, but I'm scared she doesn't feel like I do."
"Well," said Snail, "if being yourself means being vulnerable, then embrace it. Look at me: I'm super vulnerable slithering at an incredibly slow pace on the ground. I mean, how much more vulnerable can you get? Each and every day I'm exposing myself to predators such as ground beetles, snakes, toads, turtles, birds, chickens, ducks, and geese. I think you'd agree that the list is long enough. Heck, I'm lucky to be alive, and believe me when I say that I don't take life for granted. But hiding away would mean death. I have to go out and meet the world to forage for food, to breathe fresh air, to feel the sun, the rain, and the wind, and to explore. Suppressing vulnerability is death for me, and I have a feeling a bona fide ticket to misery for you. You see, life and vulnerability go hand in hand. It's up to you to choose to hide from it or live with it. Letting go of shame and just being yourself opens up a world of emotions and soaring heights.
Believe you're worthy of love and belonging.
Live from a deep sense of worthiness.
Have the courage to be imperfect.
Be kind to yourself and others.
You have to fully embrace vulnerability. Believe that what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. The way to live is with vulnerability, and to stop trying to control and predict everything. It isn't easy, but to me feeling vulnerable means I'm alive.
If you close up and shun vulnerability, and for that matter any other difficult emotions, you will also shut out joy, happiness, and gratitude, and then you become miserable."
During the next few days, Boy tried reaching the bakery to see Girl, but found himself succumbing time and again to a wall of shame and insecurity as he saw the bakery from afar. Once he turned the curve and saw the bakery, Boy's legs wouldn’t move forward, and he just stood there. And eventually he achingly backtracked the way he had come, into misery's cold, painful clutch. He understood Snail's words and agreed with them but was losing each time he tried to overcome his insecurity.
Boy became weary. He wasn't eating well, either. He started feeling groggy and sometimes thought he was on the brink of madness, when one cold morning he found himself walking straight past the curve. This time he went around the wall of insecurity as Snail's words "Be your authentic self," reverberated in his mind and became a kind of mantra.
The misery he felt was too much. He felt he had nothing left in him, so he just let go and found the only thing left in him - his true self. Boy stepped inside the bakery, walked up to the counter, and said "Hi."
"Hi," said Girl. "It's great to see you today."
"It's great to see you, too," said Boy, while his heart pounded out of his chest, his throat dry and hard as rocks. "The truth is, I have no money, and the only reason I came to the bakery was to see you." He felt little beads of sweat trickle down his back, and his legs were shaky.
"I'm glad you came," Girl said, blushing and smiling. "Please sit down on the stool behind the counter. Would you like something to drink?"
"No, thank you. I'm fine," said Boy as he shyly sat on the stool behind the counter.
"You can stay for as long as you like. My father is at the back, and I know he wouldn't mind you sitting here."
Her manner and voice calmed Boy, and he was glad to sit down. He noticed she was smiling and radiant.
Boy spent the rest of the day with Girl, and he watched as she politely and patiently attended the customers. She seemed to know everyone by name, and her friendly disposition was contagious. Boy felt at home with Girl and didn't notice as t
ime flew by.
At two o'clock, Girl's father appeared from the back of the bakery. A big white apron sprinkled with white flour covered his long shirt and pants. A smudge of white flour was on his cheek. "Hi there, young fellow," he said cheerfully as he shook Boy's hand firmly but gently. "We're done working for the day. Would you like to join us for lunch?"
"Thanks for the invitation, but I should be getting back to the orphanage," said Boy, surprised by the kind invitation.
"Oh, don't worry about that. I'll call them up and tell them you're here. I insist you have lunch with us," he said with such conviction that Boy just naturally said, "OK, I'll be glad to stay for lunch."
Girl's father walked over to the entrance door and flipped over the welcome sign, displaying the word "Closed," and locked the door.
"This way," Girl's father said as he led Boy up squeaky wooden stairs to the second floor and into a living room. At the far end of the living room was a large bookcase filled with books. Next to it was a wooden chair and desk with scattered paper, a pen, and a table lamp.
"Come on in the kitchen," said Girl's father as he led him to a small kitchen. The kitchen walls were covered with yellow pastel-colored tiles, and some of the tiles had green flower imprints on them. There was a big pot simmering on a sturdy old gas oven. Boy saw Girl slowly opening the pot as a cloud of steam filled the air with a lovely smell. She took a wooden ladle and slowly stirred.