Chapter 17
I sat on the edge of our combined bath and shower and watched as Jack filled the sink with warm water and lathered up his face with shaving cream. When he was ready, I passed him his razor and watched as he pulled his skin taut and gently ran the razor down his cheek. As he repeated this action again and again I noted that he shaved as he did everything else; in a careful, measured way, his large hands holding the razor capably and firmly. I know it might sound ridiculous, but watching him going about this routine was surprisingly sexy! So much so, in fact, that, by the time he was washing the excess cream off his face, I was biting my lip and feeling a deliciously tight sensation in my chest.
As Jack finished up by rubbing some after-shave balm on and turned to look at me I tried to compose myself, but I was simply too far gone by that stage. He took one look at my flushed face and dazed expression and a slow smirk appeared on his lips.
"You're all red," he said, not even attempting to hide his glee at seeing me so discomfited. "Surely it's not possible? I haven't turned you on simply by shaving, have I?"
"It looks like you just might have," I said honestly. "But don't you dare laugh."
"Would I ever?" He asked offering me a hand and, when I took it, pulling me off the edge of the bath to stand in front of him.
"Frankly, yes," I said. "But never mind that now. I want to give that freshly shaven face of yours a test drive." And, so saying, I stepped forward onto my tippy-toes and leant up to kiss him gently on the lips. His smooth skin smelt like his mild aftershave balm and, after the scratchy kisses I was used to (wonderful as they had been), pure heaven on my skin.
"So what's the verdict?" Jack asked with a smile as I pulled away.
"Pretty damn good," I replied.
There was silence for a moment as we gazed at each other and then Jack said slowly, "So…want to try out my smooth face again?"
"God, yes!" I exclaimed, basically leaping at him. Luckily Jack used his footy reflexes and his lovely strong arms to catch me and stop us from crashing backwards into the bathroom cabinet.
With my arms around his neck I kissed him hungrily. It didn't matter how many times I felt his lips against mine, I don't think I could ever get bored of it. In fact, his kisses seemed to leave me wanting more and more after each time. Maybe he has some addictive substance on his lips, I wouldn't be surprised.
His large hands settled on my hips and lifted me slightly, making it easier for me to kiss him, and his firm grip made me feel all squirmy inside. My hips unconsciously started rocking against him as I opened my mouth and felt my tongue meet his.
After not too long I became aware of a hard bulge bumping against me as I moved against Jack. Breaking my mouth away from Jack's I looked down and then grinned.
"Doesn't take guys long does it?" I gasped, running a hand up and down his chest as I got my breath back.
"Not when someone rubs up against us like that, no," Jack replied sounding just as out of breath as me.
I looked at the lump near the fly of his jeans and then, hesitantly, reached out a hand and touched it gently. It twitched against my palm and I pulled away hastily.
"It kicked!" I exclaimed with a nervous giggle and Jack let out a snort of laughter.
"You make it sound like it's a baby in the womb."
"Well, it’s pretty much at the same level of 'what the hell is that all about?' for me as a baby in the womb," I explained. "I can't believe it moves like that. That's so freaky. Us girls are pretty much in control of all our bits and pieces; if anything moves on its own we consult a doctor."
"Whilst we consult a doctor if our bits don't move." Jack's voice shook with laughter. "I think it's fair to say that us guys consider our penises more as friends than body parts."
My eyes still fixed avidly downwards I murmured, "Boys are so weird." Then, as a sudden thought occurred to me I jerked my eyes up to his and asked, "It isn't named, is it?"
By the red creeping up his neck and his sudden interest in the pattern on the shower curtain I knew the answer immediately.
"It is! You've named your penis! Oh my God!" I smacked my head against his shoulder and shook with laughter. "Come on then," I said after a few moments when my hysterical laughter had quieted to the occasional giggle and I was able to catch my breath, "what's it called then?"
Jack, who had wrapped an arm across my back as I had laughed against him, released me and crossed his arms in mock annoyance. "No, why should I tell you? You laughed at him."
"Aww." I bent at the waist and addressed his crotch politely. "I'm sorry, little guy, I didn't mean to offend you. Please won't you tell me your name?"
Jack burst out laughing and pulled me back up to a standing position. "Alright, I'll tell you, but you have to promise never to refer to him as 'little' again."
"Deal," I said, rolling my eyes. Honestly, what is it with guys and size? "I don't have anything to judge it against anyway," I pointed out.
"Not really the answer I was going for, but OK," he said with a sigh before beckoning me closer and, cupping his hands around my ear, whispering the answer to me.
"The hammer?" I exclaimed as soon as he'd finished speaking. "Your penis is the hammer in Jack Hammer?"
"Yes, and if you start laughing again the hammer is going away and you'll have to play with him another day," he said mock sternly.
"Is that your penis rhyme?" I asked, taking deep breaths as I tried desperately not to laugh. "Whatever, I think it's cute you named your penis."
"Cute?" Jack asked in horror. "Oh for God’s sake, I'll give you cute!" And the next second I found myself crushed against him and my mouth covered in fierce kisses which made my knees buckle and my hands grab at his shoulders so I wouldn't fall. Each kiss was so short I wouldn’t have previously thought that it could be intimate, but it was by far our most passionate kiss yet. Something about pulling away for a millisecond seemed to enhance the moment we joined again. I know the expression 'eating each other’s faces' is used in a derogatory sense, but in this moment, it honestly seemed like we were trying to consume as much of each other as possible and that nothing was ever going to be enough.
The way Jack was lifting me up our pelvises sort of slotted together and 'the hammer', with which I had just become acquainted, fitted neatly between us. I found myself unconsciously raising one leg to create a tighter fit and the next thing I knew Jack had caught up both my legs so that he held me straddled against him.
I locked my legs together around his back which enabled him to use one hand to open the door and carry me out in the main living area. Still kissing me furiously, he managed to manoeuvre his way round an armchair and a bean bag before toppling us onto the couch. Such were his reflexes that he was able to get his arms out to avoid crushing me in the second or so it took us to fall.
The jolt as we hit the couch was not sufficient enough to break apart out lips so I wasn't able to tell him how much I approved of our relocation, but I think, by the way that my lips smiled against his, and my feet began sliding up and down his calves, that he knew anyway.
And so we made out on the couch as I had been so sure we were going to do on that Sunday, and it was better than I could ever have imagined. Lying down and kissing is great fun, not better than standing up kissing necessarily, but it does leave your legs as well as your arms free to roam over the other person which, judging by the hammer's continued presence, Jack was quite enjoying.
And so we continued for some time more. I could feel my lips getting bruised, but there was no way in hell I would call a stop to proceedings. Naturally, by the lips bruising stage, I had realised that I desperately wanted more. What can I say? When it comes to Jack I'm greedy. It's hard to describe that moment when (shockingly for me) I realised contact at the lips just wasn't enough.
It's like when you’re a kid and it’s a really, really hot summers day. Trudging home through the sweltering heat your one thought is to throw off your boiling uniform, put on your bathers and jump into the
pool. As you finally enter the cool house you pour yourself an icy cold glass of water and that's good, very, very good actually and yet it doesn't quite hit the spot. You know that the only thing that’s going to work is if you’re completely engulfed in cold water, drinking it is just not enough. So you finish your glass and unzip your school dress, yank on the bathers, and hop across the uncomfortably hot brick to the gate on the pool fence. You pull at the safety latch, which should release the gate and allow you to take a couple of short strides and dive head first into the delectably freezing water lapping at the pool's edge. But then you discover, after everything you've been through, after a long, hard day at school and dealing with the obnoxious boys on the bus, before the long walk down the road and up the driveway, after all that you discover that…someone's only gone and double locked the gate!
Do you see what I mean? I had been waiting a long, long time (well really only a couple of weeks, but it seemed longer) for Jack in his entirety and although I was getting some relief, I needed to be fully immersed before true and total satisfaction would be obtained.
Oh and the double locked gate? Yeah that was the layers of clothes that divided us.
However, just as my hands drifted to the hem of his t-shirt to begin solving this problem, a strange buzzing began in his jeans pocket. Breaking my lips away from his with a great wrench, I gasped, "I get that your penis can do some interesting things, but is that normal?"
And when he looked at me in complete incomprehension I grabbed his hand and placed it over his vibrating pocket.
"It's my mobile," he said, sitting up over me and fishing it out his jeans. "I didn't even feel it."
"Don't you dare answer it," I warned him and he sent me an incredulous look as he took a quick look at the caller ID then hung up on them.
"As if I would," he exclaimed, slipping his phone back in his pocket, but not descending on me again.
"Right then, enough of this," I said, disentangling my legs from Jack's and wriggling off the couch. "I've things to see and people to do, namely you. Give me your mobile."
He looked confused, but obedient boy that he is, he took it out of his pocket again and handed it over without complaint. I took no time in turning it off. Dropping the now harmless object onto the coffee table I hurried over to the flat door which I locked securely before digging my own mobile out of my bag and switching that off as well. Completing my mission I crossed to the home phone and turned it on so that anyone trying to call would get the busy signal.
"The perimeter is secure," I announced with pleasure, turning back to face Jack in triumph. He had got up off the couch and was standing with his hands in his pockets watching me. As soon as I saw him my face fell. "Oh no, Jack, not the serious face. Anything but the serious face," I implored, but his lips didn't even twitch and I knew that, during the time it had taken me to put us incommunicado, the reality of our situation had crashed down on him.
"Doesn't it seem wrong to you that you had to do that?" He asked sombrely, and I marvelled at how quickly he had retreated back into his role of serious, sensible Jack.
"Probably not as wrong as it would seem if someone interrupted us," I said, trying to reclaim the previous jokey mood, but Jack shook his head and I knew that I wouldn't be able to jolly him out of talking to me seriously.
"Can we just talk about this properly for a sec?" He asked and I nodded my assent and gestured for him to say whatever it was that he wanted to say. "OK, so this creeping around we're doing, doesn't it make you think that maybe we shouldn't be doing this?" He pulled one hand out of his pocket and rubbed it agitatedly through his short hair, "Is this really the way you want your first time to be?"
I moved slowly towards him with my hands outstretched, like you do with a frightened animal to show that you are friendly. "Should we be doing this?" I turned his question round as I walked towards him. "Probably not," I answered, thinking of Matt and how horrified he would be at the idea of us together. "But, as for if this is really the way I want my first time to be…" I'd reached Jack and I hesitantly lowered my head into the crook between his chin and his chest, resting my hands against him, my right landing straight over his heart. "I'd say the answer would be more than anything." I could feel his heartbeat pulsing against my hand and it sped up markedly at my last words.
"This is it, Jack," I murmured. "This is how I want it to be. With someone I trust and in this flat where I feel secure. Remember my fantasy? In your room in the flat, clean and warm with nobody to interrupt us, that's what I want and the fulfilment to that fantasy lies a simple hop, skip and a jump into that room there," I pointed with my left hand at Jack's door.
"But…" Jack struggled for a moment, clearly having difficulty figuring out how to verbalise his thoughts. "We haven't really talked out this thing between you and me. The whole thing just seems so…"
"Weird," I finished for him. "Yeah, I know, but so what? Throw caution to the wind for once Jack and have fun. According to several reputable sources sex is supposed to be fun you know."
"Yeah, I know."
I could feel the tension in his body beginning to subside and I pressed my advantage. "And it's been fun so far, hasn't it?" I wheedled and I felt his chuckle reverberate against me.
"Parts of it," he admitted.
"Well then," I tipped my head back so I could look him in the face, "I'm game if you are."
He looked at me for a long moment then said in a low, extremely sexy voice, "Natalia Jane Davenport are you daring me to have sex with you?"
I tipped my head to the side and pretended to think about it for a moment then replied, "Why yes, Jack Morgan Whitby, I do believe I am."
He grinned then and I knew that I’d won. The deal was sealed by a searing kiss and a bunch of fireworks went off in my chest as I realised this was it, this was really going to happen.
As we kissed, for what felt like the millionth time that day, Jack started walking backwards, leading us (somewhat haphazardly it has to be admitted) towards his bedroom. With only minor injuries we made it across the room and, after a moment’s wait while Jack fumbled around for the door handle, we stumbled into his room.
It was very dark, but just as Jack reached for the light switch, I grabbed his hand. "No, leave it off," I said, getting my mouth free for a second. "It's better if it's dark."
"And…why…is…that?" Jack asked between kisses, refusing to lower his arm even as I pulled at it."
"Because," I gasped, putting the hand that wasn't on his arm against his chest to stop him from kissing me for a moment, "I have fairly big breasts."
There was a beat when he simply looked at me in astonishment, then he nodded.
"Yes," he agreed, "fairly big breasts that I would very much like to see, which is why the light should be on." Jack said it so matter-of-factly that I wondered fleetingly whether 'so I can see breasts in the dark' was Thomas Edison's reasoning for inventing the light-bulb.
"No, you didn't get what I meant," I sighed. Boys are so dense.
I thought for a moment how best to put what I needed to say then took a deep breath and said, "Everything in life is give and take, right? Skills in one thing often equal deficiencies in others, that's just the way things are. It's often not fair, but we just have to deal with it and take steps towards disguising our negatives and enhancing our positives."
Jack was looking at me and, even in the dark room, I could tell that he was incredulous. "You're not seriously starting a philosophical discussion with me now are you? Because I have to tell you, Tally, your timing leaves something to be desired."
"You idiot!" I smacked his chest in annoyance, "What I'm trying to say is that I am no tiny Haley or Simone. I have fairly big breasts, that is the positive, the negative is that I have the obligatory paunch which always goes with fairly big breasts…unless you've had cosmetic surgery, which I haven't. So I think the light should stay off, it's to your advantage, I promise." I was doubly glad of the dark then because my face was flaming with emba
rrassment.
The breast versus paunch issue had been discussed at length at various times with Simone. Each time she insisted she would rather have breasts and I told her that I would give mine to her willingly in exchange for her completely flat stomach and miniscule thighs. But as the swap isn’t actually possible without, I suppose, some Frankenstein type surgery, I had what I had and, although I'm not that self conscious about the fact that I have curves, I didn't want Jack's bright, harsh light showing my flaws in all their non-glory.
I knew the exact moment when comprehension dawned on Jack because he gave a disgusted snort and exclaimed, "Right, that's it," before brushing aside my restraining arm and flicking the light switch on. As I blinked in the sudden brightness Jack grabbed at the hem of my T-shirt and yanked it upwards, surprising me so much I meekly raised my arms before I really realised what he was doing.
"This," he said forcefully, throwing my T-shirt to the side and grabbing me about the waist, "is gorgeous. That," he pointed towards a pin up of a gorgeous girl in a very uncomfortable position on a beach he had on his wall, "is frankly a bit scary."
"So why have you got a picture of that," I said, pointing disgustedly at the picture I had always hated, "on your wall? Rather than a picture of this? I asked, gesturing down at the stomach exposed beneath my plain white T-shirt bra.
"Because Matt might have noticed if I had a picture of you with your tits out on my wall," Jack laughed, but then, seeing that I didn't look impressed, he stopped and leant his forehead against mine, staring into my eyes. "Tally, believe me," he implored, "there could not possibly be a single thing about you that I wouldn't think is beautiful."
"Oh please!" It was my turn to snort in disgust. "You can lay off the sappy stuff, Jack, I've already said I'll sleep with you."
Rather than firing up as I would’ve expected, he seemed to simply ignore my words, choosing instead to begin kissing his way down my neck to my shoulder. Once there he ran his finger underneath one of my bra straps and pushed it slowly to one side. He kissed the spot he had uncovered then did the same on the other side, sending little shivers down my body. "I'm going to turn the main light off, but I'm turning the lamp on so I can see every little bit of you,” he stated, his hands warm on my waist. "No arguments."
And so saying, he crossed the room and switched his lamp on, sending a warm glow over his bed, before returning and, as promised, turning the main light off. I didn't complain, the way he had said 'no arguments' convinced me it would be pretty useless to object.
"So where was I?" He asked, his eyes warm and intense.
"Um, just about here, I think," I replied pointing to the spot where he’d left off.
A small smile lifting up the corners of his mouth, he bent his head and gently kissed the place I had indicated. Over the next few minutes he covered my neck, shoulders and upper chest area with feathery light kisses before falling to his knees and providing the same treatment to my stomach. While his hands rested on my hips, my hands found their way into his hair and I rhythmically ran my fingers through the slightly curly, short strands releasing intermittent sighs of pleasure at the feel of his lips on my skin.
I was so involved in the seductive feelings rolling over me in waves that, when Jack's hands left my hips and began travelling up my back, I didn't notice. It was only when his fingers found the clasp of my bra that I focused back on proceedings and felt a little thrill of both fear and excitement flare in my stomach.
Jack's hands were frozen where they were and, as I looked down at him, I saw that he was wordlessly asking for my consent. I nodded jerkily in reply and the next moment he had expertly undone the clasp and the bra slid forward. He reached up and, as I removed my arms from the loose straps, pulled it away.
I fought against the urge to immediately cover myself up, I mean my breasts were practically poking Jack in the eye so he was definitely getting a good look at them, what if he didn't like them? Still, as I shifted uneasily Jack unglued his eyes from my front and looked up at me.
"Alright?" He asked, his voice sounding just that little bit hoarse.
"You tell me," I said quickly in return.
"Well," he took a deep breath and blew it out, his warm breath tickling my stomach and the undersides of my breasts, "I think I can honestly say that I have never seen anything so gorgeous in my entire life."
"They're not gorgeous!" I laughed in relief that he wasn't disappointed. "They're not perfect like hers." I gestured in contempt towards the pin up again, but he shook his head at my words.
"Believe me," he said throatily, "she's got nothing on you."
I was just thinking that I would probably have had more chance of believing him if he'd stopped at 'on' when Jack continued, "And just because I have that picture up, doesn't mean I'm not into equality for women and I'm going to prove it." And, so saying, he stood up and tugged his T-shirt over his head leaving him just as bare-chested as me.
"Somehow I don't think you've quite got the gist of the feminist movement," I laughed, eying the hard ridges on his chest just as approvingly as he had looked at me.
Feeling suddenly brave, I stepped forward and pressed myself against him so that my breasts flattened against him and little zings of pleasure shot through me as my nipples were rubbed by the little hairs on his chest. Tilting my head up I began placing little kisses along his jaw line and was pleased to feel him suck in a sharp breath as a result of my ministrations.
As much fun as it was to run butterfly kisses around his jaw and throat, I soon realised that it was time for another proper kiss and so I lifted myself higher and caught up his lips with mine again. I kissed him so hard, and I think he was so caught up in enjoying my attentions, that he lost his balance and the pair of us toppled backwards onto his bed.
And so I found myself propped over Jack, my hair falling on either side of his face and enclosing us in a honey coloured cocoon that smelt like my shampoo. Jack's feet were still on the floor, but I had pulled my legs up so that I was straddling him, my knees on either side of his thighs and the hammer making its presence well and truly known.
As we kissed, Jack's hands slid up my sides and then moved in to cup my breasts. The heat from his palms was searing and I almost jerked away, but the intense pleasure his slightly rough hands were imparting completely overrode any instincts I had to move and, in fact, I found myself pressing my breasts harder into his hands. He moved his fingers to the outer sides of my breasts leaving his two thumbs to circle my areoles. The skin there puckered into a pattern of ridges at this contact and, when he finally let his thumbs brush over my nipples, I released a strange little breathy sound of bliss into his mouth.
From here on in things started moving pretty fast. As he pinched my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers and began gently rolling them, I sat up slightly and reached down to undo his belt. Next my fingers fumbled with the button and fly of his jeans, but the awkward angle combined with the intense feelings I was receiving from his hands on my breasts made it extraordinarily difficult to undo them. Finally I did manage to have all the fastenings undone and I could see the silky material of his boxer shorts but I couldn't do any more while sitting on top of him.
Jack didn't seem to really care about my problem and ignored my futile tugs on his jeans. Instead he lifted his head slightly and kissed the nipple on my left hand breast. I stopped fussing with his trousers immediately and gripped the sides of his chest to steady myself. He moved his head to my right breast and repeated the action before breathing lightly over my skin causing my nipples to tighten almost painfully. Capturing one nipple back into his mouth and moving his hand back up to the other he busied himself with the serious business of making me bite my lips and rake my nails down the sides of his chest in pleasure.
Just when I felt something seriously big building inside of me he pulled away and his hands slid down the fastenings on my own pair of jeans. He smiled when he saw my expression of complete encouragement of this action and it widened when
his fingers reached the buttons.
"Button up jeans, my favourite," he murmured, "Get the right angle and…" He demonstrated his technique by popping all of the buttons out of their fastenings in one swift movement. "Now do you want to lean forward a little bit?"
I did and he was able to push my jeans pretty far down my legs. Sitting up again I worked the denim the rest of the way off and threw the jeans off the side of the bed. So there I sat in nothing but my little white knickers with red love hearts prancing around on them.
Jack released a strangled noise which could have been "Oh my God!" and ran his hands lightly over the fabric of my undies, the warmth from his hands seeping through and caressing the sensitive skin beneath. Next he let a finger gently run down the middle revealing dampness and making me bite my lip to stop from crying out. His gaze firmly locked with mine, he rubbed his finger in the same place before pushing the material to one side and letting his finger move against me, unimpeded by the fabric.
I would have thought I would have been embarrassed at this stage, but the truth was that we had moved beyond embarrassment by then. His finger moved amongst my folds stirring hitherto unknown feelings within me and, on impulse, I leant down again to kiss him. This other anchor to him heightened the feelings even more and I was glad of a way to nonverbally express my ecstasy when seconds later I felt his finger slip inside me.
The delicious tension which had truly begun in the bathroom, but had really started making its presence known when he had moved his fingers over my nipples, built to almost unbearable levels and, as he moved another finger in to join the first and his thumb brushed against my nub, it reached a crescendo.
Someone had once told me that sneezing six times in a row is the equivalent to an orgasm and let me say right now that whichever scientist had proposed that theory clearly wasn't getting any. I have sneezed six times in a row before and it has nothing on what I was feeling then, for a start my nose wasn't running, nor were my eyes streaming uncontrollably. I was, however, trembling all over and a very thin sheen of sweat seemed to have sprung up in the hollow of my neck and between my breasts. I broke my lips from Jack's as I was too exhausted to hold myself up and laid my head against his chest, panting slightly as if I had just been jogging.
He kissed my temple a couple of times and smoothed down my hair with one hand, the other still moving, but more slowly now, against me down below.
After a minute or so, when I had got my breath back and was feeling the bubble of desire rising once more within my chest, I raised my head and looked him right in the eye. "Why have you still got your jeans on?" I asked, my voice still somewhat breathy.
"I don't know," he replied, smiling slightly. "Wait a sec." And, removing his hand from my undies and grabbing my waist he performed a quick little roll so that our positions were reversed and he was lying on top of me. With his legs now free he was able to work his jeans down and then kick them off. "Better?" He asked.
"Much," I replied, reaching out and brushing my fingers back and forth against the silky material of his boxers stretched over the bulge in his crotch. Looking up to see Jack's reaction I saw that he was holding himself very still, his face tight with pleasure.
"Can I…?" I gestured towards his nether regions and he gave a sort of strangled noise of assent. I ran my fingers along the elasticised hem, slipping them beneath the dip and feeling the tickle of the hairs there. Then, taking a deep breath, I pulled the material down to his knees where Jack took over, taking them completely off and flinging them behind him before settling himself back down on his knees, my legs spread on either side of him.
Funnily enough it wasn't the hammer and friends which immediately caught my attention, but rather what looked like black writing which ran across the top of his thigh. Looking closely I saw that it was a tattoo in midnight black ink which read: 20/09/1999 (P.W., E.W., M.W.).
"When did you get this?" I asked, tracing the letters and numbers with my fingers and marvelling at the fact that I could know Jack so well and yet know nothing.
"19th of September 2000," he replied quietly. "I was pissed so it seemed like a good idea at the time." Suddenly smiling he added, "Matt got a football tattooed on his arse and couldn't sit down for a week."
Quickly doing the maths I wrinkled my brow in bemusement, "But you must have only been 15, how did two drunk 15 year old boys from Bridunna manage to get a tattoo? I can't even think where the nearest tattoo parlour would be," I exclaimed.
"You'd be surprised the places you end up when you're young and off your head," he replied vaguely.
And I wondered, not for the first time, exactly what mischief Jack and Matt had got up to over the years.
I looked again at the tattoo. P.W., E.W. and M.W., Paul Whitby, Elizabeth Whitby and Marie Whitby (Jack's mum). Quite unbidden I felt a little bit of wetness spring to my eyes and, moving forward, I placed a gentle kiss over the tattoo. Then I propped myself on my elbows and lifted my head to kiss him softly on the lips, trying to convey how truly sorry I was that such a terrible thing had happened to him.
"Enough of that," he said gruffly, pulling away. "Things to see and people to do, remember?"
"Right, poor hammer has been desperately trying to get my attention for the last hour so I suppose I should get back to him," I said, pushing away melancholy thoughts and focusing on the matter at hand…literally.
Lowering my gaze I took in the sight of Jack's good friend properly for the first time. Of course as kids Matt, Jack and I had run around naked together plenty and I had seen it but that is hardly the same thing to seeing a man's fully erect penis, straining towards the belly button, for the first time.
And I think all the girls out there would agree with me when I say penises are so weird looking!
I eyed the length and width of it with some trepidation, it seemed awfully big but for all I knew it was moderate size. Feeling a bit like an anxious kid going to pet a strange animal for the first time, I reached out and ran my index finger along one side, catching it on the ridges and veins but being surprised by how soft the skin felt although it was hard at its core. Having taken the first step I felt brave enough to wrap a hand around its length and, as I gently squeezed, I could feel his blood pulsing through it.
For several minutes I ran my hands all over his shaft, beginning to enjoy the little chokes of sound I could elicit from Jack as I did so. But eventually his hands closed around mine, holding them still where they were for a moment and then pulling my hands away.
"I think that's enough of that for now," he said, his voice strained, and I grinned at the effect I‘d had on him.
"Well then, I guess that just leaves …" I said, trailing kisses down his throat.
Jack leant past me, opened the drawer in his bedside cabinet and pulled a condom out of the box he had tucked inside. He ripped open the wrapper with practiced ease but just before he rolled it on, I reached out and plucked the flat piece of latex out of his hands. Pinching the top as we had been taught to do in those innumerable sex-ed classes, I rolled the condom down over him and then took a moment to admire my handiwork.
"Safe and secure," I pronounced.
"Good," he replied, before beginning to shuffle backwards on the bed and putting his hands on the top hem of my knickers. He paused there for a moment, as if waiting for me to object, but when I didn't, he gently pulled the fabric down my legs and discarded my knickers to the side.
I thought Jack would immediately move on top of me but instead he bent his head and I only had time to state "Oh my God!" as I realised what he was going to do before I was reduced to simply grabbing the bedclothes and gasping occasionally.
Just as Jack had driven me to the stage where I thought I would explode he raised himself on top of me once more, leaving me as quivering and boneless as jelly.
Propped above me his blue eyes bored into mine as he said seriously, "Tally, are you sure?"
"Yes!" I hissed, still trying to recover. "For God sake yes!"
&
nbsp; "Alright then," he said with a small smile. "Now I know I said I'd never hurt you but this might sting a little bit and there is not really much I can do about that."
I nodded to show that I understood and I did of course. I'm turning 19 in a few months, it’s not like I’m totally clueless in these matters.
The good part was that I had plenty of other stuff going on to take my mind off the pain. Jack, as if there was ever any doubt, was extremely careful with me, holding himself still until it subsided and I encouraged him to go on.
In those first few moments I think I truly understood the meaning of the word 'intimate' for the first time. No wonder sex is a bigger deal for women, it's a huge thing to allow someone not only to be close to you but also within you, almost a part of you. It’s along the same vein as allowing someone into your home, you hope they'll be respectful and not trash the place, but on a much grander scale! And, without getting too gross, let me just say that Jack is a very good houseguest.
I think, despite all the new and interesting things I was experiencing, the moment which surprised me the most was the split second of understanding which passed between Jack and I just before we reached our peak. If there was anything which remotely scared me that night it was that moment. But, obviously, I didn't have much time to analyse my uneasiness over that zinging spark as there was much back arching and skin raking to occupy myself with.
When we were spent we curled around each other on the bed, our legs still entwined, my head resting against his chest listening to the pounding of his heartbeat gradually slowing.
We didn't talk for a long time but eventually Jack stirred and, brushing some of my hair off my face so he could see me clearly, asked, "All good?"
"All good," I confirmed with a satisfied smile, feeling like the Cheshire cat. I walked my fingers up and down his chest for a moment and then added, "I guess now I'm just waiting to hear the lesson that I learnt today.
Something in his attitude subtly changed as I said those words. Not being able to see his face I wasn't sure what had happened, but his body had certainly tensed and then he released a heavy sigh which sounded almost…disappointed? I was about to ask him what was wrong when he said slowly, "Sometimes you need to learn your own lessons and I reckon this is one of those times."
There was a moment when I considered brushing aside his words and asking him instead what he had meant by the sigh and the sudden rigidity, but then what he had said sank in and I focused on that instead.
The more I thought about it the more sense this new lesson made to me. He was right, he couldn't tell me what to take away from the experience and I decided that, once I'd stopped feeling someone had shot me with a tranquiliser dart, I'd figure out exactly what I had learnt.
"You're smart," I murmured, then, as slowly the enormity of what we had done sank in, I began to giggle weakly against him.
"What?" he asked, beginning to rub my back in rhythmic strokes.
"I just did it," I sniggered, sounding like a grade 7 student in her first class of sex education.
Jack chuckled and kissed the top of my head fondly. The feeling of his arms around me, warm and protecting, was lulling me into drowsiness and I began to have to fight to stay awake. As if he knew exactly what I was doing Jack reached over and turned off the lamp. Resting his cheek against the top of my head he murmured quietly in the darkness, "It's alright, Tally, go to sleep if you want to, I've got you."
And, although this may seem to others to be a strange thing to say, to me it made perfect sense. Immense changes were in the air but the knowledge that Jack was looking out for me gave me the reassurance I needed to close my eyes and drift off to sleep.