I smiled down at her, watching her expression change from stressed to once again, relaxed, moving in the right direction for an orgasm. I loved that look, I loved the feel of her naked body, thrashing into mine, I loved the way her nails dug into my skin, and I loved the way she called out in profanity, her body caving to mine in my arms. I guess I understood what she meant. I didn’t think it was really, real yet either. I needed more proof.
“Aahh, fuck, baby,” she quietly moaned as I ground into her, feeling her tighten around my cock. I pulled myself up to my knees, lifting her ass with my hands, and turned her to her side. Holding one leg over my shoulder, I fucked the hell out of her while I watched. That pulled the profanity I fucking devoured like a drug. “Hmm, fuck yeah, fuck me, harder, ahhh fuck, fuck, fuck, Paxton. Fuck me.”
Her body thrashed below me, giving into my side of the world. Gabriella reached her peak at precisely the same moment as me. My thumb pressed hard into her clit, and I slammed into her, succumbing to my own pleasure. Her body stiffened into some fucked up demon like position and she shuddered below me, convulsing with the overzealous orgasm that fell upon me. The mixture of our bodies doing this together, the stress that hovered around us, and the fucked upness of our lives all exploded in an instant. Wave after wave surged through both our bodies until they relaxed, hers first, and then mine. Right into hers.
“You’re not running from me, Gabriella,” I said through a pant into her hair.
“I’m going to try.”
At least, she was honest. There was no doubt in my mind she would try. I won’t lie and say I didn’t seriously think about calling Nick and asking him to stop it. I didn’t know if we would make it through six years of remembering. I didn’t look forward to it, I knew that much.
I held her a little tighter that night, hoping to give her some of that needed security, but the fear was still there. This could break us, and I wasn’t too proud to consider that to be fact. I prayed to a God I didn’t know if I believed in, to please stop this. I didn’t want her to remember anymore.
Nothing out of the ordinary happened for the next few weeks. Rowan’s teacher was spotted doing another walk through on Lane’s house, and Vander lost a tooth. Before Ophelia…She was so mad because she lost a bet that she would lose hers before him. They were both ready, wiggly enough to fall out on their own, but they were both too chicken to pull them. Lucky for Van his cherry pop cycle was enough. It stuck right in the end. Other than that, we were a normal family. My wife was happy, my kids were well, and I was getting laid. A lot.
Although I was constantly tiptoeing on ice around her, it took about a month for anything out of the norm to surface again. That wasn’t because of her remembering anything, though, more like crazy hormone lady. I didn’t remember this when she was pregnant with Rowan. Then again, I wouldn’t have been the one she cried, too. One minute she would be laughing, and the next a bag of blubbering words that I couldn’t understand. Thank God none of them had anything to do with me and her memory, not that she disclosed anyway. I could feel the tension in the air as soon as I got home and saw my children outside and not in front of the television like they normally were when I got home.
“Hi, something smells good,” I said as I cautiously walked closer to Gabriella. She didn’t turn from stirring some sort of tomato sauce in a pan. That was my first warning sign.
“I thought you were going to pick up Ophelia and Vander for me.”
I took a step back and reminded her of my text. “I told you why. I had an inspector up my ass over an electrical outlet, too close to a faucet. I wasn’t anywhere near here.”
“You didn’t tell me that.”
“I sent you a text.”
“You didn’t send me a text.”
I looked around, seeing her phone on the counter and swiped my finger across the screen. “Right there, three ten this afternoon. “Can’t get the kids, sorry babe. Love you.”
“Oh, well, I didn’t see it.”
“Were they bad?”
“No, that’s not my point. Forget it. I didn’t know you texted.”
“Okay, so tell me what’s really on your mind. If you’re remembering something that you hate me for, tell me so I can prepare myself. Just say it, Gabriella.”
She stopped stirring long enough to shoot me a daggered glare over her shoulder, and tell me what she thought. “I didn’t remember anything. I’m just saying.”
I smiled and moved in behind her. “You’re just saying what, baby girl? That you’re trying to pick a fight? Is that why all of our cubs are outside? Mama Bear cracking the whip today?”
“Shut up,” she said with an elbow to my ribs. I knew it was the hormones, but I didn’t dare bring that up. The ice was way too thin for that. Instead, I tiptoed around her, lent an extra hand that night with cleaning up, and then the kids, trying to keep her happy and calm. It wasn’t until they were sound asleep that things got heated in another direction.
Although I had planned on working later, needing to take care of some bills, and prepare a few things for my accountant, I couldn’t do it. She even told me to, explaining that she had just started a really good book, and planned on ignoring me. She kissed me when she said it, and I smiled on her lips, happy that we were here, and not where we could have been. I should have listened to my gut and stayed downstairs. I didn’t do that, however. I felt like she needed me to be there for her, and hormones or not, work could wait. It wasn’t like I could concentrate on it anyway.
I flipped everything off and set the alarms, looking in on all three kids before walking upstairs. Gabriella was out on the terrace, talking on her phone. At first, I thought it was just Mi, but then she asked the person to call her the following day, when her husband wasn’t home.” She turned to see, and I watched the shock cover her face. “Thank you, I’ll talk to you later,” she said as her call ended, on her end anyway. I wasn’t sure the other person had a choice.
“Don’t ask, Paxton.”
That went through me like a bolt of lightning. “Seriously? Don’t ask? What else are you fucking hiding from me, Gabriella? Who the fuck was that?”
“We’re not talking about this right now.”
I couldn’t help it. The fury that went through me couldn’t have been stopped had I tried. A thousand men couldn’t have calmed me down. That’s how intense it was. That’s how much I wanted to backhand her, right across her cunt face. “Who the fuck was on the phone?” I asked again, this time through gritted teeth.
“I’ll tell you on my own time. Don’t do this, Paxton. I’m not doing anything bad.”
“Is this my fucking kid, Gabriella?”
If the shock in her reaction was planned, she was good. She even said it twice with the same confused look. “What? What?”
“Who was on the phone?”
She took a step back, but I wasn’t about to play that game again. This was my game and I got to make the rules. I took two steps toward her and grabbed her hair, fury raging through my veins. She brought it on herself. She was the one who fucking provoked me, every fucking time. I jerked hard on her hair, snapping her neck for her to look at me. Only this wasn’t that Gabriella. This was the unpredictable one. I didn’t see it coming at all, but I felt it. Instantly. Right between my legs. Just like any man would do, I dropped to my knees, grasping what was left of my family jewels in both my hands. Gabriella stepped over me.
Chapter Six
Gabriella
I didn’t mean to knee him in the nuts. It was my survival instinct, kicking in. I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t control it when I locked myself in the bathroom either. I hadn’t seen that Paxton since the first few weeks that I had come there, or that I remembered anyway. I darted away from him, sprinting to the bathroom with the door locking behind me. My body slumped to the floor while my heart thumped in my chest. Jesus, pregnancy hormones made me crazy. Bat-shit crazy. I just brought him to a pile of nothing with my knee, and I was sure I was as good as dead. He
would no doubt kill me dead. Jesus Christ, Gabby.
I’d just begun to wonder if I had killed him when he finally came to the door. “I’m going to fucking kill you.”
“No you’re not. Just hear me out, Paxton. I’m not cheating on you, and this baby is one-hundred-percent yours,” I began with the calmest voice I could muster, trying like hell to lower the heat on his temper. He was pissed.
“Open the fucking door, Gabriella.”
No way. I knew that tone, and I knew if I could see him, his face would match the tone, his words spoken through a clenched jaw. “I’m not opening the door until you calm down.”
“I will go out to my truck, get a fucking Sawzall, and cut this fucking door down. Open the door.”
The jiggle on the handle brought me to my feet and I prayed that he put good locks in. I backed up a couple feet and pleaded with him again. “Paxton, please.”
“No, fuck that, Gabriella. You kneed me in the fucking nuts. I’m not okay with that.”
“Oh, but I’m supposed to be okay with you grabbing me by my hair? Fuck you, and your double standards,” I yelled as the bionic woman came out of nowhere again.
At least, it stunned him for a second. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that. Open the door.”
“Ha, no way, buster. I’m not that Gabriella anymore. You can’t manipulate me like that anymore. Try again.”
“Open this fucking door,” he ordered again with a loud bang from a fist. One that I was sure left a dent.
Idiot.
I kept my distance, and spoke to the door from a few steps back. “You’re making it worse, Paxton.”
“No, you’re making it worse. Open the goddamn door, Gabriella.”
“I’m not opening the door, Paxton. Not until you calm down.”
Panic set in when I didn’t hear him anymore. Surely he wasn’t crazy enough to get a saw. Was he?
“Paxton?”
Nothing.
Great.
“Paxton?”
Again, nothing. I wrung my hands, contemplating what to do. There was no way he would chance one of the kids walking into that. Then again, I got pretty loud in that room and they had never so much as questioned it. Paxton made it theater room quality for that reason. I knew how insulated it was. Wait. How did I know that? I pulled on each one of my fingers, nervously waiting for noise. All but the drip coming from the shower behind me, the room was deathly quiet. The drip kept perfect rhythm with the beating in my ears from my heart, a steady, thump, thump, thump, and drip, drip, drip.
“Paxton, I’m not kidding. Stop it. You better not be getting a saw,” I called, feet sliding to the door, moving my ears closer to the door.
“Sonofabitch,” I said aloud, pondering my next move. I knew I had to get downstairs before he returned with a stupid saw. I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t use it, but, I trusted that he wouldn’t use it downstairs. If I could make it to one of the kid’s room would have been even more beneficial. There was no way he would scare them like that. I quietly unlatched the lock with my ear planted against the door. The knob turned in my hand when I didn’t hear anything, and like an idiot, I cracked it.
Paxton smirked at me from the other side. “Stupid fish.”
I tried like hell to shove it closed enough to latch it, but I was no match for the fuzzy socks on my feet, and my husband’s strengths. “I’m pregnant. You can’t hit me,” I yelled with two flat hands between him and me. He could break both of those in the blink of an eye.
“Don’t you ever fucking do that again. Do you hear me?”
That was my next real flash, one that changed the score, again. Paxton let his anger overpower him and he went too far. It wasn’t of a past that I didn’t want to remember. It was the day of my accident. Paxton shoved my head to the bathroom sink, only it wasn’t the sink. It was his desk.
“I wanted you in here an hour ago,” Paxton said as his hands laced through my hair and my face landed on his desk.
“I’m sorry, they’re not used to you being home during the day. They don’t take naps every day now.”
“Did I ask you for excuses?”
I felt my sundress being raised over my hips, and the string between my ass pulled tighter in my ass, but I didn’t speak. I closed my eyes and took my punishment, feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing. I wasn’t afraid of him, I wasn’t anything, and I felt it. Nothing. A void so deep and lonely that I despised it with everything in me. I didn’t feel the slap of his hand come down on my ass, I didn’t feel his hand rub out the sting, but I knew it was nine times. I counted them in my head while I stared at a fake photo of the four of us in front of the fake tree, never feeling an emotion. Not even one, not even the pain that I should have felt in my ass.
I didn’t feel it when he moved around the side of the desk and fucked my mouth either. I just did it. I didn’t see anything when Paxton retrieved a bottle of lubrication from his desk drawer like it was normal, and squirt it between my legs either. I didn’t feel him slide inside me, and I didn’t feel the grip he held in my hair while he fucked me from behind. I was a ghost, incapable of feelings.
“Gabriella?”
I knew he said it, at least, two more times before I heard him. I stared back at Paxton, no longer bent over the sink, feeling as blank as the stare.
“Jesus, Christ, Gabriella. Say something.”
I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. It was a quick vision, but it was there, and real. Too real for my liking.
“Leave me alone,” I said as I tried to step around him. Of course, Paxton wasn’t about to let that happen. I, however, wasn’t about to back down.
“You can’t run, Gabriella. What the fuck do you expect? I heard you with my own ears. You told someone to call back tomorrow when your husband wasn’t home. I heard you. Who was that, Gabriella? Tell me.”
“We had sex the day I wrecked. You spanked me over your desk nine times because I couldn’t get the girls to take a nap fast enough to come and please you. I think I even remember the text. Something like, put the girls down for a nap and get in here and suck my dick. Is that about right, Paxton?”
Paxton didn’t respond, but I did read the look. He was dumbfounded, caught between two worlds, just like me.
“You know what else I just realized?”
“What?” he quietly spoke, the anger in his eyes no longer there.
“I didn’t love you either. I didn’t feel anything either. Nothing at all. How do you think we can make it through this? It’s never going to work.”
I stepped away with more attitude that time, showing him with my actions that I meant business. “Paxton, stop. Let me go, because that’s the safe thing to do right now. For me and you.”
“Is it going to hurt me?”
“Possibly,” I honestly replied.
Paxton raised both his hands, surrendering with a deep breath. “Okay.”
I walked away and climbed into bed, switching off the light, and shutting him out, again. I had to, just for a little longer.
If we didn’t have a thing before, we did now. Even in the dark, the tension was thick. Paxton left me alone, first with a shower and then back downstairs. To work, I presumed. That’s what Paxton always ran to, a 3D version of an elegant pool, and a yard like something from Better Homes and Gardens. That’s where he lost himself while I laid alone in bed, wondering where we were headed, and not liking it. Not at all, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. These fragments of our life together wreaked havoc on our relationship, and truth be told, I didn’t know where the road would end. Nonetheless, it scared the hell out of me.
I rolled to my back and placed my hand over my growing bump, remembering our ultrasound the next day. It was supposed to be a good day, a happy memory that I could replace a bad one with. Things didn’t feel very happy, let alone promising for this new little guy. My mind drifted to what would happen to us. Would he let me stay in the house with the kids, would I have to get a job? How the hell wa
s I supposed to do that with four kids? A new baby and a job. That would never work. As selfish as that sounded, it was the truth. I knew women did it every day, but I never had to worry about that. Paxton always took care of me financially so I didn’t have to think about something like that. I supposed I could work in the evenings when he was at work. Maybe a coffee shop, or restaurant.
We were supposed to tell the kids about the baby the next day, too. With a heavy sigh, I imagined that was ruined as well. I doubted that we would even tell them.
I dozed off sometime before midnight, fighting the urge to go after him. He always said that, he always claimed that fact as truth. It was a tradeoff. He took care of me, and I took care of him. My eyes closed and I pondered the meaning behind it. Maybe I was the one at fault. Maybe I should have stepped up a long time ago.
The alarm on my phone was the next thing I remembered. My hand still covered my baby, and I was still alone. Paxton never came to bed. I laid there awake, listening to him moving around downstairs, debating whether or not to go down and face him. I didn’t have to wonder long before I heard the door open and close with the nine-digit beep. Looking out the window to him wasn’t the only reason I crawled out of bed. I had to pee, and did that first.
I stared at him from my dark room, watching him drive his truck over to the work garage. He walked around, placing things in the back of his truck, and backed up to a ready to go trailer. Paxton pulled out with the trailer full of tools, leaving me without a word. The thought of why it was okay for him to run away, but not me crossed my mind, but then I realized I was the one who told him to leave me alone, and he did. He’d also be right quick to throw it in my face, too. No doubt about it. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t reach out to him first. I refrained from texting him, and went about my day as normal. First fighting with the stupid, stupid line at school. A month and some of the parents still couldn’t comprehend the mundane task. And then I spent my day alone, wondering if Paxton would show up to go with me, and waited, wondering if she’d call back.