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“For a long time. I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened—how he’d died. I’d been there. ”
Emily shivered. She didn’t want to see anyone die. It sounded too scary.
He folded his arms across his chest. “Deep inside, a part of me got real quiet. Like being asleep. I knew that if I woke that part up, I would think about Mark being gone and I’d get sad and I didn’t want to. So I let it stay sleeping. But by letting that one piece be asleep, I couldn’t really see what was happening around me. That’s when you and Mom left. ”
Emily leaned back in the chair. She didn’t want to talk about this. She didn’t like the way she felt icky in side.
“It’s okay,” she mumbled.
“No, it’s not. I’m sorry, Em. When I realized what had happened, that you were gone, I wanted to bring you back. But that sleeping part of me made it hard. ”
Her eyes burned and she bit hard on her lower lip. She didn’t want him to say he was sorry. She wanted him to tell her how much he loved her. How he wanted to be with her every day.
“I’m all awake now,” he said. “I’m glad we’re together. I want things to be different. ”
She shook her head, not sure how to tell him they couldn’t ever be different. Not if he hadn’t missed her more than anything. Not if he didn’t tell her how much he loved her.
She hurt inside, like a big hole had opened up in her chest. She felt scared and small.
“I want things like they were,” she said before she could stop herself. She stood and glared at him. “I wish I could be with Mommy instead of you. ” Mommy, who told her how important she was all the time.
Her dad didn’t say anything. She watched his face change and knew she’d hurt him real bad. So bad she got even more scared, and the hole inside of her threatened to swallow her up. She started to cry and, rather than let him know, she ran out of the room.
Her heart ached so much, because whatever she might have said, she knew that while she did want to be with her mom, she liked being with her dad, too. But he didn’t know that anymore. And maybe now he was going to send her away.
JILL ARRIVED BACK in Los Lobos around ten. After her interview, she’d treated herself to an afternoon of shop ping and then a nice dinner before driving north. While the BMW might not have been her idea of how to spend sixty-five thousand dollars, she had to admit it was a pretty fabulous road car. Cruise control was the only thing that kept her from zipping along at ninety.
Despite her bad parking in the Century City parking garage, the enchanted vehicle was still scratch-, ding-and dent-free.
“Talk about a miracle,” she said as she turned onto her street and pulled up in front of the house.
As she parked, she noticed a shadow on the front porch. The shadow stirred and rose, becoming a man she instantly recognized. Talk about an adrenaline rush, she thought, as she stepped out into the night and headed for Mac. He was just the thing she needed as a pick-me-up after the long drive.
She’d pulled off her panty hose and kicked off her high heels before leaving Los Angeles. The grass was cool on her feet as she approached the porch.
“Are you lost?” she asked. “You live next door. ”
“I know. I wanted to hear how things went. You look good. ”
She glanced down at her suit, then dropped her panty hose and pumps on the stairs. “Clothes make the woman and all that. ” She tugged the pins from her hair and shook the strands free. “What’s up?” she asked as she sat on the top step and patted the space next to her.
“Nothing. ” He sank onto the painted wood. “How was L. A. ?”
“Interesting. ”
“Did you like the law firm?”
“The senior partner had a giant stuffed fish in his office. Am I being punished or what?”
He smiled. “You’re kidding. ”
“Not even close. It stared at me through the whole interview. I have no idea what I said. ” She tugged down her hem. “I don’t think you were sitting out here waiting for me to hear the particulars about my trip. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Everything. I’m trying not to get drunk. ”
“Speaking as someone who was recently in that condition, it sounds more fun than it is. ” She angled toward him. “Want to tell me what happened to make that seem like an option?”
He raised his hands to chest level, then let them fall. “Emily. ”
Jill sighed. She knew his daughter wasn’t making things easy. Not that she knew enough about what had happened to judge.
“Want to talk about it?” she asked.
“There’s not much to say. She told me she’s sorry she’s here and that she wishes she were with her mother. ”
Jill winced. “She loves you, Mac, but she’s a little girl. Her world doesn’t always make sense to her. I’m sure, as much as she’s enjoying her time here, she’s also bound to miss her mom. ”
“I believe everything you’re saying. I know it’s logical. I’ve even been thinking I should call Carly and ask her if she wants to see Em some Saturday. But I’m scared, too. What if Emily doesn’t want to come back to me? What if she convinces her mother to never let me see her again?”
“Oh, Mac. ”
Jill took his hand and squeezed it. She couldn’t think of any words to help him right now. He knew what he was saying was crazy, but that didn’t lessen the impact of the words.
“I love her so much,” he said quietly. “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. ”
“I know. ”
He was a good man, she thought. Nothing like Lyle, who refused to take responsibility for anything. Mac cared about Emily and the town and he believed in doing the right thing. Plus he was totally hot.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“That I had good taste even when I was eighteen and tried to get you to sleep with me. ”
He chuckled. “I would question your taste for wanting to be with a guy who was too drunk to notice you were naked. I can’t tell you how much I regret that. ”
Her, too. “It was a never-to-be-repeated opportunity. ”
Or was it? Jill had a sudden flash of inspiration and she knew she had to act on it before she lost her nerve. She stood, pulled up her skirt to mid-thigh, then turned toward Mac and straddled his lap.
He looked more than a little startled, but he didn’t pull back. “Want to explain yourself?” he asked, even as he rested his hands on her hips and settled her more firmly on his groin.
They were close enough to kiss. Her legs pressed against his. Heat filled her, making her want and need and melt.
“You can’t seriously be confused about my intentions,” she murmured as she put her hands on his shoulders. “Weren’t you the one saying something about a rain check?”
As she spoke, she felt him get hard. It took all of three seconds. She rubbed against him, making them both breathe a little faster.
“We talked about this not being a good idea,” he said, his voice low and strained.
She nipped at his jaw. “Did we? I don’t remember. ” She leaned closer. “You need to let your thing about my father go. Trust me, you’re not his type. He’s deeply into younger women, if you’ll excuse the pun. ”
Mac chuckled. “Thanks for the tip. ” He cupped her face and stared into her eyes. “I don’t have a hell of a lot to offer anyone right now. ”
She rotated her center over his erection. “All evidence to the contrary?”
“You know what I mean. ”
“I do. ” She brushed her fingertips against his mouth. “I’m not looking for anything long-term, Mac, and neither are you. I know you’re worried about your daughter finding out so I promise to be quiet and leave long before dawn. Maybe it’s the night. Maybe it’s all those unfulfilled desires from when I was younger. Maybe it’s how you make me feel when we’re together. Regardless of the
reason, I want this. I think you do, too. Wouldn’t a smart man simply shut up and kiss me?”
“Hell of a good idea,” he said, and did just that.
The openmouthed kiss was hungry, hot and tempting. Jill let herself be swept away by the feel of his tongue brushing against her lower lip, then slipping inside. He moved his hands up and down her back before returning them to her hips, where he took control of the rhythm of her pulsing movements.
With his fingers rubbing against the fabric of her suit, he slowed her way down, but exaggerated the movements so she slid forward and back against his hardness. As she drew back, he pushed up, bringing him in direct contact with about two million of her favorite nerve cells.
She sucked in a breath, then clamped her lips around his tongue. In response, he surged against her.
Between her panties she felt herself go from damp and intrigued to wet and ready. Her breasts swelled, her nipples got hard and the need to be naked and making love right that second nearly overwhelmed her.
He broke the kiss and slid down her jaw to her throat. Soft, damp kisses made her skin pucker, her body tense and her head loll back. She moved closer to give him plenty of access, at the same time she shrugged out of her jacket and thrust her breasts forward as suggestively as she could.
She loved that the man got it in one. His hands moved from her hips to her waist to her rib cage. Higher and higher until he—
In the distance a car door slammed, then an engine started. Jill resurfaced long enough to realize they were on her front porch, under the light, in full view of anyone who wanted to watch.
Mac dropped his hands to her legs and squeezed. “May I suggest a change of location? My room?”
“You betcha. ”
She scooted off him and stood. After putting her jacket, stockings, shoes and purse inside the house, she took his hand and followed him across the two lawns and up the front porch into his house.
There were only a few lights on in the living room and hall. Mac ignored them and headed directly for the stairs. She tiptoed after him, trying not to make any noise or think too much about what they were about to do. She didn’t want to risk getting herself out of the mood.
At the top of the stairs, he pulled her close and kissed her.
“I need to check on Em,” he whispered. “Meet me in bed?”
“Sure,” she said when he pointed to a half-open door at the end of the hall.
Jill made her way inside and clicked on a light. The room was fairly basic. Bed, nightstand, dresser, TV. She debated what to do next. Start getting naked? Make her self comfortable on the bed? Pull off just her panties so they could do it like animals?
Mac returned before she could decide.
“She’s sleeping,” he said in a low voice as he closed and locked the door behind him. A slow smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. “And here I had this fantasy about you letting me redeem myself. ”
“In what way?”
He crossed to her and pulled her hard against him. “If you’d been naked, I would have proven how much I wanted to make up for what happened last time. ”
“I thought about taking my clothes off, but it seemed a little forward. ”
“Next time,” he breathed, and kissed her.
Next time? She let the delightful promise sink into her consciousness as she gave in to the seduction of his kiss. As he teased and delighted her mouth and tongue, she felt his fingers unfasten the button at the top of the zipper. The metal teeth gave way, then the skirt slipped to the floor. He tugged at the lace elastic of her panties, soon freeing her of them, as well. Which left her standing in her blouse and bra.
Gently he pushed against her until she took a step back, then another until they were up against the mattress. He turned so, when they sat, she was in front of him and he behind, her bare bottom nestled against his crotch. Unfortunately, he was still wearing jeans, but the proximity was nice.