He sheathed himself in a condom then crawled across the bed to her and positioned himself above her. He settled himself between her legs, his thick, hard cock pulsing against the outside folds of her sex. Holding himself slightly above her with his elbows, he buried both of his hands in her hair. “Do you know how beautiful you are? Every inch of you. Inside and out. The more I have you, the more I want you. Give yourself to me, Cupcake. Give me all of you. Not only what you think I want. Don’t just come with me, take me where you want to go.”
Cassie pushed him off her and onto his back. His smile widened. Although they’d had sex many times, he had always been the aggressor, the one who set the pace. Cassie sat back on her heels and caught her breath in her throat. An idea had come to her, but she’d held back from doing it. She’d only read about it.
His eyes half closed with pleasure as if he could read her thoughts. “Do it, Cassie. Tell me what you want.”
Trusting him as she had never trusted another, Cassie swung a leg over his torso and sat with her knees on either side of his head. It was in the asking she felt vulnerable. Others had demanded, and she had given. Luke had suggested, and she had enjoyed. But never before had she boldly taken her own pleasure. She raised herself, holding onto the headboard with both hands and brought her sex down to an inch above his mouth.
His cupped her ass with one hand as he worshipped her with his mouth. Cassie closed her eyes, still tense and unsure. Luke used his other hand to part her so his tongue had better access to her clit. He blew on it gently. Circled it. He ran his teeth back and forth across it until he found the pressure and caress that had her writhing against his mouth.
Self-consciousness fell away and Cassie moved with his mouth, opening herself wider to his tongue. She looked down, met his eyes, and used her hand to squeeze and tease her breast. She could tell by the way his hands gripped her that he was enjoying the display. She slowly dipped a finger into her mouth then used it to draw wet circles around her nipples. Luke moaned with pleasure and drove his tongue deeply into her. Cassie came with a freeing, uninhibited cry.
After a moment of readjusting, Cassie lowered herself down on Luke’s cock, loving how he filled her. She closed her eyes, giving herself over to the feeling of being in control of their rhythm. As her speed increased, Luke swore and ground himself upward, his thrusts becoming as wild as she felt. When Luke came it was with a growl of satisfaction. Cassie’s second orgasm rocked through her. Still above him, their intimate connection unbroken, Cassie smiled down at him. She was sweaty and trying to catch her breath, but she’d never felt more powerful or alive.
He ran a hand lovingly up and down one of her thighs. His eyes sparkled with warm humor. “I do believe you enjoy being on top.”
She leaned down, holding herself above him with a hand on either side of his head. “Who knew?”
He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “I did.”
Cassie grinned and said sassily, “Doctors: they think they know everything.”
He grabbed her hips and rolled onto his side. She laughed as she fell onto the bed beside him. “Only because we do, but we don’t usually brag about that to mere mortals like yourself.” He whipped the bed sheets around them and pulled her into his arms. He nuzzled her neck and breathed her in as if her scent was also an intense pleasure for him.
In that moment Cassie felt her defenses crumble. There was no way to fake the feelings he was displaying. She didn’t have to protect her heart from him. He wasn’t going anywhere. It was time to tell him the final piece of her story. “Luke, I never thought it could be this good. I tried not to let you in so I wouldn’t be hurt when you left. But now I—”
Luke cut her off, a frown creasing his forehead. “Cassie, there’s something I have to tell you.”
A cold panic tightened Cassie’s chest. Don’t assume the worst. It could be anything. “What?”
He rolled onto his back and sighed. “I’m flying back to New York tomorrow morning.”
As quickly and as completely as her heart had opened to him, it slammed shut. His announcement fed every fear she’d had. It fit the pattern of her childhood. The people she let closest to her disappointed her the most. A familiar distancing numbness that had helped her survive the unspeakable in the past, filled her again as she cursed herself for believing for a moment he would stay. She didn’t physically pull back from him, but she was already a million miles away in her head. “Will you want breakfast before you go?” she asked calmly.
He sat up, his frown deepening. “I wouldn’t leave, but there’s a family crisis that needs my attention. I should be back in a few days.”
Self-doubt filled Cassie as she wondered if she had jumped too quickly to a conclusion. She remembered his brothers had called him. There could be something back in New York he had to deal with. She knew she had difficulty trusting people. Was this another example of that? She held the sheet to her chest and went up onto one elbow. “What kind of crisis?”
He rubbed a hand over his eyes in frustration. “My mother is in the hospital.”
With that, Cassie sat all the way up. “Oh, my God. Is it serious?”
“It could be. She hasn’t been in the best of health lately.”
“Is that why your brothers called?”
“Yes, they want me to look over her records and make sure her doctors are doing all they can.”
Cassie laid a hand on his chest. “I’m so sorry. Do you want me to go with you?”
He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. “No. This is something I need to do alone.”
Alone. His words cut through her. “Of course,” she said, unable to keep coldness from her tone.
His hand tightened on hers. “What is going through that beautiful head of yours?”
She pursed her lips and chose an honest attack. “You don’t want me to meet your family.”
“You’re right; I don’t,” he said, then seemed surprised when she pulled away from him and slid off the bed. He rose and stood beside her. Although they were once again naked and face to face, the emotions crackling through the air were entirely different. He took her arms in both of his hands. “You’ll meet them one day but not like this.”
And there it was, the truth about how he saw her. She wanted to yell at him: You said you wouldn’t do this. You said you wouldn’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me. Cassie didn’t say any of that, though. She held those thoughts inside and tried to distance herself from the pain. “What time are you leaving in the morning?”
“Early.”
Cassie walked to the door of her bathroom, took her robe off the hook, and covered herself. She felt as if she were about to lose control. “I have orders to fill I didn’t make earlier tonight. You should probably sleep in your room so we’re both well rested for tomorrow.”
Luke followed her and turned her in his arms. “Don’t shut me out. I knew you’d be hurt when I told you, but I need you to trust me on this. It’s better this way.”
She struggled to pull away from him, but he held her before him. That alone triggered a violent response within her. She growled and began to swing at him with her fists. “Get your hands off me.”
He instantly let her go. “Cassie, there’s no reason to get upset. I’ll be back in a few days.”
Once the door to her past insecurities had opened, outrage that couldn’t be suppressed flooded through her. With it came a wave of emotion from discovering she wasn’t pregnant, all the guilt that had been building within her, and anger with herself for not being able to control how she felt. What she suddenly saw when she looked at him was a man who could undo all the good she’d brought into her life, and she couldn’t let that happen. “No, you won’t, because there is no need to.”
Standing there completely indifferent to his state of undress, Luke said calmly, “I’ll call my brothers. I’ll tell them I can’t go back yet.”
Cassie held up two shaking hands in a plea for him to stop. What did it mean if he cou
ld change his plans that easily? Could it be that his mother wasn’t even sick? “No. I want you to go. And you don’t have to wait until morning to leave, Luke. I don’t even want you to stay here tonight. Get out of my room. Get out of my house. Just—get out.”
Luke made a gesture of appeal to her, but she recoiled from him. He picked up his clothes from the floor angrily and paused at the door. “I’m leaving because I want you to understand I respect you and what you’ve been through. It’s not what I want, but it’s what I’ll do.”
After closing her bedroom door, Cassie sank to her knees and covered her face with her hands. So many conflicting emotions stormed within her. In that moment she didn’t know if she loved or hated Luke. He’d brought to the surface insecurities and fears she preferred to deny she had.
She listened to him open and slam shut the drawers in his room. She heard his footsteps approach her closed door and then it sounded as if he’d placed a hand on the other side of it. “I need to go back to New York because I told my family I would. But I am coming back, Cassie. And when I do, we’ll talk this through.”
Cassie closed her eyes tightly and didn’t answer him. She wanted to believe him, but fear and her past held her immobile. She didn’t move until she heard a car pull up to the front of her house and the door of her downstairs kitchen open and close.
He was gone.
***
A few phone calls and several hours later, Luke stripped down to his boxer briefs and lay down on his own bed in his Manhattan apartment—alone. He rolled onto his side and punched the pillow by his head.
The quiet of his apartment was oddly depressing, and that realization was more than a little unsettling. Whether it was a woman he was sleeping with, or a family member he was visiting, he normally kept all of it outside of his apartment. It didn’t matter how hectic or chaotic life was out there, his apartment had remained his tranquil, efficiently furnished retreat.
Luke rolled over angrily—again. He’d replayed his last conversation with Cassie many times during the trip back. He cursed himself for not explaining more sensibly why he didn’t want her to join him. She had opened herself up to him, but he hadn’t done the same to her. Not when she’d needed him to.
At the time, telling her as little as possible had made sense. She’d already had an emotionally charged few days with him and had been reserved and withdrawn before the fundraiser. From what he knew of her life, she had good reason not to trust people, and that was why he’d wanted to keep her safe, protect her. That didn’t involve exposing her to his fucked-up family or leaning on her emotionally.
What could I have said?
Sure, come back to New York with me, Cassie, but there are a few things you should know. Just off the top of my head: Don’t ever be alone with my mother or she will tear you to shreds. Don’t ask questions because regardless of who answers, it’s probably a lie. Why am I going back? To help a mother despite the fact I’m almost convinced she deserves whatever is happening to her.
I don’t sound like a good son, do I?
That’s okay. I’m failing at being a good brother and doctor, too.
I took an oath to do everything I could to save lives.
I’m not supposed to hope my mother passes away before I get to her.
In the dark of his room, Luke took out his phone and checked his messages. He had several, but not the one he’d been waiting for. He’d called Cassie soon after he’d left her house, but she hadn’t picked up. He’d texted her, but she wasn’t responding.
Luke had grown up with power and privilege. Some things came easily to an Andrade, especially in New York social circles. People tended to do whatever he asked. Outside of his family, he couldn’t remember the last person who had raised their voice to him. That kind of power was addictive. It could change a person. Luke had watched it allow his family to control people as though they were pawns in some higher game. He’d always held himself above that. At least, he’d told himself he had.
It was tempting to try to win Cassie over with an expensive gesture. He could have pressured her to relent when she’d told him to leave her home. But he believed she would never truly be his unless she came to him.
Cassie closed parts of herself off when she felt threatened. It was what had allowed her to sleep with him even though she was sure he wouldn’t stick around. Her need to hold part of herself back had even been evident in their lovemaking, at least until their last time together. For just a short time, she had let him in.
Then her walls had flown right back up at the first hint that her fears about him leaving were justified. He’d tried to keep her from retreating, even physically, and the spark of real fear he’d seen in her eyes had just about broken his heart. It was tangible evidence of what she had endured at the hands of others, and he would never forget that glimpse into the depth of her soul.
It was why he’d given her space when she’d asked for it.
Why he’d left when she’d demanded it.
But, even if she had told him to, he knew he couldn’t stop loving her. He’d go to the hospital in a few hours, determine to the best of his ability what was wrong with his mother, set her on a course of treatments if any were appropriate, and then nothing would stop him from returning to Defiance.
And Cassie.
He would win back her trust no matter how long it took.
They belonged together.
Somewhere along the way, Cassie had become a part of him.
***
The next morning Cassie burned two trays of cinnamon rolls. The batch she didn’t burn looked as if a knife-wielding sugar monster had massacred it. She couldn’t help it; every time her mind drifted, it returned to what she’d said to Luke the night before and the cinnamon rolls had paid the price.
I am such an idiot. A man tells me his mother is sick, he has to go to her, and what do I do? I think about myself. How this affects me. How scared I am.
Not only do I not ask him if he’s okay, or what I can do to help, but I kick him out of my house. Is it any wonder he didn’t want me to go back with him?
She thought back to the look of horror in his eyes when she’d told him to take his hands off her. She didn’t believe for a second Luke would ever hurt her, but that hadn’t stopped her from succumbing to an old panic.
Maybe it’s for the best I’m not pregnant. Am I fooling myself when I believe I can change? That I can be stronger?
That the past doesn’t have to rule me anymore?
“That one is dead so you can stop frosting it,” Tilly said, as she closed the outside door behind her and took stock of Cassie and her kitchen.
Cassie looked down at the mutilated rolls on the tray in front of her and shoved it away harder than she intended. It flew down the counter and landed on the floor in front of Tilly.
Cassie would have normally rushed over, picked it up, and apologized. She didn’t. She stayed exactly where she was, staring at it as if it were more damning evidence against her.
Tilly walked around it and went to stand directly in front of Cassie. “Do you have any whiskey?” she asked.
Cassie looked up in confusion. “I don’t drink.”
“Not for you, for me,” Tilly said and opened a cabinet where Cassie kept alcohol she’d received as gifts from her guests. “Oh, here it is, thank God.” Tilly poured herself a shot and downed it.
“I don’t think alcohol is good for someone your . . .” Cassie stopped herself and started over. “Are you sure you want to be doing shots this early in the day?” Tilly’s son already thought Cassie was a bad influence, Cassie could only imagine what Jimmy would think when she returned home soused by early afternoon.
Tilly poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down with it at the table. “Child, if you could see your face you’d be drinking, too. I have a feeling the story you’re about to tell me is going to be a doozy. That shot was to keep these old nerves calm—medicinal purposes. Don’t tell my son.”
Cassie did
n’t know if she was about to laugh or cry. She took a few calming breaths.
Tilly raised her coffee cup and referenced the mess around Cassie. “I take it Lover Boy left?”
Cassie picked a roll off the floor and dropped it in the wastebasket. “Yes.”
“So, this is your plan to get him back? How’s it working out so far?”
To occupy her hands, Cassie began pulling out the burned cinnamon rolls from the trays and throwing them in the trash. “I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Of course you wouldn’t. Who would want to brag about how they ran a man like that off?”
When she’d finished she turned back to Tilly angrily. “I didn’t run him off.”
Tilly sipped her coffee without saying a word.
Cassie moved to sit across from her at the table. “I totally ran him off.”
Tilly gave her hand a sympathetic pat. “I know you did, Cassie. It’s all those hormones they’ve got you on.”
Cassie froze. “Those what?” Bonnie wouldn’t have said anything, would she?
“Those fertility hormones. Did you think I didn’t know? Cassie, I may be old, but that just means I’ve seen more than you have. When you first started going to Toledo I thought you had cancer or something. Then you came home with prenatal vitamins, and baby clothes catalogs started arriving. You’ve made it no secret you want a family, and since there hasn’t been a man in your bed outside of our doctor friend, it wasn’t a crazy leap.”
“You never said anything.”
“It wasn’t anyone’s business but yours. And that’s what I told Lenny’s mother when she told me her son told her you were just about buying out the pharmacy’s home pregnancy test aisle each month.”
Cassie shook her head in shock. “Does everyone know?”
Tilly shrugged. “Enough. Nobody cares, Cassie. In fact, knowing made it a whole lot easier for them to put up with your mood swings. Child, we are all waiting for you to birth something so we can get our old Cassie back.”