Tears fill my eyes and cascade down my cheeks. “You act like you’re just giving up.”
Fear consumes me as I realize I could lose him, and I question how on earth I ever second-guessed how this would end. Even though I've been struggling with where my blood lies, I care about Asher more than I have ever cared about anyone before. I may want to succumb to the evil, may lose myself in the darkness when I’m around Cameron, but in the end, my emotions are completely woven in Asher.
The revelation is heartbreaking because it means I just might be falling in love with him. Suddenly, Asher’s mother’s warning makes sense because, at the moment, all I want to do is find a shortcut, a way around sacrificing him.
“I’m not going to kill you,” I say as he wipes the tears from my cheeks with his fingertips. “I won’t do it.”
“Okay,” he agrees simply.
“Promise me you’ll help me find a different way,” I beg in desperation. “Promise me we’ll find a way around it.”
He hesitates. “I don’t want to lie to you.”
“Then don’t.”
“Then I can’t make that promise.” He lowers his hands from my face and offers me a remorseful look. “The only two people who can change the curse are Michael and Altarius, and there’s no way either of them will do it. That’s not how they work. Michael is strict and follows the rules, and Altarius … Well, if what my mother’s friend said is right, then he has plans of changing the curse, but for his own benefit.”
“Maybe we should just let him change it then,” I say, even though I don’t mean it.
“Ember—” he starts in disappointment.
“Fine, I didn’t mean that.” I restlessly pace the length of the room. “But that still doesn’t mean I’m not going to try and find another way.” I snatch up the book from the foot of the bed and head for the table. “Maybe I can find something in here that will save you.”
“Maybe.” He seems doubtful, though. “But isn’t that like taking a shortcut, which my mother warned you not to do?”
Ignoring his concerned stare, I drop down in the chair and flip open the book. “I’m going to read as much as I can while you go take a shower. If I can’t find anything, though, I think we should go talk to August Millard and see what he knows. He might not have written everything down.”
“All right, if that’s what you want.” He’s being completely agreeable, and I should be happy about it, but I’m too frustrated with my destiny.
“Has your mother texted you back yet?” I ask as he grabs jeans and a T-shirt from the bag on the bed.
“Not yet.” He checks his phone that’s on the nightstand. “I’m starting to grow worried she’s ignoring me for certain reasons.”
“What certain reasons?”
“I don’t know… You’d have to ask her. She always does stuff like this, though. Shuts people out of her life.”
“You don’t have the tiniest idea where she lives?”
Shaking his head, he winds around the foot of the bed. “I know she lives here in the city, but only because of different things people have said to me. That’s about it.”
I angle my chin up as he comes to a stop right in front of me. “Is there anyone else you can ask about your father? Or why she’d invade my dream?”
He shakes his head, setting his clothes down on the table. Then, with his eyes zeroed in on my mouth, he dips his head and slams his lips to mine. I gasp from the unexpected kiss then groan when his hands brush my bare shoulders.
“Asher,” I gasp into his mouth as he pushes me into the chair, tipping my head back and forcing my chest to arch into his. “I need to be careful…” I breathe between kisses, my vision flickering between red and normal. “I don’t want to hurt—”
He gently bites on my bottom lip as he pulls back, putting an inch of space between our faces. “You’re not going to, so stop worrying.” He looks me in the eyes, and I know he can see the darkness inside. He doesn’t seem afraid, though. He simply waits for me to calm down then smiles and comes back in for another kiss.
The longer our tongues tangle, the more my body and mind sink into a relaxed state. I forget about what I am, what I face, what I worry I might be and just kiss him back fully.
He groans when I bite his lip and grip onto him, a deep sound that reverberates through my body. I repeat the movement, wanting him to make the same noise again. Instead, he picks me up and, in three swift strides, carries me over to the bed.
A pulsating heartbeat later, my back lands on the mattress, and his body covers mine as our lips crash. My legs spread open for him, and he moans, grinding his hips against mine.
I forgot how good it can feel to be touched, to experience the connection of another.
Craving more, I slide my hands up his back and pull him closer while his fingers travel up my shirt. When he reaches the bottom of my bra, he pauses, as if testing me. I roll my hips to let him know how much more I want, and he gives it to me, slipping his fingers underneath the fabric. My nipples instantly harden under his touch as I delve my fingers into his shoulder blades.
“I forgot how soft your skin is,” he murmurs against my lips. “How good you feel.”
“Me, too,” I manage to get out before I kiss him fiercely.
Kissing Asher is so much different than kissing Cameron. It isn’t about stealing a taste of the darkness. It’s about taking what I want.
Want. I want Asher so much.
With each kiss and brush of his fingers, my mind fills with haze. Before I know it, he’s tugging my shirt over my head and undoing my bra. Deep down, I know this isn’t going to help stop me from having to kill him. If anything, I’m making it worse, falling into doing it.
Falling, falling, falling
Through the clouds,
Wings spread wide,
Carry me to the ground,
A roaring river
Washing away the unknown.
When Asher tosses my bra aside, he pauses to look down at me, his eyes holding an untamed wildness to them. “You can tell me to stop if you need to,” he says, looking as though that’s the last thing he wants to do.
I shake my head from side to side, my chest heaving as I work to catch my breath. “You’re fine.”
Relief washes over him as his lips come down hard on mine. Our chests brush together, warmth against warmth, as our bodies contour into each other. He grips at my side as he thrusts his hips against mine.
Wanting more, I let my hand travel down his solid chest to the top of his boxers. He doesn’t stop me as I play with the waistband then slide my fingers inside. A deep groan reverberates from his throat as my fingers wrap around his hardness, and he falls into such a daze he has a hard time kissing me.
I move my hand up and down and he buries his face into the crook of my neck, breathing hard.
“I want to touch you, too,” he says as he grips ahold of the blanket.
Summoning a few ravenous breaths, he pushes back and balances his weight on one arm. He keeps his eyes trained on mine as he slides a finger up my inner thigh and under the bottom of my shorts. Heat coils through my body as he inches my panties to the side and slips two fingers deep inside me.
“Asher,” I gasp as my hips buck. My fingers are still wrapped around his cock, and I move my hand up and down as he feels me thoroughly. “God … I wish things could stay like this forever…” As the truth slips from my lips, all the cold and darkness inside me withers and dies.
My body moves rhythmically with his, our lips melded, tongues tasting as we push each other over the edge. By the time I return to reality, Asher has slipped his fingers out of me and is breathing heavily against my neck. He presses a quick kiss to my throbbing pulse before rolling off me to clean up.
I remain on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, wondering how badly I messed up. If I want to save him, the last thing I should be doing is getting close to him. I just forgot how wonderful it is to touch him and how amazing it feels to be touched. I
’m conflicted, lost, a feather out in the middle of a sea, surrounded by clouds and sunshine.
“Don’t let your mind go there,” Asher says as he lies down on the bed beside me.
I roll over on my side and prop up on elbow. “How do you know where my mind’s going?”
“Because I can see the worry written all over you face.” He sketches his thumb between my brows, erasing the worry lines. “Trying to fight how you feel isn’t going to help. Trust me. I’ve been fighting how I feel for too long.”
“What do you mean?” I instantly want to retract my question when he stares down at me with warmth in his eyes.
“I mean—” he starts, but his phone cuts him off.
Sighing, he begrudgingly sits up and grabs his phone off the nightstand. “It’s my mother,” he mutters as he reads the message on the screen. “She says she can meet us somewhere later tonight, but for her own safety, we can’t come to the house.” Frowning, his fingers hammer at buttons as he replies back. “I wonder what kind of mess she’s gotten into now and if it has anything to do with her wandering into your dream when she really shouldn’t be.”
I roll onto my stomach. “What’d you tell her?”
He sets the phone down on the nightstand. “That we’d meet her at the coffeehouse next door to this hotel.”
“Are you nervous about seeing her?” I ask as he climbs off the bed, seeming distracted
“Sort of.” He picks up his clothes and heads for the bathroom.
I kneel up on the mattress. “How long has it been since you’ve seen her?”
He leans against the doorframe of the bathroom, his gaze traveling to the ceiling as he recollects. “A few centuries or so.”
My lips part in astonishment. “That long?”
“I told you, I made my choice at eight of who I was going to be. She was already long gone before that.”
“Asher, do you…?” I lower my feet to the floor and lean over to pick up my shirt and bra. “How do you age? I know you’re immortal, and you said you were eight once”—I slip my arms through the bra straps”—but how does that work?”
“I stopped aging a long time ago,” he says then adds, “unfortunately.”
“You don’t like being immortal?”
“Over the countless years, it’s gotten lonely.”
“Am I immortal?”
He shakes his head. “Not really, but you could be … afterward. Honestly, I’m not really sure.”
I swallow hard as reality crushes me again. Kissing Asher might let me temporarily forget what lies ahead, but eventually, I’ll have to make the choice.
He smiles a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m going to take a shower. If you want, you could call August Millard from my phone and set up a meeting so we can see what he knows about freeing possessed souls, since we haven’t had much luck with the book. Plus, I think a few of the pages might have been torn out at the back. My bet would be Cameron did it, but I’m not sure when he did it or what could possibly be on those pages that he would be so interested in.” His brows knit in puzzlement. “And be careful when calling August, okay? I’m not sure who we can trust anymore. Make sure, if he’ll meet us, it’s in a busy location,” he says then closes the bathroom door.
After pulling up the email on Asher’s phone August sent me a while ago, I dial his number and make the call. It goes right to voicemail, so I leave an awkward sounding message about who I am and ask him to call me back.
I sit down in the chair and read the book, searching for anything. One thing in particular captures my attention.
“Sacrifice is a huge part of the Reaper and Angel world,” I read aloud. “Most seem almost obsessed with it, as if the offering of one’s self means more than anything else. Therefore, sacrificing holds great rewards for those who do it selflessly…” I frown as I turn the page and realize the next one is missing.
I fan through the pages and discover that several pages are missing from the book, all from different sections. I rub my hand over my face and turn back to the page I was reading, wondering if the book is even useful anymore with all the pages that are gone.
“Sacrifices…” I ponder the idea. “Maybe, if I sacrificed myself, this would help solve all the problems.”
“Taking shortcuts isn’t going to do you any good, only get you in trouble.” Cameron suddenly materializes in front of me in his tall, sexy designer-clothes, wearing his human form. “Trust me. I would know.”
He sounds just like his mother, which makes me wonder exactly what he knows about her little visit into my dreamland.
I slam the book shut. “How did you get in here?”
“How do I get in anywhere, princess?” He sits down in a chair across from me, leans back, and rests his arms behind his head.
I skim over the fresh pair of jeans and black T-shirt he’s wearing. “Where have you been?”
He nonchalantly shrugs. “Around.”
I remember the pain in his expression before he disappeared. “Are you … okay?”
He elevates his brows at me. “Does it really matter?”
I waver over the truth. “Kind of.”
His lips quirk, and his eyes sparkle with amusement. “Careful, princess, saying things like that will only fuel my obsession for you.”
“Oh, whatever. I said it kind of mattered, not that my entire world came crashing apart because you seemed hurt.” When hurt flashes in his eyes, I shut my mouth.
“I wasn’t hurt,” he lies. “I just think it’s ridiculous to go searching for my mother when I know she won’t help.”
“Then what’s your suggestion on how to figure out what Altarius is up to and why she showed up in my dream?”
“We already pretty much know what Altarius up to, so it doesn’t really matter,” he replies, kicking his boots up on the table. “As for her showing up in your dream, it was probably for some twisted reason, like to get on Michael’s good side or something.”
“It matters that we know exactly what Altarius is up to, especially if it has to do with you guys,” I argue, sitting back in the chair. “At least, to me it does.”
“I disagree. At this point, you making the choice is what’s going to matter.” He plasters on the fakest smile I’ve ever seen. “And I think you already have.”
My brows knit. “No, I haven’t.”
His gaze flitters to the closed bathroom door. “Could have fooled me.”
“Have you been listening to us?” My cheeks flush at the possibility that Cameron heard what Asher and I were just doing.
“I was for a while, but then I decided to check out when you two really started going at it.” He stands up, rounds the table, and stops in front of me. He braces his hand against the table with his elbow crooked and ducks his head to look me in the eye. “I’m completely amazed how easily you can forget about your Reaper side.” He sounds like he genuinely means it. The question is, why? Cameron is never nice without a reason, usually a reason that will benefit him. “I have to give you credit, you fight it better than me.”
“It’s not easy. Not even a little.”
He studies me meticulously then dips his mouth closer to my lips, as if he’s going to kiss me. “If that’s the case, then kiss me now or, better yet, drink some of my death.”
I wet my lips with my tongue but shake my head, battling what my body craves. “I can’t do that.” My fingers curl around the handles of the chair as I force myself to stay put. “What happened the other day at Toxic Souls…that shouldn’t have happened. I got caught up in everything.”
“I know that.” He shuts his eyes and gently kisses me on the cheek, being gentler than I ever thought he was capable of.
My muscles ravel into knots. “Cameron, I…” I trail off as the feeling that I’m alone overcomes me.
When I crack my eyelids open, the room is empty. Sighing, I rotate back in the chair and fix my focus on the book, quickly discovering it’s gone. “Goddammit, Cameron. I knew you had
a reason for being nice.”
I press my fingertips to my temples and try to massage away the impending headache. When Asher’s phone vibrates, I lower my hands, hurry across the room, and then open the text message.
Unknown: I can meet you in about an hour, but you have to be discreet about it. It has to be only you and no one else, and you have to be positive that you’re not being followed.
Me: Who is this?
Unknown: It’s August Millard, the man you contacted about the book.
Me: Why is your phone number showing up as unknown?