CHAPTER XXXVII
NEITHER AT HOME
Though Admiral Darling had not deigned to speak to his younger daughterabout that vile anonymous charge, he was not always quite comfortablein his inner mind concerning it. More than once he thought of askingFaith's opinion, for he knew her good sense and discretion; but eventhis was repugnant to him, and might give her the idea that he cherishedlow suspicions. And then he was called from home again, being occupiedamong other things with a vain enquiry about the recent false alarm.For Carne and Charron had managed too well, and judged too correctly thecharacter of Vickers, to afford any chance of discovery. So that, whenthe Admiral came home again, his calm and--in its fair state--gentlenature was ruffled by the prosperity of the wicked.
"Oh, he is a fine judge of poetry, is he?" he said, more sarcasticallythan his wont; "that means, I suppose, that he admires yours, Frank.Remember what Nelson said about you. The longer I live, the more I findhis views confirmed."
"Papa, you are too bad! You are come home cross!" cried Dolly, whoalways took Frank's part now. "What does my godfather know of poetry,indeed? If he ever had any ear for it, the guns would have ruined itlong ago."
"No mostacchio in my house!" said the master, without heeding her. "Ibelieve that is the correct way to pronounce the filthy thing--a foreignabomination altogether. Who could keep his lips clean, with that dirtover them? A more tolerant man than myself never lived--a great deal tootolerant, as everybody knows. But I'll never tolerate a son of mine indisgusting French hairiness of that sort."
"Papa, you are come home as cross as a bear!" cried Dolly, presuming onher favour. "Lord Dashville was here the other day with a very nice one,and I hear that all Cavalry Officers mean to have one, when they can.And Mr. Carne, Frank's friend, encourages it."
"The less you have to say about that young man, the better. And the lesshe has to say to any child of mine, the better, both for him and her, Isay. I know that the age is turned upside down. But I'll not have thatsort of thing at my table."
When a kind and indulgent father breaks forth thus, the result isconsternation, followed by anxiety about his health. Faith glanced atDolly, who was looking quite bewildered, and the two girls withdrewwithout a word. Johnny was already gone to visit Captain Stubbard, withwhose eldest daughter Maggie and the cannons of the battery he was bythis time desperately in love; and poor Frank was left to have it outwith the angry father.
"I very seldom speak harshly, my boy," said the Admiral, drawing nearhis son gradually, for his wrath (like good vegetables) was very shortof staple; "and when I do so you may feel quite certain that there issound reason at the bottom of it"--here he looked as if his depth wasunfathomable. "It is not only that I am not myself, because of the manyhours spent upon hard leather, and vile chalks of flint that go by mehalf asleep, when I ought to be snoring in the feathers; neither has itanything to do with my consuming the hide of some quadruped for dinner,instead of meat. And the bread is made of rye, if of any grain at all;I rather think of spent tan, kneaded up with tallow ends, such as I haveseen cast by in bushels, when the times were good. And every loaf ofthat costs two shillings--one for me, and one for Government. They allseem to acknowledge that I can put up with that; and I make a strictpoint of mild language, which enables them to do it again with me.And all up and down the roads, everybody likes me. But if I was shotto-morrow, would they care twopence?"
"I am sure they would, sir; and a good deal more than that," answeredFrank, who perceived that his father was out of his usual lines ofthinking, perhaps because he had just had a good dinner--so ill do wedigest our mercies. "I am sure that there is nobody in Sussex, Kent, orHampshire who does not admire and respect and trust you."
"I dare say, and rejoice to see me do the work they ought to do. Theyhave long nights in bed, every one of them, and they get their mealswhen they want them. I am not at all astonished at what Nelson said. Heis younger than I am by a good many years, but he seems to have pickedup more than I have, in the way of common sentiments, and such like.'You may do everybody's work, if you are fool enough,' he said to me thelast time I saw him; 'and ease them of their souls as well, if you arerogue enough, as they do in the Popish countries. I am nearly sick ofdoing it,' he said, and he looked it. 'If you once begin with it, youmust go on.' I find it more true every day of my life. Don't interruptme; don't go on with comfortable stuff about doing good, and one's dutytowards one's Country--though I fear that you think very little of that.If I thought I had done good enough to make up for my back-aches, andthree fine stumps lost through chewing patriotic sentiments, why, ofcourse I should be thankful, and make the best of my reward. But charitybegins at home, my boy, and one's shirt should be considered beforeone's cloak. A man's family is the nearest piece of his country, and thedearest one."
"I am sure, sir, I hope," replied Frank, who had never heard his fathertalk like this before, "that nothing is going on amiss with us here.When you are away, I keep a sharp lookout. And if I saw anything goingwrong, I should let you know of it immediately."
"No doubt you would; but you are much too soft. You are quite aseasygoing as I used to be at your age"--here the Admiral looked as ifhe felt himself to be uncommonly hard-going now--"and that sort of thingwill not do in these days. For my own discomforts I care nothing. Icould live on lobscouse, or soap and bully, for a year, and thank Godfor getting more than I deserved. But my children, Frank, are verydifferent. From me you would never hear a grumble, or a syllable ofanything but perfect satisfaction, so long as I felt that I was doinggood work, and having it appreciated. And all my old comrades have justthe same feeling. But you, who come after us, are not like that. Youmust have everything made to fit you, instead of making yourselves fitthem. The result will be, I have very little doubt, the downfall ofEngland in the scale of nations. I was talking to my old friend St.Vincent last week, and he most heartily agreed with me. However, I don'tmean to blame you, Frank. You cannot help your unfortunate nature forstringing ends of words together that happen to sound alike. Johnny willmake a fine Officer, not in the Navy, but of Artillery--Stubbard saysthat he has the rarest eyes he ever came across in one so young, and hewishes he could put them into his Bob's head. He shall not go back toHarrow; he can spell his own name, which seems to be all they teach themthere, instead of fine scholarship, such as I obtained at Winton. But tospell his own name is quite enough for a soldier. In the Navy we alwayswere better educated. Johnny shall go to Chatham, when his togs areready. I settled all about it in London, last week. Nothing hurts him.He is water-proof and thunder-proof. Toss him up anyhow, he falls uponhis feet. But that sort of nature very seldom goes up high. But you,Frank, you might have done some good, without that nasty twist ofyours for writing and for rhyming, which is a sure indication of spinalcomplaint. Don't interrupt me; I speak from long experience. Thingsmight be worse, and I ought to be thankful. None of my children willever disgrace me. At the same time, things would go on better if I wereable to be more at home. That Caryl Carne, for instance, what does hecome here for?"
"Well, sir, he has only been here twice. And it took a long time topersuade him at all. He said that as you had not called upon him, hefelt that he might be intruding here. And Faith, who is sometimes veryspiteful, bowed, as much as to say that he had better wait. But Dolly,who is very kind-hearted, assured him that she had heard you say atleast a dozen times: 'Be sure that I call upon Mr. Carne to-day. Whatwill he think of my neglect? But I hope that he will set it down to theright cause--the perpetual demands upon my time.' And when she told himthat, he said that he would call the next day, and so he did."
"Ah!" cried the old man, not well pleased; "it was Dolly who took thatlittle business off my shoulders! She might have been content with herelder sister's judgment, in a family question of that sort. But I daresay she thought it right to make my excuses. Very well, I'll do that formyself. To-morrow I shall call upon that young man, unless I get anotherdespatch to-night. But I hear he wants nobody at his ruins. I suppose hehas n
ot asked even you to go there?"
"No, sir; I think he took his little place here, because it would be sopainful for him to receive any friends at that tumble-down castle. Hehas not yet been able to do any repairs."
"I respect him for that," said the Admiral, with his generous sympathiesaroused; "they have been a grand old family, though I can't say much forthose I knew--except, of course, Mrs. Twemlow. But he may be a very fineyoung fellow, though a great deal too Frenchified, from all I hear. Andwhy my friend Twemlow cold-shoulders him so, is something of a mysteryto me. Twemlow is generally a judicious man in things that have nothingto do with the Church. When it comes to that, he is very stiff-backed,as I have often had to tell him. Perhaps this young man is a Papist. Hismother was, and she brought him up."
"I am sure I don't know, sir," answered Frank. "I should think nonethe worse of him if he were, unless he allowed it to interfere with hisproper respect for liberty."
"Liberty be hanged!" cried the Admiral; "and that's the proper end formost of those who prate about it, when they ought to be fighting fortheir Country. I shall sound him about that stuff to-morrow. If he isone of that lot, he won't come here with my good-will, I can assurehim. What time is he generally to be found down there? He is right overStubbard's head, I believe, and yet friend Adam knows nothing about him.Nor even Mrs. Adam! I should have thought that worthy pair would havedrawn any badger in the kingdom. I suppose the youth will see me, if Icall. I don't want to go round that way for nothing. I did want to havea quiet day at home, and saunter in the garden, as the weather is somild, and consult poor Swipes about Spring crops, and then have a pipeor two, and take my gun to Brown Bushes for a woodcock, or a hare, andcome home with a fine appetite to a good dinner. But I never must hopefor a bit of pleasure now."
"You may depend upon it, sir," said Frank, "that Caryl Carne will begreatly pleased to see you. And I think you will agree with me that amore straightforward and simple-minded man is not to be found in thiscountry. He combines what we are pleased to call our national dignityand self-respect with the elegant manners, and fraternal warmth, andbonhomie--as they themselves express it--of our friends across thewater."
"You be off! I don't want to be cross any more. Two hundred thousandfriends there at this moment eager to burn down our homes and cutour throats! Tired as I am, I ought to take a stick to you, as friendTugwell did to his son for much less. I have the greatest mind not to gonear that young man. I wish I had Twemlow here to talk it over. Pay yourfine for a French word, and be off!"
Frank Darling gravely laid down five shillings on his dessert plate, andwalked off. The fine for a French word in that house, and in hundredsof other English houses at this patriotic period, was a crown for agentleman, and a shilling for a lady, the latter not being liable exceptwhen gentlemen were present. The poet knew well that another word on hispart would irritate his father to such a degree that no visit would bepaid to-morrow to the admirer of the Harmodiad, whose admiration hewas longing to reward with a series of good dinners. And so he did hisutmost to ensure his father's visit.
But when the Admiral, going warily--because he was so stiff fromsaddle-work--made his way down to the house of Widow Shanks, and winkingat the Royal Arms in the lower front window, where Stubbard kept Officeand convenience, knocked with the knocker at the private door, thereseemed to be a great deal of thought required before anybody came toanswer.
"Susie," said the visitor, who had an especial knack of rememberingChristian names, which endeared him to the bearers, "I am come to seeMr. Carne, and I hope he is at home."
"No, that 'a bain't, sir," the little girl made answer, after looking atthe Admiral as if he was an elephant, and wiping her nose with unwonteddiligence; "he be gone away, sir; and please, sir, mother said so."
"Well, here's a penny for you, my dear, because you are the best littleneedle-woman in the school, they tell me. Run and tell your mother tocome and see me.--Oh, Mrs. Shanks, I am very glad to see you, and soblooming in spite of all your hard work. Ah, it is no easy thing inthese hard times to maintain a large family and keep the pot boiling.And everything clean as a quarter-deck! My certy, you are a woman in athousand!"
"No, sir, no. It is all the Lord's doing. And you to the back of Him, asI alway say. Not a penny can they make out as I owes justly, bad as I beat the figures, Squire. Do 'e come in, and sit down, there's a dear. Ah,I mind the time when you was like a dart, Squire!"
"Well, and now I am like a cannon-ball," said the Admiral, whounderstood and liked this unflattering talk; "only I don't travel quiteso fast as that. I scarcely get time to see any old friends. But Icame to look out for a young friend now, the gentleman you makeso comfortable upstairs. Don't I wish I was a young man withoutincumbrance, to come and lodge with such a wonderful landlady!"
"Ah, if there was more of your sort, sir, there'd be a deal less troublein the world, there would. Not that my young gentleman is troublesome,mind you, only so full of them outlandish furrin ways--abideth all daylong without ating ort, so different from a honest Englishman. First Iused to think as he couldn't afford it, and long to send him up a bitof my own dinner, but dursn't for the life of me--too grand for that,by ever so--till one day little Susie there comes a-running downthe stairs, and she sings out, with her face as red as ever a boiledlobster: 'Looky see, mother! Oh, do 'e come and looky see! Pollyon hathgot a heap of guineas on his table; wouldn't go into the big yellowpudding-basin!' And sure enough he had, your Honour, in piles, as ifhe was telling of them. He had slipped out suddenly, and thoughtthe passage door was bolted. What a comfort it was to me, I can'tconfigurate. Because I could eat my dinner comfortable now, for such abig heap of money never I did see."
"I am very glad--heartily glad," exclaimed the smiling Admiral. "I hopehe may get cash enough to buy back all the great Carne property, andkick out those rascally Jews and lawyers. But what makes Susie call himthat?"
"Well, sir, the young ones must have a nickname for anything beyondthem; and because he never takes any notice of them--so different fromyour handsome Master Frank--and some simility of his black horse, or hisproud walk, to the pictur', 'Pollyon' is the name they give him, out ofPilgrim's Progress. Though not a bit like him, for such a gentleman topay his rent and keep his place untroublesome I never had before. And afortnight he paid me last night, afore going, and took away the keys ofall three doors."
"He is gone, then, is he? To London, I dare say. It would be useless tolook for him at the castle. My son will be disappointed more than I am.To tell you the truth, Mrs. Shanks, in these days the great thing is tostick to the people that we know. The world is so full, not of rogues,but of people who are always wanting something out of one, that to talkwith a thoroughly kind, honest person, like yourself, is a real luxury.When the gentleman comes back, let him know that I have called."
"And my Jenny, sir?" cried the anxious mother, running after him intothe passage; "not a word have you said about my Jenny. I hope she showno sign of flightiness?"
"Jenny is as steady as the church," replied the Admiral. "We are goingto put her on a pound a year from next quarter-day, by Mrs. Cloam'sadvice. She'll have a good stocking by the time she gets married."
"There never was such a pleasant gentleman, nor such a kind-hearted one,I do believe," said Widow Shanks, as she came in with bright eyes. "Whatare they Carnes to the Darlings, after all? As different as night andday."
But the Admiral's next visit was not quite so pleasant; for when he gotback into the village road, expecting a nice walk to his luncheon andhis pipe, a man running furiously almost knocked him down, and had notime to beg his pardon. The runner's hat was off his head, and hishair blowing out, but luckily for itself his tongue was not between histeeth.
"Has the devil got hold of you at last, Jem Prater?" the Admiral asked,not profanely; for he had seen a good deal of mankind, and believed indiabolical possession.
"For Parson! for Parson!" cried Jem, starting off again as hard as hecould go. "Butter Cheeseman hath hanged his se
lf in his own scales. Andnobody is any good but Parson."
Admiral Darling was much disturbed. "What will the world come to? Inever knew such times," he exclaimed to himself, with some solemnity;and then set off, as fast as his overridden state permitted, for thehouse of Mr. Cheeseman. Passing through the shop, which had nobody init, he was led by the sound of voices into a little room beyond it--theroom in which Mr. Cheeseman had first received Caryl Carne. Herehe beheld an extraordinary scene, of which he often had to dreamthereafter.
From a beam in the roof (which had nothing to do with his scales, as JemPrater had imagined), by a long but not well-plaited cord, was danglingthe respected Church-warden Cheeseman. Happily for him, he had relied onhis own goods; and the rope being therefore of very bad hemp, had failedin this sad and too practical proof. The weight of its vendor had addedto its length some fifteen inches--as he loved to pull out things--andhis toes touched the floor, which relieved him now and then.
"Why don't you cut him down, you old fools?" cried the Admiral to threegaffers, who stood moralising, while Mrs. Cheeseman sat upon a barrel,sobbing heavily, with both hands spread to conceal the sad sight.
"We was afraid of hurting of him," said the quickest-witted of thegaffers; "Us wanted to know why 'a doed it," said the deepest; and, "Thewill of the Lord must be done," said the wisest.
After fumbling in vain for his knife, and looking round, the Admiral ranback into the shop, and caught up the sharp steel blade with which thevictim of a troubled mind had often unsold a sold ounce in the days ofhappy commerce. In a moment the Admiral had the poor Church-warden inhis sturdy arms, and with a sailor's skill had unknotted the chokingnoose, and was shouting for brandy, as he kept the blue head fromfalling back.
When a little of the finest eau de vie that ever was smuggled had beenadministered, the patient rallied, and becoming comparatively cheerful,was enabled to explain that "it was all a mistake altogether." Thisremoved all misunderstanding; but Rector Twemlow, arriving too latefor anything but exhortation, asked a little too sternly--as everybodyfelt--under what influence of the Evil One Cheeseman had committed thatmistake. The reply was worthy of an enterprising tradesman, and broughthim such orders from a score of miles around that the resources of theestablishment could only book them.
"Sir," he said, looking at the parson sadly, with his right hand laidupon his heart, which was feeble, and his left hand intimating that hisneck was sore, "if anything has happened that had better not have been,it must have been by reason of the weight I give, and the value such adeal above the prices."