CHAPTER THREE: A bacon and guilt sandwich.
Jude had a restless night, he’d dreamt it was Halloween and a parade of people dressed up as monsters were walking past him. But when they’d taken their masks off there were even uglier monsters underneath them. They’d chased and caught him and then proceeded to tie him to a spit over a huge roaring fire, he could smell himself cooking. They were leaping around the fire shouting. One of them came up really close to his face, Jude could see drool dripping from its yellowing fangs.
“We’re going to eat you JUDE,” it cackled. “JUDE”.
Jude woke with a start, covered in sweat.
“JUDE, breakfast is ready, love.”
His mum was shouting him for breakfast, it wasn’t monsters, it wasn’t him that was cooking it was bacon sandwiches. He breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed, until the events of yesterday came flooding back to him. Oh my God! It wasn’t all a dream, some of it was real, or was it, had he just been dreaming? On his bedside table laid the strange silver coin. It wasn’t glowing. He picked it up gingerly, it didn’t feel warm. He wondered why he’d not mentioned it yesterday. His mum called again, she sounded cheerful, too cheerful, it was too forced and she was making him bacon sandwiches. He remembered the conversation he’d had with her the day before. She wasn’t going to be happy if he went down-stairs and said he’d seen monsters and wanted to tell everyone about it. Perhaps he should just tell her he’d been chased by some other kids, got scared and imagined the whole thing. She’d be so relieved.
But he knew there were monsters out there, what if they hurt someone. Jude taxed his memory for any stories of mysterious attacks or disappearances, but as he didn’t really follow the local news, he came up with a blank. He couldn’t be the only person who had seen these things, the government must know about them and were just keeping it quiet so as not to scare people. Perhaps he should go to the news papers rather than the police. But perhaps the police had a secret task force to combat them, they might need his information to round these ones up. Anyway his bacon sandwiches would be getting cold.
He went down stairs, slowly, he usually ran down the stairs jumping the last three, his mum would know something was wrong already. He walked into the kitchen, his mum had a too bright smile on her face, her eyes looked at him anxiously.
“Morning, love,” she said overly loudly and brightly.
“I’m sorry, Mum,” Jude said quietly, “but I didn’t imagine what I saw yesterday and I need to tell someone, I’m just not sure who yet.”
The fixed smile dropped and she turned to him with the sad eyes and sad smile on her face which she wore whenever he asked her about his father.
“Yes, we certainly need to talk to someone,” she said in a small, sad voice. “You have your breakfast and I’ll see what I can do.”
She walked out of the room, Jude could hear her rummaging through the phone book in the living room. He turned to his breakfast, she’d even poured him orange juice and made him coffee with three sugars just as he liked it but which she disapproved of. He ate his breakfast, trying to hear what she was saying on the phone, but she was talking too quietly and she’d shut the door. He didn’t really enjoy his breakfast, bacon sandwiches didn’t really go well with a guilty conscience.
His mum came back into the room and said they were to go and see someone that afternoon. She didn’t say who and Jude didn’t ask. He just said a quiet “Thanks Mum.” She didn’t say anything in reply and started doing the washing up. Jude dried the dishes. They did them in silence. Jude spent the intervening time in his room, he could hear his mum cleaning the house with a vengeance.
When it was time to go they both got into the car and set off, Jude wondered where they were going and whom they were going to see. Jude thought they were heading into the town centre, perhaps to the police after all. But no they continued right through the town and started to head out again. They had travelled in silence so far. His mum turned to him, looked him in the eye and said,
“I do love you, Jude, you’re my only son.” She slowed the car down and turned in to a drive, the sign on the wall read, “Ravenscar Mental Institute”.
“You’ve brought me to a nut house,” yelled Jude, “I don’t believe what you’re doing. You mean you don’t believe me.”
“Jude, I believe that you believe what you’re saying. I love you, I just want what’s best for you.”
“I can’t believe you’ve brought me to a nut house. I’m not mad.”
“I know that, love, I just want you to have a little chat with the doctor that’s all. It’ll help you put things in perspective.”
Ravenscar was set in its own grounds with gardens, lawns and trees. They drove up to it and parked outside. Getting out of the car Jude looked up at the Institute, as it loomed over him. It was a large imposing red brick building, with big windows which all had bars on them he noticed. The Victorians knew how to do imposing and impressive when they built. Jude felt belittled by the building, he had to feel sorry for those that were mentally ill and ended up here. He was just going in to chat to a doctor, he told himself, I’m not staying here. I am not ill…or I don’t think I am.
They went inside and his mum went up to the receptionist at the desk, which was behind a clear screen. She buzzed them through the doors, which had bars on them too, into the Institute. Jude saw a long, corridor with a high ceiling, painted in hospital green, with lots of doors leading off it. All the doors had locks on them, it seemed to be a cross between a hospital and a prison. If I tell this doctor what I’ve seen is he going to let me out again? Thought Jude, he was starting to have second thoughts and the monsters suddenly seemed a lot further away.
A nurse took them along the corridor and down another one into a waiting room and asked them to take a seat. His mum was not looking at him and he didn’t feel in the mood for small talk. Plus she was fiddling with her handbag and her brown bobbed hair, she was anxious. He left her to it and looked about the room, bars on the window, painted green, a few chairs and some dog-eared magazines, he was uninspired and sat down next to his Mum.
The door quietly open and a grey-suited, middle-aged man stood in the doorway, he had greying hair and silver spectacles sliding down his nose.
“I’m Doctor Anderson,” he said in a jovial way looking at Jude, he was reminded strongly of his old school headmaster.
“You must be Jude. Hello Jude, or should I say Hey Jude, like the Beatles song, ha, ha.”
Jude groaned inwardly, why did his mother have to have like the Beatles so much when he was born. His mum shot out of her seat as if she’d received an electric shock.
“Oh, Doctor Anderson,” she squeaked. “Thank you so much for seeing us at such short notice, I know you must be a very busy man, so sorry to bother you.”
“Nonsense, nonsense, dear lady, only too happy to see you both and put your mind at rest. Put your MIND at rest, get it. Ha, ha, little Ravenscar humour there. Would you like to come into my office?"
Jude followed Doctor Anderson and his Mum out of the waiting room. Was she sure that this was a real doctor and not a headmaster who’d gone insane?
When they arrived at Doctor Anderson’s office, Jude was relived to see that there wasn’t a couch. The room reminded him very much of his old headmaster’s study. A functional room with a case of books, a desk with a big comfy chair behind it and two less comfy chairs in front. On the wall were prestigious looking certificates and a framed photo of Doctor Anderson in university robes obviously collecting his doctorate. So he was a real doctor, perhaps he had just spent a little too long with his patients.
Doctor Anderson invited them both to sit down and took a seat himself behind his imposing desk.
“So Jude, your Mother is a little worried about you at the moment and she’d just like me to have a little chat with you. Nothing to worry about I just want to ask you a few questions, no couch in here you see, ha, ha.”
Jude felt like he was back at school a
nd he’d got into trouble and been sent to the headmaster’s office.
“Yes, sir,” he mumbled. He could feel himself slouching in the chair and hanging his head, he fought the urge to stick out his bottom lip.
“Your mother was telling me on the phone that you thought you’d seen a monster, is that right?”
“Hmm,” Jude nodded. Oh God, he’d stopped using proper words.
“So are you on any medication from your own doctor, Jude?”
“Hmm,” Jude shook his head.
“Have you ever taken any non-prescription drugs? Do you know what I mean by non-prescription drugs?”
“No, I don’t take drugs.”
“Had you been drinking at all yesterday?”
“No.”
“Sniffing glue or any other substances?”
“No.” Jude was aiming for a bored voice to try and convey that drugs weren’t his thing, but he was getting the impression he was just coming over sulky.
“Jude, Doctor Anderson is only trying to help,” said his mother anxiously.
“Oh don’t worry about that, adolescence is a trying time for a boy, a lot of worries and anxieties. I understand you only have your mother, Jude, are you feeling a little neglected, in need of a bit of attention, hmm?”
“Hmm.” Jude was feeling very patronised and about twelve years old; he just wanted to get out of this place. He was a teenager; he didn’t do being jollied along.
“Because you do know monsters don’t exist don’t you Jude.” Said Dr Anderson in a fatherly way. “You know it was all just a figment of your imagination, brought on by stress or anxiety. The mind can do funny things when it’s under pressure, you know. I should know, ha, ha. You won’t believe the stories I could tell you about some of the things my patients have told me they’d seen over the years, you’d be astounded, really. I could write a book.”
“Hmm.” Jude was feeling about ten now.
“I tell you what we’ll do Jude,” overly reassured Dr Anderson. “I’ll prescribe you a mild anti-depressant, nothing to worry about, just something to help you feel a little less anxious. You shouldn’t have any more monsters jumping out from the closet at you, ha, ha.”
“You’ve just been asking me if I’m taking drugs, and now you’re giving me drugs.”
“Now, now Jude, like I said nothing to worry about. I see the irony ha, ha. But not all drugs are bad, some really help people. I’d have a lot more people in here if it weren’t for drugs to help people’s anxieties and delusions. Now, don’t you worry about a thing.”
Jude did not feel reassured.
“Now, if you don’t mind Jude, I’d like a little chat with your mother in private. She’s the one who looks the most anxious, her forehead has been full of wrinkles since she came in.”
“Why don’t you give her the drugs then.” Why did he say that, he didn’t usually do the sulky kid thing.
“Jude, really, there’s no need for that,” said his mother. “I’m so sorry Dr Anderson.”
“Ha, ha, point taken Jude.” Laughed Dr Anderson. “Now why don’t you wait outside.”
“Can I go outside? I’m not keen on hospitals.” Can I go outside? How old was he?
“But of course Jude. Have a walk in our gardens, many of our patients find them very relaxing.”
Doctor Anderson walked Jude to the door and opened it for him.
“Well good-bye, Jude, I hope I won’t be seeing you again soon with any more ‘monster’ stories.”
“Hmm.” I can’t believe he just used his fingers in the air to make exclamation marks, thought Jude.
Jude left the room as quickly as his slouched, hunched shoulders would let him. This place must be packed with patients if he’s in charge he thought.
He turned down the corridor towards the exit, which was right next to Doctor Anderson’s office and ran straight into a pair of mad staring eyes. Jude’s first thought was so that’s what mad staring eyes are really like and the second was, oh God he must of heard what Dr Anderson said about the monster stories. Jude then noticed that the man he’d run into was wearing hospital pyjamas. Hey he’s got the mad staring eyes he’s probably got his own monster stories to tell. He was tall and slim with long blonde hair and continued to stare at Jude not moving a muscle which were all tensed like a tiger ready to spring. He was also leaning rigid against the wall, as if hiding. Jude wondered if you could have escaped mental patients while still in a mental hospital.
Jude could hear hurried and heavy footsteps coming up the corridor behind him.
“You mustn’t tell them.” The man said in a tense whisper. “You mustn’t tell.”
Two male nurses in white uniforms appeared from behind Jude.
“There he is.” One of them shouted. On closer inspection they looked more like bouncers than nurses, they were huge. They pushed past Jude and grabbed the tall patient, one to each arm. He remained in eye contact with Jude and resisted being dragged away by the white gorillas.
“You mustn’t tell.” He said more urgently. “Don’t take what they give you, it’ll make you forget.”
“Come on, it’ll be the padded cell for you if you don’t come quietly.” Grunted one of the nurses.
The patient relaxed allowing them to drag him away, but he didn’t break eye contact with Jude.
“That what glows, keep it secret.” He said. “That what is warm, keep it safe.”
As he was dragged out of sight he gave a final shout. “Don’t tell. Keep it secret, keep it safe.”
Well, thought Jude, there is someone who really needs to be here and is obviously not taking enough of those drugs Doctor Anderson likes so much. What did he mean by ‘what glows’ and ‘what is warm’, was he talking about the coin, how could he know about that. Jude still hadn’t mentioned it to anyone; he wondered why he hadn’t done that. After all it could count as evidence that what he had seem was real. He put his hand in his pocket and felt the coin there; it didn’t feel warm at the moment. He took it out, first checking no one was around to see, it wasn’t glowing either. He put it back into his pocket, perhaps it was best to keep it hidden. Not telling anyone else about what had happened also seemed to be a good idea considering what had happened since he had. He couldn’t believe someone obviously nuts and in a mental hospital had given him good advice and he was intending to follow it.