Jareth and I get into his car; the heated leather seats feel nice against my aching body. He turns the key and then looks at me. “Do you want to go somewhere in particular?” he asks.
“Can we go to the ocean?” I beg, for some reason getting the strangest desire for the sea. Maybe it’s because I know I’ll never get a chance to see it again. Hear the waves crashing against the shore, smell the salty air, feel the sand crackle between my toes.
He nods and unquestioningly pulls out of his parking space and into the night. We ride silently, as if both lost in our own thoughts, until we get to the beach, about twenty minutes away. We step out of the car and walk down to the end of the boardwalk, toward the ocean. I kick off my shoes and dig my toes into the cool sand. Jareth slips his hand into mine and strokes my fingers.
“So you did it,” he says, staring into the blackness of the nighttime sea. There are a thousand stars out and they twinkle like diamonds in the sky. “You accomplished your mission. You’re a real slayer now.”
“I guess.” I shrug. Time to break it to him. “Though a lot of good it’s going to do me dead.”
Jareth jerks his head around to look at me. “What?” he cries. “What are you talking about?”
I reach up and touch my neck. The bite has scabbed over and even feels diseased and nasty. “Maverick bit me,” I say. “And then he injected the virus into my bloodstream. He says I’m going to die in a couple of days. Just like all the donors.”
Even in the darkness I can see Jareth’s horror-struck face. “Raynie!” he cries and his voice breaks with emotion. He pulls me into a hug, squeezing me with almost as much strength as Francis. But this hug is one of desperation. “Oh, my darling, no!” he murmurs. “I can’t lose you.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t exactly want to be lost either,” I say wryly.
Jareth pulls away from the hug, his beautiful blue eyes hardened and angry. “Stop making self-protective jokes,” he says. “This is serious. We have to do something.”
“What?” I ask. “There’s no antidote. Face it. In two to three days, I’ll be pushing up daisies.” I know I’m being a bitch, but for some reason I’m unable to let go.
Jareth sighs and pulls me down onto the sand. We sit there a moment, not speaking. “You can be so cold and hard,” he says at last. “Always putting up a brave front so others don’t see your fear. Your vulnerability.”
“Maybe I don’t want others to see my fear and vulnerability. I mean, it’s my fear and vulnerability, right? If I want to keep it inside, then that’s my business.” I kick at the sand with my foot. “Besides, it’s not exactly like you’re Mr. Open Up and Share yourself.”
“You’re right,” Jareth says, staring out into the sea. “You and I are a lot alike in many ways. We both have pain in our pasts, which has caused us to put trust in ourselves and not others. But let me tell you, Rayne, from someone who’s done it for hundreds of years: It’s not a great way to live. And it never gets less lonely.” He sighs deeply, lying back into the sand and staring up at the stars. “I never told you why I don’t want a blood mate.”
I turn to look at him, surprised. This, I was not expecting. Is he ready to spill his deep dark secret at last?
“No,” I say slowly. “You never have.”
Jareth goes silent. At first I’m almost positive he’s not going to speak—that he changed his mind already. But then he opens his mouth.
“Most vampires are turned individually,” he says. “But for me, my whole family was vampire.”
“Really?” I ask. “That’s so cool.”
“Yes,” he agrees. “You see, my parents and my brother and sister and I were living as peasants in England back during the Black Plague. Terrible time. All our neighbors were dying. The graves were full. You can’t imagine the stench of bodies just rotting in the streets, the sulfur from the burnings. We prayed to God that he would rescue us. That he would spare our lives. Well, God sent a dark messenger that day.
“The vamp Runez had come to feed on the sick. Vampires couldn’t catch the plague and so it became a good place to feed, without hurting anyone. We didn’t have donors back in that day,” Jareth explained. “Runez came across my family, huddled in our little hut. Exhausted, hungry, and scared. But not sick. He knew we would soon catch it and suffer terrible deaths. I was eighteen. My little sister was ten and my little brother only four. The vampire felt bad for us and offered us a choice. Immortal life or certain death.” Jareth smiled. “Of course, you can guess what we chose.”
“So he turned all of you? Isn’t that against the rules?” From what I’d read, vamps can only turn one person during their lifetime. Keeps them from having blood shortages like the Red Cross.
“Things were much less organized back then. Vampires roamed the earth, alone and hungry. There were no covens or political parties. We didn’t incorporate ’til the early eighteenth century.”
“Oh, okay,” I say. Interesting. I wonder what (or who) made them all band together. “So then what happened?”
“At first things were great. The five of us escaped the plague and traveled from village to village, taking money from the dead. It sounds terrible, I know. But it was just lying there. Of no use to anyone. Except us. We ended up with enough gold to buy a small castle in southeastern Britain. We bought titles and everyone assumed we were some kind of eccentric royalty. It was then that I trained to be a sculptor. I spent my days carving intricate stone statues to sell to castle courtyards and churches. And since I had eternity to perfect my art, I became quite good. My work can be seen all over Europe, even today.
“In any case, everything had turned out better than our wildest dreams. And best of all, we had each other. A family for eternity. At night we’d gather in the great hall and play games and laugh and laugh.” He pauses for a moment, releasing a small sigh. “Sometimes I think I can still hear my sister’s giggle, reverberating through a hall.”
I smile, thinking of my own family. My silly, hippie-dippy mom, my determined, hard-working sister. If I’d become a vampire I’d totally have wanted to make it a family affair like Jareth did. That way I’d get to keep the people I love around forever.
But Jareth’s story, I’m beginning to think, doesn’t have such a happy ending.
“Go on,” I urge. “What happened next?”
“We lived together for centuries, moving around every few years, as not to arouse the suspicions of the locals. After all, we never grew old. I could, at least, pass for a man, having been turned at eighteen, but my sister and brother were forever children. People began to wonder. And then we’d move.” He smiled sadly. “Moving could be tough, but we always had each other. That’s all that mattered.”
“Right.”
“I told you how the vampires came together in the early eighteenth century, right? A great leader, Count Dracul, started the reorganization. He formed covens around the country and assigned each vampire to a specific group. Minigovernments were created in each coven, with the leaders all coming together on one worldwide council. He felt we’d be stronger working together. At first it seemed like a great idea.
“But then, as we grew in strength and wealth, becoming prominent members of society that were numerous enough to control our respective governments, another group rose to stop us.” He grimaces. “You might be familiar with them. Slayer Inc.”
I grimace back. I’m thinking this is going to be the part where I learn why Jareth is so antislayer.
“Well, Slayer Inc. went to the head vampire consortium and said that while they believed vampires had the right to exist, there should be rules in place so they and humans could peacefully coexist. And they offered to police the ones who did not. I was on the council when the vote came up on whether we wanted to work with them. Since we didn’t have a police force of our own and we’d recently seen some really evil vampires causing major havoc, at the time it seemed like a good idea, though not everyone agreed. In the end, the council was split pretty evenly,
with me casting the deciding vote.”
“In favor of Slayer Inc.”
“Yes. It’s amazing how one simple vote can change your whole life.”
“What happened?”
“Well, after we’d signed the contracts, Slayer Inc. created some rules. Some of these rules were good. We couldn’t be running around biting and killing random humans, for example. That’s where the donor program was born. Some, however, were . . . not so good.”
“What do you mean?”
Jareth swallows hard before speaking. “No children vampires,” he says hoarsely. “They said it was an abomination. And that it threatened our secrecy as well, since it’s more obvious a child isn’t aging.”
His voice cracks and he reaches up to swipe a wayward blood tear from his eyes. My heart aches in my chest and I want nothing more than to comfort him, to relieve some of his pain, though I have no idea how. No wonder he holds such a grudge against Slayer Inc. Against me. I’m starting to hate them myself. How could they do that? Kill innocent vampire children? Kill Jareth’s brother and sister? What if they had asked me to do the same? Go up to some six-year-old and stake her through the heart? Just like Bertha did with Lucifent. There’s no way I could do that. Absolutely no way.
“They came for my brother and sister a week later. We holed ourselves up in our mansion and held out as long as we could. But we ran out of blood and we were dying. Finally, out of desperation, we attempted to fight our way out. It was a massacre. My whole family, besides me, was killed by a rampaging slayer. Because of me and my deciding vote, I lost everyone I ever loved.” His voice breaks and he covers his eyes with his hands to hide his tears.
I lie down on my side, placing my head on his solid chest and wrapping my arm around him. He doesn’t pull away. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper, feeling tears come to my own eyes.
How could anyone move on with their lives after such tragedy? Their whole family slaughtered before their eyes. I try to imagine how that would feel for me—if Sunny and my mother were suddenly cut down for a sin they didn’t commit. But I can’t. It’s just too terrible to comprehend.
Jareth reaches up and strokes the top of my head. His fingers feel light and feathery as they scrape against my scalp. “They believed they were on a crusade against evil,” he says sadly. “But my little brother and sister didn’t have an evil bone in their bodies.” His voice cracks again, and he pauses, swallowing hard before continuing. “They were my everything. My life. My heart. Without them, I had no purpose,” he says wearily. “Living forever went from being a gift of the gods to a curse of eternal damnation.”
My heart pangs again and I squeeze him closer, a vain attempt to take away even a smidgen of his pain. Poor Jareth. Poor, poor Jareth. No wonder he’s so bitter. No wonder he didn’t want to give me a chance. I wouldn’t have given myself a chance. There’s no way I’d have agreed to work side by side with a member of the organization that mercilessly struck down my entire family. Everyone I had in the world.
“Of course, soon after the murders, the vampire consortium realized that partnering with Slayer Inc. had been a big mistake,” he adds. “Their contracts were taken away and their organization condemned by our kind. But Slayer Inc. grew anyway. And even today, as you know, they feel they have the right to police us.” He shakes his head. “So many vampires have died because of me and my vote. If anything, I’m the real vampire slayer.”
“But you didn’t know,” I protest. “You can’t blame yourself.”
“I gave them the means to exist. The opportunity to slaughter my family and others. How can I not be blamed?”
“Jareth, you have to stop beating yourself up over something that happened so long ago. We all make mistakes. And yes, sometimes the consequences are worse than others, but in the end, you have to forgive yourself and move on.”
Jareth sits up, pulling me with him. He cups my face in his hands and meets my eyes with his own earnest ones. “Look, Rayne. I’m sorry I wasn’t exactly friendly when we first met. But at least now you know what I’m dealing with. Partnering with a member of Slayer Inc., no matter how sweet she is, just feels so wrong. Like I’m betraying my family in some way. Like once again I’m casting the wrong vote.”
I nod. “I understand. I’d hate me, too, I think.”
“But then I started to get to know you, against my better judgment. You’re not one of them. You have your own set of rights and wrongs, your own code that you live by. I began to fall in love with you. And that scared me to death.”
My heart leaps in my chest. In love with me. Jareth is in love with me. He doesn’t see me as the pathetic freak who doesn’t fit in. The one whose own father doesn’t care if she lives or dies. He knows the real me and he loves me. How totally mind-blowing is that?
“I love you, too, Jareth,” I whisper. “So much.”
He leans forward to kiss me, but I stop him before his lips reach mine. It’s torture to do so, but I feel I must.
“Wait. I don’t know how contagious I am,” I say. “I don’t want you to get sick, too.”
His face crumbles and I realize for one moment we both forgot my situation. That it doesn’t matter who’s in love with who because soon there will be no me to be in love with.
“Oh, Rayne,” he murmurs, swiping at the bloody tears that spring from the corners of his eyes.
He doesn’t need to say anything else. I know exactly what he’s thinking. He finally allowed himself to love again, and now he’s going to lose again.
Sometimes destiny is, like, so unfair.
30
THURSDAY, JUNE 14, 3 P.M.
Vampires Suck
I should have never trusted Jareth. I knew better. I absolutely knew better!
I can’t believe I shared all that stuff with him. Opened up for the first time and told him things. Things I haven’t told anyone. About my dad. About my failed relationships. About how scared and lonely I am half the time. How I’m sick of pretending I don’t care about anything or anyone when I probably care more deeply than anything and anyone I know.
He seemed so genuine. So caring and sweet. He told me his sob story. About his family. Slayer Inc. He told me he was in love with me. He told me he’d stick by my side and not give up. He told me he’d try to find the antidote.
But now he’s gone. Disappeared. I’m lying here in my bed, dying, and he’s nowhere to be found.
After our night on the beach, the virus kicked in with a vengeance and I’ve been bedridden ever since, sick as a dog. Everything aches and I’m so weak I can barely sit up. And the only thing I am pining for is Jareth. I want to see him one last time before I die. To feel his hands on me and hear his gentle voice whisper in my ear, telling me everything is going to be okay.
So where the hell is he?
I hate men. Vampires. People in general. You know, in a way I’m effing glad to effing die. At least then the pain will end. The hurt and anguish and suffering that I feel on a daily basis will slip away as I’m carried over the abyss. The soothing waters of death will claim me and everyone will be sorry and they’ll cry and say, “Oh what a great girl” when gawking at my body during the wake and funeral. And maybe my dad will show up and he’ll be so sorry that he never took the time to know me.
Yeah, my death will serve them right.
31
THURSDAY, JUNE 14 (CONTINUED)
Waiting for Death
Sorry about that earlier rant. I was just so mad I could hardly see. Or maybe that’s just a symptom of the horrible sickness. It’s totally taken hold now. I feel like I have mono and the chicken pox and the bubonic plague, all rolled into one. I’m handwriting this, because I’m too weak to sit at into one. I’m handwriting this, because I’m too weak to sit at the computer.
My mom is freaking-out worried and she doesn’t even know the half of it. She takes me to a dozen doctors and they run a ton of tests, but no one can figure out what’s wrong with me, of course, and in the end, they just send me home,
having no idea this sickness is fatal.
Luckily Mom has David to take care of her. And he’s a master at calming her down. At least I can die knowing I’m not leaving her all alone.
Sunny’s a mess, too. Somehow she has figured out a way to blame herself for all of this. If Magnus hadn’t bit her by mistake to begin with then I’d be a vampire, not a slayer. And I’d never have been at the Blood Bar, thus Maverick would never have been able to infect me. I try to remind her that then Magnus would have gotten infected through Rachel and Charity and, as his blood mate, I would have gotten infected through him.
In the end, I still die. It seems my destiny. I hope they’ve got a good backup slayer.
The vamps and Slayer Inc. have been working furiously to come up with an antidote from the virus sample we stole, but haven’t had any luck. If they only had more time, they say. But my time is nearly up. If I’m average, I’ll probably die tomorrow. If I’m lucky, I may live one more day.
The way I feel right now, I’d rather just die and get it over with.
I’ve been thinking about death a lot as I lie in my bed, staring up at the ceiling, while everyone hustles around to make sure I have everything I need to be as comfortable as possible. What will it be like? Where will I go? What will people do when I’m gone? Will they follow my wishes and play Bauhaus at my funeral?
My dad hasn’t come. That’s the most infuriating thing.
I thought for sure when Sunny called him and told him I was dying that he’d be on the next plane. I don’t know why. Instead he laughed her off and said she was being overly dramatic.
I hate him.
Him and Jareth.
After Jareth brought me back from the beach, he said he had some things to take care of and that he’d be back. But he hasn’t been. And as I lay here dying, the one person my heart aches for is not here. I try not to care. I try to rebuild the wall, as that old band Pink Floyd would have advised. Try to regain my black ice princess shell that Mike Stevens always teases me about. The one where I don’t care about anyone or anything. But the ice has melted. I’m vulnerable. Cut open and bleeding.