Chapter Twelve
School was a nightmare. Mam still hadn’t come home, and I waited as long as possible in case she returned. But she never showed, and she didn’t answer any of my calls, so I headed out late, still exhausted from the lack of sleep from the night before.
I got to school halfway through the first class, and as I hurried through the hallway, I saw Sully and Aoife standing outside the room as if waiting for me. He appeared to be purposely parading a dead-eyed Aoife in front of me, and I had to wonder why.
“What’s your deal with me?” I asked, and he seemed startled by the question. “What’s your obsession? Are you trying to show me what I missed out on because, wow, looking at her, I’m thinking lucky break.”
He gave a wide grin, and I had to blink a couple of times because I was certain his teeth elongated in front of my eyes. Base and his vampires… Now I was seeing things.
“I know what you are,” I blurted on a whim, and he flinched visibly. He quickly recovered, his mouth contorting into a dangerous expression as his fingers twitched.
“Good. Maybe, when I’m finished with her, I’ll give you a try, too,” he said. “Maybe I’ll even let you watch. I might not be satisfied with just one this time.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means be very careful, Devlin O’Mara. It means however scared and frustrated you feel now will only make the end sweeter. It means that you’ll know you could have avoided this, and that it didn’t have to be this way for Aoife. It means a smart mouth like yours never wins in the end. You know, don’t you? You know how this will end. The only question is when, and I like to take my time. I’m looking forward to enjoying your despair.”
He took off his glasses, and I saw his eyes clearly. Too clearly. Too close to me. Dark eyes, tinged with red around the pupils. Terrifying eyes that promised nightmares and horror. I realised I was shivering, and when he spoke again, his voice sounded thicker, as though his mouth was full.
“It means that if I feel like finishing you off, nobody could save you. Nobody can save Aoife either, but perhaps you can protect your own mother if you stay out of my way.”
“What do you want with us?” I whispered.
“I want your pain. You’re all such beautifully broken creatures, Devlin O’Mara. Even your nightmares are delicious.”
He pushed Aoife forward, and she shuffled out of the hallway, but he moved in on me, his fingers around my throat before I could blink twice. The chill, the pain. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, and darkness surrounded my line of sight as I tried to choke in a breath.
“You know what I am?” he hissed. “You also know what you are, don’t you? And that’s why you mouth off. Because you’re nothing. You’re a nobody. You’re a disgustingly pathetic little girl with nothing going for her. Even your mother never loved you enough to protect you. Did you know that’s what she sees in her nightmares? How she wasn’t woman enough to look after her own child? You have to take care of her, and for what? What thanks do you get? I could end your pain, Devlin O’Mara. All of that sweet suffering that never goes away. I could take it. Bring you peace.”
I stared into his eyes, hypnotised by his words. He was right. I had nothing. I was nothing. I didn’t have anyone I trusted. I kept my life a secret from the people I called friends. My mother had more interest in finding a boyfriend than she had in spending time with me. Even Base was only wasting his time with me to get Aoife back. Deco had cheated on me. Shauna did everything she could to put me down. Maisy put up with me until someone better came along. Only Sully understood. Only Sully knew the truth. Only Sully could end the pain.
“Yes,” I whispered. “Take it.”
“Beg me,” he hissed back, and his excitement shimmered off him in visible waves. I could feel it sink into my skin, along with the urge to scrub it away, but it all slipped away as I lost myself. His nose found my throat, inhaling deeply as he nuzzled at my skin. “Beg me,” he repeated. “Let me save you from yourself, Devlin O’Mara.”
“Save me,” I whispered, crumpling against him as I felt his teeth scrape against my skin. He made a giddy sound and licked my throat. I froze, a tiny part of my brain screaming at me to run, to fight, to break free, but his eyes found me again, his nose brushing against mine, and the numbness clouded everything.
His fingernails dug into my skin, but there was no physical pain anymore. No Sully anymore. There were only memories, flooding through my brain over and over again without stopping. I wanted to gasp, to struggle, to breathe, but all I saw was my past, the aching, every fear I had ever known. I felt it all, suffered as if it were really happening again. Fear for my mother, fear of her ex, fear that this would be my entire life. That this was the sum of my existence. The memory train ran over me. Again and again and again.
Something stung my neck, but it was nothing because the waves from the past grew harsher, and I couldn’t ride past the anguish.
As abruptly as it began, the memories stopped flashing before me, and I sank to the ground, trembling all over as Sully was ripped from me.
I choked in gasping breaths as I tried to see what was happening, but my eyes blurred from the tears, and all I heard was Base’s voice. It broke through the murmurs in my head, broke right through Sully’s hold on me, but I still faced my past alone. I still struggled to catch my breath as I drowned in my own fear.
“What are you doing to her?” Base shouted, and I realised he was angry, angrier than I had ever seen. He reached out to me, but I pulled away until my back was against the lockers again. I was worthless. Sully was right. I was…
Base lifted me to my feet, ignoring my protests, and the touch of his skin against mine warmed up the chill left from Sully.
The spell had broken completely, and I gripped onto Base’s shirt, unable to hold myself up because I shook so much. Sully laughed aloud, shoving his sunglasses back on as he licked a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth. My hand found the nick on my neck, and I whimpered again, unable to help myself.
“Yes,” Sully said to me. “I’ll put you out of your misery soon enough, little broken thing. But I’ll enjoy Aoife while you wait for me.” He was gone quicker than should have been possible. Base made to run after him, but I was still clinging to him, and he stayed with me.
“Are you okay?” Base asked, but he was still glowering at the path Sully had taken. He seemed to remember me then, and he held my chin to force me to look into his eyes. “Dev, what did he do to you? Talk to me. Are you all right?”
“Yes,” I said and burst into tears.
“You’re shaking,” he said, rubbing my arms.
“No shit,” I said, feeling a bubble of hysteria rise up within. “I need to sit down.”
He sank to the floor and pulled me on his lap, whispering words I couldn’t hear as he rubbed my back comfortingly.
“He’s a… he’s a monster, Base,” I whispered after a few minutes of staring at the floor.
“I know. I was looking out the window and saw you cut through the car park. When you didn’t come to class I thought I’d check. Just in case. I saw... I dunno what I saw. Your eyes... like Aoife. For a minute there, I thought I’d lost you, too.” His grip tightened, and in that second, I never wanted him to let me go.
“I couldn’t look away.” I shuddered again. “He knows about me. Somehow he knows, and I remembered... I remembered everything.”
“What happened exactly?”
“I don’t know.” I touched my neck again, but the nick was tiny, and it had stopped bleeding practically straight away. It had all been so confusing. “He cut me, and he kept saying things, and when I looked at him… I believed them. Every word. I kept seeing things. Things like… I… I think I asked him to hurt me, Base. What the fuck was that? What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“It’s okay,” he said. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not. He said he’d hurt her. Aoife. And my mother. He said he’d hurt her if I didn’t stay out of his
way. He said we were all tragic. Broken. That our nightmares are delicious. What does that even mean?”
“I don’t know. But we’re not going to find out. We’re going to figure out what he is and what he can do, and then we’re going to deal with it.”
“Nobody will believe us,” I said. “Nobody.”
“We don’t need them to. As long as we know the truth.”
“We don’t know anything! Didn’t you see him? He licked my blood, Base. My blood. He threatened us. And his eyes. So… so wrong.”
“You know what I think.”
“Don’t say it!” I cried, and I made to pull away, but he held me closer.
“Why are you mad?” he asked curiously.
“I’m scared just saying it will make it real. It’s so impossible,” I whispered. I wiped away my tears. “But nothing about him is normal. I don’t know what else there is to think. But if it’s true…”
“You don’t have to help, you know. If you’re afraid.”
I turned my head slightly to gaze at Base. “I’m too afraid not to help.”
His hand ran up my spine until he was caressing the back of my neck. He glanced at my mouth, and I held my breath. “Dev, I—”
“Am I interrupting something?” an amused Maisy asked. Had the bell gone already? How long had I been in Sully’s grasp?
And on Base’s lap.
Realising what it looked like, I jumped to my feet. Maisy couldn’t think that. If she did, everyone would know, and Deco would give Base a hard time for it. I couldn’t handle that as well.
“No,” I protested, too loudly, too emphatically.
Base got to his feet, a fleeting look of hurt on his face. “Don’t worry. She was just freaked because Sully threatened her again.”
“Oh, my God. Again? What’s his deal? Are you okay?” And on and on it went, multiplied by anyone else who showed up, until Base slipped away without being noticed by anyone but me. I tried to tell him with my eyes, to tell him thank you and that I didn’t mean everything I did, but he looked away and left.
I didn’t catch him alone again until one class before lunch. He sat by himself, avoiding my eyes. I took a seat next to him anyway, ignoring Maisy’s surprise.
“Let me explain earlier,” I said.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” he whispered back, opening his book.
“You get the wrong idea the whole time.”
“I didn’t get the wrong idea. I know perfectly well there’s nothing between us. You made that clear years ago, remember?”
He looked at me then, his dark hair falling across one eye. I resisted the urge to brush it away. That would make everything worse.
“Look, I get that you hate me. I don’t know what… All I know is that we have to stick together to get one over on Sully, but if Deco thinks you and me have something going on, he won’t stop tormenting you. Trust me on this, please. He’s mad at me, and he’ll take it out on you if he thinks he can.”
“You reckon I’ll sit here and take it from him?” he asked.
I groaned, and the teacher glared in my direction. I pretended to read my open book. “Can we please not start comparing testosterone? It’s not about that. It’s the fact we can’t sneak around after Sully if someone’s following you with the intent of making your life hell. I know Deco. He can’t accept being wrong, and I mean, ever, so if he can take it out on you, he will. Because he won’t do it to me, and that means it’s all building up inside him. But we have plans. He’ll get in the way of those plans. Do you understand now?”
“I understand,” he said coldly. “So go sit somewhere else.”
I flinched at his words, feeling a panicky sense of hurt. I swallowed hard. “But I… Fine. If that’s what you want,” I said, and made to move.
“Forget it,” he said sharply, holding on to my bag and pulling me back into the seat. “I don’t even care. But Ms. Healy keeps looking our way, so try not to get me into any more trouble, all right?”
For the rest of the class, I felt completely alone. I was still shaken over Sully, Base was mad at me for reasons I didn’t even understand, and I felt as though all of it might be my fault after all. There was something about me that drew Sully in. And pissed him off just as much. He had noticed my mother and Aoife because I had led him right to them. He had called me broken. Useless. Pointless. And I had believed him. That chilled me more than anything else. Even more than the memories.
The bell for lunch soon rang, and I hesitated by the desk as Base spent an inordinate amount of time rearranging the books in his bag.
“Are we still on for later then?” I asked in an embarrassingly pitiful tone of voice as soon as the room had emptied.
“Don’t,” he said, throwing his bag down.
“Don’t what?”
He gazed at me. “Don’t sound so hurt.”
“You can’t hurt me,” I managed to squeak out. “Nobody can.”
I turned on my heel and fled to the lunchroom, breathing deeply to gain some semblance of control over my emotions. I kept wearing my heart on my sleeve, and I couldn’t even tell myself why exactly. I had always covered up what I really felt, and now I wasn’t able to anymore. It was as if Sully had taken a sledgehammer and smashed a hole in the dam I had created to protect myself. Now all sorts of feelings were leaking into my life, betraying me.
At my usual lunch table, I was soon surrounded by “friends,” or rather, nosy people who wanted an update on the Sully situation. As predicted, the entire world knew we had another confrontation that morning, and the questions were becoming rather insistent. Even Shauna and Deco had joined us, Deco pulling two large tables together to make room for us all.
“So you were alone with him,” Shauna said after hearing the story. “I mean, it’s just your word that he actually did anything.”
Our friends fell into silence at the implication.
“What are you trying to say?” I asked harshly.
“Only that it’s your word against his, and you haven’t exactly been yourself lately. I mean, not that anyone would blame you. Deco ditched you, most of your friends left you, and you’re left with…” She glanced at Maisy in disgust. “Not a lot, really.”
“Leave it out, Shauna,” Deco said, and Maisy puffed out her chest, ready to launch into a tirade of her own. I opened and closed my mouth, unsure of how to react.
“I was there,” Base said, and I wondered when he had arrived. “So it’s our word against his.”
“Oh,” Shauna said, grinning madly. “Are you together now? Isn’t that a turn of events?”
“We’re not together,” Base said as he took a seat. “You know that better than anyone, right, Shauna? I just walked in on him holding her up against the wall, threatening her. He was trying to scare her while nobody else was around.”
Maisy pushed her chair closer to his. “So, you, like, saved her? That’s so sweet.”
I rolled my eyes, but the damage was done. Everyone’s attention was on Base now. Everyone except Shauna. She noticed when I mouthed, “thank you,” to Base. She noticed when I slipped away.
I couldn’t help looking over my shoulder as I headed to my locker, but Sully and Aoife were nowhere to be seen. I hadn’t seen them since that morning, but the things he had made me feel still lingered.
I ended up standing next to my locker, my eyes closed, leaning the back of my head against the cool metal. I had a headache, I was exhausted, and the day wasn’t nearly over. I touched my neck, trying to push the memories away, but I could feel Sully’s hand on my throat, could feel the pull of his gaze, the numbness that had overcome me as he told me how to think.
“Hey,” Base said, and his aftershave wafted over me. I opened my eyes slowly, feeling a tingle throughout my body at the close proximity.
“Hey,” I mimicked, unsure of myself. Base’s arm was next to my head, and he leaned closer to me than he had ever been. He lifted my collar, his fingers grazing the sensitive part of my thr
oat.
“There’s a bruise,” he explained. “You don’t want to worry your mam.”
I swallowed hard, unable to look him in the eye. He might have noticed because he backed off to give me space.
“We’re still on for later, if you’re available,” he said softly. “And, oh, my God, your friends are annoying.”
I giggled, fighting the urge to flutter my eyelashes, or something equally girly and pathetic.
“Seriously,” he said, giving me his easy grin. “How have you not been driven mad yet?”
“Who says I haven’t?”
“I think you have a little bit to go before you’re completely insane. I don’t have the car, so you up for walking to my house to get it?”
“Yeah, but can you drop me home for a couple of minutes. I have to make sure… Well, um…”
“You have to take care of your Mam,” he said simply. “There’s no shame in that, Dev.”
“I’m not ashamed,” I argued. “It’s just private.”
He closed in an inch, and my heart raced again. When had I turned into such a twit?
“We’re more alike than I thought,” he began, but then Deco was in front of me, and Base was moving away, leaving me feeling ridiculously bereft.
“Can we talk?” Deco asked.
“We’re talking,” I said, trying not to sound as irritated as I felt by the interruption.
“I don’t like the idea of this Sully dude threatening you. Want me to deal with him?”
“No,” I said, too quickly, but I knew how Deco dealt with situations. He wanted to protect the people in his life, and sometimes he was too hot-headed. But in this case, I feared for him, not Sully. “I don’t want any trouble. For either of us.”
“You’re scared of him? Jesus, Dev, what did he do to you?”
“He’s just a creep,” I said as brusquely as I could manage. “No big deal. It sounded more than it was. You know what people are like, always with the drama.”
“It didn’t sound like nothing to me though,” he persisted.
“I can handle it, and if I ever feel like I can’t, I’ll come to you for help, okay?” I said in a softer tone, knowing it would work best on him.
“Cool,” he said, smiling again. “I’m holding you to that.”
I held up my hand. “Swears.” I fidgeted then, unsure of where to take the conversation. “Well, I should get to English.”
“I’ll walk you,” he said immediately.
“I need the ladies,” I countered. “See you later,” I added before he could offer something else.
I managed to avoid him for most of the day, and when the final bell rang, I cornered Base and made him wait at least ten minutes before leaving. We watched Deco out of a classroom window as he loitered in the car park, looking around.
“See?” I told Base. “He’s waiting for me. He keeps trying to talk to me.” I gave an exaggerated shudder.
“You went out with him. Like, recently.” Base sounded a little sickened. “Didn’t you care about him at all?”
That stunned me. How did he keep finding ways to make me feel inadequate?
“It’s not that. I mean, I liked him well enough.”
He frowned. “You used him.”
“I didn’t use him. He cheated on me, so he didn’t exactly love me either, Base,” I snapped.
“He knew you didn’t care, or maybe he hoped it would provoke a reaction for a change,” he said slowly, staring out of the window. “That’s pretty awful. I’m starting to feel grateful that you turned me down that time.”
I shoved him as hard as possible, and in his surprise, he stumbled against a desk.
“What the hell, Dev?”
“You don’t get to mock me,” I shouted as he stared at me in amazement. “You tried to make a fool out of me! It’s partly your fault that I made sure I went out with someone I wouldn’t fall for, so don’t you dare turn it around on me as if I’m a horrible person.”
I fled to the bathroom before a tear could fall. I had always thought I was doing the best thing with Deco. He wasn’t bothered; I wasn’t bothered. We could never hurt each other. But what if I had been wrong? Deco seemed keen to talk to me. Maybe he had cared, after all. Maybe the whole thing with the blonde really had been a way to get my attention. I wanted to throw up.
And, too late, I realised I had told Base the truth of the matter. I had allowed him to see something that I had buried deep inside, and now he could use it to hurt me. He was drawing ever closer to seeing the real me and how absolutely screwed up my entire life had become.
Deco was gone by the time I left the bathroom and went outside. I hurried home, unwilling to see or talk to anyone.
Mam was back when I reached the house, but he was there, the last scumbag she had allowed into her life. The sad part was that Richard was probably one of the better ones. At least he had never used his fists. Never tried anything else.
“This is ridiculous,” I spat when I saw them wrapped in an embrace on the sofa. “Aren’t you married?”
“You don’t understand, Dev. It’s over between them. Everything’s changed,” Mam said brightly, needing to believe the lie.
“You’re so fucking stupid,” I snapped, unable to stop myself. Heat flooded my cheeks, and the scumbag actually stood up and let it rip at me.
“Don’t speak to your mother like that in front of me,” he shouted. “You’ve never learned any respect, you little upstart. You’ve always come between us, causing problems.”
“Oh, get lost, Richard,” I shouted back. “Run home to your wife, you sick little—”
The doorbell rang, cutting through my words, and the three of us stood there, glaring at each other. “Fine, I’ll get it,” I said after the bell rang again, my chest still heaving with anger and unsaid words.
It was Base, and I stood there, frozen with embarrassment at what he had probably heard.
“Everything okay?” he asked, peering past me at the lanky fool standing in my living room.
“Everything’s super,” I said in a mockingly breezy tone of voice.
“Why don’t you take a walk with your friend?” Mam said. “Maybe some time away from here will help you see things a little clearer.”
“Maybe the boyfriend will thaw out that heart of ice you have there,” Richard said, pretty much choking with laughter at his own joke.
I closed my eyes for two seconds, biting down the retort that wedged itself stubbornly in my throat, and took one long, deep breath.
“He had better be gone by the time I get back,” I warned in a low voice, stepping outside and closing the door behind me. “I’m going for a walk. See you at school,” I added when Base looked at me questioningly.
“Don’t be an idiot,” he said. “Get in the car, and cool down.”
I let him lead me to the passenger seat because I didn’t know what else to do. I fumed with years of resentment. How dare she? How dare he? How was I supposed to compete with the biggest lying scumbag the earth had ever seen? And now, with everything else going on. My fingers shook as adrenalin spurted through my body. I was losing control.
“Anywhere in particular?” Base asked me quietly, probably realising I might explode at any second.
“Sully,” I said, choked up again. “I want to get Sully.”