Auntie frowned at the light bulb. Teehee, she thought she’d left it on. As she walked to the fridge, she scratched her bum.
I laughed very quietly.
She poured herself a glass of milk and took big gulp. As she looked around, her green eyes settled on the pantry door.
My face got real hot. Shoot! What if she wanted a cookie from the tin behind me? She’d yank the door open and drag me out. Oh no! She was walking towards the spilt jam on the tiles. I held my breath. She poked it with her toe, then glanced around.
Oh poo! She was heading my way. My legs kind of panicked. I couldn’t help it. Screaming, I ran out of the pantry and into the kitchen. Then I screamed again and tossed my stack of bread in the air. Some of it hit the lampshade, then fell on Auntie’s head.
She shrieked and dropped her glass on the floor.
CRASH!
Still screaming, I ran around in a circle, shaking my hands about.
“Flipping heck!” yelled Auntie. She reached out to grab me, but I zigzagged past her and bolted back upstairs.
Chapter Four – Jenny
I ran to my room and slammed the door. Darn it! Why’d I do such a dippy thing? I should’ve just stayed in the pantry. Now I was in even more trouble. Trembling, I climbed into bed and turned on my lamp.
Auntie burst in and glared at me.
Oh, no! I held my mouth. Her curly grey hair was covered with strawberry jam.
“You little ratbag,” she yelled, shoving my stack of bread at me. “You made this, so eat it!” She shook a fist. “And don’t you dare leave this room until school on Monday.” Then she brushed her hands together and stomped downstairs.
Yay! I had my supper back. But when I took a bite, I spotted some yuckiness. I wrinkled my nose. Poop! The jam was covered in curly grey hairs. Bluuuugh! I didn’t want it now, but I was still hungry. With a huffy breath, I picked the horrid little curls out, and flicked them on the floor.
Then I shared my sandwich with my rag doll, Jenny. She’s only three months old. I made her myself and stuffed her with old comics. I drew her a smiley face and used yellow wool for her hair. Now she lives with me.
Before I went to sleep, I let Mange into my room. When he climbed onto my quilt, I patted him gently. “Whoa!” My eyes popped wide open. Guess what he dropped on my pillow?
My precious gumball, that’s what.
Real quick, I jumped out of bed and wrapped it in a lolly paper. I grinned and stuffed it in my jeans pocket. Now Auntie would never find it.
I did my happy dance. I moon-walked across the floorboards, but I tripped and fell against the wall. “Ouch!” Rubbing my head, I climbed back under my covers. I’d have to watch my Michael Jackson video and practice a lot more. Cuddling Mange and Jenny, I fell asleep.
The next morning, when I came back from the bathroom, Mange had Jenny in his mouth. “Put her down!” I said. But that naughty dog ignored me and bolted downstairs.
“Come back!” I yelled. “I’m grounded.”
I opened the curtains and peered out. The sun was shining brightly. Toby Jug and his sister, Mimi, were riding on their bikes. Not fair. I pulled my sulky face. I wasn’t allowed outside. I was a prisoner in my own bedroom. I sighed. I couldn’t even get my breakfast.
Scowling, I did my grumpy dance. Hanging my head, I stomped in a circle and sang a made-up song.
♫“This used to be a happy house, but not for today.
Since Auntie came to stay with me, I can’t go out to play.
She’s gone and banned my best friend Gertie ‘cause she thinks she’s way to dirty
Now I’m feeling blue, but there’s nothing I can do.
Mange has taken my rag doll, Jenny and left me all alone
And I’m not allowed to go downstairs to give him a doggy bone.
When Mum and Dad come back again, it’ll be a happy day,
They’ll see how awful Auntie is and send her far away.
Once again I’ll play with Gertie even though she is quite dirty.
Life will be fun, ‘cause we are very young.”♫
Auntie bellowed from her bedroom, “Be quiet, Polly! I’m trying to sleep.”
I stuck my fingers in my ears and waggled them at the wall. I wasn’t allowed to do anything. I flopped on my bed and folded my arms. When was that woman gonna get up and make my breakfast? Mum always let me get my own.
My tummy growled. I was so hungry. Just then, Auntie’s loud snoring rattled through the wall. Yay! Very quick, I tiptoed downstairs and looked for Jenny. She was in the beanbag in front of the telly. I switched on cartoons, then padded to the kitchen. A kid’s ’gotta eat.
Mange wagged his tail and yelped, so I let him outside. As soon as he’d finished his beeswax, I let him back in and gave him his doggy biscuits. I poured milk into a bowl of cornflakes. There wasn’t any Cocoa Puffs, ’cause Auntie was too mean to buy any. I carried my dish into the lounge and plonked it on the coffee table.
While I watched telly, I gobbled my cereal. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Then just as I was giving Jenny a spoonful, Auntie came down in her dressing-gown. Her frizzy grey hair stuck out like a dust mop.
“Pollyweena, why’ve you left your room?” she yelled, turning off the telly.
“’Cause I was hungry,” I said. “Plus I had to feed Jenny, and let Mange outside.”
“Jenny’s just a smelly old rag,” she said. “And stop dripping milk on the carpet.”
I hugged Jenny. “She’s not a rag. Anyway, Mange licks up any spilt milk.”
Tutting, Auntie grabbed a cloth from the kitchen and scrubbed the tiny-weenie stain.
“Can I play outside?” I asked, finishing my breakfast.
“No!” said Aunty. “You’re grounded, remember? Now get back to your room.”
What a spiteful woman. I thought aunties were supposed to be nice. I squinted at her.
“Go on,” she said. “Scoot!”
My head bowed, I grabbed Jenny and stomped back upstairs. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t wanna to stay in all weekend. Gertie would be having fun without me.
Then I had a brainstorm. I pulled off my pyjamas and put them on Jenny. Giggling, I tucked her into my bed and covered her up. If Auntie came in, she’d think I was sleeping.
Speedy fast, I dressed in my jeans and T-shirt. I opened my window and climbed onto the rainwater tank. Yipes! My legs wobbled. But I shimmied down the drainpipe just like Gertie showed me.
On my hands and knees, I crawled under the lounge room window. The wet grass made my jeans damp. I peeked back to makes sure Auntie hadn’t seen me. Then I bolted out the gate and up the hill. I punched the air and ran all the way to Gertie’s house.
Chapter Five – The Bicycle
I tiptoed up Gertie’s driveway to the back of her house. Lucky for me, her bedroom is downstairs. Very quietly, I tapped on her window.
Gertie’s freckled face peeked out from behind the curtains. She looked like a squashed crow bird. Her brown curly hair was flat on one side of her head. Smiling, she pulled back the drapes and opened the window. “How come you’re up so early?”
“’Cause I ’wanna see your new bicycle,” I whispered.
Gertie wiped her snotty nose with her pyjama sleeve. “What’re you whispering for?”
“Shush,” I said. “Your mother mustn’t know I’m here. I’m grounded and not allowed to play with you anymore.”
She pouted. “Why not?”
I shrugged. “’Cause Auntie knows about our bubblegum collection. Plus, I flicked my gumball across the room and it landed right in her mouth.”
Bursting into hysterical laughter, Gertie fell backwards onto her bed.
“Come on,” I said. “I’ve to be home soon.”
Gertie kept on laughing. “That means your auntie chewed my gumball too.”
I giggled, but I didn’t tell her about Auntie’s false teeth coming out. She’d only laugh louder and she’d never get ready.
While Gertie dres
sed, I sneaked around her backyard, looking for her bike. I peeked into the shed and there it was. “Wow!” It was red and shiny with a large yellow basket, hanging from the handlebars. I wheeled it out and sat on the seat, but my feet didn’t reach the pedals.
“Hey!” said Gertie, running towards me. “What’re you doing?”
“Duh,” I said. “I’m ’gonna ride your bike, that’s what.”
“No!” said Gertie, pushing me off. “You’re too small.” Then her eyes lit up. “I know,” she said, “You sit on the handle bars, while I pedal.”
“No way!” I said, climbing onto the front wheel. “Guess where I’m sitting?” I grinned, then turned around and sat in the basket. I’m titchy small and easily fit in, but my legs dangled over the top.
Gertie’s much taller than me. She sat on the seat and pedalled out of the driveway. “Hold on tight,” she said.
I beamed. “This is way better than staying indoors.”
“Let’s go to Cuthbert’s,” she said, riding along the footpath.
I shouted over my shoulder, “I don’t have any money. ’Cause Auntie won’t let me have my piggy bank.”
“I’ve got my pocket money,” said Gertie. “I’ll share it.” She headed up the hill and over the top. On the way down the other side, we picked up speed real fast.
“Wheeee,” I squealed. “This is way fun.” I flapped my arms up and down like an eagle bird. I was flying through the wind. When we went over a bump, I nearly fell out. Yipes! My heart did a thud. Okey-dokey, I thought. I better hang on.
“Here we go,” yelled Gertie.
We zoomed down the lane, getting faster and faster. My eyes went wide and I gripped the basket. But the bike started rattling and I bounced up and down. “Hey!” I cried. “Slow down or I’ll get tossed out.”
“No, you won’t,” she shouted. “Just hang on tighter.” Then she went even faster.
Bump, bump, bump.
As we headed towards Cuthbert’s, my tummy lurched. I clenched my teeth. We were going like lightning. I wanted to get out. “Gertie,” I yelled. “You better slow down!”
Gertie didn’t listen. She just speeded up.
Biting my tongue, I hung on tighter. Then I spotted a woman. Oh, no! She was standing on the footpath in front of us.
“Look out!” I screamed. “Stop! Gertie, stop!”
But Gertie didn’t stop. She didn’t seem to hear me.
I chewed my lip. Crikey, no! The woman was Mrs Godbolt – our headmistress.
When we got closer, I bent my head to hide my face. I didn’t want Mrs Godbolt to recognise me. But stupid Gertie went and honked her horn and yelled, “Watch out, lady!”
The headmistress screamed and leaped onto the road. Her shopping bag fell from her arm and a box of eggs smashed on the ground. As her apples and oranges rolled down the hill, she chased after them. Ooops! One of her shoes broke and she kicked it in the air.
Then Gertie made things even worse – she stopped for a moment and called out, “Hey, Mrs, ’ya missed some apples!”
“Ooooh, shoot!” I cried. “We’ll be in even bigger trouble now.”
“No we won’t,” said Gertie. She pedalled around the corner and stopped at the other side of the store. “The headmistress wouldn’t have recognised us. Lots of kids have bikes.”
I looked over my shoulder. “Don’t stop here, Gertie. Mrs Godbolt will come after us.”
“Just get out,” said Gertie. “I ’wanna park my bike.”
I scrambled out real quick. “You’re ’gonna get us busted, stupid.”
Gertie climbed off the seat and leaned her bike against the brick wall. “Oh, come on, scaredy-cat,” she said. Then she ran into the store.
No way did I want to be seen anywhere near that bicycle. So I hurried into Cuthbert’s and peeked out the window. My chest went tight. Mrs Godbolt was still picking up her fruit. I jiggled around, wishing Gertie would hurry.
Mrs Cuthbert tapped her fingers on the counter. “Come on, make up your minds.”
Gertie dropped her coins on the bench. “Gobstoppers,” she said, “’Cause Polly never shuts up.”
“How about saying ‘please’,” said Mrs Cuthbert.
Grinning, Gertie snatched her sweets and ran outside.
“Thanks.” I smiled at Mrs Cuthbert and followed Gertie. But on my way through the door, I bumped right into the headmistress. I bent my head to hide my face and bolted around the corner.
No! The bicycle was gone. And so was Gertie. I looked up the lane. Then I saw her. That rude girl was already pedalling up the hill without me. What sort of best friend would do that? Gertie, that’s who. I chased after her, shouting, “Hey! Wait for me!”
She stopped and waited.
Scowling, I ran towards her. “Why’d you go without me?”
“Tricked ’ya,” she said, sucking on her gobstopper.
“Well, you’d better give me one of those,” I said. “’Cause you said they were to shut me up.”
Laughing, she handed me a big yellow ball. I popped it into my mouth and climbed back in the basket.
My ponytail blew behind me as we headed down the hill. “Whoopee!” I squealed. I sure hoped Gertie could see where she was going. When we got close to my house, I shouted at her to stop ’cause Auntie’s always spying out the window.
As usual, Gertie kept going, so I held on tight and yelled, “Gertie! Let me out!”
She wouldn’t listen, she just kept going, but as we rounded the bend, she screeched to a halt.
“Uh - oh!” I gulped. Then I coughed and nearly choked on my gobstopper.
Auntie Mabel was standing on the footpath in front of us. Frowning, she shook Jenny at me.
I glared at Gertie. Why hadn’t she stopped earlier?
Chapter Six – The Bog Hole
Auntie’s face was red and sweaty and her nose holes were flared like an angry bull. “Polly, what did I tell you?”
As I tried to wriggle out of the basket, Auntie yanked me out and plonked me on the ground. “Get indoors, this minute,” she demanded. Then she pointed at Gertie. “You stay away from Polly or I’ll come and see your mother.”
Gertie rolled her tongue into a sausage and coughed. Her purple gobstopper shot out off her mouth and landed between Auntie’s big boobies.
I looked at Gertie, then back at Auntie. Oh, no! Now we’ll cop it.
Pressing her lips together, Auntie glared at Gertie. “You revolting child,” she said, pulling the sticky ball from her chest. She flicked it in the gutter and it rolled down a drain. Plop!
“Aww, bum,” said Gertie. “That was my favourite colour.”
Auntie squinted at her. “You filthy little rodent!”
“I’m not a rodent,” said Gertie. “Anyway, it was an accident. I was choking to death.”
“It was not an accident,” said Auntie. “You spat that gobstopper at me on purpose.”
Gertie swivelled her handlebars and pedalled back up the street. “Did not! Did not!” she yelled at Auntie.
My shoulders shook and I held my mouth to stop from laughing. Gertie so did do that on purpose.
“Come back here, Gertie McDougal!” bellowed Auntie.
Gertie looked over her shoulder and poked her tongue out.
Auntie held her fists up. “Your parents will hear about this, you rude child.”
I sucked in my cheeks and zoomed into the house through the backdoor. But Auntie tricked me. She came in through the front entrance and caught me in the hallway.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she yelled.
I clasped my fingers together. “Well … um … I … I’m grounded, so I’m going back to my bedroom.”
With an evil smile, Auntie curled a finger. “Come with me, Polly.”
I shivered. I didn’t want to go with her. She was not a nice woman.
“Come on,” she said, grabbing my hand and leading me upstairs to the bathroom. “I have a little job for you.”
“What
sort of job?” I asked. I didn’t want to do any chores.
Auntie gave me a bucket of soapy water and passed me a toilet brush.
Frowning, I looked up. “What’s that for?”
She folded her arms and grinned. “You’re going to clean the toilet.”
I stared at that bristly white brush. “I don’t know how to clean a toilet,” I said. “I’m just a little kid.”
“Well,” she said, “You’re never too young to learn.”
Poo! That toilet stunk. I squinted at her and said, “I don’t want to clean a yucky toilet bowl. Mum never makes me.”
“Really?” she said. “But you didn’t mind eating other people’s filthy chewing gum and mouldy dog poo. Did you?”
I put my hands on my hips. “I didn’t eat them,” I said. “I just tasted them a bit.”
“Well, from now on,” she said. “You can clean the loo every time you’re naughty. Now get on with it. And wipe the floor while you’re at it.” She passed me the mop on her way out. But as soon as she closed the door, I shook it at her. Then I leaned it against the wall.
My friends didn’t have to clean toilets. Pinching my nose, I peered into the bog hole. Gross! I didn’t want loo slime on my fingers. But that toilet brush was way too short. I grabbed the mop instead. I dunked it in the bucket and shoved it down the poo hole. After jiggling it about, I pressed it down real hard. Auntie wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t clean it good.
Oops. It jammed in the bend. I pulled and pulled, but it wouldn’t come out. Yipes! Now what would I do?
I climbed onto the toilet seat and pulled even harder, but that stupid mop was stuck. I gulped. Then I heaved and heaved. My face got real hot and my tummy made a loud rumbling noise. Darn it! Now I needed to use the loo.
That mop was a pest. I pressed the flush button, but it jammed even more. Yucky water poured out of the toilet bowl and covered my shoes. Shoot! Now I was gonna poop my pants. As I held my belly, Auntie’s big thumping feet came thundering up the stairs.