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STAR YAWNS 2
Reflections of the Past
By David Williams
Copyright 2012 David Williams
Captain’s log: star date 01.0312.
As we beamed onto the planet surface there was a large crowd of people waiting to greet us. This is the first M class planet we had found since our return to the Beta quadrant. This part of the planet we have beamed onto looks slightly familiar although I know I have never been here before. This planet seems to be divided into four sections. A section made up of mostly water, a residential section, an industrial section and a desert come Wild West setting.
It has been a year since we last visited the Beta quadrant and I am now the captain of a brand new star ship. The VHS has now been decommissioned and I now have the privilege of being in charge of the best ship star fleet has built. It is called the DVD and it is capable of reaching warp twelve point two.
I have a few new officers now, Commander Fruitloop was reassigned to another ship and Sub Commander Appalled has been given her own ship, also the holographic doctor’s son, Pestly Flusher has been made an ensign. We now have a new officer, Sub Commander Kazzie-Spockers. She is part human, part Vulcan and slightly Romulan on her grandmother’s side. We call her the logical one and I know she will be great asset to our team, the only thing about her is she has a very illogical fear of spiders.
On leaving space dock we were given the assignment of finding the wormhole we had traveled through before and exploring the Beta Quadrant. This planet is 15 light years from the planet we had visited previously and until we know differently we are naming the planet Omballa Nine.
So four of us have beamed down to the planet surface, Ensign Hairy Follicle, the science Officer Mr. Sook and Lieutenant Base the android have accompanied me. I left Sub Commander Kazzie-Spockers in charge of the comm.
As we appeared on the planet one of the men from the crowd came forward to greet us.
“ Greetings!” I said, “ I am Captain Angus Hemorrhoid.” Then I introduced the others.
“ I am Doctor Marcus Welby, I am the Mayor of this city of Metropolis and this is Perry Mason, and over here we have Hawkeye Piece. Over here we have Ben Cartright and Brett Maverick.”
Quietly I said to Mr. Sook, “ Do these names sound familiar to you?”
“ No Captain they do not, I don’t think the names sound unusual in any way.”
“ I was just asking.”
Turning back to the Mayor. “ Captain will you be staying a few days, we like to have visitors here?” Said Mayor Welby.
“ That sounds nice, We have scanned your planet and find you have a mineral we could use, would we be able to have some of it.”
“ Whatever is ours is your captain, you will find us most obliging. I will ask Major Anthony Nelson to show you where you can stay.”
A young man took us to the grand hotel and showed us to a room.
“ I believe I know the reason why you think these names are familiar Captain,” said Lieutenant Base.
“ Yes I’m intrigued to know the answer.”
“ According to my programming these people have taken names from twentieth century television programs, or historical documents as they are know now.”
“ Are you sure?”
“ There is no mistake captain. Marcus Welby and Perry Mason had TV shows named after them, Hawkeye Piece was from “Mash”, and Anthony Nelson was from “I dream of Jeannie.”
“ Oh yes I remember watching historical documents as a type of history at school. I wonder why these aliens have names after these characters.”
Lieutenant Base continued. “ It was common practice to broadcast television programs into outer space at the end of the twenty first century. At the time mankind thought they were alone in the galaxy, but to just make sure television and music were transmitted into outer space in an effort to show aliens that we are a civilized society, perhaps the people from this planet liked what they saw and heard.”
“ I’m amazed the transmissions made it this far.”
“ Yes” said Lieutenant Base. “ It is most intriguing.”
The captain turned to Mr. Sook. “ Will you contact the ship and let them know we may be a couple of days down here. Also ask them about the shields, we haven’t had an opportunity to test them yet.”
“ I can’t raise them Captain. The communicator looks like it’s been deactivated.”
The captain tapped his and it was dead as well. “ It looks like all our communicators aren’t working.”
“ I wonder why, they were working fine when we arrived here. There is a communication device over here in our room. I might try and use it.”
“ I believe they call that a telephone, this dial up type was used in the 1960’s according to my data banks,” said Lieutenant Base.
The captain picked up the telephone but it was dead also. “ I might go and ask someone why nothing works here.” The captain walked over to the door and tried the handle and discovered the door was locked. He knocked on the door and after five minutes nobody came.
“ I don’t understand all this,” said the captain bewildered. “ After such a nice greeting we received, I think that we have been kidnapped, or taken prisoner. I’m not sure which.”
* * * *
“ Sub Commander the captain has been gone almost six hours and we haven’t been able to contact the beaming party, do you think we should send someone down to the planet to investigate.” Said Yeoman Amsterdam
“ No, nobody is to leave this ship. Contact the planet and I’ll ask them what has happen to our crew members.”
“ Aye, Aye Sub commander Spockers.”
“ That’s Kazzie-Spockers, it is spelt with a hyphen. Is everybody listening, I don’t want to repeat this again. Now contact the planet number five.”
A few moments later Ensign Whirly said. “ We can’t get a visual Sub-commander but I have been able to get an audio response.”
“ This is Sub commander Kazzie-Spockers of the star ship DVD. We have not heard from our landing party since they beamed down to your planet some six hours ago. Has anything happened to them?”
“ What landing party would you be referring to?” came the answer.
“ Captain Hemorrhoid and three other crew members.”
There was a pause for a few moments. “We have no record of any crew members beaming down to our planet. If you had asked for permission to beam we would have strongly advised against it. There are ion particles in the atmosphere surrounding this planet. Perhaps you should consider that your crew members have been killed.”
Kazzie-Spockers dismissed what the alien had said straight away. “ To whom am I speaking please? What is your name sir?”
The alien answered back in a stronger voice. “ We only allow space ships to circle our planet for a short time and I think you and your crew have over-stayed your welcome. Move away from our planet or we will be forced to open fire on you. You have one hour to comply.”
Kazzie-Spockers turned to the bridge crew. “ I want all senior crew members in the captains ready room in five minutes, we must decide what to do about this situation.”
* * * *
“ Captain I believe I know why you thought you recognized the streets and the houses when we beamed down here.” Said Lieutenant Base.
“ Yes I’ve been wondering about that.”
“ The streets and houses are exact replicas of houses from historical documents such as ‘Leave it to Beaver’, ‘My three Sons’, ‘Father knows best’, the ‘Andy Hardy’ films and many others. Perhaps by making what the aliens thought was a recognizable environment we would feel more at home and make it easier to capture us.”
“ Fascinating!” Said Mr. Sook.
“ I have also been going over the historical data in my memory banks and the way the people look is exactly the way they looked when they were originally shown on television.”
“ I’m not sure I
understand Mr. Base?”
“ The people we met look just like the actors who played the roles of Perry Mason and Marcus Welby, etc, although all those actors were alive almost two centuries ago and have long since died.”
“ They must have thought this was the best way to make us feel at home.”
“ I am wondering whether these aliens have been using holograms to fool us?”
“ I believe you’re right Mr. Base. Now we just have to think how to get ourselves out of here. Do your tricorders work at all?”
‘ No captain.” Said ensign Follicle. “ And our phasers aren’t working either.”
* * * *
Sitting around the captain’s ready room were Ensign Lid-Lidia, Ensign Whirly, Lieutenant Beani-Poohs, Lieutenant O’Hoara, Oh-No the shape shifter and Doctor Flusher, the hologram.
“ May I speak first, Sub-Commander?” said ensign Lid-Lidia.
“ By all means.”
“ I think it was an elaborate plan to capture the Captain, for what reason I don’t know. I do know that the Captain would not beam onto a planet with an ion trail around it. He would have told the aliens he was coming too. They must think that we are stupid.”
“ Have we scanned the planet?”
“ We did earlier,” Said ensign Whirly. “ And we saw no trace of ion particles. We saw the planet had housing and industry. We can’t see any of those things now as the ion particles make it impossible to see.”
“ Hmm, fascinating. I’m wondering if the aliens have manufactured the ion particles, and now I’m wondering why the aliens would want to capture some of our crew?”
“ We should lock phasers on the planet and threaten to fire unless they let our crew members go.” Said Lieutenant Beani-Poohs.
“ Do we know what fire power they have? We have been having trouble with the shields so this may not be a prudent option.”
“ Sub-Commander, from an earlier scan that we did, we know that their weapons are enough to destroy this ship.”
Kazzie-Spockers thought for a moment. “ I think the best course of action at this time is to repair the shields. Contact Mr. La Trene in engineering and tell him to make this the priority. We still have forty-five minutes before we must leave orbit.”
Everybody got up to leave the room.
“ Lieutenant Beani-poohs will you remain for a moment.”
After everybody had left the room. “ Can you give me your opinion on something?”
“ I’ll try Sub-Commander.”
“ I have been going over what some captains say when they want to take action.”
“ Okay.”
“ One Captain used to say ‘make it so’ and point his finger, another said ‘do it’ and another always said ‘let’s go’.”
“ So you’ve been wondering what you should say?”
“ Yes, what do you think of, ‘make it happen’ and I’ll wave my hand slightly.”
Beani-poohs rolled her eyes to herself. “ I think you’re onto something there Sub-Commander. What about ‘take your passion, and make it happen’.
“ No I’ll think I’ll just stick with ‘make it happen’, the long version makes it sound like I’m about to break into song. That will be all.”
“ I’m glad I could help sub-commander.”
* * * *
A few moments later there was a ringing noise from the other side of the room and they all stood wondering what to do about it.
“ I believe that communication device is making noises Captain.” Said Mr. Sook.
“ How does one respond to a device like this?” Enquired the captain.
“ You have to pick up the handle and hold one end to your ear and you talk at the other end.” Suggested lieutenant Base.
“ I better answer it.”
“ From my studies of the historical documents I recommend saying ‘hello’ when you pick up the receiver.”
“ Thankyou Mr. Base. You’re most helpful.” He answered the phone. “ Hello!”
“ Captain Hemorrhoid, how are you enjoying your stay on our planet so far?” said a voice.
“ We were up until the time when we realized you had taken us as prisoners. We don’t take kindly to being kidnapped. When do you intend to release us?”
“ I’m sorry if you’re unhappy but you will have to remain with us for a while yet.”
“ Why are you doing this? We only came to your planet to invite you to join the Federation of Planets. This is intended to be a friendly act.”
“ Captain.” The voice continued. “ You think that we don’t know who humans are but you would be wrong. Centuries ago we received the transmissions from your planet and we saw the type of people you are. You are a warlike people who treat different races to your own very badly. We understand the transmissions always ended with what you would call a happy ending, but what always came before was often shocking to a peaceful people like ourselves.”
“ Please you have to understand that the historical documents were made during a very different time. Earth people have changed since then. We don’t make this type of entertainment anymore but if we did they would be entirely different because we are different. We have changed for the better.”
“ We don’t believe you. I heard someone say in one of your transmissions ‘that a leopard never changes his spots.’ You would have to prove this to me.”
“ How can I possibly prove this?”
A few moments later the whole landing party where transported into a western setting with mountains all around them.
As the captain tried to get his bearings he saw three men lying behind a fallen tree and a tall thin man standing a few metres away. Everybody was dressed in old clothes wearing hats and every man had a rifle. There was another group of men with guns and horses standing some distance away, they looked to be Spanish or perhaps Mexican. The landing party was now dressed just like the other men.
One of the men lying down spoke to the men with the horses. “ Don’t come any closer.”
One of the Mexicans said. “ We are policemen and we need to check your weapons.”
“ If you are policemen show us your badges.”
The other man patted himself down. “ Badges, badges, we don’t need no stinking badges.”
At this point the whole landing party dived behind the tree as everybody started shooting.
* * * *
“ Mr. La Trene, how are the repairs to the shields coming along?”
“ They are now capable of eighty percent, I will have them fully functional in another fifteen minutes.”
“ We have to leave orbit in ten minutes, you can’t work a little faster can you?”
“ I’m doing the best I can Sub Commander.”
“ Sometimes we have to do better than our best.” She finished talking to La Trene.
“ Isn’t that a little harsh Sub-Commander, he is blind remember.” said lieutenant Beani-Poohs.
“ You mean he was blind, he sounds sober now.”
“ Of course Sub-Commander Spockers.”
“ It’s Kazzie-Spockers, how many times do I have to remind you people? It is spelt with a hyphen.”
“ It was a mistake Sub Commander I do not have hyphen envy, none of us here do.”
“ Sub Commander!” Said ensign Whirly. “ I have just detected weapons fire on the planet.”
“ Phaser fire?”
“ No some other type of weapon, not as sophisticated.”
“ Can you detect the Captains bio signature or any of the others?”
“ No I….” She broke off.
“ A vessel is approaching us from the planet.” Said ensign Lid- Lidia.
Just then an audio voice was heard. “ You have ten more minutes Sub Commander and we will blow you out of the sky. To demonstrate what we are capable of watch the vessel that is approaching you.”
On the view screen they watched a torpedo from the planet blow the small craft to pieces.
&nbs
p; A few seconds later the voice continued.
“ Beware Sub Commander the next ship to blow up will be yours.”
* * * *
The captain and others lay behind the fallen tree while bullets flew over their heads.
“ Mr. Sook I don’t understand why the aliens would accuse us of being warlike and then put us in the middle of a battle zone.”
“ It does not seem logical to me Captain.” Was his answer.
“ Captain I have a theory,” said Mr. Base. “ I have recognized where we are. The three men over there are prospectors and the tall thin man is trying to muscle in on the others claim. By the way he will be killed in a minute or two.”
“ How do you know this Mr. Base?”
“ We are in the drama of a movie. The movie is “ ‘The treasure of Sierra Madre’ and this is a scene from the movie.” As he said this, the tall thin man was shot and killed although the other men never noticed. “ I perceive that the aliens are testing us, they want to see what we will do.”
At this moment the captain noticed that he had a gun in his pocket and bullets in the other pocket. As the others felt their pockets they all had guns just like the men behind the tree.
A few minutes later the Mexicans called out and rode away on their horses. Then the three men stood up and pointed their guns at the landing party.
“ Why didn’t you four help us?”
” I know why.” Said a small man with a very dirty face. “ You came here to rob us. You want our goods for yourselves. We didn’t work our fingers to the bone to have the likes of you four come and deprive of what’s ours.”
With that he turned his gun towards Hairy Follicle and pulled the trigger. The bullet hit Hairy hard and he was thrown back hitting his head on a rock.
“ You might have killed him.” Said the captain.
“ My aim must be a little off, I intended to kill him. I just have to decide who I intend to kill next.”
* * * *
“ Sub-Commander we have picked up a distress call from a space ship about a light year away,” said Yeoman Amsterdam.
“ How long will it take for us to travel there at warp ten?”
“ We could be there in two and a half hours.”
“ Did they state what the distress call is?”
“ No we just picked it up as a mayday or a SOS call.”