I was up bright and early before my alarm went off the next morning, eager to see what the day had to bring. I put on my best make up and then walked to work with a spring in my step, floating on cloud nine. As I neared the theatre, I noticed a pair of dishy lads who worked backstage looking at me. No doubt the spell was working and I was beginning to bewitch everyone who looked in my direction. I don’t think I’d ever felt so confident in my life as I shimmied into the box office, smiling at everyone.
“Are you alright?” Suki asked as soon as she saw me. “You’re acting like a crazy crackhead. I hope Dudley didn’t sell you any drugs.”
“No way!” I reassured her. “I’d never take drugs – I’m just feeling a bit hyper.”
Work went by pretty smoothly that morning, bar one snooty customer I had to put in her place and one deaf customer I had to yell at. But I was still bewitching the men – I was amazed at the amount of hotties eyeing me up. Maisie the witch rocked!
Just before lunchtime, Ty and Tracy passed the box office window. They didn’t look particularly happy. That spell appeared to be working then! My guess was that they’d break up before the week was out, and it was already Thursday! Ty was looking in my direction – he wasn’t looking at Tracy. Who could blame him? I was much more beautiful than that freaky streaky-haired bitch.
A bit later on, Dudley appeared. To my horror, he was wearing tight graffiti design cycling shorts which pretty much showed everything. I didn’t know where to look.
“Help!” I whispered to Suki. Suki pulled a disgusted face.
Rose looked in his direction and smiled, which was hardly surprising, given the fact everything was practically on show. “He’s been doing a sponsored bike ride in aid of Doug’s Dogs Home,” she said.
“How sweet!” Suki beamed. “Gran adopted Max from Doug’s Dogs Home!”
Dudley actually went up in my estimation for a moment. It seemed very nice of him to do something to raise money for shelter dogs. But then I began to wonder if it was all carefully calculated. Raising money for animals impresses women. Perhaps raising money for dogs to impress the bitches was all part of his nastiness.
One thing I did notice was that, for once, I hadn’t seen him look at me. Perhaps the keep Dud away spell was working too! I was just laughing to myself when something shocking happened. Dudley collapsed, clutching his chest heart-attack style. He looked like he was being a bit over dramatic, like his crap acting, but nevertheless one of the front of house crew took out his phone and called an ambulance. Then I remembered last night. Around the time I’d been concentrating on the spell to get rid of his attention, I kept thinking it was a pity the fall hadn’t killed him. As much as I hated the slithering slug, I felt dreadful. I hadn’t meant to kill him. Pictures flashed through my mind of Suki’s mum and his other fans. I thought how upset they’d be if he died. I couldn’t stand the man, but I’d still never forgive myself for killing him with witchcraft, and I really didn’t fancy the thought of burning in hell, condemned to eternal damnation. It suddenly occurred to me he might have actually done that bike ride to genuinely help those dogs!
Rose rushed into the foyer crying, “Dudley!” She knelt down and hugged him.
Then Suki baffled us by urgently fleeing the building.
“Where’s she gone?” asked Kalisha.
“No idea,” I replied, shaking my head. “I hope she’s ok.”
A minute later, the mystery was solved when Suki returned declaring, “It’s not a Ferrari bike – it’s a rusty old grey thing!”
Kalisha and I just looked at her, amazed the bike was her main concern when Dudley lay there, possibly dying.
Then a Jamaican lady who worked in the press office arrived, glaring at Rose and holding Dudley’s head. It looked like she’d been sleeping with him too. The ambulance crew arrived and had to prize both women off the old git so they could attend to him. And then he threw up. Eeew! Was this revenge for me throwing up in front of him? One paramedic cleared up the sick, whilst the other rolled up Dudley’s t-shirt and placed a stethoscope on his flabby, hairy torso. My stomach churned.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when a third woman appeared – a chunky, middle-aged blonde I’d never seen before. News had obviously travelled around the building lightning fast. The crazy bitch ran into the foyer clutching a rolled up newspaper and smacked him over the head with it. Then she pointed the paper at me aggressively and screamed, “Leave my Dudley alone!”
I wondered if she somehow knew about the spell. Perhaps it was Maisie herself. Surely Dudley wasn’t seeing Maisie of all people! Three front of house men and one of the paramedics jumped on her and wrestled her to the floor with great difficulty. During the struggle, the newspaper dropped from her hand, unravelling on the tiled floor. Rose stared at it in disbelief before grabbing it and storming into the box office screaming, “I can’t believe it!”
“Can’t believe what?” Kalisha, Suki and I chorused.
Rose held up the newspaper with a shaky hand. Kalisha and Suki stared at it in shock, but I couldn’t see.
“What is it?” I asked.
My colleagues stared at me in horror. I froze and stared back. Rose wailed like a banshee, then dropped the paper. I looked down at it, my eyes almost popping out of my head.