And it wasn’t some knitting-needle job in a grubby flat up an alleyway. He had rooms in Harley Street, a receptionist, flowers on the desk. Little man, tiny feet, you always notice their feet. Now Miss Gillespie, if you could just open your legs. Made her shiver even now just to think about it. She had expected it to be clinical, painless, but it had been a brutal affair. He nicked an artery and she almost bled to death. He drove her to the nearest hospital, told her to get out of the car outside the A and E department.
Phoebe came to visit her in hospital, bearing cheerful daffodils. ‘You were unlucky,’ she said, ‘but at least you got rid of it. We’re working girls, sweetie, we have to make tough decisions. It’s all for the best.’
Phoebe was currently playing Cleopatra at Stratford. They had been down, they often did, made a weekend of it, stayed in a nice pub. She didn’t mention to Ian that she used to know Phoebe. Kitty still thought about that little man in Harley Street. His small feet. Seemed to Kitty that he must have despised women. He messed up her insides for ever.
A gruff Scottish consultant was called in from his game of golf in Surrey to try and stitch her up. ‘You’ve been a very silly lassie,’ he said. ‘And I’m afraid you’re going to pay for it for the rest of your life.’ He didn’t tell the police though, he might have been dour but he had a heart.
She had told Ian she could never conceive, it seemed only fair. She told him that it was ‘a plumbing problem’, a defect, and he said, ‘Which doctors have you seen, which consultants?’ and she said, ‘The best. In Switzerland,’ and when he said, ‘We’ll consult more,’ she said, ‘Please don’t push me to see any more, darling, I can’t bear it.’ He was older than her by quite a bit, said he always thought he would have a son, teach him cricket and so on. ‘You should marry someone else,’ she told him on the eve of the wedding, and he said, ‘No.’ He was willing to sacrifice everything for her, even children.
‘Are you all right up there?’
‘Sorry, darling, got distracted, started tidying the drawers. Just coming.’ Kitty Winfield rose from her dressing table and rejoined her husband. Before she did so, the doorbell rang. She checked her watch, lovely delicate gold one that was her Christmas present from Ian. (No engraving.) Nearly nine o’clock. They never had visitors at this hour. She looked over the banister on the landing as he opened the door, letting in a huge draught of icy March air.
‘Good God,’ she heard Ian say. ‘What’s happened, Ray?’
Kitty Winfield tripped lightly down the stairs. Ray Strickland was standing on the doorstep, holding a little child in his arms.
Walking the dog swallowed up more time than Jackson had expected. By the time they returned to the hotel and he had showered off the previous night’s evidence he found himself running late and had to leave the hotel again in haste. He realized that he would have to take the dog with him, he could hardly leave it to be discovered by someone coming in to clean the room. A ‘maid’. An old-fashioned word. A servant, a virgin. His sister had been a maid. A young maid. She belonged to another time when girls kept their maidenhood like a treasure.
He unzipped the rucksack and said, ‘Come on, get in,’ to the dog. Jackson hadn’t realized that dogs could frown.
Jackson’s mouth felt as if a mouse had nested in it overnight. Several mice possibly. There was a mirror in the lift and on the way down to the lobby Jackson contemplated his somewhat dissipated reflection for the second time that morning. He couldn’t imagine that it would make a good impression on Linda Pallister. (‘When did you worry about making a good impression?’ he heard Julia say. The one who lived in his head.) It was only quarter to ten in the morning and yet the day already felt as if it had been going on too long. The woman in a management suit on duty at the concierge’s desk gave him a suspicious look as he exited the lift. He gave her a little Queen Mother wave. She frowned at him.
A takeaway bacon roll from a greasy spoon on the short walk from the Best Western helped to perk him up a little. He tore off a piece and posted it into the rucksack for the dog.
Hope McMaster had been silent through his Greenwich mean time night, which was her New Zealand day. If Linda Pallister couldn’t enlighten him about Hope McMaster’s origins then he had no idea what path to take next. A family tree was a fractal, its branches dividing endlessly. Julia, being from middle-class stock, could trace her family back to the Ark but for Hope McMaster there weren’t even bare roots.
A young woman, a secretary maybe, her function was unclear, appeared and said, ‘Mr Brodie? My name’s Eleanor, I’ll show you to Linda’s office.’ This was an improvement. He hadn’t got past reception yesterday before being told that Linda Pallister wasn’t available to see him. Eleanor had a plain face and limp hair that looked as if it resisted styling. And a fantastic pair of legs that seemed wasted on her. Just observing, not judging, Jackson said silently in his defence against the monstrous regiment.
He was carrying a folder. He had bought it yesterday in a pound shop. Way back in his days as a military policeman Jackson had learned that carrying a folder could convey a certain official authority, even, occasionally, menace. In interrogations it implied you had a cache of knowledge about a suspect, knowledge that you were about to use against them. Not that Linda Pallister was a suspect, he reminded himself. And they definitely weren’t in the army any more, he thought as he followed Eleanor’s shapely pins down a corridor. The folder was plastic, a lurid pink neon not found in nature that detracted somewhat from any authority invested in it. It contained nothing even vaguely official, only a flimsy National Trust guide to Sissinghurst and an estate agent’s details for a thatched cottage in Shropshire that had briefly, very briefly, tickled his fancy.
Eleanor was the chatty sort, Jackson noticed rather wearily – lack of coffee was beginning to take its toll on him. She stopped outside a door and knocked on it. When there was no answer she said loudly, ‘Linda? Mr Brodie’s here to see you.’
Absence of Linda left Eleanor at a loss as to what to do with him and Jackson said, reassuringly, ‘Don’t worry about me, I’ll wait outside her office.’
‘I’ll try and find Linda,’ she said, scurrying off.
Twenty minutes later and there was no sign of either Linda or Eleanor. Jackson thought there would be no harm in having a quick look inside the mysteriously absent Linda Pallister’s office. He carried the authority of the folder, after all.
It was a mess. Her desk was home to a jumble of things – clumsy ornaments that seemed to have been made by children, pens, paperclips, books, paperwork, a Marks & Spencer sandwich, as yet unopened, although the date on it was yesterday’s. There were haphazard stacks of paperwork and folders everywhere. She didn’t seem like the tidiest of people.
The sandwich was sitting next to an open appointments diary. All Linda Pallister’s meetings for today, including his own, were crossed out, which didn’t seem like a good sign. He flipped back through the diary, idly, not looking for anything (‘Stop snooping through my stuff !’ Marlee had yelled at him when she caught him looking through her diary).
Yesterday, the two o’clock appointment that she had cancelled with him (‘J. Brodie’) was duly crossed out, as was every appointment after ‘B. Jackson’ at ten o’clock. It seemed an odd coincidence of names. The two Jacksons. Was she confused or had this other, earlier Jackson upset her so much that she started cancelling everything?
When Jackson made the first appointment with Linda Pallister he had spoken with her on the phone. He didn’t say he was a private detective, because he wasn’t, he insisted to himself. It was just this one case. (‘A specious argument,’ he imagined Julia saying.)
At first, Linda Pallister sounded perfectly normal, pleasantly efficient – a demeanour at odds with the state of her office. The mention of Hope McMaster’s name didn’t change things – Hope had already been in email contact with her over her missing birth certificate – nor the names John and Angela Costello, but when he mentioned Dr Ian Winfield she
seemed to be thrown completely off balance.
‘Who?’
‘Ian and Kitty Winfield,’ Jackson said. ‘He was a consultant at St James’s. She was a model, Kitty Gillespie. They were Hope McMaster’s adoptive parents.’
‘They—’ she began to say and then clammed up. Jackson had been intrigued but assumed whatever the confusion was it would be cleared up when he met Linda Pallister. He was hoping, for example, that she was going to be able to explain why John and Angela Costello didn’t exist.
Hope McMaster had pulled a thread and everything she had believed about the fabric of her life had started to unravel. But I must have come from somewhere, she wrote. Everyone comes from somewhere! Jackson thought that perhaps it was time to ditch the exclamation marks, they were beginning to sound like notes of panic. Despite her breeziness it seemed that she had begun to struggle with existentialist musings about the nature of identity – Who are we, after all? A nugget of suspicion, that was all it took, until it had nibbled quietly away at everything you believed in.
A lot of those old adoption societies have lost their records, he wrote soothingly. Maybe, he thought to himself, but not a Crown Court, surely. Hope hadn’t suddenly appeared on the earth, fully formed, at the age of two. A woman had given birth to her.
It’s as if I don’t really exist! I’m baffled!
You and me both, Jackson thought. Hope McMaster’s past was all echoes and shadows, like looking into a box of fog.
The dog was sound asleep in the rucksack on the floor. Either that or it was dead. Jackson gave it a gentle prod and the rucksack squirmed. He thought of the woman he had woken up next to. He didn’t usually have to check that his inamoratas were alive the morning after. He unfastened the rucksack and the dog opened one weary eye and looked at him with the resignation of a pessimistic hostage. ‘Sorry,’ Jackson said. ‘We’ll go for a walk after this.’
The sandwich was egg and watercress. Not Jackson’s favourite, although he was so hungry that it was beginning to look attractive. The bowl of pasta yesterday evening on the Headrow had provided an inadequate cushion for the alcohol and dissolution that had followed. The bacon roll from earlier had disappeared into the maw of his hangover. He heard a clock strike eleven. It sounded like a church clock, incongruous somehow in this area. It seemed he had been forgotten about.
Jackson gave up and wrote a note of the ‘I was here’ variety on the back of one of his cards. The card – Jackson Brodie – Private Investigator – was one of many he’d had made when he set up on his own several years ago. A print run of a thousand. Such optimism. He had probably handed out no more than a hundred of the things, usually because he forgot he had them.
He placed the card on top of the sandwich, where hopefully Linda Pallister would notice it. Yesterday’s egg and cress was in turn sitting on top of a photograph, almost entirely obscured by the sandwich’s triangular box. The photograph was jumping up and down shouting at him, asking to see the light of day. It almost leaped into his hands when he uncovered it. Unframed, dog-eared, an old snap. He hadn’t seen it before but he had definitely seen the subject recently. Snub nose, freckles, an old-fashioned caste to the plump features – the spit of Hope McMaster in the photograph taken on her arrival in New Zealand. On the top edge of the photograph there was the mark where a rusty paperclip had attached it to something.
The photograph from Linda Pallister’s desk had been taken on a beach. A British beach, judging by the way the child was bundled in outdoor clothes. Despite the fact that she looked freezing she had a big grin on her face. Her hair was worn in cock-eyed bunches. First thing you would do with an illicit child would be to cut that long hair, adopt a disguise with a new haircut. Spiky, urchin. New hair, new clothes, new name, new country.
He would have sworn on oath that he was holding in his hand a photograph of Hope McMaster. He turned it over. Nothing. No helpful name or date, unfortunately, nonetheless Jackson experienced a visceral feeling, something that he recognized from his days in law enforcement. It was the reaction of a dog to a bone, a detective to a great big fat clue. He didn’t know what the photograph meant, he just knew that it meant something tremendously important. He thought about the ethics of taking the photo for all of two seconds before placing it in his wallet. Photographic evidence, you never knew when you were going to need it.
Enthused by his discovery and working on the theory that one clue generally led to another, he started to rake through the debris of paperwork on Linda Pallister’s desk. Nothing. No references to Winfields or Costellos. He tried the drawers in the desk. More confusion and chaos. But there in the last drawer – it was always the last drawer, the last door, the last box – was another object trying to claw its way out of the darkness. ‘Eureka,’ Jackson murmured to himself.
It was a folder, an old manila one, and there on the front of it was a small rusty paperclip, just the same size as the after-image on the photograph of the girl with the cock-eyed bunches. Jackson, in an instinctive sleight of hand, slipped the folder inside his own neonpink plastic one. He felt like a spy who had just discovered a dossier of secrets. In the nick of time too, as Eleanor, she of the great legs and not so great face, finally put in a return appearance. He caught the look on her face, a mixture of distaste and confusion which eventually resolved into something more cryptic. Women usually needed to be acquainted with him a little longer before he saw that expression on their faces.
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘You’re still here. In fact, you’re in here.’
‘Ms Pallister hasn’t turned up,’ he said, spreading his arms wide, a conjuror demonstrating innocence, as if he might have been hiding Linda Pallister on his person. Eleanor frowned.
‘Have you actually seen her this morning?’ Jackson queried mildly.
Eleanor’s frown grew deeper. She had the sort of face that should be kept in neutral. ‘I don’t know,’ she said.
‘Maybe she’s ill,’ Jackson suggested. ‘Maybe it was the sandwich she didn’t eat.’
The frown developed into something threatening. Jackson left before he was turned to stone.
He retreated to the nearest café, a little Italian place where he wasn’t disappointed in his assumption that they would know how to make coffee. He took a corner table and over a double espresso examined his stolen trophies.
The thin card of the manila folder was soft and felted with age. This was what folders used to be like before they became pink neon plastic. He had dealt with enough of them in his time. Of course, even the pink neon was an anachronism now in the days of the paperless office. Not something Linda Pallister had heard of, he thought, remembering the Dickensian piles of papers and files in her messy office. You could hide a small child – or a dog – in there and not notice it for days.
He opened the folder expecting to find something surprising – a clue, a secret, even a piece of bureaucratic tedium – but the surprise was that there was nothing at all. Jackson turned the manila folder upside down and shook it, just to be sure.
Nonetheless, despite being empty, the worn beige folder did have something it wanted to say. There was a small typed label affixed to the top left-hand corner. No one used typewriters any more, it was like seeing a message from a primitive culture, a lost time. ‘Carol Braithwaite,’ Jackson read. ‘Case worker: Linda Pallister’ and a date, 2 February 1975. Linda Pallister must have been very young at the time. Jackson would have been fifteen in 1975, a year older than his daughter was now. Getting up to no good, bunking off school, petty thieving, minor vandalism, sinking the good ship Woolworths. It was a long time ago.
And across the front of the folder was written the name ‘WPC Tracy Waterhouse’ again, this one in faded black biro, and another date, 10 April 1975. There was a phone number too, dating from before the national codes were changed. The year was the same year that Hope McMaster was adopted. April was the month that was on her adoption certificate, the one that didn’t exist officially. She had scanned it and emailed it to him, a
long with her birth certificate, which also didn’t exist officially. If they were forgeries they looked pretty genuine, although he supposed a scan wasn’t the best way of telling. His own forgery of a wife had been in possession of a pretty genuine-looking birth certificate, not such a hard thing to create.
In her appointments diary, Linda Pallister had written, ‘Phone Tracy Waterhouse,’ and here was Tracy Waterhouse’s name thirty-five years ago. Jackson took the photograph out of his wallet and looked at the stocky, wholesome little girl, with cock-eyed bunches. As he always knew it would, the paperclip on the folder fitted exactly over the rusted impression on the photograph.
Schrödinger, whoever he was, and his cat, and anyone else that felt like it, had all climbed inside Pandora’s box and were dining on a can of worms. Jackson felt the beginnings of a headache, another one, on top of the one he already had.
Tracy was surprised that more kids weren’t killed on so-called play equipment. People (parents) seemed blithely oblivious to the peril of small bodies arcing high into the sky on swings they weren’t strapped into, or of the same small bodies launching themselves from the top of a slide when they were knee-high to a gnat. Courtney was astonishingly reckless, a kid without reck was a dangerous thing.
Other children in the play park yelled and screamed and laughed but Courtney was merely determined to test everything, including herself, to the limits, like a dogged little crash-test dummy. There didn’t seem to be much in the way of pleasure involved. Abused kids – and there were many forms of abuse – were frequently shut down and closed off to enjoyment.