Jude set down the mug and looked out the window at the foot traffic on Main Street. Montpelier was a fun little town, with its tiny legislature and ragtag college students. I wondered what he saw when he studied them. “Okay,” he said, still gazing out the window.
“Really? You’ll do it?”
He turned toward me now. “Sure, Sophie. I’ll go to the lawyer with you. If that’s what you want to do.”
“I do. I just need someone to look at all the things I found and tell me whether I’m crazy.”
“You’re not crazy, baby,” he insisted. “You’re the smartest girl I know. But sometimes that’s not enough.”
True. “I got very mad at you last week.”
“I know.” He picked up the second half of his sandwich.
“No, I mean I got very mad after I dug through the hospital database and found my brother’s blood work from the night he died. Why didn’t you tell me that he was high, too?”
Jude’s eyes widened. “He…what?”
I groaned. “Don’t even tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about. I pulled up tox screen results for both of you from the hospital’s database. They’re almost identical. Oxycodone and another drug.”
“Jesus.” He put down his sandwich. “Gavin was high? That doesn’t sound like him.”
“Jude!” I hissed across the table. “How could you not notice that?”
“Gee, Soph.” His tone was laced with sarcasm. “Maybe because I was so high I couldn’t feel my face. Never said I was intelligent.”
Don’t yell, I warned myself. Don’t ruin a good day. But I felt my blood pressure double. “Why were you with Gavin at all? Won’t you just tell me?”
“I will, baby.” He pushed his plate away, his expression sad. He reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “If you’re sure you want to know.”
I nodded.
“Gavin wanted to sell prescription painkillers to my junkie friends.”
“He…” I replayed Jude’s words, and they made no sense. “Wh-what?” I stuttered. What a mind fuck. “He wanted to sell them? Like a dealer?”
He nodded slowly. “More or less. He had a friend from the lacrosse team—his roommate I think? The guy’s dad was a doctor. They stole a prescription pad and accumulated quite a stash of painkillers. There was some trip they were trying to fund for after graduation.”
“Jamaica,” I said slowly. Gavin and his pals had wanted to party in the Caribbean.
“Yeah. So your brother decided to go slumming. He asked me to introduce him to some customers.”
“So you said, ‘Sure, bro! Hop in my car’?”
“No, first I turned him down. But then Gavin offered me some free samples, and I changed my answer faster than you can say hooked.” He rubbed my hand. “Remember, I was not in a good place. I would have gotten into that car with Darth Vader, Soph. And I would have driven him anywhere. My body wanted pills. He had pills. The end.”
That shut me up. These past two months I’d often begged Jude to be honest with me. And then when he was, I wished I didn’t have to imagine him that way.
He stroked my hand patiently. My pain was probably written all over my face. “I wasn’t in a good place,” he repeated quietly. “I didn’t know your brother was using. But if you’re telling me he was high, I’d have to guess that it was a brand new hobby for him.”
“So you didn’t see him take it?”
Jude shrugged. “I don’t remember. He had two different drugs on him that night. One of them was unfamiliar to me—some other painkiller. But I did a line anyway, because I’m so smart like that. That might be why I got so fucked up. Or maybe his stash was a lot purer than what I was used to. But that’s what happened. That’s how I got into the accident on the way back into town.”
“On the way…back? From where?”
“I took him to Dex’s trailer and I did some lines there. That’s the last thing I remember.”
“Oh.”
There was a dreadful silence while I pictured Jude and my brother snorting lines of drugs into their noses.
Shit.
“I’m sorry, honey,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
My throat threatened to close up. “I still don’t get it, Jude.” My voice cracked. “Why didn’t anyone tell me my brother was trying to sell drugs?”
“Because he’s dead, Sophie. I tried to tell the cops. They threw a baggie of pills in my face during the interrogation. I said they were Gavin’s, then the cop kicked me in the face. So I stopped saying that. Besides, it doesn’t matter if the passenger was high, right? It’s not illegal to be high in a car unless you’re behind the wheel.”
My neck did its tingling thing now, because I wasn’t sure that anyone sitting at this table actually knew who had been behind that wheel. “Jude, do you remember actually driving away from Dex’s trailer?”
“No,” he said, his voice flat. “I remember sort of stumbling down off that milk crate Dex had instead of a front stoop. And I remember arguing with your brother about the music.” Jude let out an unhappy grunt. “Because that seemed so crucial at the time.”
All the hair stood up on my neck. “Say that again?”
“Say…which part?”
“You argued about the music.”
“Yeah. He changed my radio. You know how nuts I used to get when somebody fiddled with my car.”
“Shit,” I whispered.
“What’s the matter?”
“He had a thing about the car stereo—that the driver picks the tunes. He was really rigid about it.”
“Yeah? Well he was also high as a February heating bill according to your tox screen. Maybe he was just in a bossy mood.”
Ugh. I was so confused. “I just want to know what happened.”
“But you do, baby. That’s what I keep trying to tell you. Even if I can’t remember the way it happened, the outcome stays the same.”
“Does it? What if my brother was behind the wheel? What if you aren’t even responsible for his death?”
He got very quiet. “You’re messing with my head, Sophie.”
I really was. “I’m sorry.”
“Part of drug treatment is to accept all the shit you can’t change. That’s how I get through the day.”
“Okay,” I said, trying to be kind. “I’ll save all my conspiracy theories for the lawyer.”
Jude stroked my palm with his thumb, a serious expression on his face, his eyes cast down at our joined hands. “I can’t plan my life around a miracle.” His eyes lifted to meet mine. “So we need to figure out how to be together, anyway. I don’t want to be the reason your dad slaps you a second time or gets on your case at home.”
“I know we have hurdles. I need to move out of my parents’ house sooner rather than later.”
“All right.” He lifted my hand to kiss my palm. “I’ve heard worse ideas.”
I rubbed the stubble on his chin. He felt so good I wanted to climb over the table and sit in his lap. Somehow I restrained myself. “Everything will become a little clearer next week. The head of my department at work is finally going to let Denny and I know who gets the full-time position.”
“You’ll get it,” Jude said, kissing my palm again. “We can move here to Montpelier.”
“Together?” My heart lifted.
He gave me a sexy wink. “I like the idea. But I’ll need a job, too.”
“This is an excellent little fantasy we’re cooking up here. But I probably won’t get the hospital job. I’ll have to look around. I might end up in Burlington or Waterbury.”
He kissed my knuckles. “We’ll figure it out. First your job, and then someplace for you to live. Is your mom going to be okay?”
I wish I knew. “I used to think I was helping her by living at home, and now I think I’m just making it worse. If she had to put in more effort, she might be happier.”
“My reasons for wanting you to move out are all selfish,” he said, turning my hand over in his and
stroking it. Under the table, his knees hugged mine.
The waitress put the check down on the table and Jude paid it. We left the restaurant holding hands, and I felt a hundred pounds lighter than I had only yesterday. My car was parked partway down a poorly shoveled side street, so we picked our way between the tall snow banks. The snow was still white and pretty, so the Winter Wonderland look was in full effect.
“You look adorable in that hat,” Jude said, giving me a flirty smile. “It’s very…kindergarten,” he teased.
“Don’t mock the dinosaur hat.” It was purple with a row of scales down the center in a Mohawk formation. “A patient’s mother made it for me.”
“Aw. I won’t mock you. But I might do this.” He pushed me up against a parked car and kissed me.
“Mmm,” I sighed against his lips, my hands jumping to his chest.
The kiss went hot and dirty immediately. His lips scraped hungrily against mine as our tongues waged a war for dominance. “Jesus,” he muttered between kisses. “We need a whole weekend in bed just to take the edge off.” He wedged his knee between my legs and dipped down for one more scorcher.
We broke apart, panting. “A long weekend,” I demanded. “I hope we get one soon.”
“I’ll wait as long as it takes.” He kissed my nose and pulled me into a hug.
That’s when I knew for sure we’d be okay.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Sophie
Internal DJ tuned to: “Love Shack” by the B-52s
On the following Wednesday, Jude came back to work at the Community Dinner. My silent hallelujahs were not the holy kind. In celebration, I’d worn very naughty panties and a tiny push-up bra under my clothes and couldn’t wait to show them off.
Jude didn’t have to wear his sling over his cast anymore, so he was able to do prep work even if it was a little slow. I helped him peel potatoes when he fell behind. It was fun to stand there and talk to him, even if Denny studiously avoided looking in my direction the whole time.
“Is it okay with you if I ask May to set up that meeting with the lawyer?” I asked as we finished up the spuds.
“Yeah, baby. Go ahead. I’ll be there.”
“I know you think it’s a little nuts, but…”
“It’s okay, Soph. Don’t worry.” He gave me a sweet little smile. “Now go, because Denny is looking for help setting up the serving table.”
We served meatloaf and garlic mashed potatoes for a hundred and fifty people. At some point I brought a plate back to Jude, who leaned his hip against the counter and took a break to eat. His hair was tied into a short ponytail in back tonight, and the way his T-shirt stretched across his chest made me want to rip it off him.
In another hour or so I would get to do that. Jude and I had decided that until I was out of my father’s house, our Wednesday hookups were the only face-to-face time we’d take in Colebury. But we made good use of Jude’s new phone. Every night this week I’d lain whispering on my bed while we caught up at the end of the day.
It was nice to have my friend back, even if we had to limit our toe-curling sex to once a week for a while.
Cleanup seemed to take forever. Jude left before me, as was our plan. I was almost out the door when Mrs. Walters decided she wanted to ask my opinion of Fifty Shades of Grey.
“The, uh, book or movie?” I asked, wondering if I was being punked.
“There’s a movie?”
“Yeah.” But the man who’s waiting for me is hotter than Jamie Dornan. “What do you want to know?”
“Is it a good book-club book? Will we have lots to talk about?”
“Um…” That depended. “If you think bondage and a hot dude in a suit makes good conversation, then yeah.” I was the wrong person to ask. I thought Ana should have gone for Christian Grey’s construction-worker brother. I obviously had a thing for guys who worked with their hands.
“Interesting,” she said. “I’ll take it under advisement.”
And then I was free.
I skipped out the back door of the church and then high-tailed it to Jude’s place. He’d asked me to drive instead of walking alone in the dark, but it was only a couple of blocks and I kept my head up.
Good thing, too. Because as I came around the corner of the alleyway toward Jude’s room, I caught a flash of light at the top of the stairway.
“Can I come in?” a man asked Jude through the open door.
My heart leapt into my mouth as the man stepped over the threshold, and lamplight spilled on his face.
It was Officer Rob Nelligan.
I shrank back into the shadows, and Nelligan never turned his head in my direction. When the door shut behind him, I let out a gasp. Curious, I stepped out into the alley and scanned the area for his car. It was at the far end, parked at the curb, hazards flashing.
Maybe he didn’t plan to stay long.
Turning back the way I’d come, I took a slow, casual stroll around the block, wondering why Nelligan had gotten in the way of my booty call. By the time I’d made it all the way around, the cruiser’s taillights were on. I waited in the shadows until it pulled away from the curb and rolled down the street.
Then I ran the rest of the way to Jude’s staircase and sprinted up, two steps at a time.
He opened the door before I could even knock. “Holy shit,” he said, a freaked-out smile on his face. “Did you see…”
“I did! He didn’t see me, though.”
Jude clutched his bare chest as I passed him. He was wearing a towel, his hair damp from the shower. “I was positive you were going to end up knocking on the door when he was standing right here.”
“Wouldn’t that have been awkward?” I asked, grabbing his towel and giving it a tug. The knot undid itself in my hand, and then all of Jude’s golden skin was on display. He still had a tan line at his waist from picking apples in the sunshine. I skimmed my fingertips across it.
“I’m still not over the heart attack,” he said, stepping in to kiss my forehead. “I opened the door in my fucking towel. It’s a miracle I didn’t yell something lewd when he knocked.”
“What did he want, anyway?” My fingers wandered into the soft, curly hairs at his groin.
I cupped his balls, and he tipped his head back and groaned. “Tell you later?”
“Tell me now, and you’ll get a reward.”
Laughing, Jude grabbed the back of my head and kissed me once. Then twice more. “He wanted to show me a few mug shots. It took me five seconds to pick out the asshole who put me in the hospital.”
“Wow! Are they going to catch him?”
He kissed me again. “Hope so.” His fingers unzipped my jacket. “Apparently this guy was already on their radar. But enough about me. Let’s see some more of you.”
I let him strip off my shirt. At the sight of my slutty little bra, he made an approving nose in the back of his throat. “Someone missed me,” he said, dragging the tip of one finger across my breasts where they swelled above the edge of the bra.
“True story,” I agreed.
“Damn.” He ducked his head to kiss his way across my cleavage. “What else have you got under here?” Eager hands found my zipper and slid it down. Just the sound of the metal teeth unzipping filled me with anticipation. After tugging my jeans over my hips, he groaned at the sight of my panties. As clothing, this pair was pointless. They were nothing but a whisper of black lace. And they were missing one important panel of fabric, though Jude hadn’t figured that out yet.
He dropped to his knees to reacquaint himself with my lower belly. He kissed his way down into the wedge below my hip. I threaded my fingers in his deliciously long hair and waited for him to discover my secret. He kissed his way between my thighs and…
“Oh, fuck.”
I opened my mouth to make a snarky comment, but that’s when he pushed his tongue between my legs. So I made a whimpering noise instead.
Jude grabbed my hips and pushed me down on the bed. A second later he’d sn
atched my jeans away. “Someone’s feeling naughty,” he whispered.
Was I ever. Tonight wasn’t the start of our long weekend in bed. We had an hour together at most. And Jude didn’t make me wait. He had a firm grasp on me, his hands on my knees now. He pushed my legs apart, and a bolt of lust shot through my core. “God damn that’s hot,” he said, his voice strained. He stroked a thumb through my neediness. “You should wear this pair every day.”
A moan was my only answer. I loved the way he manhandled me. Every commanding touch was accompanied by his hungry gaze. That’s why I’d never once been afraid of his touch, even when I was a bumbling virgin. He watched me so carefully. He saw me.
Right now, he saw how much I wanted him.
My hands reached for him. I wanted to pull him down on my body, but he pushed them away. “Hands over your head,” he ordered, just because he could.
I complied in a hurry.
“Good girl,” he breathed, leaning down to take my mouth.
He’d said I couldn’t use my hands, so I gripped him with my knees. Our kisses were bottomless, but my patience was not. My hips twitched, trying to trap his cock where I wanted it.
“Patience, missy,” he breathed. He moved his head, sucking my earlobe into his mouth while I groaned. He licked a wet line down my neck and between my breasts. “Fuck, I missed your tits.” He sucked one nipple into his mouth and my whole body quivered with eagerness.
I gave his head a shove, and he bent to my will, kissing down my belly, nosing between my legs. I’d shaved for him, and he made a tender sigh of approval. He began dropping little kisses everywhere he could reach.
“Ohmyfuckinggod you’re a tease,” I complained in one breath.
He chuckled from between my legs. Then he gave me one good lick and we both moaned.
“Please,” I begged.
“You want my cock or my mouth?” he asked. “You can have either one.”
Unff! “Both,” I whined and he laughed again.
“Can’t go slow,” he said, his lips grazing my clit. “One of these times I’m going to take my time with you. But tonight is not that night. It’s been too long.”