‘You know, as a point of conversation, Rhode may have got into a fight here,’ Vicken said. ‘Not in Hathersage, like you think.’
‘All right,’ I replied. ‘Then why didn’t Odette mention Rhode at the herb shop. She clearly doesn’t know he survived.’
‘You’re speculating.’
‘How do you know she has anything to do with Rhode? Wouldn’t she have said something? Wouldn’t she have mentioned Rhode?’
A shooting star raced across the sky. I pointed straight up to the sky and so did Vicken. In unison, we counted in Latin . . .
‘Unus, duo, tres . . .’
Waiting . . . waiting . . . Another shooting star flew across the sky. The exhilaration of seeing that bright light streaking over our heads faded quickly and the Aeris’s words echoed in my head.
You are soulmates. Your lives are destined to be intertwined.
‘Leave it with me,’ Vicken said. ‘I’ll figure out what happened. I was a soldier, for Pete’s sake. Snooping around won’t be too hard. Difficult to miss Ol’ Bludgeoned Face these days.’
I laughed. ‘Old Bludgeoned Face?’
‘Spot on.’
‘You’re funnier as a human,’ I said.
Vicken waited a moment and then asked with a wide smile, ‘Do you want to touch my bruise?’
‘Still no.’
He turned on to his side and inched forward like a seal out of water.
‘Come on, Lenah. Touch my bruise.’
‘No!’ I cried. He was so close I could smell the tobacco on his skin.
‘Just do it. Are you afraid of it?’
I smacked him hard.
‘A little tiny blood mark!’ he exclaimed, and we were hysterical until I heard another kind of laughter echoing up the stairs. I froze. A squeal of girlish giggles followed by a voice I recognized. We sat up and I twisted around to look to the doorway. Justin walked into the observatory with a junior I recognized: Andrea.
‘If it isn’t my escort,’ Vicken said with a devilish grin. Andrea smiled.
Justin’s eyes shifted from Vicken to me.
‘Let’s go, Andrea. This room is occupied,’ he said.
‘It’s not,’ I cried, and scrambled to my feet.
Vicken scooted back against the wall and lit another cigarette. ‘Oh, let them go. He’s a twit,’ he said from behind me, and crossed one ankle over the other. ‘By the way, he came in here to take her clothes off.’
I glared at him.
‘ESP,’ he said with a shrug.
‘Put out that cigarette,’ I hissed.
I clambered down the stairwell after them. Justin already hated me, and now he thought I was with Vicken!
‘Wait!’ I called, and burst out on to the quad.
Andrea and Justin stood by the door; her expression was murderous.
‘This will just take a second,’ I said to her. ‘Will you excuse us?’
She looked to Justin, eyes wide, waiting for him to say no. When he didn’t, she scoffed.
‘You’re pathetic,’ she said with a dramatic turn, and stalked off.
‘Andrea!’ He called after her again, but she was already on the pathway joining other students. It would be curfew soon.
Justin moved to follow after her.
‘Can you please give me a moment?’ I asked. He turned back to me with a huge sigh.
‘I’m not with Vicken,’ I said emphatically.
‘Did I say that you were?’ Justin replied, his tone stinging me like a smack against my cheek.
‘No,’ I said quietly. ‘You didn’t.’
‘On the archery field you left me for Rhode,’ he said. ‘But I guess I wouldn’t be surprised if you were with Vicken now. It’s tough keeping up.’
I didn’t have the heart to tell him the actual order was: Rhode, Vicken and then him.
‘Vicken and I are really just friends,’ I said.
‘So you’re friends with a murderer. He helped your coven kill Tony!’
‘It’s more complicated than that,’ I said.
‘Yeah, well, it doesn’t seem too complicated to me,’ said Justin. ‘I have to go.’
That seemed to be a common phrase these days.
But Justin didn’t go. He looked down at the ground and then at me.
‘What do you want from me? What about Rhode?’ he asked. ‘Aren’t you guys soulmates? Ritual mates? Whatever.’
‘I’m not with Rhode,’ I said after a pause. ‘I’m not with Vicken. I’m with no one.’
His nostrils flared and his cheeks reddened. He blinked a few times and I struggled to read his expression. ‘Don’t you love him?’ he asked. ‘Rhode?’
‘Things just changed,’ I said with a shake of my head, and it was the truth. As much as Rhode consumed me, as much as I would love him forever, everything was different now. I had to move on.
‘Kind of seems like a hard thing to change,’ Justin said.
We let the sounds of the campus resonate around us. People were talking and laughing. Cell phones chimed, and somewhere close cars whooshed by on a street.
‘Look,’ I said. ‘I don’t want you to hate me. I know I deserve it . . .’
‘I don’t hate you,’ he said, and shifted his gaze from the ground to my eyes. ‘I just don’t want to know you any more. I want to live my life without rituals, and covens of murderous vampires killing my friends. I like dating girls who, you know, stay alive.’
His words cut though me. It seemed to me then that I’d never again feel the joy and comfort of lying in his arms. I remembered how powerful his warmth had felt after being cold for hundreds of years. Warmth, touch, tenderness – that was Justin. He was a reminder that I could truly be alive and feel love. He had helped me move on last year; I wanted him to help me now. Help me in the way only he could.
But he turned and walked down the pathway after Andrea.
‘Wait,’ I called. ‘Please.’
He stopped next to the pathway light. ‘What?’ He kept his back to me.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, then hesitated. I chose my words in my head, but none of them sounded right. ‘About all of it,’ I finished.
He shook his head but faced me again.
‘Sorry, Lenah, but it’s not enough.’
‘I just want you to know . . .’ I took a step to him and raised my palms to say stay. ‘No, let me rephrase. I want you to try to imagine someone in your life that you’ve known forever. Let’s say, Roy, your younger brother.’
Justin frowned but nodded once.
‘And then, one day, he’s gone. How he held a cup of coffee, or laughed, or touched his face is left only in your memory. Gone forever. I want you to try and imagine that grief.’
‘Tony died, Lenah. Kate died. I know what grief is like.’
I dared to take another step.
‘Humans can learn to live again after grieving, but for the vampire, that grief is constant. It’s what makes us so dangerous. And when Rhode died, or I thought he did, you were there, at the moment when I was human for the first time. You brought me out of that curse. You healed me.’
Justin avoided my eyes by looking across the campus. I waited for him to respond, to say that he was touched, that he understood. But he just exhaled and put his hands in his pockets.
‘I know you heard me talking to Rhode that day, on the archery field. I was surprised to see him,’ I tried to explain.
‘I bet,’ he said, still looking away.
‘It’s not that I don’t love . . .’
Justin’s eyes snapped up.
‘. . . love you,’ I finished.
He kept my gaze but didn’t reply. Didn’t say I still love you too. I gave it a few more seconds.
‘Fine,’ I said, and turned on the spot. I hurried down the path.
‘Wait!’ Justin called from behind me. ‘Lenah, wait!’
But I did not wait. I kept walking down the path, embarrassment rolling over me in waves. I can’t believe I told him how I felt and got
no reaction. No reaction! It was so unlike him. I walked and walked until I found myself almost back at Seeker.
I stopped on the path, directly next to the library, when a desire to go inside swept over me. There was another hour until curfew. I wanted to go inside the listening room, where I could sit and listen to music at the push of a button. Where I could be alone. Perhaps I would play Mozart. I saw him play in person several times, four to be exact.
I had walked away from Justin’s words. I hoped the listening room would help me forget the look in his eyes. I entered the library and walked down the main aisle and towards the tiny rooms at the back. I had worked in that library the year before. I knew its contents well. I checked through the small rectangular window into the listening room. It was empty. I opened the door and stepped inside.
There were no CDs any more. Instead a computer sat on top of a small desk. I had spent the last year learning to navigate computers. I sat down and clicked on a small icon that said: new songs. Someone had classified them as well: Romance, Classical, New Age, Death Metal. Death Metal?
I searched through the songs for a few moments, marvelling at the thousands of choices. A hand reached over my shoulder. I jumped a little as it then gently grazed the top of my fingers and rested on the mouse. I hadn’t even heard the door click! The hand was warm and golden bronze.
‘Pick this one,’ said Justin quietly. He double-clicked and a ballad, a very soft song with a woman singing, echoed in the small room.
‘What are you doing?’ I asked quietly, as he pulled me up from the chair.
‘Dancing with you.’
The image of him shoving his hands in his pockets came to mind.
‘But I thought you were angry with me,’ I said.
His strong arms pulled me to him gently and his grasp was firm around my shoulders. His palm rested on the centre of my back and I lifted my chin to him. Underneath his shirt collar was a black leather strap. A glint of a silver pendant peeked out from his shirt when he moved, but Justin drew me closer. I wondered what kind of pendant it was and what else could have changed over the summer. The sound of a guitar filled the room and the melancholy piano swirled through me. Our eyes met and Justin’s gentle gaze compelled me to speak.
‘I really am sorry. About Rhode, about . . .’ I hesitated. It felt odd to apologize for almost dying when I performed the ritual. ‘Well, like I said, I’m sorry. About all of it.’
He hushed me gently and nuzzled his nose to my shoulder. He grabbed on tighter and we started to revolve.
‘About Tony . . .’
‘Shhh,’ he said again, and this time I closed my eyes. I was back at winter prom with Justin, dancing under the sparkling lights. In this modern world, people danced so intimately. Body to body, chest to chest. I could sense Justin’s desire in the heat between us. This close, the music made me aware of his wanting. The vampire in me longed to feel Justin’s heartbeat. And when I closed my eyes and listened to the song . . . I did.
Imagine if this was Rhode. What would he say about modern dancing? There were no choreographed steps like we had in the medieval era. Just two bodies, together, moving. If this was Rhode, his hands would come up my back, landing at the base of my neck. Justin’s hands slipped under my arms. Goosebumps swept over me. Justin pulled me even closer so my lips kissed the crook of his neck.
Yes, he’s here. Rhode’s here. This is not Justin, but Rhode.
Rhode squeezed me closer as the musical serenade echoed in the room. I swallowed nervously and let myself give in to my fantasy. Rhode and I spun in that room, his graceful hands flowing up and down my body. His warmth, his human warmth, overwhelmed me. Rhode pulled me closer so there was no space between us. He kissed my neck, sending chills through me.
Love. What a strange word. How endless. How it had defined my beliefs for so long. Because we had run through decades of time, hands held, always, always waking with the moon. We revelled in every colour of sunset.
‘I love you so much,’ I whispered.
‘I love you too,’ a strange voice replied.
The American accent startled me from my reverie. I blinked a few times, holding on to the wisps of the fantasy, but knowing as I lifted my chin that I would look into Justin’s eyes and not Rhode’s.
We kept dancing even though my spell had broken into a thousand pieces.
‘I thought when you saw Rhode it would be over between us,’ Justin said.
I can’t have Rhode. I’ll never touch his hand again. It’s over.
I refocused on Justin.
‘I thought it would be easier to be mad at you,’ he continued.
‘I’m not used to the angry version of you,’ I replied.
‘I can’t stop loving you, Lenah. I can’t,’ he replied softly. ‘I keep trying. But I can’t.’
I looked into his eyes as the song slowed to its last bars.
I can make this happen. Can’t I? Justin and me?
This was so much easier than the endless rejection from Rhode. Nothing supernatural was telling us we couldn’t be together. Nothing was stopping us.
Justin held my cheek with his hand and ran his thumb across my cheekbone. I searched his eyes. What was love anyway? Love was warmth and comfort. Love was for the living. Justin could help me feel alive again. I knew he could. I had felt it last year.
I didn’t want to come back. I had to. Rhode’s words reverberated in my mind.
Justin leaned forward and kissed the top of my nose.
‘Want to walk back?’ he asked. ‘Thirty minutes until Williams’s stupid curfew.’
We shut off the lights in the listening room. Justin stole one more kiss before extending his hand and leading me home.
CHAPTER 10
Late-night rain had left the grass glistening. It tickled the tops of my toes as I walked the path next morning and turned the corner to Curie. Ms Tate came flying around the corner into the courtyard.
‘Lenah,’ she said, stopping in front of me. ‘I’m glad I found you. We need to discuss your semester project.’ She rambled on for a moment about Justin and me and the importance of teamwork. I took some papers from her load of files and held them for her.
‘Oh, thank you,’ she added, continuing her diatribe. I listened for a few moments but the wind distracted me. It was stronger than a breeze. It had intention. The air snaked through the trees and lifted my hair from my ears as though acting of its own accord. I smoothed it down as quickly as I could. Ms Tate’s voice floated off and I turned my attention away from her.
The leaves above us shivered again. The water from the fountain fell away in an unnatural hush. I needed no vampire ESP to know. I would always harbour the knowledge. I could feel it in the air.
I was being watched.
I searched the shadows. Any clue would do. The lift of a sly smile or eyes still as death.
‘OK, Lenah?’ Ms Tate said.
‘Right. Of course,’ I said.
Ms Tate smiled, though I had no idea what I had just agreed to. I scanned the grounds in front of me, but without my vampire sight it was impossible to see as far as the other side of campus. When I turned to follow her into Curie, I realized I had forgotten that behind us were the woods that circled the school. They were a perfect place for someone to hide to watch an unsuspecting victim.
‘Lenah, I’ll need those papers in class today,’ Ms Tate said from the darkened entrance to Curie.
My eyes lingered on the trees and on the morning sunlight shining through the breaks in the branches. I did not have time to search for eyes watching me.
I walked into the building with an absolute certainty in my gut.
I was being hunted.
I slid into my seat next to Justin, trying to shake off the goosebumps still lingering on my skin. Justin’s hand was wrapped in gauze and momentarily I thought of his arms around me in the listening room.
‘I can’t get last night out of my head,’ he said.
He reached under the table, plac
ed his hand on my knee and squeezed. I smiled at him. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so hard. Being with Justin. He knew how to calm me. Perhaps the girl from last year still existed, the girl who wanted to be human, the girl who needed Justin to help her feel that way. Not like Rhode. Rhode, who was much better at following the Aeris’s decree than I would ever be.
‘Guess she’s just jumping right into this,’ Justin said. ‘Yesterday pH tests, today sediment something or other. I can’t even pronounce whatever that other word is.’
The experiment was complicated – very complicated. Justin and I stood up to gather our assignment tools from the storage chest. I made sure to avoid catching Rhode’s eye or even looking in his general direction. That was all I needed, to look at him and have another strange connection that I couldn’t control. I wasn’t sure what had spurred the overwhelming smell of apples, the memories and the window into his mind.
‘Maybe we can have dinner tonight,’ Justin said quietly.
‘Oh,’ I said, hating that I wished it was Rhode asking me to dinner. In my mind was a dark room lit by candles. Rhode and I sat at a long oak table and raised goblets filled with blood. I’d never eaten a meal with him. I wondered what he liked to eat in the modern world.
‘Lenah?’ Justin said. ‘Pizza?’
‘Sure,’ I replied, replacing my fantasy with linoleum tables and plastic cutlery. Greasy food from the union and paper napkins, just like we had had the year before, dozens of times.
I felt the empty space between my seat and Rhode’s. I knew very well that the candles, the ones in the darkened dining room in Hathersage, were long burned out.
I bet Rhode hated modern-day pizza. Too messy.
Justin grabbed a box of slides. When he reached up I saw the leather necklace again. I rose up on my tiptoes to try to get a better look at the silver pendant.
‘Andrea’s not speaking to me,’ he said with the slightest of smiles.
‘Sorry about that,’ I replied, and we moved back to the desk.
Justin handed me a dropper and some iodine. With a wink he commented, ‘I’m not.’
I attempted to nap later that afternoon, only to be awoken by sirens screaming on to campus. I threw off my covers and ran to the window, looking down at the scene below. Security guards directed students to the sides of the pathways. Across the quad teachers were corralling students into the union and away from Hopper.