Today, however, she would get that chance.
Holden had felt it safe enough for her to venture out of his home and into the community. Well, he’d felt that after she’d begged and yelled a bit, but it got the point across.
They might be mates—a point she wasn’t a hundred percent on board with until she had more time to process—but he wouldn’t be allowed to walk all over her.
He’d have to learn that eventually.
Hopefully.
The Pack worked as a unit with each member contributing in some way. The dominants watched the borders for signs of threats and did other things Ariel wasn’t sure about. She had a feeling those runners and soldiers did more than Holden said they did, but she didn’t want to question him. Not yet. The walls might be solid and the humans might try to keep them inside, but Ariel knew these men and women wouldn’t take captivity lying down. In fact, from the way some of them talked, she felt as if some of them had seen the outside world.
However, that wasn’t her business. Yet.
Today, she’d be working with the submissives with canning and other food preparation. The submissives were the wolves who cared for the other wolves through calming and influential ways. They didn’t want to fight if they didn’t have to and would rather let their Alpha and dominants protect them, while they protected the dominants in other ways. Ariel was happy to hear that men and woman both made up the submissive group, meaning wolves didn’t segregate based on gender. Ariel wasn’t sure what kind of wolf she’d be, and Holden wasn’t letting on if he knew, but she wanted to learn as much as she could. She’d given up hope that this was all a dream, and it was time to learn to live in her new life.
Holden ran a hand down her back, and she looked up at him. “You ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” she replied honestly. His nose always wrinkled when she tried to lie to him about how she was feeling, so she’d quit trying to make him feel better by lying about her nervousness. It wasn’t as if she’d been good at it anyway.
“Let’s go, then. I need to meet with the inner circle today, so I’m leaving you with Mandy and the others.”
Mandy was one of the few wolves she’d met. After her panic attack at the sight of the guards, Mandy had not only helped her then, but she’d come by every day to see if there was anything she could do. It was nice to be able to just talk with another woman, even if Ariel felt out of sorts. None of this made any sense if she truly thought about it, so she’d done her best to try and go with the flow. If she did that, maybe she’d figure out how to be the new her.
A wolf.
One who hadn’t shifted yet, but that was another problem in itself.
“I have no idea what I’m doing, Holden,” she said right as they made it to their destination.
Holden frowned and turned to her. He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, his finger brushing along her skin. She let out a sigh, holding herself back from leaning into his touch. She didn’t understand this connection between the two of them, but whatever had changed inside her wanted him.
And again, if she were honest, the old part of herself wanted him, too.
“You will figure it out. I can help you in only so many ways without harming your efforts. You will need to find your place within the Pack on your own, although I will be by your side along the way, if that makes any sense.”
She nodded. It did, but that didn’t make it any easier to stomach. Again, she had to push out all thoughts of what life had been like before her kidnapping because there was no going back. Only going forward and pushing her way through the chaos that was finding herself a wolf in a new land.
“Good.” He lowered his head and brushed his lips along hers. “I will be here when you are finished finding out how this section of the den works. Soren and a few of the others will be over for dinner later.” She widened her eyes and he winced. “They usually come over for a meal after a meeting like the one we’re having now. Should I have asked?”
While her life had changed dramatically, she needed to remember that Holden’s had changed as well. He was not only the leader of the Pack, but had lived for years on his own without having to worry about another person in his home. They were bound to misstep.
“Let me know what I need to do,” she said finally. “It will be nice to learn more about everyone.” If she kept trying to say the right things, then maybe she wouldn’t mess up as much. One day she’d probably fuck it all up, and they’d have to deal with it; however, there were only so many changes in her life she could take before she fumbled it all.
He nodded and kissed her once more before leaving her on the doorstep. They’d both decided she would enter the place on her own as his mate. She might not bear his mark on her arm, but Holden said she smelled like him now and no one would dare harm her.
Only she didn’t quite believe things worked that way. This meeting would tell.
She made her way inside and stopped short at the sight of twenty or so men and women working on various stages of canning and boxing. Each person held a station and looked as if they knew what they were doing. Most had been in the middle of a conversation or laughing when she’d walked in. As they realized she was there, they stood or sat in silence, their gazes on hers. Two or three bowed their heads like she’d seen some do before, but others looked at her like she was an outsider.
Because that’s what she was. An outsider and interloper. She was the reason their lives were in jeopardy, if the humans found out what Holden had done. She was the reason things were changing since Holden had taken her as his mate. She wouldn’t back down, but she would find a way to blend.
From the looks on these people’s faces, she had a feeling things wouldn’t be easy.
“Ariel, you’re here.” Mandy walked right up to her and tugged her close for a hug.
Ariel wrapped her arms around the tiny woman and tried to smile. At least one person was happy to see her. God, she needed to stop sounding so whiny and lost in her own pity party. Once she got over herself, she might be able to actually fit in and become friends with these people.
It wasn’t as if she had anywhere else to go.
“Thanks,” Ariel whispered. “It’s good to see you,” she said a bit more loudly.
Mandy smiled as she pulled back. “It’s good to see you up and about. I know you had a few injuries that took a while to heal. Let me introduce you to everyone, and you can see what we do here. Once you’re able to shift, you’ll find where your dominance lies. Then you can figure out what job you do here.”
Ariel nodded, feeling slightly more relaxed in Mandy’s presence. Holden had explained Mandy’s roll as a submissive, and if Ariel hadn’t felt the affect for what it was, she wouldn’t have believed it. The woman had a caring nature and knew how to put people at ease. What a talent to have. Being able to fight and protect the Pack would be nice as a dominant, but Ariel held great respect for those who knew how to take care of the inner health of those close to them.
Ariel met each person, holding out her hand to them in hopes that they wouldn’t shun her. Every single one shook her hand while others hugged her close. She wasn’t sure what it meant, but she did feel a little bit more at ease. No one looked like they wanted to be her best friend, but at least they weren’t lashing out at her.
“And this is Claire,” Mandy said finally, an odd note to her voice. “I think you’ve met before, though.”
Ariel’s gaze shot up to the amazon’s face and held back a curse. “Hello, Claire.”
Claire didn’t respond. Instead, she folded her arms over her chest again and glared.
Mandy cleared her throat. “Each person in the Pack takes shifts in here as well as most of the other roles. This isn’t Claire's normal job, but everyone helps out where they can. We can’t leave the den, but we make the den as much of ours as we can.”
“I see. That’s nice.” Ariel knew she sounded off, but she couldn’t help it. The only time she’d met the other woman, s
he’d lashed out and claimed Holden as hers in every way but marking. From the look on Claire’s face, there was no love lost on Ariel’s account.
Ariel cleared her throat, knowing she needed to push the jealousy away. She still wasn’t sure if she truly believed in wolves choosing mates and a forever kind of future with one man, but she did know whose arms she’d slept in the night before. That counted for more than something she couldn’t quite comprehend.
“Holden said I’m going to do something similar over the next few weeks. That way I can see how the Pack runs. I’m glad I won’t be the only one moving from place to place.”
It was the truth, even if she’d forced a smile when she said it.
Claire narrowed her eyes. “I don’t get it. How could his wolf choose you? You’re not even a full shifter? A human hasn’t been changed in decades, yet he deemed you worthy? It doesn’t make sense. Holden risked all of our lives for you, and the lives of the countless shifters locked in cages because of humans like you, and you don’t even look like you care. You’re acting like this is just a new job or new day camp or something? Humans torture us, and we don’t get a choice in the matter. We don’t have rights. We have to lie down and watch those we love die at the hands of those who think they’re better than us. And here you are, looking like you’re one of us when you aren’t. You don’t shift. You grew up in a world where you had freedom; you were human. And now you’re taking our Alpha along for a ride.”
Ariel’s eyes widened at Claire’s tirade. So much hatred and yet not one word of it was because Ariel had taken Claire’s ex. Oh, that might have been the underlying motivation for her words, but Claire spoke as a shifter, not a woman scorned.
“I know I am not a full shifter yet because I haven't changed,” Ariel said slowly.
“And you might not ever be,” Claire snapped. “You could die during the first hunt because your body can’t take it. Did you even think about that? Did you think about the fact that you could harm our Alpha in the process? Because if you die, he’ll be a broken shell of a man. That’s how mates work. It’s not sparkly and pretty like human marriages. It actually means something. You’ll leave our Pack with a man who can’t protect us, all because you want to latch onto someone to protect you.”
Ariel blinked. She’d known the hunt would hurt her because it would be her first time shifting, but from the way Claire put it, it sounded as if there was a higher chance Ariel wouldn’t survive. Holden had mentioned the possibility, but he’d either lied about the percentage or Claire was trying to scare her.
Ariel had a feeling it was a little bit of both.
However, none of this meant Ariel had to sit back and take it. “I didn’t ask for this, Claire. The SAU took me from my home after raising me in their orphanage where I had no one, not even a Pack, to love me. The doctors tortured me, cut me up and injected me with so many different chemicals that I will never know exactly what they did to me. They tossed me over the fence like garbage and wanted to use my death to punish you. I didn’t get a choice in what Holden did, but I can’t regret it. I’m alive because of him, and I will always be grateful for that.”
“Claire, stop it,” Mandy said softly. The woman shook, and Ariel had a feeling it had to do with the other woman’s wolf not wanting confrontation. “Please.”
“Shut up, Mandy,” Claire spat. “Go back to following the dominants like a little puppy.”
Mandy winced and Ariel moved to stand in front of the little woman. “Hey, if you have a problem with me, you lash out at me. Not Mandy. I don’t know the full dynamics of your Pack, but being a bitch to someone who is just trying to help just makes you look bad.”
“Stay out of this. You aren’t Pack.”
Ariel held out her arm, the brand fully healed and her knew Pack tattoo freshly inked. “This begs to differ. I might have come from different circumstances than all of you, but that doesn’t give you the right to speak to me like you have. And do the math, Claire. A few of the older wolves here might have been changed while human for all you know. Many of the people here were alive to live outside the walls, your Alpha included. I might not be able to shift yet, but that doesn’t mean I’m nothing. I’m learning. I’m trying. That’s a hell of a lot more than you can say at this point.”
She let out a breath and turned on her heel, done with this for the day. She’d already made a scene, even if she hadn’t started it, and she could feel the stares of others on her back. She’d find a way to make this better, but forcing others to deal with her wouldn’t help right then.
As soon as she took a step, she ran into a solid chest and almost fell back. Holden gripped her arms to keep her from falling.
She let out a breath, trying to not let his presence soothe her. If she let him soothe her, then he would think it was okay for him to come into her life and take over. Again. Of course, he was here to witness this. Of course, he was.
“Ariel.”
“Let me go, Holden. I do not want to get into this right now. I will go back to the house, and we can try tomorrow.”
“Do not let Claire win this,” he said softly.
She moved her head back to look into his eyes before turning and looking at the others who might have stood up for her against the humans, but had done nothing against Claire. Yes, they were submissive in nature, but they wouldn’t meet her eyes. She wasn’t sure what that meant, and right now, she wasn’t sure she wanted to.
“She already has,” Ariel said simply then moved around Holden so she could head home. She didn’t want to speak to him, not when she couldn’t help but feel a slight edge of anger toward him.
He kept secrets, she knew that, but now she had no idea where she stood within the Pack, within his heart…and within herself.
The unknowing hurt more than the knowing when it came to the pain of a new life born in blood. She didn’t want his touch, didn’t want his comfort, not when she didn’t know where they stood.
She needed to find the reason to stay, the reason to be. And letting him cloud her judgment wouldn’t allow that to happen. She buried the hurt at the lack of his touch and left him standing there in a room of wolves who she might not ever gain the trust of.
Her life had changed and once she might have been able to move forward, but now she didn’t know. And that hurt worst of all.
Chapter 7
Holden wanted to punch something. When Mandy’s friend Tonya had run to him saying Claire had confronted Ariel, he’d dropped everything to see if he could help. He couldn’t step in if it was a true dominance fight, but since Ariel hadn’t shifted yet, he could try and ease tensions.
He had no idea why Claire kept acting like this, but there had to be a way to stop it. Of course, he blamed himself as he’d been the one to break it off with Claire, and apparently, hadn’t done it well enough. He’d also been the one to bring Ariel into the fold.
Kicking himself in the ass, however, wouldn’t do anyone any good. Only when he’d tried to help, Ariel had turned him away. She’d walked away from him in front of his Pack and hadn’t looked back. He knew it didn’t look good to others, but right then, he could only think of his relationship with Ariel, his mate.
He didn’t know how to fix this. It wasn’t as if he’d ever been mated before in the first place. She hadn’t spoken to him except to say she needed time to think about what had happened. It was as if all the progress they’d made with each other in the past week had been washed away with one conversation with Claire.
Ariel hadn’t allowed him to protect her and the wolf in him wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He was Alpha, the protector. Without that, he didn’t have much left. He’d used his body and his life to care for others and do what he could for them. Since Ariel had pushed him away, he wasn’t sure where he could stand.
At least she’d let him sleep next to her the previous night, though they hadn’t touched. His body ached for her, but his heart and mind knew he needed to think. He admired her perseverance and the way s
he did her best to overcome the life she’d been dealt, but she’d still pushed him away.
That was not how he’d ever expected to have a mate. And now he didn’t know what to do.
Today, though, he knew he’d likely pushed her even further away, and that killed him. He hated this day of the month above all others. Today he’d shown Ariel the true cost of being Alpha—of being mated to him. She’d probably sever all ties she could once she saw the brutality that came with his role in life.
Oh she couldn’t leave the den and would forever be a shifter once she went on the hunt, but now she’d find a way to leave him fully.
And he wouldn’t blame her one bit once she saw what he’d be forced to do yet again.
He rubbed his hand over his own brand and tried to mentally prepare himself for what he must do. It should have gotten easier over the twenty-five years he’d been forced into this role, but it never had been. It might have been the hand of the humans that forced him into this position, but he had his own blame as well.
Enough of this shit. If he kept wallowing, he’d have to grow his hair out and form a band where all he did was moan and gripe.
He stalked toward the back of the house and took a deep breath. “Ariel? We need to go to the den center now.”
She lifted her head from the book she was reading and nodded. Mandy had given her a book of Pack history for Ariel to study that morning. Holden would have to find a way to thank her for finding ways to care for his mate when he couldn’t.
“Okay,” Ariel said softly then stood up and kicked the floorboard. It popped up and she slid the book into the space before carefully putting the board back in place. She’d adapted so easily to keeping their secrets. He should have been grateful, instead, all he could think about was what he would have to do in a few minutes…what she’d have to see him do.