Liam grabbed her arm and tightly held on after she got out of the car.
“What’s wrong? Do we need to go back for your cane?” she asked.
He laughed. “Nope. I’m keeping you from running away.”
Tim latched on to her other arm. “Good idea.”
Tim led them up to the third floor and down the hallway to a room near the end of the corridor. He stuck his head in first, then waved them in.
“Hi, Bill,” Tim said. A handsome, older man, a preview of how Jack might look in twenty or thirty years, offered them a wan smile. “How is she?” Tim asked.
When Gwen stepped around Tim, she saw the woman lying in the bed. She wore a carefree smile that brightened when she spotted Gwen. “Melodie!” She sat up in bed and clapped her hands together. “Sweetheart, they didn’t tell me you were coming today! Come here and give me a hug!”
With a nervous glance at Tim, who nodded, she stepped closer.
Her husband gently corrected her. “This isn’t Melodie, sweetheart.”
“Of course she is,” she scolded. “I can see her as plain as you.”
Tim spoke up. “Helen, this is our friend Gwen, and her brother, Liam.”
Helen now had a pretty strong grip on Gwen’s hand. “It’s Melodie and Pete, and you darn well know it.” She smiled at Gwen. “Silly men, aren’t they, Melodie? You and me, we know better.”
Gwen felt at a loss, unsure how to respond. She’d never dealt with someone with Alzheimer’s before. Fortunately, her husband stepped in. “Helen, you need to take a nap. It’s time for your afternoon nap.”
“Oh, is it? Okay.” She lay back in her bed. “Will you be here later when I wake up, Mel? I’ve missed you so much. You too, Pete.”
Tim subtly nodded at Gwen.
“Sure we will,” Gwen reassured her.
Ed kissed his wife. “We’re going to step out and let you sleep, all right?”
“All right.”
Out in the hallway, Ed’s strong façade dissolved. Tim enveloped him in a hug. “You all right, Ed?”
“I’ve had better days.” He wiped his eyes and turned to Gwen and Liam. He extended his hand. “Ed Kelly. I’m sorry, but if I didn’t know she was dead, I’d say you were Melodie, too. It’s like looking at a ghost.”
Gwen spared an inquisitive look at Tim, who offered a slight shake of his head indicating he’d tell her later. This must be part of the story Tim had hinted at.
They were making their way down the hall toward the elevators when Jack emerged from one. When he saw them, he stopped in his tracks. Fear gripped her heart, wondering how he’d react.
He strode toward her, grabbed her, and enveloped her in a desperate hug she reluctantly let herself return when it became more than obvious he didn’t want to let her go.
“Jesus, I missed you,” he whispered in her ear. “I love you. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
She closed her eyes and really relaxed into his embrace as his words sunk home. “Tim said there’s a story,” she whispered back. “I have a feeling I just figured out a little of it on my own. We met your mom.”
He looked down at her and nodded. “Is she still awake?”
“Probably.”
He laced his fingers through hers and looked at the other three men. “We’ll catch up with you in the cafeteria in a little while.”
Tim offered up a wink and corralled the others, herding them toward the elevators.
Jack led her back down the hall to his mom’s room. Outside the door, he leaned in again and whispered, “I promise I’ll tell you the entire story in a little bit, but not right now. Not in front of her.”
Gwen nodded.
The others had left in an elevator. Jack cupped her cheek with his palm and brushed a kiss across her lips. “I’ve missed you so much, baby. I’m sorry I was an ass. I’m not good at groveling, but maybe if you give me some hints and let Tim coach me, I can do it pretty well.”
She felt her heart slipping again despite wanting to protect herself. “Maybe I won’t make you grovel too badly.”
He led her into the room. Instead of napping, his mom sat up in bed, the TV remote in her hand. She flipped channels randomly, apparently fascinated more by the function of the clicker than the actual programming choices.
“Mom, how are you feeling?”
She smiled at him. “I’m fine. You brought Melodie back. That’s good.” She put down the remote and waggled a crooked finger as she scolded him. “You scared me to death. You told me Melodie died. I knew that couldn’t be right. That was a mean trick.”
Gwen felt his grip tighten on her hand, but she suspected it was his stress, not him trying to impart a silent message to her. “Mom, this is my friend, Gwen Oxford. She’s a writer.”
His mom frowned. “That’s Melodie.”
Jack’s voice softened. “Melodie died in the accident, Mom. She looks a lot like Melodie. You’re just a little confused. That happened nearly twenty years ago.” He released Gwen’s hand and walked over to the bedside, where he sat in the chair his father had vacated moments earlier.
His mother’s face grew sad. “Melodie’s dead?”
He sadly nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry, Mom.”
“But Pete was here earlier.”
He frowned and looked up at Gwen. She silently mouthed, “Liam.”
Obvious relief washed over his face. “That wasn’t Pete. That was Gwen’s brother, Liam.”
“I could have swore it was Pete I saw earlier. We had a nice chat.”
“No, Mom. It was Liam. Or maybe you’re thinking of Tim. He was here, too.”
“I know who Tim is. I know who Pete is. I saw him before. Then he came back with Gwen.” She looked sad again. “I miss Pete. You three were so happy together.” She stroked his cheek. “I know you three were living together. You couldn’t fool me.” She poked his hand, which rested on the bedrail. “You thought you were fooling me, but I knew better. You and Pete were together, and then you fell in love with her. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think your father knew about you and Pete. I didn’t know if he’d be okay with it. And it wasn’t our business anyway, as long as you were happy.”
Gwen choked back her own tears as Jack’s eyes filled. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Why?”
“I’m sorry if I let you down.”
“Oh, honey, you didn’t let me down.” She reached out and touched his cheek. “I’m so proud of you. You became a detective, you’ve done a lot of good, helped a lot of people. I wish you’d forgive Pete. It’ll eat you up. He can’t forgive himself, either. He told me so.”
Gwen suspected that stretched the limits of Jack’s already obviously fraying control. He leaned in and kissed his mom’s forehead. “I’m going to go grab a quick bite to eat. You should take a nap, Mom.”
“Okay. And say hi to Pete for me if you see him again. During the chat we had before lunch, I made him promise to come see me again tomorrow.”
“Sure, Mom.”
He snagged Gwen’s hand on his way out the door. She thought he’d lead her to the elevator, but instead he detoured to the stairs. In the privacy of the stairwell, he leaned against the wall, pulled her to him, and cried.
She didn’t speak. She held him, stroking his back, wishing he’d opened up to her before instead of lashing out in fear.
Plenty of time to armchair quarterback that later. For now, he needed her.
“You look just like her,” he eventually said. “I don’t mean a little like her, or a faint resemblance. You look just like her. Other than your hairstyle, you could be her.”
A mental chill washed over her. “Who was she?”
He uttered a choked laugh. “I can’t believe Mom knew. I thought we hid it so well. She nailed it, though. Me and Pete lived together. We thought we passed ourselves off as roommates, not lovers. We met Melodie and fell in love with her.” He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. “He killed her.”
; She gasped. “What?”
“Drunk driving accident. I’d had late classes, and they went out to dinner. He got drunk and they wrecked. She was thrown from the car. He was driving.”
She held him tighter. “I’m so sorry,” she said. It sounded lame, but it was all she could offer.
“Can you forgive me for being an idiot? I never expected to meet someone like you.”
“If you can forgive me for the donut cracks.”
He kissed her. “Yeah. No problem.”
They stood there for a long moment. She felt the tension in his body, the grief, the stress. “I need you to honestly answer me a question,” she said.
“Okay.”
“Did you fall in love with me for me, or because I look like her?”
The fact that he didn’t immediately answer her question did just that. “I do love you, Gwen.”
“I know you do. But I think we’ve got a lot to talk about later, don’t we?” She hugged him tighter. “If you want me to ever fully trust you, you have to open up and let me in. It’s damn sure not fair to Tim, either.”
He nuzzled her forehead. “I know.”
They left the stairwell, and he detoured into the restroom. She waited for him outside while he pulled himself together. Despite her love for him, she still felt the sting in his words when they parted before, the hurt she carried in her heart for months.
The question she couldn’t yet resolve now that she knew the truth—Would she ever believe he loved her for who she was, or for who he wished she could be?
* * * *
They rejoined everyone in the cafeteria. After they were seated at a table with the others, Jack laced his fingers through Gwen’s. Tim stared at them from across the table. “Everything copacetic?”
Jack nodded before he looked at Gwen. She squeezed his hand and smiled. “We’ve still got some talking to do, I think, but it’s promising.”
After they bid good-bye to Jack’s father, Gwen rode to the house with Jack in his truck. He reached over and laced his fingers through hers.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there in Laguna,” he quietly said. “I was really looking forward to your book signing.”
“Tim told me.” She stewed for a moment, wanted to blast him, then let out a long, controlled breath. “Why didn’t you call me or write me if you wanted to apologize?”
“I didn’t know what to say. And at first I was so upset I was afraid I’d make it worse.” He looked at her. “Upset at myself,” he clarified. “I wasn’t sure how I felt, and I wasn’t sure how you felt.”
She didn’t know what to say, so she remained quiet.
“If it’s any consolation,” he said, “Tim didn’t speak to me for a couple of weeks.” He offered a sad smile.
That was a major difference, she now realized. He looked so much sadder, more careworn, than she remembered. Seeing the brief smile helped her recognize the look.
“I’m sorry about your mom,” Gwen said. Now wasn’t the time to get into a detailed back-and-forth with Jack about everything. She wanted to decompress, digest the new information, and talk more with Jack when he wasn’t so stressed out over his mom.
“Thanks.” He shrugged. “There’s nothing they can do, really. Medication helps a little, but nothing can stop it.”
She knew that feeling all too well. “Liam’s really lucky. He’s been watching his weight and his diet, staying in shape, staying healthy. He’s on a good mix of meds that are helping keep his MS at bay.” She suddenly choked up. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.”
Jack squeezed her hand. “He chewed me out, too,” he admitted.
“He didn’t tell me that.” What else had Liam left out?
“Yep. Called me at work a few days after you two got back to Ohio and bitched me out royally. Worse part is I knew he was right, and I still couldn’t make myself make the call.
Gwen patted herself on the back that she held onto her temper. “Again, why couldn’t you call me?”
“Because I knew I’d fuck it up.” They pulled up to a red light and he looked at her. “And let’s face it, you were pretty pissed at me. Chances are even if I had, you would have let me have it. Right?”
She grudgingly had to admit it. “Yeah. Probably.” Holding her temper didn’t mean she wouldn’t hold back her feelings. “It hurt, Jack,” she quietly said. “It hurt a lot.”
“I’m sorry, babe. Seriously. I admit I was totally out of line that day. I want to make it up to you.” He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I promise I will.”
She would withhold judgment on that. “Let’s just take it one day at a time, okay? Because we still have a lot to talk about, and right now isn’t the best time.”
“Okay.”
* * * *
They had a quiet dinner together at the house, then moved out to the back deck to talk. She felt emotionally wrung out. As much as she would have loved to crawl into bed with both of them, she knew in her heart that night wasn’t going to be the best night to do it.
Neither man pushed her. She’d had enough talks with Tim over the past several days she didn’t need to rehash it for him. Jack studied the cup of coffee in his hand.
Finally, to break the heavy silence more than anything, she spoke. “You need to know that I’m scared, Jack. I love you, and I love Tim, and it broke my heart hearing those things from you when I left here that day. I’ve done a lot of growing and thinking in the past several months, and I’m not the same person I was.”
He nodded, but didn’t say anything.
“Maybe it was wrong,” she continued, “to just jump into bed with you two the way I did. Maybe I’m not that kind of person. For good or bad, it happened, and that part I do not regret in the least. I do regret that now I’m left with this fear that if I put my heart out there to you again, I’m going to wake up one day and you’re going to turn on me like you did the last time.”
He nodded, but let her continue.
“Do you understand where I’m coming from?”
“All I can do is say I’m sorry, Gwen. I’ve missed you like crazy and regretted letting you leave. I never should have done that.”
She stifled a yawn that overtook her. Nearly dark, she felt like she could fall asleep in her chair. Her body felt heavy despite hope trying to gain a foothold in her heart.
She also knew she had to make a hard decision.
“I think,” she slowly said, “that for tonight I need to sleep in the RV.” Tim started to protest, and she shut him down. “Alone.”
Tim looked a little hurt. Jack wouldn’t look at her. “I have a lot to think about,” she said. “It’s not that I don’t want to be in bed with you two, but let’s be honest. If I go to bed with you two, we won’t be talking, will we?”
Neither man denied it.
“I have no will power when it comes to the two of you. And Jack, you and I need to have a long talk when we’re not so frazzled. Okay?”
Jack nodded. “That’s fair,” he softly said. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”
“I know you don’t, and I appreciate it.”
Tim still looked like a sad puppy. She gave him a smile. “I’ll be fine. You’ve had me all to yourself for the past several days. Spend some time with Stoneface.”
She kissed each man. Jack gave her a big hug before letting her go. “I love you, Gwen.”
“I love you, too.”
Tim caught her hand and pulled her onto his lap. “No chance of changing your mind, babe?”
“Not tonight, hon.” She kissed him before standing and stepping out of reach. “Let’s take things slow. It’s worth doing things right this time, okay?”
Both men nodded, and she turned and walked through the house, out the front door, and to the RV.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why am I not sleeping inside with them?
She knew the answer to that. It would be too easy to close her eyes to the questions in her heart, to let them go unanswered.
/>
No more. She refused to live like that. She didn’t want a repeat of Dickweed, where she’d closed her eyes to the truth and only when it rudely smacked her in the face did she finally address it. She could look back and see instances all throughout her relationship with her ex where he was cheating on her, but she’d chosen to believe his lies.
Not that this situation was like that one, but she needed to know exactly where she stood with both men before she let her heart get bruised and battered again.
She refused to be like her mother, ignoring the obvious and making excuses. And then what about Bob? He’d seemed like the perfect husband for all those years, and he cheated on Ruthie, a woman who’d been through so much trauma already.
If a man like Bob would stray, how could Gwen be sure of anything?
Alone and wrapped in the comfort of a blanket, she went to sleep in the back bunk.
* * * *
The next morning, she was awakened by a soft knock on the RV door. Probably not Liam, because he would have just walked in. She wrapped the blanket around herself and went to open the door.
Jack stood there, dressed for work and looking sheepish. “Hey.”
She felt the way her heart pleasantly flipped when she saw him. “Hey.”
“Breakfast is ready, if you’d like some.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“Can I come in?”
“Of course.” She stepped aside so he could enter. He pulled the door shut behind him and stood there, looking at her for a moment.
She stepped toward him, and as if perfectly synced, his arms slipped around her and held her tightly to him.
He pressed his face into her hair. “I love you. I don’t want to lose you again.”
“I don’t want to lose you, either. We need to have a long talk, though. Maybe tonight after you get home, okay?”
He hugged her even more tightly. “Okay. Please believe me when I say I’m sorry for what I did.”
“I know you are. I’m sorry I lost my temper. It wasn’t all you. Maybe the problem is we did things too fast the last time. I don’t want to make that same mistake.”