That wasn't even the kind of conversation one had with her mother. It was a girlfriend kind of talk. Maybe she could discuss it when she went out with Alicia and Liz later this week. She definitely needed some advice.
Or maybe she should just go with how she felt. And right now she felt alone, and lonely, and felt like spending time with Trevor.
Who'd likely think she was out of her ever-loving mind if she searched him out in the middle of the night after basically ignoring the hell out of him, but she couldn't seem to help herself. She was an indecisive idiot. And maybe he'd tell her to get lost, but that was the risk she was willing to take.
Determined to finally get the hell over herself, she put on a pair of shorts and opened her door.
And nearly jumped out of her skin, because Trevor was right there, his hand raised as if he were about to knock.
EIGHTEEN
TREVOR WAS SHOCKED THAT HAVEN ANSWERED THE door before he even knocked.
He was kind of surprised that he'd made his way over to her wing, and hadn't exactly prepared what he was going to say to her once he got here, but now she'd opened the door, so he'd better start talking.
"Hey," was all that fell out of his mouth. Not exactly earth-shattering or comforting, but it was all he had.
"What are you doing here? Never mind. Come in."
Okay, that went well. At least she hadn't slammed the door in his face.
"I thought you might be sleeping," he said.
"I wasn't. Actually, I was about to come to your room to see if you were still awake. Or, I guess I was going to wake you up if you were asleep." She looked as uncomfortable and awkward as he felt, shifting from foot to foot and looking around the room. "I don't really know what I was going to do once I got to your room. You kind of saved me from having to figure that part out."
He relaxed a little when he realized she was nervous. "Figure what part out?"
"Um, how about we sit down?" She motioned to the two chairs over by the window.
"Sure."
He took a seat, and so did she, then laced her fingers together, still looking as nervous as if she'd been called to the principal's office.
He'd bet Haven had never once been called to the principal's office in all the years she'd gone to school.
He had. Plenty of times.
She didn't say anything, so he guessed it was up to him to say something. "I came to your room to talk to you."
She looked up at him. "Oh. You did? About?"
"About you avoiding me."
She looked down at her hands again. "Yeah, that." And then she lifted her gaze to his. "That's part of the reason I was on my way to talk to you. I'm sorry. The other night when we . . . when we had sex, and I had that nightmare, I backed away."
"I know. What was the nightmare really about?"
She took a deep breath. "It was about my dad. He was in the hospital, and I couldn't get to him. It's a variation on a theme. I've had dreams similar to that one before since he died."
"I'm sorry."
She rubbed her finger across her forehead. "I'm just having a hard time dealing with it. I really miss him."
"I know you do."
"Too much, maybe."
"No such thing as too much, Haven. Maybe the problem is you've been suppressing your emotions and you haven't let yourself feel the full extent of your grief."
She tilted her head to the side, giving him a look of disbelief. "Oh, believe me, Trevor. I've grieved for my dad."
"Have you? Or did you think you were supposed to just get over it in a week or two and get back to work?"
He saw the truth in her eyes. "What was I supposed to do? I had a job in Dallas back then. I couldn't just take a sabbatical so I could stay home with my mom."
"But you wanted to, didn't you? You felt responsible for her because she's all alone now."
"Yes."
"She's not your responsibility to look after, Haven. She's a grown woman, and if anyone knows how independent Ginger Briscoe is, it's me. It's time you focus on your own needs."
"I'm fine, Trevor. Really."
He stood, took her hand, and pulled her out of her chair, then over to his, setting her on his lap. "You're not fine. You have nightmares. How often?"
He thought for a second there she was going to bolt. Instead, she stayed. "A few a month."
"Always about your dad?"
"Not always."
He swept his thumb across her cheek. "It's no wonder you're such a mess, Haven. You miss your dad. You're not sleeping well. And you never allowed yourself the time to grieve over him."
She let out a sigh. "You know what? You're right. I do miss him. A lot. He was more than just my dad. He was my best friend."
He saw the tears shimmer in her eyes, saw how much she tried to battle them back.
"Just let it go."
"It makes me feel weak. It's been almost a year. I've already cried bucketsful. How much more is there? Shouldn't this . . ." She made a fist and clutched it to her chest. "Shouldn't this pain go away?"
"I don't know. Eventually, it will. But you have to feel however you feel. Trying not to feel is what's hurting you the most."
"Maybe."
"Think of it as honoring your dad whenever you cry for him. You know you'll always miss him, and sometimes you just need to go with your feelings."
Haven felt such a well of emotion at the moment. Not just for her dad, but for Trevor. Most men walled up their emotion, and definitely didn't understand, or even want to be around weepy women. She knew plenty of guys who'd just tell her to suck it up and get over it. But here Trevor was, holding her on his lap and rubbing her back while she tried like hell to hold back the floodgates. And he encouraged her to release it.
She shuddered in a breath, finally tired of the fight. She let the tears fall and lay on his chest, releasing what she felt was a year's full of pain. She clutched his shirt and cried. Not as long as she did the other night after her nightmare, but for about five minutes she had a good, hard cry. And all the while, Trevor stroked her hair and her back and didn't say a word. It was comforting to know he was there for her, and for those few minutes, she wasn't alone.
That was the first time in all these months since she'd lost her dad that she didn't feel alone in this. She pulled back, using his shirt to wipe her eyes.
"I made a mess of you," she said.
"That's what I'm here for."
She splayed her hands across his chest. "You should take off your shirt."
"Why? Do you need to blow your nose in it?"
She laughed. It felt really good to laugh, to release the tension after an emotional cry. "Maybe."
And when Trevor pulled off his shirt and handed it to her, she was way more interested in his naked chest than she was in his shirt. It felt cathartic, that she could move on from grieving to something infinitely more appealing. She tossed the shirt on the floor and snaked her fingers over the warmth of his bare skin. "I might need a little more comforting."
"Is that right?"
"Yes." She moved over him, straddling his lap now. "A different kind of comforting."
Trevor grasped her hips, his fingers digging into her flesh, causing an uproar in her nerve endings.
"Well, you know I'm here for you, Haven. Whatever you need."
She pulled off her tank top, baring her breasts. "Anything?"
His eyes gleamed hot and dark as his gaze zeroed in on her quickly tightening nipples. "Anything. Do you need me to make you feel good?"
"Oh, yes."
He cupped her breasts, using his thumbs to draw lazy circles over her nipples. She grabbed his shoulders and held on while he pulled her forward, drawing one taut peak between his lips. She gasped as he sucked and rolled his tongue over the bud until she felt it between her legs, her sex throbbing with need. And when he released, he pleasured the other nipple as well, making her moan with delight.
Haven threaded her fingers in Trevor's hair and pulled his head forward,
needing his mouth on hers. He wound his hand around the nape of her neck, instantly making that connection the moment their lips touched, holding her there while he explored her mouth with a deep, soul-searching kiss that fueled her fire to scorching levels. Every part of her felt him, tasted him, breathed him in as he took command with that kiss, sliding his tongue over hers, nipping at her lips, his hand cupping her butt to anchor her as he stood, carrying her to the bed.
He sat her down on the edge of the bed, then pulled off her shorts and underwear, his hands taking a slow, leisurely cruise along her legs before parting her thighs. He nestled down between them and put his mouth on her sex.
Sensation exploded as his mouth found her clit, his tongue slipping along her folds, taking her right to the very height of pleasure as he relentlessly pursued every inch of her pussy. She threw her arms over her head, abandoning herself to the extremes of indulgence, letting herself get carried away by Trevor's mastery of her body.
She needed this rush of bliss, this total recklessness of heady pleasure, her mind emptied of heavy thoughts, her body tuned in to Trevor's tongue and mouth. She delighted in every stroke of his tongue, her hips rising toward him with every suck of his mouth around her clit.
She was going to come. Everything tightened within her as he flicked his tongue over the tight, pulsing knot, the current center of her universe. And when he grabbed the hood of her clit and sucked, she climaxed, holding his head there while she undulated against his expert mouth, wave after wave of orgasm making her gasp until she felt like her breath had been stolen from her.
Shattered, she finally rested her hips against the mattress, catching her breath from that phenomenal orgasm. She lifted her head to see Trevor drop his shorts and climb onto the bed next to her.
"I didn't bring condoms with me. I had no intention of coming here to have sex with you tonight."
She rolled over onto her side, her fingers playing with his very fine chest. "It wasn't my intention, either. But I don't want you to leave and go get them."
She moved her hand upward, over his jaw, then leaned in to brush her lips against his. His mouth was wet--from her--taking her right to the edge of desire once again.
She pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him, deepening the kiss, tangling her fingers in his hair, tugging just a little as she felt the edge of need take over.
Too bad about that lack-of-condom thing, because right now she'd like nothing more than to slide his hard cock inside her.
But she could do something to take the edge off--at least for him--just as he'd done for her.
She kissed her way along his jaw, his neck, flicking her tongue along the column of his ear before snaking her tongue down the very muscular line from his neck to his shoulder, using both her hands and her mouth to map his body.
And what a body he had. She used her own to slide down over his magnificent chest and rock-hard abs, stopping to tease her tongue over his nipples, causing him to suck in a hard breath, his cock lurching between them. He obviously liked that, which made her smile.
And when it was her turn to spread his legs, when she reached his cock and cradled the shaft between her hands, he propped his head between his hands and looked down at her, giving her one very hot, one very primal male smile.
But she was the one who held all the power at the moment, a very heady feeling, especially when she flicked her tongue across the wide, soft head of his cock and saw the way his lips parted, heard his raspy breathing. She knew she had him when she got up on all fours and turned sideways so Trevor could watch her take his cock between her parted lips and slide her mouth down over it, inch by slow inch.
"FUCK," HE WHISPERED. "OH, FUCK YES, JUST LIKE that, Haven."
Trevor swallowed, but there was nothing to lubricate his throat. He'd gone sand dry watching Haven take his cock in between her beautiful lips. He gripped the sheets and held on when his shaft disappeared and she seemed to swallow him whole. Watching it and feeling it was like nothing short of a mixture of pure heaven and utter sweet hell, because he could erupt. Right now, right this instant, with Haven's hot mouth surrounding his dick, squeezing him as she tightened her hold on him, her tongue flicking around him as she lifted off him, his cock wet from her mouth, then went down on him again.
Sweat broke out on his brow when she cradled his balls in her hand, giving them a light squeeze while at the same time rolling her tongue around the crest. He'd never wanted anything more than to shoot his load right into her sweet mouth, and never wanted to hold on more so he could watch his cock disappear once more between her full lips, to feel the incredible pressure of her clamping down around his shaft and squeezing while she tightened her grip around the base and pumped his cock into her mouth.
Christ, she was beautiful when she sucked him, occasionally gazing up at him, letting him know she had him, that she was with him, that she was going to give him exactly what he needed.
He reached out to sweep his hand over her soft hair. "Haven. You're going to make me come, honey. Like right now."
It was all the warning he could give her, because he began to pump with her, to lift his hips and drive his cock deeper into the recesses of her mouth. She stayed with him, continuing to grip his shaft and force it deeper into her mouth.
He felt the stirrings of orgasm rise up from the base of his balls. He arched, let out a harsh groan, and erupted, his gaze glued to Haven's sweet mouth as he jettisoned what felt like gallons of come into her mouth. It was the sweetest climax ever as he watched her throat work while she swallowed everything he had to give, until he was spent, emptied, his legs shaking from the force of his orgasm. She licked the head of his cock, taking every drop he had.
It was a damn good thing he was lying on the bed, because she'd zapped his energy. He wasn't sure his legs would even work. She moved up beside him and he wrapped an arm around her to pull her close, then tipped her lips to his to kiss her.
"Thank you," he said.
"Mmm, you're most welcome. Just returning the favor."
He held her there next to him for a few minutes, then said, "So, not kicking me out this time?"
She tilted her head back and gave him a sleepy smile. "No. Not this time. I'd like you to stay."
He pulled the covers up over them both. "I'm not going anywhere. But, Haven?"
"Yes?"
"We need to get a box of condoms for your room." Because he would have liked to be inside her tonight. Not that he was complaining about the way she'd pleasured him. Damn, she'd been sweet. She had a perfect mouth.
She let out a short laugh. "Yes. Box of condoms. We'll take care of that tomorrow."
He liked the sound of that. He settled in against the pillows and closed his eyes.
NINETEEN
HAVEN WAS ALL ALONE IN TREVOR'S HOUSE SINCE HE was traveling to Atlanta today.
She'd stayed behind to finish up her work here with the camera crew. And tonight she was going out with Alicia and Liz and some of the other Riley women, so she told Trevor she'd meet him in Atlanta tomorrow. It wasn't like she'd be missing anything today anyway, since it was only a travel day for the team.
But she did miss Trevor. They hadn't spent much time together the past couple of days. He'd had back-to-back games finishing up the series with Los Angeles, where they'd won the last two games, giving them hope facing Atlanta, which was a make-or-break series for them. Though they hadn't had much alone time, and she'd had late nights getting her edits finished so she could send her work to the studio, she'd gotten some great interview stuff with Trevor on camera.
Now she had a chance to relax, to chill out with the girls tonight before heading out to Atlanta tomorrow. She was actually looking forward to it after several days of hard work.
She took a shower and chose a skirt and a black-and-white button-down sweater over a tank, then slid into her wedged heels. She did her hair and makeup and headed downstairs, just in time for the doorbell to ring.
Alicia was at the door,
looking gorgeous in jeans, black boots, and a leather jacket.
"You look stunning," Haven said. "Maybe I should change clothes."
Alicia laughed. "Are you kidding? You look fabulous. Let's go."
She climbed into the backseat of the car. Liz was in front, applying lipstick.
"Hey," Liz said from behind the wheel. "You ready for this night?"
"Absolutely. How about you?"
"You have no idea. The baby was a terror for the past few days. She had shots."
"Aww, the poor thing."
"I know. My mother-in-law is keeping her tonight and will love on her and not mind at all that she's a screaming banshee. Me? I need a freaking break, especially with Gavin being out of town the next few days on a road trip."
"You know what I love about you, Liz?" Alicia asked as they pulled through the gate and onto the street.
"What's that?"
"That you're not one of those, 'Oooh, my baby is the most perfect thing I've ever created, sleeps all through the night and never cries' type of moms."
Liz snorted. "Girl, please. That baby has a set of lungs on her. She poops. She vomits. She doesn't sleep. Sometimes I think she's possessed. It's a good thing Gavin and I love her to pieces. Otherwise she'd end up in a basket on someone's doorstep."
Haven laughed. "She sounds like a normal baby to me."
"Oh, she totally is," Liz said, pulling onto the highway. "But she's hardly the type of baby you see on television. No one tells you about all the screaming. And the throw-up."
"I consider myself warned," Alicia said. "How about you, Haven?"
"Totally." Though Haven doubted she'd have to worry about having a baby anytime soon.
But the thought entered her head. She was approaching thirty, and hadn't had a serious enough relationship--talking marriage and having children--in her entire life. Maybe it was time she started getting that kind of serious with someone, consider settling down and having some babies.
Then again, this wasn't really the right time. She was embarking on the career she'd always wanted. She wasn't in a committed relationship. Hell, she wasn't even dating anyone. She was having sex with Trevor, and even though he'd played a part in her dreams and fantasies for so many years, he was hardly the guy she was going to marry and have children with.