Lizzy asks, 'What's going in the potion next? Mino, would you like me to collect some frog's eggs or woodlice?'
Mino looks at her seriously and says, 'Fix cat, medicine.' He lifts his little pot off the fire and lets it cool.
Mum lifts Caticus out of his box and lays him down next to a small saucer, which Mino fills with the goopy greeny-yellow mixture. Being careful to keep his distance, Mino blows across the saucer to send the fumes across to the cat. Caticus's nose twitches and he snarls weakly. Mino fishes the slugs out with his spoon and flicks them out into the garden, then scoops up some medicine and sticks it under Caticus's nose. Nothing happens. Mino steps back and scratches his head with his wee hand then steps back another step and clicks his fingers together. The medicine suddenly turns into wriggling silver fish. Caticus's whiskers twitch but he remains motionless. He is in a bad way. Mino clicks his fingers again and the fish turn into tiny mice. They run around the saucer and dance in front of Caticus's nose, but Caticus's eyes are closed.
'He's dead,' cries Lizzy with glee. 'We can send him to sea on a flaming raft with our old socks and knickers. Yippee!'
'Funnel, funnel,' demands Mino.
We all hunt through the cottage for a funnel but there isn't one, so Dad makes one out of a plastic bottle. When we get back, Mino is standing next to an empty saucer looking a bit perplexed. He has mouse problems. They've run away and are dancing about on the floor. It seems that he needs them all back in the saucer but has no idea how to do it. Mum comes to the rescue, fetching the cheese grater out of the fridge and leaving a trail of parmesan across the room, gwtting thicker as it approaches the saucer, where she places a big lump of cheese. We sit still and watch as slowly, slowly the mice pick up the scent of the cheese and one by one, work their way back to the saucer. When finally all are aboard, which takes quite some time as they keep jumping out again, Mino snaps his fingers and turns them back into greeny-yellow medicine. Dad picks up the dead looking Caticus and sticks the funnel in his mouth. Mum carefully pours in the potion until every last little drop has run out of the saucer, down the funnel and into Caticus. Dad gives Caticus a bit of a jiggle to make sure the medicine is well inside him and, wrapping him in a blanket, lays him back in the banana box.
Chapter 15 - Back to Town
The next day is home day, time to head back to town. We are all ready to go apart from Mum, who's missing her Sofie and doesn’t want to leave without her. 'I suppose Sofie had to fly the nest at some stage,' she says, 'but she could have waited another ten years or so.'
We cook up a big breakfast, using everything in the fridge and cupboards, and take a last walk along the lovely, deserted beach. Then it's time to pack up, clean the cottage and head for home.
Caticus is in his banana box. He looks very poorly. In fact he looks so poorly that he’s probably dead. Lizzy has made us all promise that if he is dead, we will dress in black and send his flaming casket to sea on the stroke of midnight from the town wharf. He’s stone cold and his fur is falling out in big tufts. He doesn't smell bad, not yet anyway, and he's had Mino’s medicine, so who knows, maybe he’ll recover.
Mino is in his box; well at least we think he is. He's normally very easy to spot; being bright green with orange spots he does kind of stand out, but with the box being bright green with orange spots and the socks and knickers all bright green with orange spots, he’s perfectly camouflaged. If he doesn't move, which he hasn't, you can't see him.
As we bump our way down the rough track to the main road, Mum says, 'When Sofie was just a baby we used to have a camper van called Nancy. She was painted bright orange and blended in perfectly when we parked on a bright green hillside.'
'Not!' says Sam, then adds, 'Same sort of thing I suppose, well it would be if the all the sheep and cows where bright orange!'
But Mum's not listening. She has gone into meltdown thinking of her Sofie.
Sob, sob, sob.
'Hold it together Mum, you have all us lot to leave home yet,' I say.
Sob, sob. Sniffle.
That didn't seem to help. Maybe it wasn't the best thing to say.
'Family,' says Mino as we hit the highway. 'See family.'
Mum looks worried as she wipes her tears away. I wonder what she's worried about; probably us leaving home. Lizzy decides that it’s the perfect moment to have a tiff and pokes me in the ribs and grabs at my book, ripping the page I'm reading out. She flaps it round in front of my face and stuffs it down inside her shirt. I get it back, but it's a very painful and noisy process and there's lots of tears.
Dad stops the car and shouts, ‘We're not going nowhere until you behave!’
Mum cancels pocket money, yet again. Me and Lizzie vow never to speak to each other every again for the rest of their lives, and an uneasy peace settles on the van, although there’s a bit of an atmosphere hanging around me, like a thundery storm cloud.
Just north of Warkworth we get pulled up by the cops. Dad's been driving quite quickly, but the police, all three car loads of them, don't seem too worried about that. They search the car. We're a bit worried they'll find Mino, and the cops, who are trained to pick up on worried, I've got something to hide, brainwaves, search harder. They stick a little camera on a wire into the petrol tank and down the air ducts. We can see all the sweeties and coins we posted in when we were little. They’re all mouldy and black. The police take the door panels off and search under the car with torches. They look in the box of knickers and socks, but don't notice Mino. The sniffer dog doesn't either, in fact he seems to stay well clear and then goes wild when he picks up Caticus's scent.
'The cat died,' says Mum sobbing, then completely loses it and brakes down in tears. 'Why, why are you picking on us anyway, a normal suburban family out for a drive with their dead cat?' she demands.
Sob, sob, sob, sniff, sniff.
'We pull over any suspicious looking vehicles,' says the Sergeant. 'And you are suspicious looking!'
'Suspicious looking?' sobs Mum and climbs out of the car, walks ten paces up the verge then turns around to look at the car. She looks surprised.
Squidging past Lizzie, I jump out to have a look. Our boring burgundy colour suburban van is bright green with orange spots! Cool.
Mum looks at me and smiles. 'Wonderful,' she says. 'I've always wanted to paint it that colour!' Then her worried look comes back again.
When I jump back in, Dad is looking worried too. Lizzy is busy telling the sergeant how she’s going to soak the cat in petrol and send its flaming body afloat on Auckland harbour.
'Can we go now?' demands Dad, and before the policeman has time to answer, he’s started the car and driven the ten metres to Mum.
She jumps in, bursting into tears again, and we're off.
'Family,' says Mino. 'See family.'
Chapter 16 - Home but not as we know it
Arriving home to No.4 Calliope Road we decide to park the car out of sight. For the first time ever, it's allowed in the garage. It must think all its Christmases have come at once. First, it's got a new bright green and spotty orange colour scheme; second, it's allowed in the garage; third, the garage is carpeted, so nice warm tyres at night; and forth, the garage is a neat aquamarine colour, a deep shimmering aquamarine. There are the fish, brightly coloured and cute little fish like a six year old would draw. The odd thing is that when you look away, then back again, the fish never seem to be in quite the same spot. They’re almost in the same spot but, has one moved a little or another one turned around?
Mum says, 'It's not so bad, is it?'
It's not. 'I like it,' I say.
'Family,' says Mino, from amongst the knickers. 'Family home.'
'Family, where?' I ask.
'Maybe the fish,' says Lizzy.
'Feesh, feesh,' says Mino.
'I’ll put the kettle on,' says Mum. 'I could murder for a cup of tea.'
'Feesh, cupa tea, shut up, shut up,' pipes the voice of Mino.
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‘Oh, do shut up!' says Mum. 'If I don’t get a cup of tea in a minute, I will be committing murder.’
'Do shutup, feeshees, cupa teee, shut up,’ says Mino.
Lizzy starts to giggle, and that sets me and Sam off. Mino is a funny little thing.
The kitchen is yellow, a deep slightly orangey yellow with some little red squirly, whirlpooly things. Like little eddies forming in the yellow.
Everything in the kitchen is so yellow that it's hard to find the kettle. It's even harder to find the cookies. In fact, it’s impossible to find the cookies because something has eaten them. I can see that Mum has had enough for one day. No Sofie and no cookies, too much! So I hop on my bike, which is aquamarine with little fish, and scoot down to the supermarket for urgent supplies. Urgent supplies of the sort that go well with a cup of tea.
Whoa! I gasp, as I open the door to the lounge. The floor, the ceiling, the walls, the tele, the chairs, the books, the light bulbs, the curtains, everything is bright pinky-purple with green zebra stripes.
Whoa!
'I like the car, the garage is great and I’d paint the kitchen the same colour if we owned the house, but this has got to go!' says Mum, who's sitting with Dad on the stripy sofa. ‘I knew something was going on. This is what I’ve been worried about.'
I hold up the Afghans and chocolate digestives.
'Great,' says Mum. 'Let’s have our tea out on the terrace.'
When we've finished our tea, which takes quite a while as it involves at least two cups of tea each and all of the Afghans and chocolate digestives, I say, 'Let’s go and look at the other rooms.'
Off we set, through the zany lounge, and along the corridor to look at the rest of the house. We have a quick peek into Sofie’s room, which is in its normal state, like a bomb site, then open the door to Mum and Dad's room. Its light blue and yellow, like cracked mud with the light blue the mud and the yellow the cracks, or ice flows with the light blue the ice and the yellow the sea between. 'Yes,' says Mum. 'I like it. Good choice!'
Next we knock on my door.
'Cooome Innnn,' replies Lizzy. Once we are inside, she says, 'I love it.'
'Me too,' says Mum.
It is all girly and pink with random purple lines running across the surface like dinosaur skin. It's just wonderful.
'Me too!' I say.
'Look in the wardrobe,' says Lizzie.
All our clothes are pink with purple lines as well. Cool!
'Let’s put them on,' I say, pulling on some pinky-purple jeans and a top to match.
We go to Sam’s room. There's nothing there! Literally nothing, no bed, no desk, no toys, no carpet, no curtains, no clothes, not even walls. We can see the studs. Sam gasps. He walks in and trips over the big mess he can’t see, and lands where his bed should be. He hovers there, a foot off the floor that isn't there.
'Cool,' he says.
He jumps up and carefully feels his way across the room to the wardrobe and gropes around inside. He looks like a mime artist as he sorts through his clothes, takes a jersey off its hanger and puts it on. His top half vanishes leaving just his feet and trousers, hands and head. 'Cool,' he says again.
We unpack the car, have fish and chips for dinner and call it a day. It's been a quirky day!
Chapter 17 - Where's Sam?
And so is the next!
'Aaaaagh!' I awake to the sound of a scream.
'Aaaaagh!' screams Mum again.
Me and Lizzy jump up and run down the hall to Mum and Dad's room
We look at Mum and Dad and they look at us, and we all scream, 'Aaaagh!'
Mum and Dad are light blue from head to foot, all blotchy like, on a bright yellow background!
Me and Lizzy's start laughing.
'You can laugh,' says Dad. 'Just look at yourselves!'
We do. We look at each other and scream. Lizzy is a deep pink colour from head to toe, with little purply lines running across like dinosaur skin. Her jimjams are like that, her body is like that and her hair is like that. She looks great and I look the same.
'I wonder what colour Sam is?' says Lizzy.
We go to Sam’s room and push the door open.
Nothing, there's nothing at all!
We try Sofie’s room. Mino must have moved in, as the room is bright green with orange spots. We have a careful look and find Mino, still asleep in his box. Beside him in another orange and green box is Caticus, completely furless now and, you guessed it, bright green with orange spots! No sign of Sam though.
We go through to the lounge. The tele is on, but no sign of Sam!
'Sam?' calls Mum.
'Mum, there’s no need to yell. I’m right here in front of you,' says Sam.
There's silence for a few seconds, then he screams, 'Aaaaagh, what’s happened to you guys?'
'Sam,' says Mum, 'And exactly where in front of me are you?'
'I’m on the sofa, watching TV, right under your eyes. You’re looking at me,' says Sam.
The purple and green remote control picks itself up and the tele changes channel.
'Aaaaagh,' we scream. 'You’re invisible!'
'Cool,' says Sam.
'I’m off to take a shower,' says Mum.
'I’d better put the kettle on,' says Dad. 'Let’s cancel school for today, you can’t go looking like that and after all, it’s a special day, it’s the Equinox.'
'What’s the Equinox?' asks Lizzy.
'Oh, thicko,' I say, without thinking.
'What is it then, Lulu?' she asks.
'It..it...it's...,' I stammer, 'I don't know,'
'Oh thicko,' she says, savouring her revenge.
'It’s a special day,' says Dad, 'because it is no shorter than it is long.'
'Don’t you mean,' says Sam. 'that it’s no longer than it is short?'
'Exactly,' says Dad.
'Well that explains it. Clear as mud,' I say, with a hint of sarcasm in my voice.
'It’s a special day,' says Dad, 'because it always blows a gale and we can go and walk on the beach in the wind, then have fish and chips.'
'Aaaagh,' screams Mum. 'It won’t come off!’
There’s silence for a moment, then she yells, ‘Where did these things come from anyway? And what are they?'
She must be upset about her new reptilian colour scheme.
Silence.
'Louise, Lizzy, where did they come from?'
Silence
'Louise, Lizzy, I’ll cancel fun for the rest of the year!'
'Wa, wa, wa, wa,’ I stammer. ‘We found the eggs in the corner of Granny Wig’s vege garden. We didn’t know something would hatch out. And then odd things started happening and the eggs had hatched.'
'How many are there?' demands Mum, wrapped in a towel but still dripping with water and leaving a trail of wet footprints.
'Six, we still have the shells.'
Lizzy rushes off to get them, coming back carrying the little nest fill of brightly coloured egg shells. There are six eggs, the same colours as the rooms, green with orange spots, shimmering blue with fish, yellow with little whirlpools, purply-pink with green zebra stripes, pinky-purple with purple lines and light blue splodges on a yellow background.
'Six of them,' says Mum.
'Seven,' pipes Sam’s voice. 'Look, I’m holding a piece of invisible egg.'
'I see,' says Mum, even though there's nothing there.
'We’re off to the beach,' says Lizzy.
'You can’t go out looking like that!' says Mum.
'Why not?' says Sam’s voice.
'Are you dressed?' asks Mum.
'Yes,' says Sam.
'Sofie won't mind if we wear her clothes, will she?' I say, and me and Lizzy run off to Sofie's room and dress up in her spotty clothes. They are way too big for us and we look like clowns.
'We’ll just pretend we are all off to a fancy dress party,' I say, when we're back to the living room.
'Oh, and Mino wan
ts to come too,' says Lizzie.
'Me too,' comes a voice and a cute little creature comes waddling into the dining room. She, because she's obviously a she, is much the same as Mino, but a little shorter. She's bright pinky purple with green zebra stripes, and cute as. She wears a little red top hat with flowers growing around the rim, real flowers.
'Me too' she says.
'Of course you can come along,' says Mum.
Off to Takapuna Beach we go, hoping it is far enough away that we won't bump into anyone we know. The car looks cool; it is shimmering blue with fish; fish that move.
'Let’s try to be inconspicuous,' says Mum, as we get on to the main road.
'I’m trying my hardest,' says the totally invisible Sam.
We park the car under a pohutukawa tree, and go for a long walk on the beach. It's blowing a gale from the east and waves crash on the beach. The tide is way down and we are able to walk along towards Narrow Neck without scrambling on the rocks. Mino and Metoo are in my and Lizzy's pockets, just sticking their heads out. As we walk along the beach our colours start to fade and Sam starts to reappear. At first he is translucent, then back to normal.
'Oh no,' he says. 'I hate these shorts. They were all I could find groping around in my drawer this morning.'
By the time we’re back in Takapuna, everyone is back to normal, everyone that is apart from Lizzy and me. Sure the pinky-purple has faded, but now Lizzy is orange with green spots and I'm purply-pink with green stripes.
'Party Nite,' says Metoo. 'Party Nite, Equinox.'
'Hide, Seek,' says Mino. 'Seek, seek, hide, Equinox.’
'Tonight,' says Mum, 'might be party night, but we are sleeping in the hall and the dining room. It’s school tomorrow so bring your uniform out of your rooms.'
'Skool, skool, me know, me too,' say Mino and Metoo.
'Don’t even think about it,' says Mum.
Chapter 18 – Eddy
When we get home, the lounge and Sofie’s room are back to normal. So is Caticus, if you call not being bright green with orange spots, normal.
'He’s dead. Dead, dead, dead,' says Lizzy. 'Burn him, burn him.'
'Waaait, waaait, like new,' says Mino.