Although I was spared the moment of dying alone, death came too soon for my young spirit. My family and friends surrounded me, all locked into something so intriguing yet fearful that they remained my startled spectators. They were able to live vicariously through this shunned reality, but stood a safe distance away as not to contaminate their own lives. I allowed them to see through my compelling eyes and steal a glimpse of their ultimate destiny.
A first- hand account of this event interfered with any romanticized notions of their last moment. They watched me in the midst of losing my dignity. This noxious woman drifting away in front of them could not be evaded. My beauty dissolved in an uncontrollable sweat that still worked to cool my body. The ugliness craved their attention, which saddened me. A human touch was all I desired.
Those people awaiting my passing became strangers. I thought I knew them, however, in the darkness I felt nothing. Their facial features vanished as the eyes of nothingness emerged.
I waited for the light to direct me but the darkness reeled me in. I tried to inhale the smell of life yet nothing came to mind. I tried listening to its’ chaotic sounds, however no reply echoed. I tried to move my eyes to find something to gravitate towards but my vision failed me. I tried moving my body to assure myself that I still controlled some aspect of me. However, all senses my collapsed, save one. I could taste my death. The closer I got to my last breath the more distinct it became. The flavor of burning venomous blood trickled down my throat.
I still don’t fully understand the details of what occurred that night but perhaps, in the end, I’m to blame. After all I was solely responsible for taking my last breath. As I relinquished my final taste of life, a rush of trepidation washed over me. An insatiable desire to reveal something significant about this moment arose. I couldn’t express it verbally. Only a few living souls could engage in nonverbal communication. I could only hope that one of my beloved visitors felt the last of my essence entering into their hearts as I left.
My new surroundings mystified me. I knew that I parted from my body but why did I continue to think and feel as if I were still alive. Minus the fear that binds one to this physical realm, everything else felt near to normal. The only difference was that I became a mere observer of life. Nothing seemed real. I must be in limbo I thought. Moments of malevolence while alive must have brought me here.
This was no happy medium. To observe the living but not take part of it was an agonizing experience. I began to wonder how long this would last or if there were any way out. I decided to focus in on the present moment and work my way back- a sensible approach to unveiling my death, I thought, which will then lead to that assured peaceful rest I was once promised.
However, I quickly discovered how complex this would be. Suddenly it all changed. Everything and everyone began to look amazingly peculiar because of their uncanny similarities. I was losing sight of the familiar and gaining a vision inconceivable unless experienced. The unseen no longer existed. It became part of all creation. Locating exactly where I was in a world that I could no longer recognize seemed impossible. First I had to learn how to distinguish the small differences.
As I continued to focus, I began to notice various shades of energy. It was like a sea of colors intertwined and only gained its independence by a swift wind, which then gave birth to the waves that momentarily defined their individuality. Everything was losing its physical form. It was separated only by these different shades of energy vibrating at various frequencies. The further away I went; the individual shades of energy even lost its autonomy. It became a combination of colors that created the aura of the world. It was beautiful but I know it would not last. I had to attach myself to something quickly. My vision was fading and so were these shades of energy.
Then a familiar scene passed me by but without a chance to catch it. Like that, it came and went. However, I could still feel its effects. I felt as if I were being possessed by an unresolved emotion. The more I concentrated, the more feelings that didn’t initially belong to me became part of me. I remembered the sorrow eyes of a person that I once knew. She now resides in this desolate but comfortable place. I knew that I had to approach this “thing” delicately. As confusing as this experience had been, I felt that she held the answers. I needed her to come to me again in hopes that it would pour into me and reunite our souls.
I waited. When she finally returned, others were with her. I felt five united spirits around me. Something about our surroundings felt different. It was as if we were limited to a restricted space similar to that of a closet or closed coffin. Darkness prevailed here with just a few flickers of light that offered a false sense of hope. The electrical current intensified as my fear built. I put out a vigorous pulsation of anguish until I got a reaction.
“Join me and you will change your perception” Something spoke in such a gentle vibration that I began to calm down. Our magnetic forces became one as she led me to a more relaxed state. My tension level soon subsided. I finally felt weightless.
“Where are we?”
“I don’t know. What I do know is how you feel. Your mind is like a jungle right now but it does get better at times. At least for a while you’ll find peace in the midst of confusion.
“Where did the others go?”
“They’re still here. You need to focus on one thing at a time. Get use to me first then I will introduce the others.”
“You are not the same spirit that I felt before. Why did that first spirit bring you guys to me?”
“So that our stories could be told. Let me introduce myself, I’m Athena and I’ve been here the longest. I can only speculate as to why we’re here. I believe that the answer lies somewhere within all of our stories. With that in mind I think that we should share our lives with you. However some of us are not ready to speak. That comes in time. I have witnessed each of their stories as they unraveled. Therefore, I can speak for those who choose not to. Once they have heard their own story they should regain their fervor and speak for themselves.
We will try to answer any questions that you may have along the way. We need your fresh eyes to see what we’re overlooking. Many here believe that this is the end for all of us but we are refusing it. They think that we are all in a coma state sharing the same atmosphere and that is our connection. Once we are physically detached from this world that would be it for us. I believe that you are here to set us free from life or death; whichever is holding us captive.
Perhaps you’re only here to save one of us. Perhaps that one will be given an opportunity to experience life again. Maybe, just maybe, the rest of us will act as aides and experience life again only through that individual. At least this is what has come to me so far. I’ll begin with the story of Al Ford. His story is one of unrequited love. These are the events that led up to his perceived death.