those?”
The staff member laughed sourly. “Ha, not a chance mate. One pack per shopper - it’s the only way we’re keeping things under control here.”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw the businessman getting up, discarding his empty punnet. “More,” I half heard him grunting.
“Jesus - we need riot control for fruit now?” I joked. “What’s the world coming to, eh?”
The man didn’t laugh, and it was clear he wasn’t going to give me any more strawberries. He was watching the businessman.
“Perhaps you need a sideline in bibs?” I joked again, pointing to the businessman’s grossly stained shirt and wondering immediately why I bothered.
Then the person behind me lost patience, shoving me mindlessly out of the way. He went to grab a punnet, but the staff member cut him off. At the same moment the businessman made a lunge for some more strawberries. One of the guards held him back: “Oi, back of the queue, mate!”
I decided it was time to retreat to the checkout, hoping Suzie would accept just the one punnet without biting my head off.
“6.99, mate.”
It wasn’t the most I’d ever paid for fruit, but it still took me aback for a moment. “So you’re not giving them away today then?”
The checkout boy looked at me cloudily. “You want to leave it?”
I shook my head. “Better not - my sister’d kill me!”
“6.99 then,” the boy repeated.
I was beginning to think that everyone had suffered a humour bypass that day, but the only thing that stopped me from cracking another poor joke was the fighting that suddenly broke out.
I heard the shouting first, and looked up. One of the shoppers was trying to coerce the staff member into giving him more strawberries. Someone behind him started pushing, accidentally knocking down the nearest guard. Then I saw the businessman lunge out of nowhere and, with a brainless grunt, smash a frozen joint of beef down onto the other guard’s head. The man fell to the floor with blood pouring over his face. The other guard clambered quickly to his feet, but he was no match for the piled throng. The remaining staff member got out of the way as quickly as he could and then, in a second, it was pure mayhem; a violent free-for-all as shoppers beat down other shoppers in a frantic race to get at the strawberries.
“Oh shit,” the checkout boy whispered, clearly ready to make a break for it himself.
I decided to follow his instinct and got the hell out of there, it was only when I got into the car that I realised I’d taken the strawberries with me; I figured I must have grabbed them automatically when the trouble started. No matter, the supermarket staff had bigger things to worry about than one missing pack of strawberries, and I wasn’t about to take them back when they were potentially the only thing between me and Suzie’s wrath.
I pulled into the driveway at home with a clear feeling that something was wrong. Suzie and Chrissie arguing was unnatural enough, and the scene at the supermarket had been downright frightening, but as I got out of the car I knew there was something else bothering me.
Then it struck me. It was the garden: I couldn’t hear anything coming from the garden, no arguing, no banter, not even any sullen chatter. To make things worse I remembered half noticing something out of place as I’d driven past. I ran to the gate and, sure enough, the table was lying on its side, the wine bottle and glasses were shattered over the patio, and neither Suzie nor Chrissie were anywhere to be seen.
I rushed inside...
...where everything looked normal.
I still couldn’t hear Suzie or Chrissie but at least there were no more signs of damage, no indication that someone had broken in.
Then I heard Suzie right behind me: “Did you get them?”
“What?” I asked, turning round.
“The strawberries - did you get them?”
I wasn’t much liking the flat tone in Suzie’s voice. “Where’s Chrissie?” I asked
She looked around the room for a moment, as if she’d forgotten all about her girlfriend. “Oh. She’s having a lie down.”
For reasons I didn’t want to think too hard about I decided to check on Chrissie for myself. “What happened? Is she alright?” I asked, making my way towards their room as casually as I could.
Suzie followed close behind. “She fell over, in the garden... we had a little bit of a squabble, that’s all. She fell over on the table, hurt her arm a bit. That’s all - she’s fine.”
“Can I see her?”
Suzie stared at me emotionlessly for a moment, I wondered what she was going to say. She had every right to tell me to mind my own business but I had a feeling I wasn’t going to accept that answer today.
Then her face cracked in a bemused grin: “If you must.”
I went into their room, Suzie following every step of the way, and saw Chrissie lying on the bed, quite still. As I got closer I was almost surprised to find that she was merely asleep; there was a bruise on her forehead, and her arm was positioned carefully across her chest, but she appeared fine. The bizarre sense of relief made me laugh, just for a moment, then I noticed Suzie looking me up and down.
I knew straight away what she was doing.
“I haven’t got the strawberries,” I told her.
“Not? Why not?! Where are they?”
“Just listen a minute,” I began, trying to sound reasonable as I led her out of the bedroom. “I know this’ll sound crazy, but maybe you shouldn’t have any more strawberries. There were all these people in the supermarket, queueing up, and they were just... shit, they were out of their heads, fighting - I don’t know what was going on... it was like that old woman you told us about, but deranged.”
I paused for a moment, not know how to go on, so I just said it.
“I think there might be something wrong with the strawberries.”
Suzie looked at me seriously for a moment, her eyes widening, then: “Oh, fuck off!”
That wasn’t quite the reaction I wanted. “I mean it. You and Chrissie, you both freaked out after you starting eating them - “
“There’s nothing wrong with the strawberries!” Suzie shrieked. “They’re just... too... yummy! I want more - where are they, where did you put them?”
Suzie started tearing at my clothes as if I’d hidden the strawberries in one of my pockets. I grabbed her arms: “Stop it! Look at what you’re doing!”
She struggled free. “What am I doing?! What are you doing? You just want them all for yourself, that’s what you’re doing...”
I put my hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down. “Why don’t you have a lie down, sleep for a bit, see how you feel later?”
She put a hand on my arm. “Lie down, eh? Is that what you want?”
“Yeah.”
She leaned closer. “You want to lie with me?”
“What...?”
“Don’t pretend you haven’t thought about it - with me and Chrissie. Oh, we’ve thought about it - all the time.”
I was starting to feel sick. “Suzie, stop it - “
“No, let’s start it. Go on - just get the strawberries, we don’t even have to tell Chrissie, we can sit and eat them together and then... forbidden fruit, eh, how about it...?”
I pushed her away. “Stop! Listen to yourself -”
And then she turned. Suddenly I felt a melee of hands beating me, pushing me against the wall, tearing at my hair. Suzie screamed at me, determined to tear me limb from limb to find those damned strawberries. As I sank to the ground I wondered if there was any limit she wouldn’t succumb to in her current state.
Needless to say Suzie didn’t kill me, although it felt like she was getting close for a minute or two. I eventually managed to overpower her and get her into my room: she’s lying there now, in my bed, peaceful once again.
If I had any doubts about there being something in the strawberries they’re gone now. It’s been all over the news: people going crazy, trashing supermarkets, even killing each other, all over a tin
y fruit. Some reports reckoned it wasn’t just strawberries either, but by the time they work out which foods are affected it’ll be too late. What are they going to do? Make everyone eat out of tins? Destroy all the fruit and veg? Whatever happens things aren’t going to be the same ever again.
Luckily I seem to be immune. I ate one of the strawberries on my way home from the supermarket. I had to do it, I had to know what the fuss was all about. And it’s true, it wasn’t just the best strawberry I’d ever had; it was just about the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten, but it didn’t make me crazy and I never really thought it would.
But I had to know.
It’s too bad Chrissie and Suzie weren’t immune, but I couldn’t bear to see them turned into brainless maniacs like the others, not my Chrissie and Suzie. So I went into Chrissie’s room a little while ago and held a pillow over her face until she was still and peaceful again. That’s the way I want to remember her.
I didn’t have to do anything for Suzie. She was already dead. She didn’t end up surviving our fight in the hallway. It’s a shame she had to go that way, but she really left me no choice.
I’ll go to the hospital soon. They can run some tests on me and find out why this terrible thing isn’t affecting me, maybe I can even help them develop a vaccine.
But first I’ll have another strawberry.
-- the end --
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