I sit up on my knees and steady myself on his shoulders. Leaning against him, I whisper in his ear. “I’ll be ready for you when you get back.”
This pained look stretches across his face, and the urge to throttle him returns. Even though physically I’m still dealing with some gross side effects, mentally I’m ready to jump his bones. I miss the physical closeness. We spent days at his house, talking and just being with each other. But since we’ve come back up to the clubhouse—even though we’ve slept side by side every night—there’s a strange emotional wall between us, and I can’t figure out how to scale it.
I rake my nails through his hair, which I know he loves, and he closes his eyes. “Maybe a long ride will help you clear your head?”
“Hope—”
“Shhh.” He’s silent, but after a while, I have to ruin the moment. “Rochlan?”
“Yes, baby doll,” he answers in a dreamy tone since I’m still running my nails over his scalp.
“You’re not mad at me about the fight we had. You know, before?”
His eyes snap open, flashing with fire. “Fuck no. If you have to ask, then I’m doing something wrong, baby.”
“I don’t know why I overreacted like that when I’m not even sure I still want to even be a lawyer anymore.”
“Baby, you worked hard to get where you are. No one likes being accused of doing something they didn’t do.”
“I just… I know this sounds like an excuse, but I think… my temper… I got so upset, I think, because—”
“Stop. Please, Hope. I almost lost you. Some little fight isn’t even on my give-a-fuck radar after that. We were good before. I got your sweet little text and was about to send you the same thing. We’re solid.”
“Okay,” I answer, even though I’m still uncertain.
Hope’s still asleep when I slide out of bed the next morning. Part of me wants to stay right where I am so I can watch her wake up, but I’ve got some things to do before I can leave.
Wandering downstairs, I find Wrath in the dining room, sipping coffee by himself.
“Can I talk to you for a sec?”
With his good leg, he kicks a chair at me in response.
“You all right?”
He grunts back. “I’m just pissed I can’t go on the run. You shouldn’t have to do it. Shouldn’t be leavin’ your girl after everything you two just went through.”
My lip twitches as I try not to smile. “Something tells me she’d like some space.”
He stares at me, then nods. “Yeah, you’ve been overdoing it a little, playin’ nurse.”
“Listen, this is stupid, but if anything happens—”
“No way. Shut that shit down right now, prez.”
“Wyatt, I’m serious. Come on. You never know. She fell apart after her husband died. You gotta promise me if something happens—on the run, next year, ten years from now—promise me you’ll take care of her.”
“Fuck, why you gotta do this to me? Of course I’ll take care of her. The club will take care of her. Now, knock it the fuck off. You’re drawing bad mojo your way.”
I snort because hearing the word mojo come out of Wrath’s mouth is pretty damn funny.
I’ve been debating all morning whether I should mention this to him or not. “One last thing—and I swear to fuck if you make a joke about this, I’m going to break your other leg.”
Wrath snorts. “This should be good.”
Christ. “She’s still hormonal and stuff, so could you please try not to give her shit. She’s liable to either rip your head off or cry. And if you make her cry, I’m going to kick your fuckin’ ass.”
For once, he loses his silly smirk. “I’m not completely stupid. Poor girl almost died. I’ll behave myself.”
“Do your best.”
He opens his mouth to say something but pauses as he looks over my shoulder. “Fuck you,” he says, pasting his silly smirk back in place.
Soft arms snake over my shoulders, and Hope’s scent wraps around me. She plants a kiss on my neck that makes my dick want to punch through my fucking jeans. Maybe this run will be good for me after all.
“Morning, baby,” she says all soft and husky.
Wrath clears his throat. “You sure you want to get him all horned up, then send him on his way, Hope?”
The gentle pressure of her lips against my neck disappears. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she snaps.
Encircling one of her arms with my hand, I pull her around and into my lap. “Ignore him, baby doll.”
She touches her forehead to mine and rubs my nose with hers. “I’m going to miss you.”
Running my hands through her hair, I tug on the ends a little. “Me too.”
“Let’s get on the roaaad!” Z shouts from somewhere behind me. Sighing, I pull back from Hope. She places a hand over my heart. “I’ll go grab you something to eat and coffee.”
Z straddles the chair next to me. “Will you feed me too, Hope?”
I growl out, “No,” as Hope slides off my lap. She pats Wrath’s shoulder as she passes him. Dammit. Even in the loose pajama pants she’s been wearing, the sway of her hips is noticeable enough that I want to follow her into the kitchen and bend her over the counter—
“Prez, you okay?” Z snaps his fingers in front of my face.
Slapping his hand away, I grunt at him.
Wrath leans forward. “Prez is so backed up, cum’s gonna shoot out his ears if he doesn’t get some pussy soon.”
My fist slams into his shoulder.
“Ow! What the fuck you do that for?”
I level an are-you-kidding-me stare at him. “Stop being a disgusting asshole.”
“You’re just pissed ‘cause it’s true.”
Z leans in. “Plenty of pussy where we’re—”
“I will motherfucking gut you if you finish that sentence,” I growl at him.
Fuck me. I don’t know why Hope’s so worried about having kids. I already have two delinquents right here.
“Where’s Trinny?” Z asks instead.
Wise choice, fucker.
“Sleeping,” Wrath answers.
“Wear her out again?”
I smack Z on the back of the head. “God, you’re a nosy dick.”
Hope bustles out of the kitchen, and we fall silent. She casts a suspicious glance at each of us. “Talking about pussy, guys?”
Wrath snorts. “Tryin’ to. Your man keeps slapping us.”
She giggles and bumps him with her hip.
Suddenly, I’m not too happy leaving her here alone with him.
She sets two mugs down and pours coffee for all three of us.
“What did I say about bringing him anything?” I ask her and get an eye-roll in return before she saunters back to the kitchen.
Wrath’s gaze focuses on something behind me, and by the look in his eyes, I assume Trinity is awake.
She sneaks up behind us and wraps her arms around Z and me, giving each of us a peck on the cheek. “You guys be careful.”
I pat her hand. “Hope’s in the kitchen.”
“Okay, I’ll shoo her out.”
As she walks by Wrath, his arm shoots out to hook his fingers in her back pocket. She giggles as he pulls her back, then cups his cheek, her thumb rubbing over his lips. “I already said good morning to you.”
Z and I pick our jaws up off the floor.
“Care to share?” I ask once the kitchen door closes.
“Nope.”
“She and Hope seem tight lately,” Z tosses out.
Wrath eyes him warily.
“I bet they share a lot of girl talk.” Z continues poking the bear.
At that, Wrath smirks and casts his sneaky gaze my way. “Yeah, they do.”
“Fuck you both,” I mutter.
Hope storms out of the kitchen. “Did you make Trin kick me out?”
“Get over here,” I call.
She stomps over, face screwed into one of her sexy-as-fuck pouts.
I pat my l
ap and she settles against me with minimal squawking. “I want to spend time with you before I leave, baby doll,” I whisper against her ear.
My words sink in and she goes all soft against me. Exactly the response I was after.
Trinity sets plates in front of us. Hope playfully feeds me bits of toast. Even with my brothers making gagging noises next to us, I love every second of it.
When Rock runs upstairs to grab a few more things before they take off, I’m able to get Z alone.
“Can we talk?”
“Yeah, babe, what’s up?”
“You remember that talk we had about Rock’s need to protect the people he cares about?”
“Of course.”
“You’ll watch out for him, right?”
“Always.”
“I couldn’t… You know I lost my husband. And I think you understand how I feel about Rock… I couldn’t stand to lose someone else I love.”
Z lets out a long sigh. “There’s no guarantees in life. You know that better than anyone probably. But I’d protect him with my own life, babe. I can promise you that.”
“Okay.”
“Fuck. I shouldn’t say anything.” He ducks his head and rubs his hand over the back of his neck. “Look, this run? It’s not dangerous. I mean, it shouldn’t be. All friendly territory. Okay? So try not to worry.”
Stunned barely covers it. That’s a lot for Z to share with me about club business, and I’m extremely grateful.
“Now look who’s dragging ass,” Rock says, coming up behind me.
Z’s mouth curves into a wide grin. He quirks an eyebrow at me as if to ask if I’m satisfied with his answer, so I nod.
Rock’s arms slip around my ribcage and pull me tight against him. His lips tease against my earlobe. “Next run I have to go on, I want you with me,” he says so low my knees turn to jelly.
I squirm around until I’m facing him and throw my arms around his neck. “Is that allowed?”
“Fuck yeah. If I say so, it is.”
“Okay. I think I’d like that.”
His lips curve into a soft, sexy smile, and suddenly, I don’t think I can survive five minutes without him.
“You gonna be a good girl for me while I’m gone?”
Good girl. Hmmm… maybe he can’t go soon enough.
The frown on my face makes him chuckle. “I want you to rest up and take care of yourself. Have Trinity or one of the guys drive you anywhere you want to go.”
I open my mouth to protest, but Rock silences me with a kiss. “Please? I’ll worry about you otherwise, baby. I already feel like shit for leaving you so soon after you got out of the hospital.”
My throat clogs, and it takes a second to remember how to breathe. “Okay. I can do that.”
“Thank you, baby.”
I shouldn’t have been so eager for Rock to go, because now I’m miserable and miss him like crazy. Even though Wrath and Trinity are downstairs, the house seems quiet, giving me plenty of time for my thoughts to turn dark.
Lucky for me, Heidi calls and shakes me out of my melancholy.
She’s the reason two days later, I find myself driving us to Planned Parenthood. Sneaking past my two watchdogs was easy enough. Wrath and Trinity tend to disappear right after breakfast.
How I got nominated for this job, I’m not sure. I understand not wanting to talk about birth control with her grandmother. Heidi says she can’t tell Trinity because she will tattle to her brother, and she doesn’t want Axel to get his ass kicked.
I sigh. “Honey, if you’re worried, maybe it’s a sign you’re not ready.”
She makes this exaggerated, eye-rolling duh face at me. “Well, I’m not yet. I just want to be prepared. You know. In case.”
Can’t argue with that logic.
“I didn’t even tell Axel ‘cause I didn’t want him to think I was giving him the green light or something.”
Good girl.
Heidi’s quiet for a while, twisting her hands in her lap.
“Are you having second thoughts?”
“No. I just—will you promise not to laugh?”
“I’ll do my best.”
She groans out a very dramatic, teenage girl noise, and I almost lose it.
“Well, I always thought, you know, Blake would be my first. Is that stupid?”
Reaching over, I put my hand over one of hers and give her a gentle squeeze. “No, that’s not stupid, honey. First loves are very powerful.”
“Ugh, I’m not in love with him.”
Seriously—I’m going to bite my tongue off I’m trying so hard not to laugh.
“I love Axel. He’s super sweet and always listens to me. Murphy has turned into a big man whore like my brother.” She fake shivers. “They are so disgusting.”
Yeah, I’d really like to steer this conversation… elsewhere. “Okay. Listen to your gut, though. Don’t let anyone talk you into doing something you’re not ready to do.”
“Hope, I needed a ride, not a mom lecture.”
“Listen up, kid. You asked for my help, so that means you get my advice too. And I am not old enough to be your mother.” Well, maybe biologically I am, but good grief. “I say it as your friend. I’d say the same thing to my best friend Sophie if she started dating someone new.”
“You would?”
“Yes.” Sophie would tell me to fuck off, but still.
“Oh my God, you’re not gonna tell Uncle Rock are you?”
I have to stop myself from giggling at the panic in her voice. “This just occurred to you now?” We pull into the clinic lot and I shut off the car. “I won’t say anything as long as you promise to think about what I said.”
She glances at the building. “Does it hurt?”
“It’s uncomfortable, but no, it doesn’t hurt.”
Given what I just went through, I can’t say I’m excited to be inside Planned Parenthood. But this trip also brings back memories of me at Heidi’s age. I didn’t have anyone to go with me, and I’m glad I can be here for her now.
When she’s finally done, Heidi doesn’t look as enthusiastic as when we arrived. I hang on to my completely inappropriate chuckle by a thread.
In the car, she whips out a brown paper bag. “They gave me a bunch of condoms too,” she says with a look of disgust.
“Better to use two methods and be safe than sorry.” What I said hits me, and I almost burst into tears.
Dammit.
“Ugh, yeah, they said the same thing.” She glances at me. “You, uh, haven’t seen Axel with any girls at the clubhouse, have you?”
I honestly haven’t and I tell her so. “He’s usually outside working on stuff when I see him.”
“Okay. I mean, I trust him, but I know how bikers are too.”
Interesting.
“Honey, it’s not just bikers who cheat.”
“Yeah, duh, I know. But…” She shakes her head. “Nothing.”
It’s stupid, but suddenly I’m wondering what Rock is up to—wherever he is.
“Hope?” she asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
“Yes?”
“Um, do you think I should wait? I mean, all my friends have already… But I don’t—”
“If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Don’t let your friends talk you into something because they want to feel better about their own decisions.”
She sucks in a deep breath. “Oh, wow. I never thought of it like that.”
Finally, I’ve managed to impart some useful wisdom here.
“Um, if I tell you something, promise you won’t tell anyone else? You’re a lawyer, right? So you have to keep this between us if I ask you to.”
I groan because that’s a dirty trick. “It depends. If it’s something I think is dangerous to you, then no, I don’t.”
“No, nothing dangerous. But, um. Blake and I kissed.”
“What?” I’m trying to drive, but I don’t think I can have this conversation and concentrate on the road at the same time.
There’s a McDonald’s right before the entrance to the thruway, so I pull into their parking lot.
“Are you hungry?” I ask.
“No. Are you mad? Please don’t tell Uncle Rock. I don’t want my brother to find out. He’ll be pissed, and they’ve been best friends forever.”
Her concern for the other people in this situation startles me. She’s so young, but she’s also wiser than her age in some ways. Closing my eyes and sighing, I ask, “When?”
She waves her hand in the air. “Last Christmas, and then the night of my birthday party.”
Dammit. I suspected more than an innocent ride went on the night the cops brought the two of them back to Rock’s house.
“Is that it?”
“Yeah. I mean, I wanted… but he said no.”
I can’t help snorting at that image. Poor Murphy. “And?”
“He’s pretty much been avoiding me since.”
Good.
“Hope, please don’t say anything. I don’t want Axel to find out. He already knows there’s some weirdness there. And I don’t want you thinking… If it wasn’t Blake, I’d never do that behind Axel’s back. I’m not some slut.”
Turning in my seat so I can see her better, I take her hand in mine. “Heidi, I would never think that about you.”
“Well, I’ve heard my whole life what a slut my mother was, and I’ve tried really hard not to be like her.”
That grandmother of Heidi’s really pisses me off. Saying things like that to a kid about her mother. For Heidi’s sake, I keep a lid on my anger.
“That’s a rotten word, and I’m sorry you’ve had to hear that about your mom. I would never think that about you, Heidi. It’s okay to be a little confused and have all these feelings. Just be careful.” Crap. I have no fucking clue what I’m saying or if I’m saying the right thing. What do I know? “Honey, you’ve got so much to worry about the next few months. You’ve got graduation coming up. Try to focus on that stuff. You can sort the relationship stuff out later.”
She shakes her head, a cloud of sorrow settling around her. “You know when I was a freshman, I made Blake promise to take me to prom, and now Axel expects to take me.”
I don’t want to laugh, because I can see this is bothering her, but I highly doubt Murphy is expecting to be held to that promise.
“It’s okay, Heidi. I’m sure Murphy will understand.”