Her eyes flickered for a minute before shutting me out completely. “I want you.”
Wow. That hurt. More than I thought it would. Our first lie. Our first fight. The first time I finally realized that our relationship would never be equal. She’d always want him. And me? I’d always want her.
How messed up was that?
Furthermore how messed up was it that I was so desperate for anything from that girl that I was willing to take whatever she wanted to offer me. Damn it, if she would have trampled on her own heart and then handed it to me, I would have received it with all the humility and gratefulness I possessed. Nat was a treasure. One I vowed that one day, I’d win. I’d deserve.
Starting now.
I forced a wide grin. “You mean it?” I kissed her lips. “Tell me you mean it.” My hands went to her hair, threading it through my fingers.
“I mean it.” She returned my kiss, pressing her lips against mine then retreating as I spoke against them.
“I really care about you, Nat. I’ve never felt this way before.” My tongue caressed her lower lip, then slid into her mouth.
“Me either,” she said, her little body was shaking so bad I wanted to sob.
I kissed her again. Our mouths met and it was like a decision was made in her mind. She wrapped her small arms around my neck and held on for dear life.
My body trembled beneath her touch. Had she any idea what she did to me? What just her touch did to calm my aching soul? I kissed her again but was interrupted by someone honking their horn. We pulled apart and laughed.
“Food?” I asked.
“Food.” She nodded and held my hand.
I never wanted her to let go.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Alec
FUNNY HOW DAYS turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. The outside world changes, yet my heart? The way I felt about her? Stayed exactly the same. I tried everything. I stayed away — watched from afar like a total creeper, and let Demetri be Demetri.
I laughed when he told me stories of Nat. I even went with them to the movies a few times.
On the outside — everything was fine.
On the inside? I was shredded.
It didn’t help matters that Demetri had asked me to take Nat to Homecoming because he couldn’t go. He’d changed. That was all there was to it. I was a man divided. One side of me was thrilled that Nat had helped Demetri turn into the brother I’d always hoped he could be. While the other half wanted to strangle him with my bare hands for stealing her kisses — when I wanted to save them for myself.
Demetri wanted to go back to LA to help with a volunteer theatre program; it was only going to be for a week or so.
I couldn’t say ‘no’ to him I wanted to say ‘no.’ I wanted to run screaming in the other direction.
Instead. I grinned — and said ‘sure why not?’
It was the weekend. I’d just finished my last final and was making my way down the hall when I saw Nat emerge from homeroom and do a little dance in the hallway. Crossing my arms, I leaned against the lockers and watched in amusement as the girl went into full out choreography. Damn, I wish I were that happy to finish a final.
“Is that from High School Musical?” I joked.
Nat froze, her hand mid-air as if she was doing Saturday Night Fever or a clock move, and turned. My grin was so wide it actually hurt my face. I lifted my phone into the air, snapped a few pictures and quickly sent them to Demetri.
Nat groane., “Please tell me you didn’t take a picture.”
“I didn’t take a picture,” I confirmed.
She exhaled.
“I recorded it and just uploaded to Youtube,” I lied.
“No!” she gasped barreling towards me.
“Nah.” I shrugged, loving the blush that crept up her cheeks. “But I did send it to Demetri.”
Holy shit she was scowling at me! It was the most we’d talked in three weeks. Most words we exchanged were yes or no answers to questions.
She exhaled and put her hands on her hips. “What do you want?”
“Don’t ask a question you don’t want the answer to,” I said darkly. Ah, and there it was, the pent up frustration and emotion just begging to be released. Damn what I wouldn’t do to get the chance to slam that pretty body against the lockers and kiss her senseless. I pushed the memories of her lips down into the darkness of my brain — into the black hole of my heart and offered her a casual smile.
“Sorry.”
I shrugged. “Demetri wants me to take you to Homecoming.”
Nat was quiet for a minute then said, “Demetri is very trusting.”
“Demetri knows where my loyalty lies.” Wow, that totally sounded like some cheesy movie line.
“So do I,” she said quickly.
We stood there glaring at one another for what seemed like hours.
“Look…” I cursed and walked towards her, she had to know that it would be okay. I mean I could control myself; I wasn’t that immature. “We’re friends. Let me take you. It would suck to go by yourself.”
“True.” She folded her arms across her chest, drawing my attention to the low V of her t-shirt. My eyes flickered down and then away from her body. “I just don’t know if it’s the best idea.”
“I’ll be the perfect gentleman.” Says the guy who just checked her out and had visions of mauling her. Right.
Nat hesitated briefly. “I’ll go with you. Thank you for asking.”
Why the hell did it feel like she’d suddenly opened the door and let sunshine into my life? I felt like a weight had been cut away from me. I couldn’t help the smile that parted my lips as I realized… I had a date. With Nat. It may not be a real date, all things considering, but I’d imagine it was. And when the night was over, I’d have that memory to hold me over for the next few weeks.
We said our goodbyes. I watched Nat run to her truck and get in. She seemed happy that things worked out — while I was… absolutely, thrilled. Lame, never thought I’d see the day where going to a high school dance would make me want to break out in song.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Demetri
AIRPORTS WERE NOT my happy place — and this time it was worse because I wasn’t with Alec.
By myself. I was all by myself.
I checked my phone. Nat had texted me. God, I loved that girl. More than life, more than air, more than freaking Starbucks or my guitar or —
Cursing, I shoved my phone back into my pocket.
That was why.
It’s not like I wanted to test her loyalty or anything. I just loved her — I wanted her to be able to go to her Senior Homecoming even if I wasn’t going to be the guy to take her. Ironic, that I didn’t trust anyone but my brother to do the job. Especially considering he’d confessed not but a few days ago that he liked her.
At least he was finally honest. I could respect him for that, for not lying to me when I asked him straight up how he felt and if I could trust him.
It’s hard.
Hard when you love two people so much — and know deep down in your soul — they love each other possibly just as much as you love them. What’s a guy supposed to do with that? Did it make me selfish that I was willing to still date Nat when I knew that part of her still wanted him? Did it make me a horrible brother?
I pulled my baseball hat further over my eyes and handed the boarding pass to the attendant.
With a sigh I walked onto the plane and took my seat in first class.
“Champagne?” The flight attendant held a tray in front of me.
I stared at the alcohol, my mouth immediately going dry. I thought of Nat, thought about how long I’d actually gone without drugs or alcohol and shook my head. “No. I’m good.”
It seemed small. To say no to a drink.
But for me it was epic.
I wanted to run around the plane and do a little dance, possibly flash someone my nipple rings, just so I could see their shocked expression.
Ins
tead, I pulled out my phone and stared at Nat’s picture.
A month ago I was doing it for her.
Today — was the first time I’d done something for me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Alec
SHE WASN’T ANSWERING her phone.
It had been three hours since she left the school parking lot — since I watched her drive away directly into the storm clouds.
Three hours where my mind went places it hadn’t gone for over a year. A place where death existed — where my heart used to exist.
“Damn it!” I tried her phone again. Straight to voicemail.
I called Demetri.
Straight to voicemail.
Why the hell did people have cell phones if they weren’t going to keep them on! I threw mine against the bed and cursed for a good ten minutes before staring out the window and willing her truck to come around the corner.
Another hour went by.
I was about five minutes away from calling the hospital. My clothes from school were still on — I hadn’t even changed into my workout clothes. Hell, I’d forgotten to workout completely.
Cursing, I jerked off my jeans and put on sweats, then pulled my shirt off and threw it against the wall. My eyes flickered to the window just as Nat’s truck pulled up into her driveway. The headlights went off. And I was absolutely seething. I was beyond pissed, beyond terrified, hell I was ready to fall onto my knees and weep at that point.
She jumped out of her truck and looked up.
Directly at me.
I stared at her, taking in my fill; she was okay. She was totally fine. I was being ridiculous. It was just rain.
But no matter how many times I told myself that — I was still frustrated as hell. I just, I needed to know she was okay — I also needed to give her a giant ass piece of my mind about NOT answering her cell phone and taking three years off my life.
Without thinking — I put on my flip flops, ran down the stairs into the outside and then used the trash can on the side of her house to launch myself onto her low roof and go over to Nat’s window.
I was going to wait for her when I noticed it was open a crack. Are you freaking kidding me? Did I need to give her a bodyguard twenty-four-seven? What if someone would have crawled through her room — someone who wasn’t me? Someone who wanted to hurt her?
Damn it. I was going to get gray hair; I just knew it.
With a grunt, I pushed the window open and stepped inside the room, shutting the window behind me. Grimacing, I looked down at my naked torso as water dripped off my body and onto the floor. Yeah, she deserved a wet floor after what she put me through. Hell, I had half a mind to give a little shake or something, create a damn pond, if that’s what it took to get her attention and to get her to LOCK HER DAMN WINDOW!
“Holy crap, what are you doing here?” Nat gasped and dropped a bag onto the ground. What am I doing here? Oh you know, just freaking out, having a heart attack at nineteen, contemplating asking my brother where he used to store his pot so I could get high and forget about the fact that my heart is hammering so hard in my chest that I want to hold it a bit… or maybe I just wanted to hold her.
“What am I doing here?” I repeated, running my hands through my damp hair.
“In my room,” she clarified eying me up and down.
I seriously had to take a minute so my voice wouldn’t shake, “Do you realize how worried I’ve been about you?”
“Worried?” Her face softened. “Why?”
“You disappeared, Nat! When I came back to the house your truck was gone. You weren’t at work. You weren’t downtown… I waited for hours!” Yelling. I was full on yelling at her. Shirtless.
“I don’t understand?” Her voice was small as she hugged her arms to her chest.
“Haven’t you seen the weather report?”
She shook her head.
“A huge storm is coming in tonight, they’re telling people to stay inside, and here you are driving around as if the damn sun is shining!” Calm down, calm down.
Nat sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Where’d you go?” I demanded pacing in front of her like I was more a forty-year-old dad than a teenager.
Jaw clenched, she answered, “Not that it’s any of your business, but Lincoln City.”
I cursed and turned away from her, stretching my arms behind my head to keep myself from putting a hole through the wall. I whipped back around. “Listen, Nat. I’m only nineteen. It’s not good for my health to be thinking about all the awful things that could happen to you in the rain.”
“It’s just rain.” She took a tentative step towards me.
I fought to keep my face from paling. “No, it’s not. Things happen, you can lose control, your car can slip, people die.” I closed my eyes and cursed.
“Was it raining when—”
“Yes.” I said, voice hoarse. Demetri’s girlfriend, Benjamin’s mom, the accident, the storm. I shuddered.
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be.” I snapped, not really meaning it but feeling so damn angry that I wanted her to know it. I never understood why people got into fights, why people yelled. Now I knew. You yelled, not because you actually thought it would solve anything, but because you were terrified and wanted the other person to know that their behavior affected you in such a way that you couldn’t be silent. Not even if you tried.
Nat’s eyes flashed. “I was getting a dress.”
For a moment I was confused, and then I hung my head. Damn it. “For Homecoming.”
“Yes.”
Anger cooling, I asked, “May I see it?”
“No.”
I scowled. “Next time, will you just tell me where you’re going? So I don’t have a heart attack before twenty?”
She sighed. “Yes, but why didn’t you just text me?”
“I think your phone died.” Please let it have died because if she was just ignoring me I was going to freak out.
Nat pursed her lips together and dug her cell phone out of her purse; she stuck the charger in one end and sauntered back over to me. “Satisfied?”
My lips curved into a smile. “Sure.”
Her eyes darted back to my chest before looking away again. “Put on a shirt or something, you’re making me nervous, and I’m already edgy enough what with having to drive two hours through the rain.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled then looked around the room. What did she want me to do? Cover myself with her pink blanket?
Nat rolled her eyes and tossed me a shirt from the corner. It was the one she’d worn when she was sick.
Suddenly self conscious, I turned around and put the shirt on, I don’t know why the hell I turned around. It felt stupid, but whatever.
“Hey.” Nat called as I had the shirt half on.
“Does Demetri have any tattoos like that?”
Shit. I finished putting on the shirt and turned. “Yup. You should take a shower, Nat. Warm up a bit.”
She shuffled her feet. “And what are you going to do?”
Oh you know, leave the room so I don’t tempt myself to join you and scare the hell out of you with my nakedness. I settled with. “Make you dinner.”
Nat’s eyes went wide, “My mom will freak if she sees you downstairs.”
“Nat, your mom won’t even know I’m here.”
Nat didn’t look convinced.
“Nat. Shower. Now,” I ordered.
Cute as hell, she rolled her eyes and stomped into the bathroom slamming the door behind her.
Chuckling to myself, I ran downstairs and checked her fridge. Left over chicken from the night before. Hmm, I opened the freezer. Veggies. Perfect. I made a quick stir fry, grabbed some soda, and brought it all up to her room.
I was just setting everything on the bed when the bathroom door opened, and Nat stepped out. In nothing but a towel.
Sweet. Lord.
She gasped and clenched the towel. Damn, I was hoping for the opposit
e.
My gaze met hers briefly before I mumbled, “Sorry, I thought you brought your clothes into the bathroom.”
“Nope.”
Her angry expression was priceless. I smirked. “I’ll turn around.”
“Yes, you will,” she said tightly.
I waited while she ran over to the dresser I was standing next to and started picking through her clothes. She paused and then opened a top drawer filled with underwear. I watched her like a hawk. Her hand floated over a pair of black panties. I coughed.
“Do you mind?” she said tersely.
“I like the pink better.” Hey at least I was honest!
She snatched the black pair. Of course she did.
“Girls take forever to get dressed,” I grumbled, still looking away from her.
“Not usually, I’m just doing it for your benefit,” she sang.
“You’re crabby when you don’t eat,” I teased.
She huffed behind me. “Okay, done.”
I turned around, my gaze hungrily taking in her leggings, imagining that black underwear as it kissed her skin. Agh… death by imagination. “I didn’t really know what you wanted, so I threw in some stir fry with your leftover chicken, hope that’s okay.”
“Smells good.” Her stomach grumbled on cue as she walked over to the bed and sat down. “Aren’t you going to eat?”
“Nat, I don’t think I’ll have an appetite for a week. I was too worried to do anything except call you and stare out the window.”
“I was fine.” She shoveled more food in my mouth.
“I promised Demetri.”
The fork dropped onto the plate. “You promised Demetri? What exactly did you promise him?”
I shrugged and looked away. “I promised him I’d take care of you. Then on my first day of babysitting you disappear.”
“So I’m a toddler?”
“No, you’re just very important.” Though I may as well be explaining it to a toddler for all she understood.
“Important or irritating?”
“I’ll tell you when I know.” I chuckled and pointed to the food. “All of it, Nat. Eat all of it.”
“I swear you’re trying to fatten me up.” She took another huge bite. I looked away as her lips formed around the fork. Yeahhhhh… my thoughts were nowhere near wholesome.