Chapter Five
“I brought snacks.”
I recognized her voice as soon as I heard those three words, and my hands worked fast to cover the clipboard in front of me.
“Carter, hey,” I said, looking over my shoulder from where I sat at our small kitchen table.
My friend had grown comfortable enough over the last year to ignore the doorbell or even a simple knock on her way into the house. She’d often let herself in the back door unannounced, and it was the little things like that that assured me our friendship was just as strong as the lifelong connections I had with Roz and Mel.
“Did you start without me?” she asked, nodding down to the stack of papers, notebooks, and the clipboard I’d turned over.
“No, I was just—”
“Ally, we’ve been through this,” she said. “Group projects are group projects. You can’t do everything alone.”
We were supposed to be working on a physics experiment for school—one Carter and I had quickly partnered up on. Neither of us was too excited about the project or the essay we were required to write for the assignment, but we’d take any opportunity to work together if it meant having another excuse to hang out.
And although my three best friends had teased me more than once for taking charge of group projects in the past, I hadn’t even begun to think about our physics homework for the weekend; I was too busy mapping the floor layout for next Friday night’s surprise party.
Carter reached over, trying to take one of the papers, but I slammed my hand down on top of the stack.
“Nope,” I said, gathering everything into a pile before sweeping it off the table. I tossed it into an empty cabinet as if it were nothing, hoping she wouldn’t press further. I turned back. “You said you brought snacks?”
“I did.” She lifted a Tupperware container. “I think Jasper’s broken. He’s in full-on robot mode, churning out more desserts than any one family could eat in a lifetime. The house is full of cookies.”
I laughed and returned to the table. “Pass ’em over.”
We sat down, both of us taking one of the cookies she’d brought over. I knew better than to eat too quickly—history had taught me to savor what little food came into this house. But I’d never tasted anything so delicious in all my life, and that left me with very little restraint.
“You want to get started?” I swept crumbs off the table. “I haven’t had much time to—”
“Can physics wait for a minute? I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Okay?”
“Ally, I’m worried about you,” she said quickly.
“You’re worried about me?” I sat straighter. “What do you mean?”
She cast a sideways glance over to the back door.
“I know I wasn’t around when you lost your mom,” she said quietly, hesitant to bring up a sensitive subject. “You never talk about her, but . . . I’m scared that you’re still dealing with a lot of pain, especially now that your dad’s talking about . . . you know.”
“Oh,” I said.
Carter leaned closer. “I don’t want you to suffer in silence, and I want you to know that I’m here if you need to talk.”
I admired Carter for being brave enough to broach the subject. I recognized how scary it had to be for her, but I had no idea where any of this was coming from.
Yes, I always missed my mother, but I rarely cried. It didn’t feel acceptable to cry. It’d been three years, and then Kyle’s death last year had only reaffirmed what I always believed. Each moment is too precious because a future is never promised. I chose to spend each minute I had left celebrating my mother’s life, not mourning her death.
I thought that’s exactly what I’d been doing, but my friend seemed to believe otherwise, so I couldn’t help but wonder what she was seeing that I couldn’t see in myself.
“Carter, where’s this coming from?”
“I know I’m not around much since I started working at the shelter, so . . . Mom’s kinda been my eyes and ears around here.”
“Okay?”
“She said she’s noticed you down at The Red Barn a lot lately. Like, everyday. You come home from school, walk straight down there, and . . . sometimes it’s hours before you come back out.”
“Oh.”
“We’re both worried about you. What have you been doing down there?”
“Thinking.”
“About what?”
“Everything, I guess,” I said, refusing to tell her what was really going on.
I’d spent so much time down at the barn because of her party. Maybe Nora hadn’t noticed all the times Roz and Mel had shown up. If she had, she would’ve known I wasn’t always alone down there, and maybe then they wouldn’t have worried so much.
“I think you should come over tonight,” Carter said, pushing herself back from the table. Across the kitchen, she stopped at the sink and turned the water on to wash the chocolate from her fingers. “You spend way too much time cooped up over here, by yourself, and it’s time you take a break. Besides, it’s been a long time since we’ve spent an evening together.”
“We’re already spending the evening together. We have the physics project, remember?”
“It’s Friday. We have the whole weekend to—”
“Don’t you work tomorrow?”
“Okay, we have part of the weekend to squeeze it in. We’ll make it work.”
“That makes me nervous.”
“Oh, unclench. It’ll get done by Monday.”
“With or without you?” I asked, and she smiled. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“Hey, you and I both know that you weren’t going to let me do much anyway.”
“That’s probably true.”
We both laughed.
“So are you coming over or not? We’ll invite Mel and Roz.”
“But my dad—”
“Tell him Mom’s making dinner for the four of us and that we’re having a much-needed slumber party.”
“And what about Jasper?”
“You want to invite Jasper to our slumber party?”
“No,” I said quickly, though I’d be lying to say that I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him again. After last night in the barn, I couldn’t stop visualizing the stung expression he wore when I rejected his comfort—it was on constant repeat in my head. He’d tried reaching out to me, in spite of how cold I’d acted since the day he arrived. There was compassion in his eyes, goodness in his intentions, and I’d sent him away. I felt awful. I shouldn’t have pushed him away.
“I meant . . . he’ll be there, right?” I asked. “He’s staying with you guys.”
“Right.”
“Dad would never go for that. There’s no way he’ll let me—”
“Do you know the water’s not getting warm?” she asked, still holding a finger under the faucet. “Does it always take this long?”
“Oh, right, sorry,” I said. “Yeah, the water heater’s busted. It’s been down for a couple months.”
“Oh, okay.” She washed her hands quickly beneath the cold stream before turning to dry them. “So you don’t tell your dad about Jasper, big deal. It’s not like he’ll really be around that much. We can’t seem to get him out of the kitchen long enough to focus on anything else, anyway. He’s been baking Halloween-themed treats nonstop for the last two days.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” she nodded. “It smells like heaven over there, but if he keeps it up, I’m going to need new jeans.”
I wondered why he was already stuck in the kitchen. He couldn’t be making anything for Carter’s party, could he? We were still seven days out.
“That seems too early,” I said under my breath.
“Too early for what?”
“Halloween.” I shook my head. “It’s not for another week.”
“Yeah, but he said practice makes perfect. God only knows what he’s practicing for, but at least he’s kept
us fed.” Carter sat back down. “Now quit avoiding the subject.”
“I’m not avoiding—”
“Come over tonight. I miss you,” she begged. “And don’t worry about your dad. Just . . . don’t tell him about Jasper, because that might be a deal breaker.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I imagined what my father would say if I told him I wanted to spend the evening in the company of Carter’s super-hot cousin. Despite the amount of girls in the house, he would only hear the part about a boy. And he’d never go for it. He’d flip his freakin’ lid.
“Just ask,” she said. “Tell him I really miss spending time with my best friend. Please?”
“You’re sure your mom won’t care?”
“No way,” she said, waving a hand. “She loves having you guys over.”
“Okay,” I nodded. “I’ll ask, but I can’t make any promises.”