“You don’t want to talk about Mark and Cleo, you don’t want to talk about Mr. Darcy. Or what you are writing about in you’re journals. Felicity, you do I know I want to help you, right?”
No he didn’t. None of them did. They wanted us to stay here forever. If we didn’t say something they thought was “right,” then we failed and would either have to be watched, have to take stronger medicine, or they would extend our say. The trick was there was no right answer.
“You have helped me, Dr. Butler. I’m on my meds. I don’t believe Mark and Cleo were ever real. I remember what actually happened. I’m in a much better place than where I was two weeks ago.”
“As long as you don’t tell him you still see us, you should be fine,” Cleo said to me, leaning on his chair.
“Felicity, you seem to have a hard time concentrating today.”
“I’m more bored today than other days.” I shrugged.
“You can’t keep running from your problems,” Dr. Butler said.
“I’m not running!”
“Don’t yell, Felicity,” Mark said sternly.
“I’m not yelling!”
“No one said you were,” Dr. Butler replied as Mark shook his head.
“You blew our cover already? Jeez, Felicity.”
Putting my head in my hands, I sighed. “I’m sorry. I meant I wasn’t trying to yell. I’m just tired, all right? And this therapy doesn’t help me. Maybe it could have a while ago, when I thought I’d killed someone, but now that I know I didn’t… I know I just need my medication and I’ll be fine.”
“Felicity, I’m going to advise we extend your stay—”
“No!” I stood up. “I want to go home.”
“You’re not ready—”
“Says who, you? I’m sure if you pull anyone off the street, they will have issues they won’t want to talk about—”
“You were the one who came back to us, Felicity.”
“Yeah, and that was a mistake.” I stomped to the door. However, there were two nurses already waiting for me. “I’m checking out.”
“You still have twenty-fours in the waiver you signed, Felicity. We can’t—”
“I want out!” I yelled again.
“Felicity, please calm down!”
“I am calm!”
They didn’t believe me. My hands were pinned, and someone injected only gods knows what into my veins.
“Stop—I’m not crazy.”
“We agree,” Mark and Cleo said as my eyelids started to droop.
Theo
When I got on the jet, the last people I expected to see, my foster parents, sat comfortably in the chairs as the air hostess handed them a glass of wine to drink.
“Theodore, sweetheart, you made it.”
“It’s kind of hard to miss a plane I asked to wait for me. The real question is why are you both here? I thought you were staying in the Hamptons for the Fourth of July weekend.” I took a seat across from them.
“We were, then thought it would be best to spend it as a family. Honestly, when was the last time we were all together for the holidays?” Lorelai grinned, pulling out her phone. “I called your secretary, and she said you wanted the weekend off, so—”
“Mother, I’m busy this weekend.”
She paused, staring at me in confusion. “With what?”
“More importantly, with whom?” Arthur asked. “And please do not tell me it is Felicity Ford. Word about her condition has spread all across the company.”
“I’m not a teenager. I’m not required to answer that question, nor are you allowed to tell me who I should or should not be spending my weekend with.”
My mother sighed, putting her drink down. “Theodore, we’re worried about you. You’re losing your head over some woman you barely know. It’s crazy—”
“From a practical standpoint, it is insane. Yes, this girl is a good dancer, and if it weren’t for illness, maybe, just maybe, it would be all right, but—” my father started to say, but I couldn’t listen to any more.
“But what? Because she’s sick she’s no longer worthy of my time or your respect?” I’d had it up to my neck with people today. Rising from my seat, I grabbed my things.
“Theodore, she’s not your reasonability. She is making you look like an idiot. I know it is not her fault, but she’s just a woman. People are talking, and it’s better you distance yourself now before—”
“Before what?” I hissed. “What? What are people going to say to me that is so horrible? They’ll speak behind my back? Throw short jabs at me? What, am I five? Why the fuck should I care?”
“Because you are the head of a multibillion dollar company! People look to you for leadership! You have no time to take care of a mentally ill person.”
I laughed bitterly. “Is that the same rationale you used on yourself when I was child?”
“What?” My mother—no, my aunt—asked, sitting straighter.
“My mother, my birth mother, died of Huntington's disease. It’s hereditary, and I remember a week after I came to live with you two, walking past your bedroom as you worried over what to do with me if I were like her. You wondered if you should start looking for a care provider or maybe send me to boarding school so Arty and Walt didn’t get too attached. You might not remember, but you all were pretty cold then… that was until the test came back negative. Suddenly, you guys bought me this suit and told me we were getting a new family painting done. You said something along the lines of, Thank god his Darcy blood was dominant. I remember thinking there couldn’t be one thing wrong with me because if there were, you’d blame my real mother. So I tried to be the good son. Tried to blend in and not gag every time I saw that damned painting hanging in your house. Yes, part of me loves both of you dearly, but I always wondered what would have happened had that test come back positive. Would you guys even care if I spent the weekend alone—”
“Theodore, sweetheart, I love you! Back then we were scared and shocked, but we have loved you like you were our own. You are my own.” Lorelai stood up and tried to touch me, but I wouldn’t let her.
“I know you do now. But it doesn’t change the fact you wouldn’t have been able to love me had I been sick. You telling me to walk away from her now proves that.”
“She isn’t family, Theo! It’s different,” my uncle yelled at me.
“No, but I want her to be. I’m in love with her. To you it’s crazy. To me it is the most common sense thing in the world, and I know we’re going to get over this. When we do, I’ll contact you both again.” I got off the plane.
I would take the next plane. Right now I just needed to be away from them. Everyone’s solution was to just throw money at the situation and hope it fixed itself. It’s what Felicity’s father had done to her, and it’s what my aunt and uncle would have done to me. The only thing none of them seemed to realize was replacing love with money only ever ends one way, in heartbreak.
It felt like the whole world was telling me to stay away from Felicity Harper, yet next to her was the one place I really wanted to be.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
We're all messed up
Theo
“We had a small setback,” Dr. Butler said to me as I stood outside Felicity’s door. I had expected to see her this morning, but when I arrived, they told me I had to speak with him first. She sat in the middle of her bed, looking out the window, her legs tucked into her chest.
“What kind of setback?”
“She’s not being honest with herself. For some reason she has been able to come terms with living a lie for the last six years, but she cannot accept her condition nor does she want to talk about anything. For someone to be in that deep of a hallucination and not want to talk about it afterwards… it’s not healthy, and no medicine can fix that.”
“So what do you want to do?”
“Keep her for another three weeks with minimal contact from you or anyone else until she’s ready to face herself.”
&nbs
p; Sighing, I nodded and crossed my arms. “You all said the fact that she hadn’t hurt herself or others on top of maintaining a stable life while off medication proves that all she needed was to start focusing on getting back on the meds for the hallucinations.”
“Mr. Darcy, it’s been six years. We started her treatment three weeks ago. We have no idea how it’s truly affecting her—”
“That’s right, she’s been alone for six years. Do you really believe keeping her locked away here, with no one she knows, is the right call?”
He frowned, pushing his glasses farther up his bent nose. “We can’t keep her here since she only volunteered to stay for three weeks. But I believe you should advise her any way you can to take this more seriously and to stay a bit longer. You can go in.”
I was torn. On the one hand I wanted her to come back with me. But on the other, I didn’t want to hinder her from getting the help she needed.
Pushing open the door, I stepped into the room. She didn’t look at me, though. She just kept her eyes glued on the ocean outside her window. Moving to the bed, I sat down beside her.
“Felicity?”
She turned to me, her whole face brightening, and she reached out and cupped the side of my face. “Please tell me you’re really here?”
Placing my hand over top of hers, I nodded. “I’m really here. Miss me?”
She leaped into my arms, hugging me tighter than I thought possible.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Oh, please tell me you’re getting me out of here today.”
She looked so happy all of a sudden. “I was hoping to.” The moment I said those four words, the smile on her face died.
“Was is past tense,” She replied, brushing her hair behind her ears. “Meaning you no longer want to?”
Squeezing her hand, I held it tightly. “I want to, Felicity. I really do, but your doctor doesn’t think you’re ready.”
“He’ll never think I’m ready.” She groaned, annoyed. “Theo, I can’t stay here any longer. I can’t. I feel like I’m dying and no one can hear me. I’ve taken my medicine. Mark and Cleo are gone! I’m not crazy, and this place isn’t for me. Every part of me is telling me to leave. Please don’t make me stay. Please.”
I wanted to trust her. I wanted to believe she was ready. But I kept remembering how broken she’d been in my arms, sobbing in front of her storage closet.
“Felicity—”
“I’m leaving today. Should I get a taxi?”
I shook my head. “Pack up. We’ll leave when you’re ready.”
She grinned, getting off the bed and pointing to the bag beside her. “I have everything I need already. I’ve been waiting for you.”
God, I hoped we were making the right choice.
Felicity
11:25 a.m.
Dr. Butler was not pleased in the slightest with us leaving after I got my medication and prescription. He kept trying to talk me out of it up to the moment I signed my release. It felt like déjà vu.
“Mark, I swear, move over!” Cleo hissed.
“There is nowhere to move to!” he hollered as they both tried to squeeze into the front seat, Cleo on his lap.
I did my best not to respond. Part of me hoped they would just go away. But the more I ignored them, the dumber they seemed to become, like they were trying anything at this point to get me to notice them.
“Felicity. Felicity?”
“Huh? Yes?” I faced Theo, who was watching me carefully. “Sorry, I’m just happy to be free now. What were you saying?”
“I asked where would you like to go. Back to your condo—”
“No,” I replied. Going there would make me remember everything all at once, how I used to talk to myself, thinking it was to them. Drinking wine and laughing by myself in front of the television. It was too depressing. I had somewhere else in mind. “Do you mind if we stop at the beach?”
“Nolan,” he said, and the car turned left toward the waterfront. Winding down the window, I stuck my hand out. “I missed the ocean so much, and the funniest thing is I didn’t even go that often.”
“There was a beach at Crossroads. Why didn’t you go then?”
“I was on suicide watch my first week there. The second week I could barely get out of bed because of how the drugs made me feel. The third week it was counseling, and someone was always hovering. No matter how nice the rooms are, or how great the view, a prison is still a prison,” I replied. I didn’t want to talk about Crossroads, but I guess I couldn’t just have a breakdown and come back like it had never happened.
“I don’t know why they wanted to keep you longer. You’re perfectly rational to me,” Mark said up front.
“You really hated it,” Theo whispered, and the tone of his voice got me to face him. He was looking at me with a blank expression on his face, as if he wasn’t sure how he felt.
I found it interesting that he always kept such a calm and cool demeanor about things. Like nothing threw him off his game. “Yeah, I hated it. But I needed it. I just don’t want it to become all that’s left of me.”
“We’re here, sir.” Nolan parked the car.
Unlocking my seatbelt, I didn’t even wait for either of them, grabbing my pack and jumping out of the car.
“Freedom!” I yelled, throwing my arms in the air before pulling off my flats and running down to the beach. The sand broke underneath the weight of my feet, going between my toes.
I was racing to the water when Theo reached out and held on to me.
“Felicity, be careful and don’t go too far.”
I saw the same worry, fear, and even pity in his eyes I’d seen in the staff at Crossroads.
“Let go of me.” I pulled away, brushing my hair back. “You thought I was going to hurt myself.”
“Felicity—”
“I know that look, Theo, believe me. It’s the one I’m running away from. It’s the one everyone keeps giving me, the she’s insane look. But I—I just want to be Felicity and spend one normal day at the beach with the guy I like. If you’re going to be here, please be that guy and not another doctor. Please.”
He pulled a phone out of his pocket when it rang. “Your phone broke. I’m sorry. I know it was important to you. It’s back at your house. I got you a new one. Rosemary has been trying reach you.”
“It’s the last present my dad gave me. I think I held on to it because I was holding on to him. It’s good it broke,” I lied, taking the phone from him and sliding the green button. Rosemary popped up in a video chat.
“Oh my god, I’ve missed you! Are you all right?”
Smiling, I waved to her. “I’m fine, and I missed you too. I even missed Manny.”
“Yeah, I kind of miss his bitching too.”
“What do you mean? Where are you?”
She moved the camera around for me to see. “Hawaii.”
“With a certain petty officer I used to know?” I grinned and so did she, turning the phone so I could see the dark head of hair on the pillow beside her.
“Rosemary Jones!”
“I know!” She got out of bed and went out to the balcony. The first thing I saw was the trees, the green bright trees, and I heard water rushing behind her. It reminded me of when Theo and I had gone to Ambler.
“You look so happy, Rosemary, and it makes me happy for you. I’m glad you called because I wanted to say sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
Taking a seat on the sand, I bit my bottom lip to keep from crying, something I did a lot lately when I thought of everything that made me feel this way.
“Felicity?”
“Looking back, I wasn’t a good friend,” I said to her. “Hell, I can barely be considered a friend. I’ve always only thought of me. I’m sorry for being so selfish. Thank you for being you, I guess I’m trying to say.”
“Just because we weren’t braiding each other’s hair doesn’t mean we weren’t friends. I could give you a thousand examples of how
you’ve help me without even thinking about it. Besides, I wouldn’t have had to the guts to come to Hawaii if it weren’t for you. When I get back, why don’t we have our very first girls’ night?”
“Sure. Just don’t come back too soon. Enjoy Hawaii.”
She was about to say something when someone called her. “I’ll call you back later! And oh… Theo is pretty amazing.”
“I know. Bye.” I waved once more before hanging up. I noticed email had been set up. Clicking on it, the very first thing I saw was his name, Theodore Darcy, over and over again in my inbox. Scrolling down, I went to the very first one.
Date: Wed, June 14th
Subject: The sun
Felicity,
I have no idea what I am doing or what I should say. I keep asking myself, how did I get her? What was it that made it impossible for me to get you out of my head even from the beginning? The answer, well, it’s complicated. At first it was your music. The moment I heard you play, it felt like someone else understood everything I couldn’t say out loud.
I have a decent family.
I have a job I truly enjoy and get paid more than some people could ever dare to dream, yet I felt empty all the time. It makes me feel guilty. There are people living far worse lives than me. There are people out there truly suffering. What right do I have to be depressed?
I was frustrated with myself and the world around me.
Then suddenly you appeared in my life, and you were like the sun. You made everything brighter. Everything seems at little darker when you’re gone.
Theodore Darcy
CEO Darcy entertainment
Date: Sat, June 17th