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“Thank you,” I say with a smile, and then I try for a little cheekiness. “You look pretty hot yourself. ”
He steps forward, across the threshold, and invades every bit of my personal space. Running a finger along my jaw, he murmurs, “Not as hot as you bent over my kitchen table this morning. ”
Oh, geez.
My insides instantly melt, my bones liquefy, and I have to take a step back to clear the fog from my brain. Gavin is all too aware of the effect he has on me because he laughs softly and then grabs my hand. “Come on. I’m starved. ”
We’ve been making small talk, and I think it’s because we’re both nervous. Well, because I’m nervous. I don’t think Gavin has an apprehensive bone in his body. He exudes confidence and control. He humors me when I ask question after question about his writing career, even admitting that he’s changing the character he based on me in his manuscript. He named her Honey, which is a stupid name in my opinion, but he said he wanted it to be clear she was “sweet” …like me.
I thought that was kind of sweet, so then the name Honey grew on me a bit.
We’re eating at one of the better seafood restaurants in Nags Head, and I just ordered the fried oyster platter. Gavin wrinkles his nose and says, “Why do you North Carolinians fry all your seafood?”
I shrug my shoulders and say, “Everything tastes better fried. ”
Gavin disagrees and orders a baked sea bass entree with a grilled veggie mix on the side.
When the waiter leaves, I decide a change of subject is absolutely necessary. “We had unprotected sex. ”
Sighing, Gavin takes a sip of his water and sets it back down. “I know. It hit me the minute I slammed home but f**k if I could stop. ”
His words… his dirty, filthy words that remind me of how unbridled his passion was, shock me for a moment, and then fill me with a weird warmth. Because it speaks to the fact that he wanted me so badly, that he was out of control. I never thought I’d incite such desire in a man… let alone a man like Gavin Cooke.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” Gavin continues. “I swear I’m clean. ”
“Always kept it wrapped up?” I quip nervously.
“Always,” he says firmly, his eyes boring into mine. “I’ve done a lot of stuff that would put a permanent blush on those pretty cheeks, but I’ve always been careful. ”
“What kind of stuff?” I ask, naïvely… jealously.
“You really want to know?” he asks.
No. “Yes. ”
“Let’s just say… over the six months I was writing Killing the Tides, I did a lot of experimenting. You can call it research if you want. ”
I give a nervous laugh. “Like bondage or something. ”
He never drops his eyes from mine, and his voice is hard when he admits, “BDSM, multiple partners, orgies, anal, voyeurism, sex in public. You name it… I probably tried it. Does that turn you on or off, Sweet?”
My mouth falls open in disbelief, and a strange feeling takes hold. I’m slightly disgusted by this, but at the same time, a little bit turned on. I realize without a doubt that I’m completely out of my league with him, and that what we did this morning… while it was the most erotic thing that’s ever happened to me… it’s probably on the tame side for him.
Sadness overwhelms me as I realize and think to myself, How could I ever be enough for him?
“What about you?” Gavin asks, not bothering to wait for my answer. Not that I’d ever admit that what he said turned me on or off.
I blink at him. “What about me?”
“The unprotected sex,” he says with a smirk. “I’ve assured you, now you assure me. ”
My face burns hot, and my eyes lower to the table. I fiddle with my napkin on my lap, because how presumptuous of me not to have immediately put his mind at ease.
“Sweet?” he calls to me softly. “I can tell you don’t have much experience, so I’m not too worried about catching anything from you. Am I right?”
My eyes lift to him, and I nod in assent.
“But—”
“And I’m on the pill,” I say hastily.
Gavin’s breath comes out in a rush of relief, and he says, “Thank God. ” I find it interesting that he was clearly more worried about me getting pregnant than getting a dose of the clap, although both seem equally disconcerting to me.
He smiles at me then, and it’s the most brilliant smile I’ve seen on his face yet. He reaches his hand across the table at me, and I release my napkin to take it. “Now that that’s out of the way, tell me your secret. ”
“My secret?” I ask in confusion.
“The secret you said you would tell me maybe someday,” he reminds me while stroking his thumb over the back of my hand.
“Oh, that,” I say with immediate understanding. “It’s not all that interesting. ”
“It must be if it’s a secret,” he prompts.
“It’s not really a secret. It’s public knowledge, just not something I talk about. ”
“Yet, you told Brody about it. ”
“He’s my friend… my closest. ”
“I’m betting Brody was never as close to you as I was this morning… when I was deep inside your body. ”
I pull my hand away and glare at him. “Why do you always try to shock me with your sexual innuendos?”
“Love,” Gavin drawls in that sexy, English accent. “That wasn’t innuendo. That was pure fact… I was deep inside your body this morning, feeling every inch of your sweet pu**y surrounding me. ”
“Stop it,” I hiss at him across the table.
He leans back in his chair slowly, giving me a calculated smile. Drumming his fingers on the table, he says, “It’s time for you to stop being shy with me, Sweet. I know you inside and out now. ”
“You don’t know anything about me,” I counter.
“I know plenty. I know you’re unbelievably sweet, kind, and caring. I know you have an amazing work ethic. I know you’re smart and funny, and you’re f**king sexy as hell. I also know that you’re a risk taker and that you are nothing like I first thought you were. I know you’re private and timid, but when you get angry, you stand up for yourself. I know your body feels amazing wrapped around me, and I know that I want to feel it again… tonight as a matter of fact. I know that I love to hear you scream in pleasure, and I know my c**k is aching for you right this very minute. If I thought you’d let me, I’d pull you into the bathroom right now and f**k you standing in one of the stalls, hopefully while someone came in, and we’d have to be very quiet so as not to get caught. And I know… without a doubt, you’d scream anyway, regardless of the danger. ”
Heat courses through my body, along with gratification that he does know quite a bit about me already. That means he was looking at far more than just my tits and ass, and he has found appreciation outside of those things that normally a man would notice about a woman.
“Now, tell me your secret,” he commands.
Sighing, I pick up my glass of water and take a sip. When I set it back down, I decide to tell Gavin about the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Because then… maybe then… he’d understand that I’m truly not the meek little kitten he takes me for.
At least, I haven’t always been.
“I was almost raped in high school,” I say without preamble, deciding just to go ahead and blitz him with the information.
“What the f**k?” he says as he jolts upright in his seat and then leans forward to grab my hand again.
“By my boyfriend,” I continue while never letting my gaze drop from his. “We had been dating for a few months, and he was pressuring me to have sex. I wasn’t ready… I wasn’t in love with him, and I was a virgin. I didn’t want to give it up to him. ”
Gavin grits his teeth hard, his eyes blazing. “What happened?”
“We were at a party… a bonfire, everyone was drinking. He
was drunk, and I was drunk. He tried again, and I said ‘no. ’ He apparently thought ‘no’ meant ‘yes’ and wouldn’t stop. ”
“But he did stop,” Gavin demands with menace in his voice. He knows he stopped because I told him I was “almost” raped.
“Yes… only after someone heard me scream and interrupted him. He immediately jumped off me and left. ”
“What did you do?”
“I went straight to the police and reported it,” I tell him sadly, because while it was the right thing to do, it caused so much more strife in my life than if I had just stayed silent.
“Good for you,” he says with a smile, squeezing my hand.
“No, not good for me,” I tell him as I pull my hand free from his grasp. “Going forward with my allegation was the worst thing that ever happened to me. ”
Gavin blinks at me, confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean Kevin… my boyfriend… my attacker, was captain of the football team and the most popular guy in high school. His father was our small town’s beloved, local doctor. His mother was on the church choir. Kevin denied it happened, and no one believed me. He was my boyfriend after all. Everyone was of the mindset that a man can’t rape his girlfriend. ”
“Tell me you’re joking. What about the person that saw it happening?”
“A friend of Kevin’s that wasn’t willing to testify to what he saw. ”
“So what did you do?” he asks with trepidation.
“I did the only thing I could do. I told the truth and stuck to my guns. There was physical evidence. My clothes were torn, Kevin had choked me so I had bruises on my throat, and I had scratched him across the face. Coupled with my testimony, that was enough for the DA to press charges. ”
“Was there a trial?”
“Yes. It was many months later, and I went through a living hell to get there. I lost all my friends because no one would believe me. I was bullied… physically pushed around by girls who all had a crush on Kevin and wouldn’t believe it of their popular sports star. Guys would grab at me, thinking I was loose. Adults in the community shunned me because I was bringing disgrace to our sleepy town. Even the local paper wrote editorial opinions taking his side. My parents were the only ones that stood by me. ”
“You’re f**king kidding? Who does stuff like that?”
“The town of Clearview, Indiana,” I tell him evenly.
Gavin swallows hard, and I can see a bit of fear in his eyes. “How did it end?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Justice prevailed. He was convicted of sexual battery. Got a year and a half in prison, but was out in nine months. ”
“How is that justice?” Gavin asks angrily.
I give him a soft look of assurance… letting him know that I’m okay. “It’s justice because the jury agreed with me that Kevin tried to rape me. After everything I went through… that was the most important thing that could happen for me. Didn’t matter to me what his sentence was—it was that I proved everyone in that f**king town wrong. ”
Gavin is quiet a moment, digesting my story. He pushes slowly out of his chair and walks to the opposite side of the table, dropping to his knees beside me. He grabs my face in his hands and leans in to kiss me on my lips. It’s our first kiss, and it’s soft and sweet, filled with care. I realize… that Gavin and I had sex today, and he never even kissed me on the lips until now.
How very strange.
How very naughty and thrillingly bad.
When he pulls away, Gavin says, “Oh, Sweet… after hearing that story, you are, without a doubt, the strongest heroine I’ve ever known. ”