My eyes remained closed while I listened to the cabinet being unlocked and then rustling by the head of my bed.
“Scoot up. Lay in your bed right, and don’t talk. Not one word unless I tell you to. Got it, slut?”
“Yup.”
“I said no talking.”
“Then stop asking me questions.”
“Shut the fuck up, Gabriella.”
With my eyes still closed, I zipped my lips and threw the key behind my head. I did want to open my eyes when I heard the hum. Instead I smirked with a puff of air. A vibrator. That’s what he was going to torture me with? Okay. Let’s go. My body moved where Paxton wanted it to move. I may have even laughed a little when I felt my wrists being tied above my head.
“Keep laughing. You’re going to love this.”
Next came my feet. The humming vibrated the bed while both ankles were strapped with thick leather.
“Last chance before the fun begins. My fun. Tell me what happened at the ballfield.”
Silence. I didn’t say a word. Not one.
Until.
“Ahh,” I instantly moaned. Holy shit. That thing was packing a hemi. I swear he barely touched me before I was on top of an orgasm. To my surprise. That was his goal. Paxton had me calling out in pure ecstasy in a matter of seconds. Not minutes.
As soon as I came, Paxton turned off the vibrating devise and left me tied to my bed. Hmm. I silently pondered my predicament. There was no way in hell Paxton was finished with me. One eye opened, and I cautiously looked to the closed door. I waited, wondering what the hell he was up to. Knowing Paxton was probably watching me, I didn’t show emotions. Not the kind he hoped for anyway. I hummed a song I didn’t know. Familiar, yet not.
Thirty minutes was the exact time. As soon as the door opened, I closed my eyes, not about to give him the satisfaction.
“Just tell me what was said. Something happened today. Did it have anything to do with the day you left? Your accident?”
Nothing. I didn’t answer. I guess I was secretly hoping for more of what I’d been punished with the last time. I was. Paxton clicked his tongue and opened me with two fingers. It was a little longer than last time, but nonetheless, I came. I came hard, shuddering from the inside out.
I smirked, knowing the game as soon as the vibration instantly stopped. I smiled with a wink when he turned to look at me as he closed the door. Needless to say, I wouldn’t be the one with the last laugh.
By the second hour, the fourth orgasm, I was done. I didn’t want to orgasm anymore. Of course that wasn’t my decision. Every thirty minutes Paxton came in, asked me the same question, and made me get off. I was a trooper for as long as I could take it. Four a.m.
I was exhausted, I didn’t want to come again, and I didn’t think I had another one in me. Paxton entered my room, ask what had me so upset, and parted me with two fingers. I squirmed, trying to get away that time.
“Stop, I can’t, Paxton.”
Paxton used his fingers, and slid in and out of me, him taking the lead with the smirk. “We can stop. Tell me who said what.”
“There’s nothing to tell. I heard them talking. I don’t know what they said. I just know they were talking about me. Maybe it wasn’t about me. Maybe it was just me being insecure,” I said while spewing out words in a pleading tone. I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t take it.
“Have it your way.”
I tried my best to keep it together and not come again. I couldn’t control it. It took longer and longer each time, but nonetheless, I came. Again and again. I didn’t want to, but I did. I begged and pleaded every time like I was praying for my life. I was. At least it felt like it, anyway. I pleaded in agony every time.
Eight a.m. That’s when Paxton finally emptied his load in my mouth and left me alone, but not to sleep.
“It’s time to get up. Go start breakfast. The girls will be up soon. You might want to reconsider your decision to keep things from me in the future. I’m going for a jog, I’m going to stop and talk to Tricia, and then I’m going to bed.”
I didn’t speak a word. I couldn’t. My body was completely shut down. Not one muscle moved while my arms and legs were freed. As much as I wanted to rub my wrists, I didn’t. I couldn’t. My body melted to the mattress. I was drained.
“Go take a shower. You smell like pussy.”
Again, I didn’t speak. Only to myself. What the hell do you expect, dickwad?
Paxton left me with that. I showered and started my excruciating long day. I cooked, I cleaned, I played with the girls, and Paxton was an ass.
After lunch by the pool, he curled up with both girls on the comfortable cabana bed. I cleaned up the mess and listened to his conversation with Ophelia. Her birthday was two weeks away, and she wanted a party like Chance had. Chance had a princess party with a real princess.
“And Chance is going to come, and maybe Collin, but he’s mean sometimes,” she explained while she twisted hair around and around her finger. I almost told her to stop it when I thought about me being the one to listen to her scream as I combed it out. I didn’t say anything, only because I didn’t want to talk to Paxton. I carried the remnants of lunch inside and stayed there. Far away from Paxton.
He thought this whole keep my house sparkling thing game bothered me. It didn’t at all. Doing the mundane tasks that didn’t need done occupied my mind. I did a lot of thinking. Uncompartmentalize the things I’d learned along this fucked up journey.
I hummed watch me nae, nae with the radio while I shined every visible piece of silver in the kitchen. Ophelia’s birthday party had my attention while I rubbed the handle on the stove to a glimmering chrome. There was no way in hell I would agree to a party with the stepford wives.
“You’re not being very cheerful around the girls today. What’s up?” Paxton asked while sliding his arms around my waist.
“Sorry, I’ll try to do better.”
Soft lips caressed my skin and his grip tightened around me. “A few weeks ago I would have believed that. You don’t hide sarcasm well, anymore.”
“I wasn’t trying to. Are the girls asleep?”
“Ophelia is. Rowan’s putting clothes on a Barbie. I don’t like to be ignored. I suggest you stop.” My eyes closed when his fingers tickled my stomach with a soft touch. A light suction from his lips tugged on my neck and I dropped my head to his chest.
“I hate you. I hate that you can be so cruel and do this to me. I hate you.” Again the filter ceased working. I didn’t want be weak in front of him. I didn’t want him to see the things he caused deep in my soul. Glitter.
Paxton tensed behind me and his lips halted on my skin. I didn’t wait for direction, I turned. Our eyes locked and emotions seared between us. Paxton was weak too.
“I don’t know what happened between us, Gabriella. I can’t do this with you.”
My words matched his. Quiet with a rasp. “Do what, Paxton? Love me? You can’t love me?”
“I don’t want to love you, Gabriella. I want to take care of you financially, I want to give you everything you ever wanted, and I want you to be a good mother to my kids.”
“You want to control me.”
His hands held mine, one on each side of my head. Our eyes stayed locked and our lips close. “It’s a tradeoff. One that worked just fine before you decided to do this. Why can’t you go back to being you? Being us?”
“Is that what you want?”
“No.”
My heart did back flips. It may not have been much, but it was something. It was his way of telling me he did feel. He felt me. My lips parted and his tongue darted in. His hands slid down my sides and rested on my ribs. Mine went around his neck and my body molded with us. There was no way in hell that Paxton could deny this. This searing pull between us. My glitter danced in his heart. I knew it did.
Something changed that day. That moment. Another weird turn was taken. His touch was softer, his kisses sweeter, and his anger lifted. He still wanted the
control and I gave it to him. Almost. We had a little disagreement later that evening by the beach.
Rowan and Ophelia was busy with letting the waves push them to the sand. Paxton sat in the sand and pulled my hand. Not beside him. Right between his legs. He never did that. I leaned into his chest and wrapped my arms around his legs.
“I have to know where you were, Gabriella. I’m never going to let it go. You don’t just leave like that. Not unless you were on a mission. Like a plan gone bad. Something’s not right. You never hid things from me. I knew your every move.” Paxton’s lips kissed the top of my head, but it wasn’t the sweet kind. Not that time.
His fingers spread when I laced mine with his. For a second I thought his fingers were going to stay like that and I’d be left hanging, but then he softened. His fingers folded around mine and he sighed a deep breath. A defeated, deep breath. “What if there wasn’t anything malicious about it. What if I gave someone a lift, or something? Something simple, because I’m a good person, and nothing else. Did you ever think about that?”
I sat up a little when Rowan choked on salt water. She was fine, but a fight was born.
“Rowan coughed on me. Tell her she has to cover her mouth.” Ophelia didn’t give me time tell her anything. She scoped up a mouthful of water and spit in right on her arm. One steady stream. Of course that sent Rowan into a frenzy.
I raised up, letting go of Paxton’s hand and shook my head. “Oh, my God. You go take care of that.”
“Do that whistle thing.”
“It stopped working after the third time. Go, before someone gets drowned.”
Paxton leap-frogged my head and growled like a bear. Crooked fingers for scary bear claws. That did it. Both girls screamed and took off running in different directions. Ophelia was caught first. Her little body bounced below Paxton’s arms while he ran after screaming, Rowan. I smiled after them, feeling. Hmm. Happy?
“Out with the family. How nice.”
My hand shielded the bright sun and I looked up. White sneakers, blue running shorts, and a plain white T-shirt.
“I texted you,” I blurted out. Maybe because I knew I didn’t have much time.
“Yeah, I know. Don’t do it again. You look better. How are you feeling,” Lane questioned, his tone changing with distance Paxton closed between us.
“I’m feeling much better, thank you,” I said with the same exact fake tone. What the hell?
“Lane, how’s it going, man?” Paxton said with an extended hand. The men shook hands and I watched cautiously, looking for any sign of stress. It was there. No doubt. I could read fakeness miles away. This entire neighborhood was fake.
Paxton and Lane talked about the last ballgame, stroking their own egos as they boasted about wins and losses. You would have thought they were talking about the super bowl.
“I’ll see ya later, dude. Candace has us going to some play in the city tonight. Wish me luck.”
“Yeah, good luck. See ya.”
Paxton resumed his position behind me and kissed the back of my head. I wished a million times over I could see his expression, his eyes. I needed to read his face after that conversation.
“You don’t like him either, do you?”
“Lane? Yeah, he’s alright. I don’t like his wife.”
“Why?”
Paxton leaned back on his elbows and changed the subject. “It doesn’t matter. What have you planned for Ophelia’s party? She’s starting to get pretty excited about it. I want it to be bigger than Chance’s.”
“Yeah, about that. What if we just went away? Just us. A family birthday.”
“I doubt it if Ophelia’s going to go for that. She wants a princess party with Bella. Get over this bullshit with the neighbors and plan a party. Learn to keep your mouth shut and you wouldn’t have to worry about people talking about you. That’s why you shut up when we’re in public. That’s why you don’t talk about our personal life with other people. There’s some things I’m just not going to permit. That’s one of them.” Paxton sat back up and brushed his hands up and down my arms.
I turned on him. One knee in his crotch and one over his hip. His body was forced back to his elbows when my lips pushed his. “I’m cool with that. Let’s go away for Phi’s birthday.” I didn’t wait for a response. I parted his lips with my tongue and dropped my weight to his. Both his hands went up my shirt and around my back. We made out like two teens in love. For a brief moment there was nothing else. Just Paxton and me. I could hear the girls laughing, and the waves crashing behind us, but it was still only us. Paxton and me in alone in the moment.
I gasped from the cold. Ophelia’s wet body fell to my legs and Rowans landed on my back. Paxton grabbed all three of us in one quick scoop. His fingers dug into my hip bone and I thrashed, trying to use Rowan as a human shield. He tickled her, too, sending her body crashing into mine. Ophelia escaped and tried like hell to roll him off us. Her body was sent into a laughing frenzy next with stiff fingers to her hipbone.
Lane staring at us in a distance, broke the moment. It was the weirdest thing ever. Like he was pissed at me. I could see the distaste on his face when he blew out a puff of air and walked away, shaking his head in disgust. My eyes went to Paxton’s next. He glanced in the direction of my distraction and back to me.
“Come on, munchkins, bath time,” Paxton said in a sad tone, eyes right on mine. Paxton knew something, or at least he felt it, but what? What did I do? I mean, surely I wasn’t stupid enough to cheat on a man like Paxton. He’d kill me.
I saw Lane, running in a distance when Paxton pulled me to my feet.
“I read where some of these cases can stay dormant for years because the patient doesn’t want to remember. Usually because of a trauma, but not always. Just saying,” Paxton said with a shrug and an open hand toward the path.
I took a deep sea breath, filling my lungs with a push. That’s how it felt. It didn’t matter that we both felt the pull. That unquestionable attraction that kept us tangled in this web of deception. Something stronger always pushed us apart.
That’s the way it was with Paxton and me. One step forward and two leaps back.
Paxton tried like hell to revert to dick-headedness. I wouldn’t let him. Not with the girls. That was bullshit. As soon as they were in the tub, he ordered me to my room to shower and wait for him.
I refused. “No, you’re not doing that, Paxton. You heard me tell Phi, I’d read the shoe book. I’m reading the shoe book and then I will wait for you in my room.
Paxton jerked my arm and squeezed hard. “You’ll fucking do what you’re told when I tell you.”
His angry words through gritted teeth did little for my submission. Not this time. I couldn’t even see a filter, let along control it. My fingers tried to ease the hold around my arm and I spit. Right in his face. Both his eyes closed and then opened. Oh shit.
The pain from his grip loosened when he removed it to wipe his face with his shirt. I didn’t move. I stood perfectly still, waiting for the inevitable. Paxton would kill me dead.
“Get the fuck away from me before I knock your teeth down your throat.”
“Paxton, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Gabriella?”
I smiled a sad smile and stepped around him. I felt so lost. One minute I was happy and content, and the next this. “Head injury,” I said while shrugging both shoulders. I stepped away and went to the kitchen.
Two glasses of milk and four Graham crackers waited for Rowan and Ophelia on the table. I pulled my butt to the counter and waited for them, trying to figure things out. Any things. I didn’t care what. Something just had to fall together. A memory from somewhere other than before Paxton. Whatever went on with Lane would have been nice.
Rowan showed up for her snack wrapped in a towel, and Phi came with her pajama-shorts twisted to one side and no shirt. I smiled at both of them without a word. They both climbed to the stools in front of me and b
it into Graham crackers. The girls talked about seeing a snake when they walked to the shop earlier with their dad. That was before the blink of an eye. When Paxton wasn’t angry.
“I don’t get Graham crackers and milk?” Paxton asked, interrupting my trance. I was focused on Row and Phi. At how different they were from me and my sister. So far, I hadn’t had one memory of being angry with her. I loved her with my whole heart. Of course Rowan and Ophelia did, too, but man could they ever fight.
I let my eyes drift to Paxton as I slid from the counter. He kissed two wet heads and moved beside Rowan.
“Where’s your clothes?” He asked Rowan when he realized she was wearing a towel. He turned and said the same thing to Phi when he noticed she was half naked, too.
I poured him a glass of milk and dropped the pack of crackers in front of him with a thump. He could get his own napkin.
“What do you think about going to Disneyland for your birthday, Ophelia?” Paxton asked her while looking at me. A truce maybe? Jesus. This man was impossible to understand.
“Can I take, Row-row?”
We both laughed and I felt a little better. At least I wasn’t worried about a replay of the night before. I hoped anyway. I couldn’t take another night like the last. The fifteen minute power nap I stole while Paxton took the girls back to his shop did little for my exhaustion. I couldn’t wait to sleep.
The girls and Paxton talked about Disney. Ophelia was over the moon excited about a birthday trip. Even after Paxton gave her the ultimatum of either a princess birthday party or Disney, she chose the trip. Thank God.
Chapter Eighteen
The funny thing about it came after the girls were sound asleep. We both went different ways. Paxton upstairs and me to my room. I showered, yawning the entire time. I couldn’t wait to lie down, to relax my exhausted body, and let sleep take my mind. I wrapped my lavender scented body in soft black satin and routinely walked out to the view. The ocean was quiet, yet full of life, and the moon looked majestic.