“You want to?”
“You know I want to. I want to live with you!”
“You know your mom would never let that happen. But of course you can stay tonight. You can have some friends over if you want, but don’t let me catch any of them with water bottles filled with vodka.”
Her face breaks into a delighted grin. “I love you.” She skips off with a wave as Julia turns to me. “They think they’re being so clever, coming in all polite, holding plastic water bottles, thinking I don’t know they’re filled with vodka. My God, whatever they do, I did it first, and I was probably better at it.”
My mind is whirling as I connect the dots and the dates and why I thought this young girl was familiar, as I realize suddenly who she is.
“She’s Ellie’s daughter, isn’t she. I don’t remember her name. The baby.”
“That’s right. Trudy. She’s almost sixteen now. Summer, the oldest, is away at camp.”
“Trudy’s a little older than my daughter, Annie. They look alike.” Like us, I think, but don’t say. Like Annie, I think, but don’t say; Annie who would give anything to have a cousin; a “big sister.” Julia dips her head, then looks up at me with a faint smile, saying the same thing without words.
“And Ellie? Is she happy?”
Julia shakes her head. “She’s had a pretty rough ride. Actually, it probably wouldn’t be that rough for you or me.” I note how she links us together, how it establishes an intimacy, a familiarity, and I remember her doing this before, all those years ago, and how good it felt, how it instantly made me feel as if I belonged.
It still makes me feel as if I belong.
“Her husband was convicted of insider trading. I don’t even honestly know if he was one of the guilty ones, but he took the hit. The guy who ran the hedge fund encouraged it, it was part of the culture, but there were a handful of guys that had to take the hit for the boss. He was one of them, and they lost … well … not everything, because some was in Ellie’s name, but they lost a lot, not to mention that for Ellie the humiliation was huge.”
“Everyone knew?”
“Everyone who happened to pick up the New York Post. Her husband went to prison for two years and was fined five million dollars.”
I almost choke. “Five million dollars? Who has that kind of money?”
“Insider traders?” says Julia, after a pregnant pause, and the pair of us burst out into guilty laughter.
I remember this. I remember how much I liked her all those years ago, how I felt, instantly, like this was my long-lost sister. And here we are again, all those years later, and I still feel it, I still feel our shared blood linking us, the sister I never had, the sister I always wanted.
“So her life must have changed dramatically.”
“It’s still not exactly a hardship. The Nantucket house is in her name, so they have that, but, shocker, they were forced to give up their city house and move to a fairly modest house in the suburbs. She tells everyone it’s Rye, but it’s actually Rye Brook, which isn’t quite the same thing. But the move was a good thing for her. It was easier for Ellie to start again without having to face all those hugely competitive women in New York. Everyone knew. I don’t blame her in the slightest for running away. I would have done the same thing.”
“How are her kids?”
“Summer’s at college now. Thankfully there was a trust fund set up for that, so she was fine, and Trudy is, as you can see, amazing. That’s the thing with that girl, however much privilege she had, and God knows they had a lot, it never seemed to mean much to Trudy. Summer’s different, more like Ellie, she cares more, but Trudy doesn’t give a damn. I love that kid. If I had a daughter, that’s exactly how I’d like her to be.”
“So you’re close?”
“We couldn’t be closer. I’m the fun aunt who lets her do what she wants.”
“That’s why she wants to sleep over!”
“Wouldn’t you?”
I think back to my childhood, how I would have given anything to have had a fun aunt, an aunt who let me, not particularly do what I want, but perhaps would have let me be me. How I would have wanted it, to have an aunt just like Julia. Lucky Trudy. Particularly with a mother like Ellie.
Julia leans forward. “Listen, it really is good to see you, Cat. But I mean it, you might not want to think about doing this whole amends thing with Ellie. My sister is an expert at holding grudges, I’m afraid. She was kind of suspicious of you from the outset, and after what happened, well, she wouldn’t be exactly pleased to see you.”
“I did write to her.”
“I know.”
“Did she rip it up?”
Julia grins.
“So how about you, Julia? Are you happy?” I have no idea why I ask this. I hadn’t anticipated asking this, and she certainly doesn’t owe me any information about herself whatsoever. But I hope she is happy. I hope life is treating her well.
“It’s good. It’s … my life. Not what I expected, but I work hard, I play hard.”
“Do you live in the same house? Your dad’s old house?”
“No. I did for a while, but we sold it a couple of years ago to some bajillionaire from New York who paid us a fortune and promptly tore the whole thing down to put up a McMansion. Ellie can’t even drive by without crying. I don’t mind, though. It gave me the money for the store.”
“So where do you live?”
“Right now I’m renting a small house in town. Where are you staying?”
“A house off Cliff Road.”
She lets out a long whistle, orders another prosecco. “Fancy.”
“It’s not. It’s the least fancy house in the whole area. Maybe you could come over one night? For drinks? Or maybe we could meet with the girls. I think Annie would love to meet Trudy.”
Julia frowns. “I don’t know what Ellie would say. I mean, of course it would be great, they’re cousins, or half cousins, or something, but Ellie might go nuts.”
“I guess it’s not something we could keep a secret.” I can’t keep the disappointment out of my voice, knowing that secrets are no way to live a sober life.
Julia looks pensive. “It would be good if they met. Maybe I can talk to Ellie, make her see sense. Let me see if I can figure it out. God knows I’ve kept enough secrets for Trudy. Ellie would have a shit fit if she knew even half of what Trudy gets up to. They should meet, you’re right. I’ll see if I can persuade Ellie.”
Cousins. Half cousins. I remember how I loved it that when we met, all those years ago, Julia never referred to me as her half sister, always as her sister, and again I am struck with the loss of something I only had for such a brief period of time.
I think of Annie, how thrilled she would be to meet someone her own age, never mind someone related, how much better this holiday would be if she had someone to pal around with, and I nod, excited. “If there’s any chance it could be sooner rather than later, that would be spectacular,” I say, as the waitress comes over and we order another drink.
* * *
I am on a high for the rest of the day. I am on a high at having found my sister again, at having our “confrontation” be anything but. At having been forgiven. I am on a high because the amends to my family, last on my list, have been hanging over my head like a black cloud of doom ever since I got sober.
I have been carrying this fear, this dread, for the longest time, terrified of what she would say. It turns out that it is true when people say you have nothing to fear but the fear itself. I cannot believe how much I have dreaded meeting Julia again, expecting her to rage at me, or dismiss me, to be furious, but she wasn’t.
I would never have expected her to be warm, welcoming, as comfortable to be with as she was all those years ago.
I could almost weep with joy.
* * *
I tell Annie about Trudy later that evening, when I go in to kiss her good night, and she perks up, thrilled at the sudden possibility of meeting a cousin she didn’t kn
ow about. I explain about Ellie, about how she and I didn’t get on, without going into too many details, and explain that Julia is hopefully going to smooth the waters. I tell her not to get her hopes up, but as I say the words I realize how much I want this, to give Annie what I never had: a cousin; bloodlines; family.
I still don’t know what to do about Ellie. Perhaps her agreeing to a friendship between the girls will pave the way for our own reconciliation. I know I have to find a way to make an amends to her, however uncomfortable that might be, however disinterested she is, however much she doesn’t want to see me. I put a call in to Maureen, but it goes straight to her machine, unsurprisingly, because I forget it is the middle of the night in England, and I don’t leave a message. I’ve never been much good at asking for help.
If I can figure it out by myself, that’s what I’ll do. The girls becoming friends has to be a way in. Maybe if Ellie meets Annie and likes her, that will make everything easier.
Twenty-seven
Julia phones the next day, and the excitement is evident in her voice. Ellie didn’t say no. Ellie didn’t seem all that interested, which, given how well Julia knows Ellie, means it’s okay for the girls to meet. Trudy, naturally, had no idea she had a half aunt who lives in England, nor a cousin a couple of years younger. Trudy, naturally, has always wanted a big family, brothers, sisters, cousins, and is now itching with excitement at the possibility of meeting Annie.
What a gift we will be giving these girls, I think; the gift of sisterhood. Remembering how much I longed for it at Annie’s age makes me want to weep.
Trudy wants to know when we can all meet, how soon, and might there be any chance that we could all meet up today?
She is working at Julia’s store. Could I bring Annie? Could Trudy meet us properly? And maybe Julia could get someone else in to help for the afternoon so the two girls could go off and get to know each other.
Annie, when I tell her, is just as excited. She’s going to have a cousin! Who knew?! What should she wear? How should she act? Should her hair be up or down? She looks like me? How do you know, Mum? You met her! This is so weird! Tell me everything!
* * *
“Oh my God!” yells Trudy, standing up and running over as soon as we walk in, wrapping Annie in a giant bear hug. “We look like sisters!” She turns to me. “I thought it was strange when you walked in yesterday, that you looked so much like Aunt Julia, but I never would have believed you were my aunt! I never would have believed I have this whole other family I never knew anything about!” She flings her arms around me as I laugh—her joy is infectious. “This is, like, the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to me! Can I take Annie to the Juice Bar and get ice cream? They all know me in there, so we don’t have to wait in line.”
I look at Annie, check her expression to make sure she is willing. Boy, is she willing. I can see she has an instant girl crush on Trudy. Frankly, who can blame her? Trudy is so warm, so open, not to mention gorgeous. Piles of dark curls falling well past her shoulder, highlights of gold. Annie’s hair is curly, but she hates it, spends hours trying to blow-dry it straight, or scrapes it back in a clip, as she has done today. But where Annie still has puppy fat, rounded thighs, a peachlike bottom, Trudy has legs that are long and coltish in her denim cutoffs. Both of them have the same olive skin, and as they walk off together, their heads close, Trudy chatting away, I have a pang of regret that this didn’t happen years ago, that I have somehow robbed Annie of something incredibly special by not getting in touch earlier. Not for me, but for her.
“Well,” says Julia, turning to me after the girls disappear into the crowds of people who have recently got off the Hy-Line. “That went well.”
“It couldn’t have gone better.”
“It’s weird, you can tell they’re family,” Julia says. “You can see they feel it.”
I nod, because I know what she’s talking about. It’s exactly how I felt when I met Julia all those years ago. “I’m going to meet my friend Sam and take him on a tour of the island,” I say. “Would you be interested in joining us?”
Julia’s face falls. “I would have loved that. I couldn’t find anyone to help today, so I’m stuck in the store all afternoon. But I’d love to get together properly. Can we maybe do dinner?”
“I would love that,” I say, and we spontaneously move toward each other and hug, and I am so enormously grateful for this newfound relationship that when we pull away, my eyes are filled with tears.
* * *
“So,” says Sam, waiting at the end of the wharf, examining me carefully as I walk up to him. “Who would have thunk it? She didn’t spit in your eye and cast a spell on you.”
“Quite the opposite. The one thing I never expected was the warmth, Sam. She’s as warm and lovely as she used to be.”
“Even though you shagged her boyfriend?”
I groan and cover my eyes in shame. “Can you not? I’d really much rather forget about that. Anyway, there’s still the sister to contend with. Apparently she has allowed the girls to meet, although no mention of wanting to see me.”
“You never liked the sister though, right?”
“She never gave me a chance. But no, she’s not the kind of woman I generally warm to. At least she wasn’t, all those years ago. She’s cold, and imperious. She always made me feel less than.”
We cross the cobbled street behind two women in very high wedge sandals. “God!” I whisper to Sam, grateful for my flip-flops. “What are they thinking, wearing heels in Nantucket, for God’s sake?”
“They’re thinking a twisted ankle would be an excellent souvenir from their trip.” He rolls his eyes, and I laugh. “I’m starving, Cat. Can we go somewhere and grab lunch?”
I whisk him off to Sconset, which he completely falls in love with—the gorgeous little village with its pretty store and restaurant, the tiny cottages covered in climbing roses.
We go to the Summer House, which he instantly pronounces his favorite place on the island thus far, partly, I am sure, because everyone here seems to be clad in designer labels equal to his own.
“Now it feels like a holiday,” he says, as we find a table next to the pool and watch all the glamorous people having lunch around us. “This is definitely my kind of place. Isn’t that John Kerry over there?”
I turn to look, just as my phone buzzes with a text from Annie.
Mum, can I go to Brant Point with Trudy? She’s meeting a crowd of friends. Please!
I pass the phone over to Sam, let him read the text. “What do you think? Okay?”
He frowns at me. “Why would you say no?”
“Trudy’s sixteen. She’s quite a bit older than Annie. I suppose I’m just worried about Annie getting up to … stuff.”
“Like you used to do?” He laughs.
“I suppose so. Even though Annie doesn’t seem nearly old enough. I just worry that she might be led astray.”
“Stop worrying so much. Let her go. This is what you wanted, that she would bond with her cousin and have an amazing vacation with kids her own age. This is going to be much more fun for her than hanging out with us, however much she loves us.”
I sigh. “You’re right. Of course you’re right.” I reach out for the phone, tap away on the screen.
Are you having a good time?
OMG! The BEST! She’s AMAZING!
Do you have enough money?
Yes. Love you xxxx
Love you more. XX
“And there she goes, out into the big wide world,” says Sam when I show him the text. “Boys, booze, drugs. It’s all out there waiting for her.”
“Oh, fuck off,” I say. “Thanks for playing into all of my fears.” I take a deep breath. “This is Annie we’re talking about. She’s not about to launch herself into a life of debauchery. Anyway, Trudy seems lovely. I’m glad she’s having a nice time. Why don’t you finish the burger and we’ll go to the beach?”
* * *
I pick Annie up from the beac
h at Brant Point at six. She has already texted, over and over, begging to stay later, but I tell her we have two weeks for her to see her new friends, and she can always go back later. I have made a reservation at the Galley tonight, and it’s special, and expensive, and a treat for all of us. I want Annie with us.
“So?” Sam asks when Annie climbs into the car. “I see there were quite a crowd of kids with you. Nice kids?”
Annie is beaming, in a way I’m not quite sure I’ve ever seen her beam before. This is my quiet, unassuming, bookworm of a child. She’s never been interested in socializing, or partying, or hanging out with groups of kids.
“They were amazing! They were all so friendly, and cool. I had an awesome afternoon.”
Sam grins. “Awesome! You sound like an American!”
“Well, duh! I’ve been hanging out with them all day.”
“So how is Trudy?”
Annie is so excited, she sits forward in the car, her arms resting on our seats. “Mom, she is just the best. And we have so much in common. Oh my God, it’s like, I don’t know, it’s like suddenly finding a sister.”
And I know—I remember—exactly what she means.
* * *
I dress up for tonight. Most of my suitcase was stuffed with casual clothes, shorts and T-shirts, but I packed a couple of silk beaded tunics, gauzy trousers, and large gold hoops, just in case.
I don’t bother blowing my hair straight—in this humidity it is likely to stay straight for about twenty minutes, if I’m lucky. I gather it back in a loose ponytail at the nape of my neck, letting a few tendrils fall on either side of my face. Already my skin is bronze—thank you, Brooks, for the olive skin—and I glide a large brush with luminescent bronzer over my cheeks.
Beaded flat sandals on my feet, I look at myself appraisingly. I look good. I look like I belong.
Sam gives me a wolf whistle when he sees me. “Extremely gorgeous,” he says admiringly. Even Annie comes out to give me her approval. She is in a long skirt but tucks shorts into my bag. “I might see Trudy later, and I don’t want to be in a skirt,” she explains.
* * *