Chapter Eighteen
WATER SPLASHED AND laughter echoed as Violet’s family gathered around the pool for another one of Marc’s burnt hamburger barbecues.
Before Marc returned home, Uncle Carl would guard the barbeque and he knew how to cook a delicious, juicy hamburger. Her brother, on the other hand, was the go-to-guy if you liked hard patties between the buns. No one dared tell him.
“Are we almost ready?” Violet asked, leaning over his shoulder. He was tall, like Ryder, so, bare-footed she had to tip-toe to see the grill. The burgers were on fire. “You better turn your heat down,” she said with a laugh and stepped beside him, reaching to turn the knobs with her free hand.
The other hand steadied her half-full glass of wine. Drinking wine at meals was standard with her family, however, the three glasses she gulped down in the privacy of her own kitchen had been to kill the edge, after leaving Ryder...alone.
But, what was she supposed to do? Chase him in the house?
It was clear he wanted...or needed...to be alone and Violet could relate. It didn’t take away her concern for him, but hopefully another glass of wine would help.
Marc pinched at her fingers with the tongs. “Get out of here, or you get none.” It wasn’t a threat like he was intending. “You better go make the salad,” he said.
“Are we ready for that? Or should I get a jug of water? A fire extinguisher? Possibly a take-out menu?” she teased, but seriously it was an easy phone call away to one of the on-site restaurants.
Marc sent her a playful glare. “Is Ryder responsible for this light-hearted side of you?”
Violet’s smile fell.
“I guess not.”
Violet was not about to go into this morning’s events with Marc. Where would she even start, without mentioning Donald’s condition? “It’s a long story.”
“Sorry Vi.”
Violet bit her lower lip, raised her eyebrows and scrunched her nose together, preparing for his reaction as she said, “I take half the blame, since I told him I used him only for the sex.”
She knew that had nothing to do with why Ryder wasn’t standing at her side. But the reaction Marc gave was exactly what she needed to distract herself this evening. Heaven only knew, once she was behind closed doors, she would wrap up in Ryder’s sweater and worry about him all night long.
Marc dropped the tongs on the grill and asked, “You slept with him?”
He reached again for the tongs, but instead of paying attention, he was looking at Violet for the answer and missed the tongs, burning his hand on the grill. Their eyes broke contact as he cursed, which was very unlike Marc who rarely lost control of a situation. He jumped away from the grill, knocking the tongs to the ground and sending a few burgers following.
“Dammit!”
“Are you alright?” Violet reached for him, but he shrugged her off. She stepped back, unable to suppress the grin.
“Do you need some help?” Carl called from where he and Eliza sat, tucked together on one lounger. Eliza lifted her head from the resting spot on Carl’s chest to see what all the commotion was.
“Let your dad cook the burgers!” Kate called from the tables, where she and Emma were spreading out the place settings. “You are wonderful on a stove, but sweetheart, let your dad man the barbecue.”
“I’m fine!” Marc barked at them, before bending down to reach the tongs that had fallen under the pot burner on the side of the barbecue. When he stood up, he hit the back of his head and snarled loudly, “Son of a−”
“Children!” Violet cried.
Marc growled the rest under his breath as he attempted to regain his composure. He dropped the tongs on the counter and began tucking his deep purple dress shirt back into his slacks, while sending Violet an unhappy stare.
“Maybe you should have thought of the children before spouting off about your hanky-panky.” Marc lowered his voice at the end of his sentence and Violet couldn’t hold it in any longer. She laughed out loud, so hard her stomach hurt.
Hanky-panky? Who says that?
“Don’t you have a salad to go make?”
Violet laughed again. “Do you want to know a secret?” she asked her brother.
“Not likely.”
Violet was a lock and key at keeping secrets. Nothing got past her, however today, she felt like standing far outside the box she kept herself locked up inside. “I know what actually happened in the sauna the week Kate came back for her grandmother’s funeral...”
Marc scowled. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”
“And the cabin...” Violet enjoyed the way Marc shifted uncomfortably. “...Kind of think that’s where this whole idea you pitched about horse-drawn buggies and building little cabins in the woods originated. A little romantic winter escape for the two of you when one’s not rented. A little...hanky-panky...”
Marc groaned and turned away from his smiling sister. Marc didn’t kiss and tell. The McAdams siblings, on the other hand, aired their dirty little secrets that should remain behind closed doors. Private, who-did-who-where seemed to be a luncheon conversation staple in that family. Violet learned from experience when a brunch with Kate and her sisters had left her fully filled in on Marc and Kate’s little shenanigans in the sauna. AND the rendezvous they’d had at a cabin up north, during one of his so-called business trips. Apparently, he hadn’t gotten very much work done that weekend.
“I’m just saying you aren’t a saint, so don’t judge me,” she said.
Marc turned back to her. “I didn’t say I was a saint and I’m not judging you−”
Violet cut him off. She couldn’t take anymore lies after her dad’s room of deceptions. This family needed to be truthful with each other. “Yes you are.” He couldn’t fool her. His brotherly, protective wheels would be spinning so fast, that the burgers wouldn’t stand a chance of coming out unscathed.
“Just be upfront with me about it Marc. Don’t lie to me. Don’t you think there have been enough lies in this family?”
“Yes, there have been plenty. But I’m not judging you. I’m your brother, I’m concerned about you. It’s not like you to go...” Marc looked around the room and his eyes fell on Kate. “Tap people, at all.”
Tap. Hanky-panky. It was called sex people. What was wrong with the actual word? And, at all...what did that mean?
“You’re making me sound like a dried up old lady, who sits on her rocker and knits all day with her legs tightly crossed, warding off men,” she said defensively. She was younger than Marc for crying out loud! She wasn’t even in her thirties yet and he was heading toward mid-thirties.
“I’m not saying you’re old. I’m saying you’re cautious. I didn’t know you had already gone that far with Ryder. And, I don’t want to know more details, thank you.” He sighed. “Violet, this is so uncomfortable. Why are you not uncomfortable? Why are you even telling me? Wouldn’t Mom or Emma be better suited to listen and give you advice? If that’s what you’re after? Go ask Kate. Trust me, she is used of all this...stuff.”
“No.”
Violet looked at her mom staring up at Carl with the love she’d seen Ryder’s parents share. Then her eyes fell on Emma, who in the last year had silently sworn off men without an explanation.
“I honestly don’t know if there’s anything going on between me and Ryder at this point. But, I am happy to announce that I have come to a decision that I no longer care what other people think about me and my choices.”
“You have?” Marc said it like she couldn’t do it. Didn’t he know she was as competitive as they came?
Violet sipped her wine. Life was too short and Violet was too exhausted hiding behind her last name.
“Yes.”
“Mom!” Parker called. He was standing on the diving board above the deep end of the pool, wearing only his cartoon character board shorts. With a pool in their backyard, almost literally, and the lake at the edge of the property, Sophia and Parker had bo
th been taking swimming lessons since they were born.
“Yes?”
“Did you invite Ryder over like you said you were gonna?” Parker yelled.
Every Caliendo eye turned to Violet. Eliza and Carl both sat straight up. Emma and Kate were in mid-laughter and stopped to turn around. Izzy, who was lounging on the far end of the pool, even glanced up from her cell phone screen. She shared her big, bold I-bet-that’s-not-all-you-did grin.
All of them had questioning looks, looks full of judgement. She felt Marc’s eyes burning into her side, silently asking, You have?
“He was busy,” Violet said.
“Did you go to his house?” Marc asked.
What was with all the questions?
“Remember when Ryder picked you up and threw you off the boat?!” he called.
“I remember him throwing you in the water,” Violet said to Parker.
The curdling feeling in the pit of her stomach told her it would take some time before she truly didn’t care what other people thought, but she had her whole life to work on it. No longer would her name keep her from doing what made her happy.
“He’s so strong. He lifted me in the air this high.” Parker held his hands above his head. “And then he cannon-balled into the water like this!” Parker did a cannon ball off the diving board with a loud splash, as his body sank into the middle of a wave pool.
“It’s a good thing that you’re finished caring what other people think because I’m sure suppers going to be full of Ryder questions,” Marc teased.
“Shut up.” Violet punched him in the shoulder. “I have a salad to prepare.”
“Maybe you could start with how you got that shiner on your chin...”
Violet touched the purple bruise under her chin that she’d tried to conceal with the disguise of makeup. It had only masked the color, the swelling remained, but she’d let her hair down and kept her head tilted in hopes people wouldn’t notice. Apparently she was only fooling herself.
“Or the scratches down the back of your legs.” Marc wasn’t teasing anymore. His concern about her bumps and bruises were digging for the truth.
“Salad,” she said. Violet slugged the rest of her wine back and headed to her suite, where there was a full bottle waiting for her.
Inside, she pulled out two heads of lettuce, tomato, cucumber and avocado, arranging it along the counter. She stopped at her reflection off the chrome fridge and caught a glimpse of her chin. She was going to have to soak this bruise with witch hazel tonight and really reduce the color.
Violet turned her attention back to chopping the lettuce and wondered how Mr. Carlex was doing...how Ryder was doing.
Ryder was a lot like his father had been before his sickness. In appearance, they were both over six feet tall. While Mr. Carlex had been a little burlier than his son, it was clear by Ryder’s physique that he spent a good deal of time at the gym. It wasn’t their looks that connected them, but the way they both spoke, with smooth confidence, and a genuine smile that you wouldn’t forget. After Mrs. Carlex died and Mr. Carlex attended the galas alone, Violet had noticed a part of him had died with his wife. There was a glimmer missing, the extra push of his smile was gone. This morning, watching Ryder suffer, she’d seen the same thing in him.
Let it go Violet. Worrying about Ryder won’t change anything, expect give you an ulcer.
That was easier said than done.
She welcomed the distraction that the knock on Violet’s front door presented.
Please be Joel.
Violet had left several messages on his voicemail about Parker and Sophia. She needed to talk to Joel alone first, and demand to know exactly what his plans were with the children. Joel loved his kids, but he had a hard time with commitment. Parker and Sophia needed stability and assurance from him right now. No matter how hurt Violet was after his appalling insults, she had to let it go and move forward for their kids. It didn’t matter what either adult thought of the other, the truth was, their only connection was Parker and Sophia...and possibly Ryder.
Ryder. Was he alright? She wished he would text, phone, anything.
Drying her hands, she opened the door while tossing the towel over the foyer table.
It wasn’t Joel.
“I thought maybe this could be our thing. Chasing each other back and forth with an apology,” Ryder said, with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, although some of his sparkle was back.
He was so handsome.
Violet loved his teasing, but she loved that he was on her doorstep more. Her worry eased at the sight of him, but after witnessing his distress this morning, she was aware he was masking his pain. She knew the love and worry for his father was overwhelming his thoughts like her concerns for Ryder had been just a few moments earlier.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” she said. If anything, she should apologize for dropping her feelings on him after the horrific scare involving his dad. That had been tasteless. How was his dad? She wanted to ask, but didn’t dare...not yet anyway.
As if reading her thoughts, he said, “My dad is a touchy subject that I don’t discuss with anyone.” Ryder looked away, and Violet saw the raw, hard pain he was trying to hide.
Don’t hide it from me.
That wasn’t fair to ask, when they hardly knew each other, yet knew each other so well.
When he looked back at her, it came with a sharp inhale that he didn’t conceal. This was difficult for him, but had he come to her house to share...or just apologize? Maybe he didn’t want anything more from her, except to say he was sorry.
“My dad has dementia. As I’m sure you already suspected. He’s in the moderate stages, moving rapidly into the last stages. He’s getting worse, faster. I pay Susan and Kelly substantially for my privacy. Their silence.”
An apology and a request to keep her silence. Violet’s heart felt like it was rupturing with each word he spoke. Her heart cracked for the pain he felt, and shattered for the yearning she felt for him. But, right now, he wasn’t offering her anything more.
Violet reached out and touched his bulky arm. He was trembling. “You have you my word, Ryder. I won’t tell anyone.”
He nodded his thanks, and then said, “That’s not why I’m here.”
Why are you here?
“I told you to stop hiding yourself from me, from the world, and face your fears. I waited days for you to figure it out on your own and when you finally showed up, I pulled away and did exactly the opposite of what I preached. My dad is the only person I have left and he’s not even there. I lost him this morning. We were watching television, and I was responsible for him, but I fell asleep and when I awoke, he was gone.” Violet watched the guilt of his blame touch every last area on his face before he continued. “If he had died...”
Violet abandoned her restraint and reached for him. “Ryder, he didn’t die.” He was two steps down, making her a little taller as she hugged him.
He buried himself right into her shoulder again, just as he had at his house, with the same strength and force that stole her breath away. No man had ever needed her like this before or relied on her strength.
“He’s going to die,” Ryder whispered into her hair, sounding like a lost child.
She wished she could assure him that wasn’t the case, only it was. Inevitably, this disease would claim the life of his father. So she said all she could think of, “I’m so sorry, Ryder.”
He pulled away and said, “No, I’m the one who is sorry. I should have never spoken to you the way I did this morning. Ever. I’m so sorry, Violet.”
“I should have never taken you in the bathroom the way I did.” The words were out of her mouth before she had a chance to run them through her filter. If she had, the sentence wouldn’t have been passed along.
Violet gasped, horrified. How inappropriate and uncalled for.
The strained look on Ryder’s face softened and he laughed.
“I shou
ldn’t have said that.” Violet straightened herself away from Ryder. “I don’t know why I said that.” Why did you say that?
“Just do not follow it with an apology, because it was the best bathroom sex I’ve ever had.” He lowered his tone and his humor. “It was the best sex I’ve ever had.”
Violet didn’t know what to say. It was the best sex she’d ever had too. Was he here for more than an apology and a friendly, supportive hug? “I’m speechless,” she said.
He chuckled.
“It’s not funny. You always make me speechless. I don’t know why you’re here. Are you here just to apologize? Or did you mean what you said in my office? Or did I lose my chance with you? Please don’t tell me I lost my chance with you. I know I can be difficult and stubborn.”
“You are definitely both of those things.”
“Well, you just say whatever pops into that cute little head of yours and sometimes it just leaves me speechless.” It was frustrating and exciting at the same time and she wanted more of it.
Ryder’s eyes sparkled. “You think I’m cute?”
Violet’s face lightened. “Don’t you fish for a compliment. You know cute is not how women see you.”
Ryder stepped up, putting them at eye level. He rested his arms on either side of the door frame, enclosing them in their own space of solitude. “I’m not interested in how other women see me. I’m only interested in you. Can we stop saying sorry, chasing each other back and forth and spread our true feelings out? So neither of us are confused. I will go first.”
That was good because right now her breath was caught in her throat and all she could think about was kissing him.
“I like you Violet Caliendo, said without condescension. I can’t guarantee I won’t be scared of whatever is going on between us. I’ve never felt for a woman what I feel for you and that honestly scares the shit out of me.” This was exactly what she wanted to hear. “And, yes I want to kiss you right now, but I promised the next time was your turn.”
Violet’s fingertips touched his forearms then slid around the strong muscles as she pressed her lips against Ryder’s waiting mouth, for the kiss she’d been dreaming about. It was nothing like any of their other kisses, which were wickedly rough, wild and so out of control neither of them knew what the hell they were doing. This kiss was soft and gentle, just like this side of Ryder. When he went to move away, Violet deepened the kiss, needing to feel his tongue against hers. After spending nights craving this kiss, she never wanted it to end. His kiss took her to a place she’d never been with anyone else.
When they parted, only centimeters away, she grinned at him. “Your turn next,” she teased, expecting one of his deep chuckles that tickled her insides. Instead, his hands dropped from the doorframe and cupped the back of her head, lifting her lips against his, while stepping into the house. Missing her shoes, she was inches shorter than Ryder, but he bent down as they moved backwards and into the hallway of her suite. He’d tossed away his gentle touch, and Violet was finding she enjoyed the raw passionate side of Ryder.
Violet slipped her hands under Ryder’s shirt, feeling his muscles flex beneath her touch. She wanted him to know that she wanted more than just his kiss. He groaned in understanding and she smiled against his lips. He caught her upper lip in his teeth and pulled, while his hands were moving down her back. His fingers inched the fabric of her dress upwards.
Violet was fully aware that all the curtains in her suite were drawn back to let the skylights above the pool cast the warm sunshine into her suite. They had to get out of the open space, before her whole family saw her butt.
“The hallway.” Was all she needed to say and Ryder picked her up, taking her out of the possibility of family view, Violet wrapped her legs around his middle, plunging her tongue further into his mouth and loving the feel of his warm arms wrapped under her bare legs.
“Which door?” he moaned against her.
Violet bit his upper lip, tugged on it and, in a husky tone, breathed, “Last door.”
Ryder slammed the door shut with his foot and crossed the room to her queen-sized mahogany bed. He laid her on the soft bedding and remembered his sweater hidden underneath. Finally, Violet had the man himself. She’d dreamed of this moment for weeks, thinking it was a delusional fantasy that would never transpire. But here Ryder was, kissing her, carrying her, touching her and it felt so right. She cursed herself for waiting so long to accept what was happing between them. Violet was falling in love with him.
Falling in love...like her happily ever after.
The thought almost scared her enough to push Ryder away, but his touch kept her grounded and stripped away her alarm.
Violet pulled him down with her. At first, his knees climbed onto the bed with her, and his warm hands pushed the hair away from her face to give him access to kiss her lips, her cheeks, and her throat...then he stopped.
Violet compressed the disappointed moan about to escape her and looked up, expecting to find him smirking and teasing her. He was a charming tease, just like everyone said. Only he was her charming tease.
Ryder’s back curved overtop of her. His hands found resting spots on either side of her, instead of stroking her skin. The passion was missing from his face and he wore hesitance that she wasn’t accustomed to seeing.
Violet touched his hands, wondering what had happened in the last ten feet. “What’s the matter?” she asked.
She watched his eyes dart around her bedroom. His eyebrows burrowed together as his moved from her, to the headboard, beside them to where pictures of her children sat on her dresser, across the room where her double closet doors were closed and stopped at the bathroom, staring at the double sink and mirror, then fell on her.
“This is Joel’s room,” he finally said.
Joel’s room? Violet hadn’t envisioned this room as Joel’s for a long time, or ever. He’d invaded her space with his presence and she’d resented it, that he’d tricked her for money. A lot of nights, more often than not, Joel had fallen asleep on the couch or the spare room, but how would Ryder know that.
“Joel’s house...Joel’s bed...Joel’s...” Ryder didn’t finish, but the way he said it she knew what he was thinking. Joel’s ex-wife. Ryder pulled out of her grasp and stood up.
“Ryder, wait...”
When he turned, Violet wasn’t met with the anger she’d thought he was feeling, but instead misery. Her heart ached for him. “I don’t want a quickie with you,” he said.
“That’s not what this is.” Violet slid off the bed and grasped his hands. “That’s not what this is,” she promised. Sliding her hand up his arm, she touched the stubble across the side of his face. “I’m sor−”
She stopped as the word started to leave her mouth. He didn’t want any more apologies. Alright. How about promises.
“I like you too, Ryder. A lot. You were right, this is fast and we have been playing a game of back and forth, between our feelings and our titles. I am a Caliendo, just like you labeled me. My whole life I’ve felt like I had this responsibility to do what is appropriate, no matter the damage that might do to my feelings, or my life. We have an image to uphold and you...you are my ex-husband’s friend. The first thing in my head is, ‘How will this look to people? What will they say? How will it affect my family?’”
Violet let her hand fall away from his face to find his other hand.
“But, you got to me in a way no one ever has. I don’t know why or how, since I had it my head that I didn’t like you very much.” Her honesty lifted his lips into the smallest smirk, but it was a start. “Ryder, when you touch me, my heart skips a beat over top of who I thought I had to be. And thought is the correct term. I don’t care what anyone thinks. Not the staff, not the town, not Joel. I only care about what you think. I don’t want a quickie with you.”
“I am without a doubt falling in love with you,” he said.
He continued like he was reading her thoughts. “My mother always
told me I would know when I found the right woman. The one who I couldn’t get off my mind, out of my thoughts, that my body craved and that woman is you, Violet Caliendo.”
Her? How was that possible? And at the same time she knew she was going down the same path as him.
Violet smiled at him. “If anyone knows the true term of falling in love, it would be your parents,” she said.
Falling in love? This is what it felt like? No wonder she couldn’t get Ryder out of her thoughts. It wasn’t just a onetime fling in the bathroom, they were falling in love with each other and he was worried she wanted another fling.
“Ryder, will you be my date to my family barbeque?”
“Your date?”
She nodded. “Yes. You’re very slow at asking a girl out,” she teased, with a half smile. She loved how easy it was to tease this man and how much she looked forward to the smile that broke his lips.
Ryder hugged her.