Our Survival 101 grade was pretty much an A+. We had water, shelter, and plenty of different food sources. Between the shorts I wore, Raine’s shorts, my boxers, and one T-Shirt, we didn’t have much in the way of clothing, but we really didn’t need it, either. Raine washed everything out every couple of days and hung it in a bush to dry, so it kept clean, but they were all getting pretty worn. That was part of the reason for going in the buff most of the time – it saved wear and tear on the clothes for when we needed it.
I smoked the last of the cigarette and tossed the end of it into the fire. When I leaned forward a bit and rested my arms on my knees, my leg cramped up. My leg was still sore sometimes, especially when I sat in one position for a long time and when I first got up in the morning, but overall it wasn’t bad. The scar was pretty nasty, but it just added to my collection. I stretched my leg out in front of me and then pulled it back in close to my chest. After doing that a couple of times, the cramp went away. I glanced around the beach, then up to the shelter, wondering if there was anything I ought to do before nightfall.
The lack of any real need to get something done was nice, but it gave me a lot more time to think. Sometimes that was good, and sometimes it wasn’t. The nightmares never went away completely, but they weren’t as bad as they had been right after Raine was attacked. They had me considering what kind of fruits there were around here that I could ferment into alcohol, but I really didn’t have more than a rudimentary understanding of how to do that, and Raine would fucking kill me if I tried. The smokes were bad enough. I got the shakes still when I thought about drinking, so I tried not to think about it at all. Unfortunately, sometimes it just popped into my head whether I wanted it there or not. I’d get pissy then, and Raine would take the brunt of it. I didn’t know why she put up with my moody ass, but she always seemed to forgive me once I calmed down. I guess she really didn’t have much of a choice. It’s not like she could talk to anyone else around here, so she was pretty much stuck with me.
Even after she laid into me during the storm, it was those kinds of thoughts that tried to send me over the edge. It was one thing to hear her say it and believe her while I had her wrapped up in my arms, but something entirely different when I thought about how things would be if we were somewhere else or if there were other people here. It made my stomach hurt to think about it because somewhere deep inside of me, I was scared shitless of loving her and being loved by her – not afraid of the love itself but what it would do to me if it suddenly wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I knew I kept fucking up. Someday I was going to fuck up in a way that my violet wouldn’t forgive, and that scared me enough to shut down again. I didn’t, though. I told her I’d try, so I would.
I looked over the beach and watched Raine rise out of the waves and walk back towards me. When she got closer, her eyes narrowed and she placed her fists against her hip bones, glaring down at me.
“What are you looking all contemplative about?” she demanded.
“What?” I asked, a little startled.
“You’re sitting there brooding about something, which means within the next ten minutes, you’re going to bite my head off about the way I banked the fire or how I got too much sun today.”
“I’m not,” I lied. We had developed an agreement of sorts, or at least an understanding, regarding my thoughts on her feelings for me. I was willing to accept them, but that didn’t mean I was going to agree to believing I was worthy of them. This had led to several opportunities for Raine to call me out when I was brooding about it.
“Liar.”
Shit.
“I’m trying, babe,” I said. I shoved my fingers through my hair, noticing how much longer it was now. I closed my eyes, soon feeling Raine’s hand against my face. I sighed and let her tilt my head to see her.
“And you are doing beautifully,” she told me. I shook my head once, took in her scowl, then smiled half-heartedly and nodded instead.
“It’s hard sometimes,” I admitted.
“I know it is.” Raine reached out her hands, and I took them in mine. “I’m very proud of you.”
I think she intended to pull me up out of the sand, but I pulled her down into it instead. She was on her knees next to me, and I placed my hands on either side of her face, kissing her deeply and running my tongue over her lips. My hands ran over her hips and then up her sides, making her squirm a little as my light touch tickled her. When my hands found her breasts, I broke away from the kiss and sucked the salty water off her nipples.
Raine moaned and arched her back, effectively pushing her breasts farther into my mouth. Worked for me. I ran my tongue around the nipples, each in turn, then lifted them a little, noticing how the improved diet had also brought back some of their fullness. I licked and sucked and played with them until Raine moaned loudly and pushed me away.
“Lie down on your back,” Raine said. She smiled and looked off to the side for a second, and I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering what she had in mind. We had done it this way a few times, especially when my leg still hurt, and though I still liked being on top of her best – because I’m a controlling motherfucker – having her ride me wasn’t a bad thing at all.
“You’re scheming,” I accused but lay down anyway. Raine didn’t immediately straddle me but started running her hands over my shoulders, down my arms, and then back again. She traced the outlines of my pectoral and abdominal muscles before she leaned over and kissed the center of my chest. I sighed in contentment, lay my head back in the sand, and just enjoyed feeling her hands on me. She liked touching me this way, and I wasn’t about to complain.
Her hands stroked down my hips and then over my thighs and back to my stomach. A couple of her fingertips brushed over the head of my cock. I groaned a little as I felt her hand wrap around me and start stroking me up and down. I opened my eyes for a moment, watching her hand try to wrap around my girth.
“There’s another of my favorite things about you,” I said in panting breaths.
“What’s that?” Raine asked.
“The way your little hand looks trying to reach around my cock. Fucking gorgeous.”
“Hmm...really?” Raine said. Immediately afterwards she bent at the waist, leaned over, and sucked the end of my dick into her mouth.
“Oh…God! Raine!” I sat up and put my hand on her shoulder, pushing her off of me. I tried to regain some sort of conscious thought while memories of her wet mouth lingered in my head.
“You don’t like it?”
I looked into her eyes and realized there was hurt registering there.
“You don’t have to do that,” I told her. I’d obviously said something about blow jobs way too many times because I did fucking love them, but I never meant for her to think she had to do that to me.
“I wanted to try it,” she said softly.
“Are you shitting me?” I gasped.
Raine shook her hear slowly and then ran her tongue over her lips, making me groan out loud.
“I want to,” she said again, and the next thing I knew she had me on my back in the sand preparing to suck me off. Holy fucking shit.
“Relax,” Raine said softly. “Just lay back for a few minutes.”
“A few minutes?” I scoffed and then inhaled sharply as I felt her lips brush over the end of my cock again. “Fuck, baby, if you are going to do that, I won’t last more than a minute, tops. Holy fucking shit…”
I heard her soft laughter, and then all other stimuli completely and totally vanished from my mind as her moist lips teased the end of my dick right before she took it in her mouth. She ran her tongue over the back side as she sucked half of my length into her mouth at once. Oh fuck – I was already touching her throat. I felt her pull back suddenly, realizing her limit, then slowly go down almost as far again, hollowing out her cheeks as she went down as far as she could.
Looking down at her beautiful mouth as it wrapped around my dick was just far too much. I tilted my ne
ck and leaned my head backwards, closing my eyes and trying not to come instantly. I felt her hand shimmy up the inside of my thigh until she was running her fingertips over my balls.
“Oh, shit…fuck, baby – that’s so fucking…ugh!”
Her fingers stroked my balls in time with her mouth sucking on my dick. It had to be the best fucking feeling in the whole fucking world. I felt the pressure building up inside of me, and knew I couldn’t last any longer.
“Raine – baby, I can’t hold off any more…I’m gonna come, baby…” I reached a hand down and placed it on her head, trying to signal her to get off my cock before I blew in her mouth, but she didn’t. Her eyes shifted up to mine, and the sparkle in them told me of her intention to keep me in her mouth while I came, which was far more information than I required to send me over the edge.
“Oh fuck!” I screamed, and Raine continued to suck as I unloaded down the back of her throat.
It may have been longer than a minute – maybe. I stared up at the clear blue sky and tried to remember my fucking name. Holy fuck! That had been the most incredible blow job I had ever received. Just like everything else with her, it was instantly better because it was Raine doing it.
When I opened my eyes, Raine was sitting next to me, her legs curled under her with a self-satisfied look on her face. I raised an eyebrow at her, and her face darkened slightly, making my cock twitch just thinking about how it was wrapped up by her lips, her tongue.
“Holy shit, Raine,” I said, shaking my head. “What made you do that?”
“You said you liked it,” Raine mumbled shyly. “I wanted to give it a try.”
“You’ve never done that before?” She shook her head once and looked down at her hands in her lap. I was more than shocked. She had been so fucking good at it, I figured she must have had some practice. I was extremely glad she hadn’t done it before because I would have wanted to break the face of whoever had been in her mouth before me. “You’re going to kill me one of these days.”
“I am?”
“If you keep doing that, yes.”
“Do you want me to…um…not do it again?”
Realizing she had totally misunderstood me, I sat up and pulled her to me, my lips on hers, and my tongue reaching out to taste myself in her mouth.
“You were fucking incredible, and that was fucking incredible, and I definitely want you to do it again. Fuck, if you want to practice five hundred different techniques, I’d be up for that, too. You may end up killing me, but I’d be dying a happy man.”
“So…um…it was okay then?”
“Okay? Fucking incredible, I said, and I meant it.”
Raine’s eyes glimmered, and her smile returned.
“Good, because I kind of liked doing it.”
“Fucking hell, woman.” I ran my hands down her arms and laced our fingers together. I brought our hands up to my mouth and kissed the backs of her knuckles. “We’d better do something domestic before I decide to fuck you again. Now I owe you an extra orgasm later.”
Raine laughed and stood up, pulling on my arms. I pushed myself to my feet and followed her back to the mats near the fire where we sat side by side, picking at the left over bits of seafood sitting out on one of the shells. I ran my hand up and down her bare thigh, just watching the way my fingers looked against her skin and finally relaxing again. I even yawned though the sun was barely setting.
“Did I maybe wear you out for once?” Raine asked with a giggle.
“I have enough energy to fuck you again, if that’s what you’re trying to say.”
I received a full-blown laugh for that one.
“Bastian! Why do you insist on calling it that?”
“Because that’s what it’s called,” I goaded. It drove her nuts when I said it, which is why I kept saying it. She’d get all mad about me being flippant or just downright obnoxious in my choice of words, but it was so worth it to watch her get all riled up over it. Maybe that was fucked up; I didn’t know, but it sure as hell was funny.
“There are a lot of names for it that aren’t nearly as…vulgar.”
“Vulgar?” I mocked surprise, placing my hand over my chest. “You’re implying my speech might include vulgarities? You fucking take that shit back right now!”
She rolled her eyes, and I chuckled.
“Lindsay swears all the time,” Raine said. “She always did; even when we were in junior high school, she had a potty mouth.”
“Potty mouth?” It was my turn to roll my eyes.
“Yes, potty mouth,” Raine responded. “She used to end up in detention all the time for her language.”
“I’m surprised you hung out with her,” I said. “I think you swear less than anyone I have ever met.”
“I’m trying to compensate for you,” she smirked.
“There is nothing about me that needs compensation.” I took her hand and pulled it into my lap, then placed it on top of my cock.
“Don’t you ever get worn out?” Raine cried, pulling her hand away. It might have caused me to pout.
“Not when it comes to fucking you, no.”
Another eye roll. I gave her a half smile but stopped pushing because she probably did need a break. We finished up the food a few minutes later while staring at the glowing waves and purple clouds under the setting sun.
“I’m never going to believe it, you know,” I said.
“Believe what?”
“That I’m worthy of you,” I clarified. “No matter what you say or what you do, I just don’t see that happening.”
“Bastian…at some point…”
“Hold on,” I said, quietly. For once I didn’t yell at her, though I kind of wanted to yell. I took a deep breath because I had been thinking about this for a while, and about a thousand different possibilities went through my mind while I did. They all sucked, so I was going with the one that sucked the least. “I’m never going to believe it, but…Raine…”
I looked into her eyes and tried to hold her gaze, hoping I wouldn’t lose my nerve and say something assholeish again.
“I love you, and I need you to love me. I want it…so, so much…I need it. Even though I think it would be better for you not to care about me, I need you too much to turn away from it. I’ll never walk away from you, Raine, I swear – I’ll be with you as long as you will have me. If any motherfucker ever tried to take you from me, I’d fucking fight to the death for you.”
I was breathing heavily, and my heart was starting to pound. I felt like I was in some kind of a panic, but I didn’t understand why.
“I’ll never give up,” I told her. “I’ll fight for you, no matter what. I don’t deserve you…I’ll never believe that…but I want you so bad…I need to be with you. I just have to be, Raine…I don’t think I could live any other way anymore.”
“Bastian,” she whispered, “I’ll always love you, and there’s nothing that can change that. Stop worrying – you have me.”
“So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.”
“I give you my life, my love, my soul,” I swore to her. “As long as I’m breathing, I’m yours. Even when I’m nothing more than a fucked up dick, I still love you.”
She wrapped her arms around my head and held me against her. I wished there was more that I could say, but my thoughts simply weren’t prepared to turn themselves into words. I loved her, but the word itself was so inadequate, I had no idea what to say after it. I had no purpose before her, no life, no reason to be – only existence in an empty, meaningless shell. I was useless, pointless, inadequate…the list goes on. I hated myself then, and I still did. The difference was that I knew she wanted me. I knew she loved me. The single, brightest point in the universe wanted and loved me.
“Do you think anyone’s ever going to find us?” Raine suddenly said out of the blue.
“Yeah, eventually,” I said automatically and then wondered if I believed it. I thought a
bout it for a minute, and decided I did believe it. Considering the fuckers who attacked her had been in a small-sized motorboat, we couldn’t really be that far from civilization. We obviously weren’t in any kind of shipping lane, or we wouldn’t still be here, but eventually someone who wasn’t an asshole would have to come close enough to see us. As long as someone came close enough, we’d eventually be picked up.
Then what?
I could get another ship, and Raine could come live on it with me, but would she even want to? I had spent years on the water, but Raine had just been taking a vacation. Considering how it turned out, she might never want to get on another ship again and I wouldn’t blame her. So what would we do? Go back to the States and set up house somewhere? Then what? She could go back to school, but what the fuck would I do?
Buy a fucking huge-ass bottle of vodka, that’s what. Nice.
That’s when it hit me.
I didn’t want to be rescued.
Here on this island with Raine was complete and total paradise. Everything we needed was within reach, and there was plenty for us to live comfortably for the rest of our lives. It wasn’t a five-star Hyatt, but who the fuck actually needed any of that shit? I didn’t need anything I couldn’t find within a half-hour’s walk. I didn’t want anything else. If we were rescued, everything would change. The fact was, I couldn’t offer Raine anything other than taking care of her physically, which she wouldn’t fucking need once we were rescued.
She wouldn’t be stuck with me. She’d have options. Better options. A shitload of them.