you’re ready to fight.
ROBIN
I’m expectant!
SWASHBUCKLER
Then we all ride.
COLIN
One more minute, though.
SWASHBUCKLER
What is it?
COLIN
Introductions…
SWASHBUCKLER
That had escaped me, I admit.
COLIN
(Turns to John)
I guess…Patrick and John, right?
JOHN
(Points to Patrick)
No, this is Patrick.
I am John. John Morgan. Pleasure.
COLIN
Likewise.
PATRICK
‘Sidekick.’
‘Tis my nickname due to John being the leader.
COLIN
How do you do?
PATRICK
(They shake hands)
How do you do?
COLIN
I just wonder…
PATRICK
Yes?
COLIN
May I ask why you were sent so far from home?
JOHN
We were already in England, thought we could roam
Across Europe. You know, ensure the draft is found.
COLIN
Nice vote of confidence!
PATRICK
He is jesting around.
We just wanted to help.
COLIN
We can’t say no, can we?
SWASHBUCKLER
No, we cannot. It was offered generously.
We must be on our way, gentlemen. For justice,
The good of our respective countries…and for peace!
Scene 2
(The ground floor of a dilapidated house, rue de Reuilly. Swashbuckler, Colin, Henry, Robin, John and Patrick enter the scene cautiously, swords drawn, expecting enemies to jump on them any second)
JOHN
Are you sure this is right?
PATRICK
Is this their hiding place?
ROBIN
It does look deserted.
HENRY
They will have to surface,
Just wait for it.
JOHN
I will try and see what’s upstairs.
(Exit John)
COLIN
Well, he must not mind being put in the crosshairs,
Going alone like that. I think I’ll back him up.
(Exit Colin)
HENRY
What do you gather, Swash?
SWASHBUCKLER
It looks like a setup.
As long as we are here, do not forget to check,
Every nook and cranny, every room of this wreck.
PATRICK
We might get our hands on something truly helpful.
HENRY
Like a map.
ROBIN
Instructions.
(Enter four anarchists in ragged clothes and sword in hand)
ANARCHIST 1
Why not something awful?
SWASHBUCKLER
Kaxu!
PATRICK
Watch out, Robin!
HENRY
Time to instill some fear.
ANARCHIST 2
(They start fighting)
Oppressors, betrayers, you shouldn’t have come here.
SWASHBUCKLER
I know you want them dead with extreme prejudice,
But we must deliver those rascals to justice.
HENRY
At least one of them.
PATRICK
I hope torture is allowed.
HENRY
We wouldn’t go far if rules were to be followed.
ANARCHIST 1
You are all pawns and little obedient slaves.
SWASHBUCKLER
You are traitors.
HENRY
Mutineers.
PATRICK
Deceitful.
ROBIN
Knaves.
SWASHBUCKLER
Soon caught.
ANARCHIST 1
You hear that lads? Those fools got it all wrong.
They are not very bright.
SWASHBUCKLER
I will cut out your tongue!
ROBIN
As if the world’s problems were solved by anarchy.
ANARCHIST 2
You are a talking puppet and were never free.
PATRICK
Fool, what freedom do you really want?
HENRY
That to kill?
ROBIN
To dress like vagrants? Stink?
ANARCHIST 1
That to destroy at will.
(Fifth anarchist enters and helps his acolyte defeat the weakest link, Robin. She is crossing swords with two opponents)
ROBIN
For men who claim to be good, you have no honor.
(She is grazed and drops her sword)
Ouch!
(Enter Colin)
COLIN
Robin!
(He jumps to her rescue and stabs anarchist 3 to death, the other one flees)
I heard some noise, rushed to your succor.
ROBIN
I’m all right, thanks to you. Please assist the others.
HENRY
‘Tis time to do much more than just ruffle feathers.
(He manages to stab his opponent, number 4, who drops his sword and staggers away)
SWASHBUCKLER
So, silly anarchists, here is what we propose,
Unless you are willing to be killed for your cause,
For each of you, there are currently two of us.
What will it be?
PATRICK
Martyrs?
COLIN
Or you want to discuss?
ANARCHIST 1
I would rather die, fiends!
SWASHBUCKLER
May your wish be granted!
(Anarchist 2 is stabbed and dies. Anarchists 1 and 5 look at each other and finally drop their swords. Their hands are bound)
PATRICK
(Looks at the dead anarchists)
‘Tis what happens when you leave fools unattended.
(Enter John)
Where were you all this time?
JOHN
Searching the house for proof,
Of course. I went from the second floor to the roof.
I found some documents.
HENRY
What we are looking for?
JOHN
Unfortunately, no.
SWASHBUCKLER
We need to probe some more.
Colin, lad, do not let these two out of your sight.
Also bandage the wound Robin got in this fight.
It doesn’t seem severe, see to it nonetheless.
COLIN
I will do as you ask.
(Exeunt Swashbuckler, Henry, Patrick, John)
I need you to undress.
ROBIN
I beg your pardon?
COLIN
In order to treat it,
I have to see your wound.
ROBIN
It is hardly a slit,
Colin, please, I assure you, even less a slash.
COLIN
Don’t be stubborn, Robin, it looks like quite a gash.
I can see blood from here.
ROBIN
The flow has all but stopped.
It is fine.
COLIN
It is not. You should have your coat dropped.
You need not be prudish. You’re acting like a kid,
As if you were afraid I would see you naked.
You are a man, Robin, in the army at that,
Leave your shyness at home, wear it not like a mat.
If you are embarrassed because you have a scar,
I find that they are incredibly popular
Among women. If you want, we can compare them.
Is there better reminder of carpe diem
Than
a wound inflicted on a field of battle?
Our lives are so fragile…priceless and yet…brittle ;
Easy to be ruined, toilsome to be improved.
ROBIN
(Robin grows impatient, she rips the part of her sleeve that covers her forearm)
There, you can patch it now.
COLIN
(Looks puzzled)
You could have just removed –
ROBIN
Do it.
COLIN
All right, all right, no need for a tantrum.
(He splashes water on the wound, tends to it and ties a knot with a handkerchief)
Spray liquor when you can, ‘twill act as a serum.
ROBIN
Thank you, Colin. You have done most admirably.
I feel better.
COLIN
Will you manage to forgive me?
ROBIN
What ever for?
COLIN
Trying to help you get better?
ROBIN
I am sorry, Colin, if I sounded bitter,
It’s just…I am used to taking care of myself.
COLIN
Sometimes a man needs help, can’t do it by himself.
ROBIN
I know, I apologize.
COLIN
You are forgiven,
‘Tis no matter.
ROBIN
What can I say, I am driven.
COLIN
(He pauses a few seconds, looking thoughtful)
What made you decide, lad, to join the armed forces?
Was it your parents?
ROBIN
I had no influences.
My mother, Jemima, or my father, Philip,
Did not try to push me.
COLIN
(Colin drinks water from a jug then offers some to Robin)
Do you care for a sip?
(She nods ‘yes’ and takes it)
They did not oppose it either?
ROBIN
Well, they couldn’t.
They are both dead.
COLIN
I…I am sorry. I didn’t…
ROBIN
It’s quite all right, Colin, you meant no disrespect.
COLIN
I am blunt, see. I should learn to be circumspect,
Especially with foreign people I just met.
I warrant you, I’m more gifted with a musket.
ROBIN
I’m sure it isn’t true. For one, I am jealous.
COLIN
Of me? Why?
ROBIN
You are extroverted, boisterous.
You always speak your mind – I wish I was that bold!
COLIN
‘Tis a matter of practice.
ROBIN
Yet, when I am old,
I still will not manage.
COLIN
Give yourself some credit.
You are eighteen, inexperienced, yet a wit.
Give it time.
ROBIN
I hope to find a kernel of truth
In your words.
COLIN
Talk about the impatience of youth!
About this assignment, was it of your choosing?
ROBIN
I…no…I…It is…
COLIN
Complicated? Embarrassing?
You don’t have to tell me if it is a secret.
(Speaking in hushed tone)
I don’t even know what was stolen.
ROBIN
I regret…
I do not want to lie to you.
COLIN
I understand.
ROBIN
I will, though, one day.
COLIN
When you are back in England?
You should only make a promise that you can keep.
‘Tis my first advice. And if you don’t want to weep,
You should never tarry in any endeavor,
Whether it be a speech, an action or favor.
Do it. We belong in a trade where life is short,
Shorter than in most. This is why we resort
To instant delights. So, live without a regret,
And go for anything – everything – you covet.
ROBIN
These are sound pieces of advice by which to live.
I will try to implement them, not just believe.
COLIN
You are so different from the soldiers I know,
You look so innocent, so…
ROBIN
Why not say callow?
COLIN
I mean in a good way. Look at my hands, they’re rough.
You seem to have inner strength though you are not tough.
You don’t seem, like so many of your kind, your peers,
To have been raised by your parents with oats and beers.
ROBIN
(Indignant)
And with what might I ask, you esteem I was raised?
Did I not fight like you? Did I not too get grazed?
COLIN
You sure did, you sure did! I did mean no offense!
Seeing you in combat… I will take your defense
If anyone denies you skills.
ROBIN
So, what is it?
What are you trying to say?
COLIN
Give me a minute.
I am trying to arrange my thoughts.
ROBIN
A second
Is likely what’s needed.
COLIN
That’s not fair! I am fond
Of you, young lad.
ROBIN
Excuse me?
COLIN
I mean, you are fun
To have around.
ROBIN
Is it a compliment? A pun?
COLIN
If I said it in French, it would start making sense.
ROBIN
For now you’re making none, and I do mean offense.
COLIN
I think I will shut up, keep my foot in my mouth.
ROBIN
I suggest you do that, ere it goes further south.
Scene 3
(Enter Swashbuckler, Henry, Patrick, John)
SWASHBUCKLER
We have recovered no item of real value,
Yet those papers we found all do confirm our view :
‘Tis in Prague will occur the event we so dread.
HENRY
(Points to the two anarchists)
Those two will need to talk, the other three are dead.
ROBIN
And the one who escaped?
PATRICK
Trampled by a carriage.
JOHN
(To the anarchists)
Speak, or I reckon you will increase this carnage!
PATRICK
Tell us who is behind this plot, its every string.
ANARCHIST 1
I will spill everything, which is to say nothing.
SWASHBUCKLER
Regale us.
PATRICK
Go on.
ANARCHIST 1
We are not just five, you know.
We have…legions.
HENRY
Ready to invade? Strike a blow?
ANARCHIST 1
We were told the monarchy would be ripe to fall.
ANARCHIST 5
Soon. We were to stand prepared to assume control.
ROBIN
Where does Butler come in? Under what circumstance
Did you get in contact and make his acquaintance?
What were his instructions? Who were his employers?
HENRY
Robin, please.
ROBIN
What? They are traitors and betrayers!
HENRY
And I warrant they will be dealt accordingly.
Now, Colin, bring the lad to the infirmary,
Ensure his wound his taken care of.
COLIN
No pro
blem.
He seems to have lost his luster of precious gem,
To regain it calls for rest.
ROBIN
But I want to stay.
HENRY
It’s an or-der, sol-dier!
ROBIN
(She looks at Henry intensely before averting her gaze)
I got carried away…
I apologize, captain.
(Exeunt Colin and Robin)
SWASHBUCKLER
Everything all right?
JOHN
Except the hierarchy?
HENRY
It was not out of spite
That he stood up to me.
PATRICK
At least he has no fear.
HENRY
The lad is quick-tempered, but he’s no mutineer.
JOHN
Anyway, why don’t we pick up where we left off?
SWASHBUCKLER
What did they promise you? Power? Was that the payoff?
ANARCHIST 1
They said a civil war was about to erupt,
Kings and queens would step down for they are too corrupt.
ANARCHIST 5
It was time to change things, start a revolution ;
That ending privileges was the solution.
At least part of it. Once done with the monarchy,
We would have all the reins for our sweet anarchy.
SWASHBUCKLER
Anarchy has no reins, fools.
ANARCHIST 1
‘Tis what we wanted.
Just a few more days for our wish to be granted…
That would have been nice…grand.
HENRY
Surely…A grand bloodbath.
ANARCHIST 1
Maybe…At least we would have trodden our own path,
Not toiled for lazy royals and ungrateful pigs!
Now we die for their mouches and their outrageous wigs ;
We work to death in the fields while they throw parties ;
We lose our children to wars, our soul to taxes.
Is it worse to die free?
SWASHBUCKLER
‘Tis not for us to judge.
ANARCHIST 5
For whom, then? God?
HENRY
‘Tis pointless, I see they won’t budge.
Back to the matter at hand. Where is the treaty?
ANARCHIST 1
I don’t know.
SWASHBUCKLER
You will speak, knave!
JOHN
(Threatens him with his sword)
Answer him, noddy!
ANARCHIST 5
We saw Butler, ‘tis right, but he had a contact.
ANARCHIST 1
He came once, at night. After that…
ANARCHIST 5
No more compact.
SWASHBUCKLER
Who is he?
JOHN
Where is it?
HENRY
Are they still in Paris?
ANARCHIST 1
‘In a week will be a party I wouldn’t miss.’
‘Tis all the contact said.
ANARCHIST 5
In Prague.
SWASHBUCKLER
What happens then?
ANARCHIST 1
We were not informed, either me or my brethren.
PATRICK
This is quite a letdown compared to what we hoped.
SWASHBUCKLER
Gents, we need change tactics. ‘Tis time we interloped.
We have to turn nosy, shake all our informants ;
Ask all bandits, burglars, even shady vagrants ;
Explore all dens of thieves until details are churned ;
Speak to the smallest guild and leave no stone unturned.
Such a tremendous plot cannot go unnoticed,
The occasion demands your skills should be practiced.
This morn is not an insurmountable setback,
We must be on our feet and ready to attack.
Prepare your stuff : we leave for Prague this afternoon.
If the night is too dark we will pray for the moon.
Away scoundrels, to jail! My men will escort you.
Gentlemen, we shall need ready our motley crew.
(Exeunt Patrick, John, with the two anarchists)
HENRY
Swash, prithee, a word?
SWASHBUCKLER
Many more you can obtain.
HENRY
May I ask a favor, which I cannot explain?
SWASHBUCKLER
Continue.
HENRY
Earlier, Robin almost got killed.
I should…
SWASHBUCKLER
It is no fault of yours his blood got spilled.
HENRY
You misunderstand, Swash. His life is more precious –
‘Tis an understatement – than mine. ‘Tis serious.
I could not bear to win without bringing him back,
That would bring disrepute, disgrace worse than payback.
SWASHBUCKLER
What would you have me do? Tell him to stay behind?
HENRY
No, for he’s too proud and has revenge on his mind.
We will face other fights – a brawl or a scuffle –
Ensure that at all time he is safe from trouble.
And if you have to choose between his life and mine,
Sacrifice your old friend if that means the lad’s fine.
SWASHBUCKLER
I will bear it in mind.
(He pauses a second)
He means a lot to you.
HENRY
Yes, though I cannot disclose why yet. His value
Is beyond telling.
SWASHBUCKLER
I promise to do my best.
HENRY
I thank thee in advance. Your lineage be blessed!
(Exeunt Swashbuckler, Henry)
Scene 4
(Back at the inn. Colin and Robin are sitting at a table)
ROBIN
My arm is fine, I assure you.
COLIN
Do you feel pain?
ROBIN
Not in the least. I believe I had made it plain.
COLIN
I’m just asking. One day, I received a bullet
Generously sent by an enemy’s musket.
ROBIN
That’s horrible!
COLIN
You guessed it, the pain was blinding.
My long recovery was full with suffering.
ROBIN
I imagine. Is risking your life a habit?
COLIN
‘Tis not a goal.
ROBIN
Where did you say you were hit?
COLIN
I give you a hint : I could not sit for two weeks.
That was only the first of my two losing streaks.
I tell you lad, avoid getting shot in the ass.
You want to see the scar?
ROBIN
Thanks but…I think I’ll pass.
COLIN
This is exactly why I warned you earlier
To enjoy when you can the arms of a lover.
For instance, who have you have been doting on of late?
Who is your amoureuse?
ROBIN
I feel you will berate
Me – at least be judgmental – if I tell the truth.
COLIN
I never deride verity. So, when a youth –
Such as yourself – utters it, I listen doubly.
ROBIN
I have none, sir.
COLIN
Why ever not? There are plenty,
I’m sure, would consider it a boon, an honor.
ROBIN
I can’t do what I want, I have a protector.
And he is very – protective. He’s my uncle.
COLIN
Tell him you want to switch his burdensome shackle
With one sweeter than silk, for it is o
ne called love.
Tell him a youth like you settles for naught above.
You are twenty, tudieu –
ROBIN
Eighteen.
COLIN
So young, eighteen!
You should have a lover, like you, fair, pristine.
Tell me at least you’ve been in love.
ROBIN
Never. Not once.
COLIN
That’s unacceptable, the only wrong response!
You’ve lived secluded, yes, but this is no excuse.
I’ll need speak with your uncle about this abuse.
Where ever have you been? Dwelling in a forest?
You, the living proof of culture at its finest,
Have not experienced this mix of elation,
Joy and all things sublime? And don’t make me mention
All the gifts, the pleasures, the godsends that ensue.
It is an adventure that I urge you pursue.
You should already know what it’s like to wake up
And admire the face of your loved one at sunup ;
Recognize the scent of her body, of her hair ;
Hold her tiny hands in yours, tell her that she’s fair ;
Play with her when it’s hot, let her ruffle your beard
(Though you seem to have been spared so far, that is weird).
‘Tis an intense feeling, you shouldn’t wait to try,
There is nothing like it, not on Earth or the sky.
For it lives in your mind, and resides in your heart.
I wish not to spoil it, forgive if I impart
Too much information.
ROBIN
You are not garrulous,
I assure you. If anything, I am jealous,
Having no – no first-hand knowledge of what you speak.
COLIN
I could dissert all day and still not reach the peak,
I could write lengthy books, encyclopedias,
Treatises, discourses, and even fantasias,
And would still miss the core, of what love really is.
ROBIN
I understand, Monsieur, you have some expertise.
COLIN
Not enough for my taste, but the life is still young.
If love was a ladder, I’d be on the first rung.
ROBIN
(More to herself than to respond to Colin)
I wouldn’t have started.
COLIN
‘Tis why you shouldn’t wait.
ROBIN
What about your lover? How has she been of late?
COLIN
Well, as fate would have it – and ‘tis a strange creature –
Constance, my lover, loathed the constant adventure
That is my life. As you know, as a musketeer,
I owe allegiance to the King, whom I revere.
My task is dangerous, I often risk my life,
‘Tis not good for a lover, less so for a wife.
She chose to let me go.
ROBIN
I’m sorry.
COLIN
‘Tis all right.
At least she did not leave out of chagrin or spite.
‘Tis germane to the game, and I enjoy my part.
‘Tis love after all, failures are not meant to thwart,
Only…stimulate, goad on, arouse or inflame.
Giving up would be unacceptable.
ROBIN
And lame.
COLIN
You said it!
(Enter Henry)
HENRY
Lads.
ROBIN
Captain, you’re back. What have you learned?
HENRY
Nothing that’s important. They kicked, they swore, they spurned,
But in the end they confessed everything they knew.
We also had their documents under review :
There is nothing on Butler, or his accomplice,
Whoever they are, Robin, they have some practice :
They left not trace or clue, naught incriminating.
Except for Prague of course…
ROBIN
Which we were suspecting.
HENRY
Whatever they have planned, it is a clever ploy.
It is safe to assume, their “friends” were a decoy,
Willful participants, idiots outsmarted,
By shrewder men than they.
COLIN
You look devastated!
ROBIN
I was hoping for more.
COLIN
We still have time, you know.
HENRY
Not so much, we need to depart.
ROBIN
When? Tomorrow?
HENRY
Today. It is crucial we leave this afternoon.
COLIN
He will need a new coat, and a new pantaloon.
ROBIN
These are bloody and worn.
HENRY
What were you two doing?
Why is it not done?
COLIN
We were just idle, talking…
HENRY
About what –
ROBIN
Nothing, nothing!
HENRY
Procrastinating?
COLIN
About love and matters…uplifting, wonderful.
HENRY
Why am I not surprised…?
COLIN
Is there more meaningful?
HENRY
I am always baffled by your choice of topics,
The French. When it is not about your heroics,
What do you talk about, other than love and cheese?
COLIN
We devise constant plots, with panache and with ease,
To get our friends, our enemies, those we don’t know,
To talk about us, les French.
HENRY
Are you that shallow?
Never mind that, Colin, it was rhetorical.
COLIN
Captain, what is love without hatred after all?
Would respect, admiration, exist without spite?
We get publicity, ‘tis a cause for delight.
HENRY
Wonderful! Please tell me all about this…never.
Pack up your things swiftly for after lunch we ride.
(Exeunt Henry, Colin, Robin)
Scene 5
(Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery)
MOINEAU
My favorite scallywags, currency aside –
For we have spent much of our little money left
And, at some point, we will need to resort to theft –
We have now secured safe passage to Prague.
TEW & AVERY
Hooray!
MOINEAU
In three days we arrive. It will be, I daresay,
Easy for resourceful men like us to find him,
Aquarius. A true mage who could, on a whim,
Turn us into statues, or in founts of wisdom.
His knowledge is so vast, he nigh wilts of boredom.
He thirsts for books always, yet he owns so many,
It is said he keeps in secret a library.
It is full of grimoires written on human skin
(They stand the test of time and are famed for their sheen) ;
Replete with manuscripts that only he has read,
Magical works that, once opened, will leave you dead ;
Handwritten documents from old antiquity,
Books bound by vellum, leather, sometimes sorcery.
‘Tis why I brought a volume of folk lore – Vodou,
Straight from Haiti. Bargaining chip for the cuckoo.
TEW
Do you mean our pistols…
MOINEAU
They are more than useless.
He can snap his fingers – Boom! You become a cress.
AVERY
If he owns the secret, to create gold at will,
Why does he live in Pra
gue and like a pauper still?
MOINEAU
He is out of this world, he cares naught for riches.
TEW
Why hasn’t he been killed, like all other witches?
MOINEAU
Everyone is afraid. They all dread his power.
AVERY
He could join us.
TEW
I don’t want to die a flower.
I like my body : scars, the one eye, stench and all.
AVERY
You could do with a shower…in a waterfall.
TEW
You could do with muscles and a beautiful face.
AVERY
Yeah? Well…you look like you shave eyes closed, with a mace!
MOINEAU
Stop it you two! This is getting aggravating.
TEW & AVERY
Yeah, stop it!
MOINEAU
Great…Enough!
TEW
Where will we be staying?
MOINEAU
I was told of a place that’s both cheap and discreet
(Where gentlemen like us – in other words, thieves – meet)
Called…Richard’s Taverne des Colonies Britanniques.
TEW
Fie! ‘Tis a most cumbersome name.
AVERY
‘Tis eccentric,
It will never take.
MOINEAU
Anyway lads, let’s say Tavern.
It was recommended by that pirate, Redfern.
We got drunk together, last time in Tortuga,
He praised their sturdy beds and their brands of vodka.
AVERY
We can’t really take his word for it, now can we?
We will test them, or my name is not Avery.
TEW
I am agreeable with that wee scurvy chum :
We will need to sample their vodka…and their rum!
Act III
Scene 1
(A room in Prague Castle. Enter Swashbuckler and Maria Carolina)
SWASHBUCKLER
‘Tis an immense pleasure to see you, as always,
Your Ladyship.
MARIA CAROLINA
Likewise, Armand. If it allays
Your fears…
SWASHBUCKLER
Yes?
MARIA CAROLINA
You are hereby allowed to dispense
From niceties. Otherwise, I will take offense.
We should be able to talk like friends, Swashbuckler.
SWASHBUCKLER
As you wish, Maria.
MARIA CAROLINA
Isn’t it easier?
SWASHBUCKLER
For me, perhaps, but for you…?
MARIA CAROLINA
What?
SWASHBUCKLER
Surely your ears…
Must be accustomed to compliments, lauds and cheers.
MARIA CAROLINA
Armand?
SWASHBUCKLER
Yes?
MARIA CAROLINA
Am I one to yearn for flattery?
Have you ever seen me give in to vanity?
You think me frivolous, superficial, shallow?
SWASHBUCKLER
Even their antonyms appear to me hollow.
You are literally, extraordinary
MARIA CAROLINA
Even you admit it!
(She beams)
Now we can talk freely.
I hope you and your friends had a safe trip.
SWASHBUCKLER
We coped…
But it was much less eventful than we had hoped.
MARIA CAROLINA
Where you looking for danger? On purpose?
SWASHBUCKLER
Never!
You know me. The thrill of it makes my heart shiver!
MARIA CAROLINA
I imagine you are here for the ball.
SWASHBUCKLER
Not quite.
Peace in Europe may have earned a welcome respite,
But evil is at work that tries to undo that.
MARIA CAROLINA
I guess ‘tis not to be solved by a diplomat.
SWASHBUCKLER
You are nimble as ever.
MARIA CAROLINA
You need assistance?
SWASHBUCKLER
Please do not see in my answer a defiance.
People are involved – we have reasons to believe –
That are in high places. A palace is a sieve,
As you already know, gossip and tidings spread
Faster than wildfire.
MARIA CAROLINA
And if any was fed –
SWASHBUCKLER
To our enemies, yes, it may cause our downfall,
Not just for Bohemia, but Europe as a whole.
MARIA CAROLINA
You know in case of need, my offer does still stand.
SWASHBUCKLER
You spontaneity humbles me, makes you grand.
I wish more were like you, blessed with a heart of gold ;
Your mind is a beacon, your spirit a stronghold.
MARIA CAROLINA
Enough with official matters. How is Paris?
SWASHBUCKLER
Abuzz with sad laments, how noblewomen miss
The life of balls and parties.
MARIA CAROLINA
Do not forget plays.
SWASHBUCKLER
You were quite fond of Molière.
MARIA CAROLINA
I miss those days.
I remember sneaking past you to attend some.
SWASHBUCKLER
You weren’t sneaking, Maria.
MARIA CAROLINA
Yes.
SWASHBUCKLER
No.
MARIA CAROLINA
How come?
SWASHBUCKLER
I was there the whole time. Each time.
MARIA CAROLINA
No, you weren’t.
SWASHBUCKLER
You want the time and place? For each?
MARIA CAROLINA
No, you couldn’t!
SWASHBUCKLER
You were let out in truth. It was estimated
That, had you been secluded, you would have wilted.
MARIA CAROLINA
My mother?
SWASHBUCKLER
Your mother.
MARIA CAROLINA
I thought I was clever.
SWASHBUCKLER
I saw many plays, in many a theater,
All thanks to you.
MARIA CAROLINA
What can I say but ‘you’re welcome’?
At times I felt guilty for being troublesome,
I see it wasn’t necessary. Did you follow
When I visited La Bénard, my playfellow?
SWASHBUCKLER
(He nods ‘yes’)
And let us not forget Madame de Bonneval.
MARIA CAROLINA
Yes… My God… How I enjoyed every recital.
You must have spent many nights, sleeping in the streets.
SWASHBUCKLER
By far those nights were not my most displeasing feats.
I would do it again if you asked politely.
(He smiles)
MARIA CAROLINA
That’s enough trouble on my account already!
How long do you intend to stay?
SWASHBUCKLER
Until the ball.
Whether these days mean my success, or my downfall,
I will need be done by the time you start dancing.
MARIA CAROLINA
Before you depart, will you make time for waltzing?
SWASHBUCKLER
I advise against it, Maria. The trouble
Is I have two left feet. I am incapable,
Unfit, inept and utterly incompetent
When it comes to this art.
MARIA CAROLINA
You should be confident,
Every art can be learned.
SWA
SHBUCKLER
If you commit…maybe.
But my muse deserted me, fickle Terpsichore.
MARIA CAROLINA
Then let me take her place, teach you my savoir-faire.
If you follow my lead, you will not need despair.
SWASHBUCKLER
As you wish your Highness. I do hope for your sake
I succeed.
MARIA CAROLINA
Have you been known to make mistake?
SWASHBUCKLER
Not when it mattered. This time, the stakes are higher.
You shouldn’t underestimate my challenger.
This time it is not an army with their leader ;
It is not a bunch of thieves and miscreants either.
Our foes are astute, patient yet deft, clear-thinking.
This is more than just waving a sword and killing.
MARIA CAROLINA
I have faith in you, Armand.
SWASHBUCKLER
I thank thee for it.
I hope I show worthy.
MARIA CAROLINA
I know you never quit.
What about the accommodation? Do you need –
SWASHBUCKLER
‘Tis all arranged. Richard’s Taverne…Some den of mead.
MARIA CAROLINA
Ah, yes, The Tavern.
SWASHBUCKLER
You know it?
MARIA CAROLINA
Everyone does.
It is a den of perdition, a shack, a scuzz.
SWASHBUCKLER
Perfect! The thing we need in our situation.
MARIA CAROLINA
Are you that desperate?
SWASHBUCKLER
Yes…For information.
The numbers in their ranks must be quite tremendous.
Some must be amateurs, they will not be cautious.
Someone will brag, boast. Who better than a blackguard?
Someone will slip. Who’s more helpful than a drunkard?
MARIA CAROLINA
I know you and your friends capable of prowess,
And I wish you the luck to ensure your success.
SWASHBUCKLER
I thank you once more for your consideration.
I hope to see you soon.
MARIA CAROLINA
‘Tis an obligation!
(Exeunt Swashbuckler, Maria Carolina)
Scene 2
(Richard’s Tavern. Colin and Robin are sitting at a table. There are other clients around, talking and drinking.)
ROBIN
She is not!
COLIN
She is! That’s how it starts, courtship :
Eye contact.
ROBIN
I…I’m not gifted with words.
COLIN
Bullwhip!
ROBIN
(She’s about to correct him but changes her mind)
It’s true. I do not possess the capacity
To put feelings into words, unlike you.
COLIN
What? Me?
Of course you can too. ‘Tis question of practice.
‘Tis exactly why you should talk to that novice,
That fair, young waitress that has been circling around.
I can start the conversation. How does that sound?
ROBIN
Colin, we have better things to do.
COLIN
Methinks not.
ROBIN
I should think too.
COLIN
Not.
ROBIN
Too.
COLIN
Not.
ROBIN
Mission…you forgot?
COLIN
The plot can wait. At least it can wait ten minutes.
How else are you going to find out your limits,
If you never try?
ROBIN
She is not interested,
I warrant thee.
COLIN
Let me ascertain it. Granted,
You are English…That could well be an obstacle…
(He looks at Robin smugly)
Seriously, there is no need for miracle.
You come off as good-natured and unassuming,
Yet a soldier, which means fortitude –
ROBIN
And killing…
COLIN
(He dismisses her remark)
I invite her for a drink, you talk, as I would.
ROBIN
Pray don’t, Colin, I am clearly not in the mood.
COLIN
What did I say about living in the present?
ROBIN
Maybe later, if we do find the document.
(Exit Robin)
COLIN
It is a strange feeling, seeing a youth like him,
Replete with qualities, skills, yet looking so grim.
He could ask for the world, and the world would comply ;
If he talked to angels, the angels would reply ;
His smile is compelling, so is his good nature ;
It won’t take him a year to increase his stature.
His wife will be happy, when he finds that someone.
But he is also right, there is work to be done.
(Exit Colin. Enter Swashbuckler and Henry)
HENRY
I had the time to meet with the chief of police.
I warned him of the huge potential prejudice
In case we failed to recover the document.
SWASHBUCKLER
You briefed him exactly on what is our intent?
HENRY
I did not specify the investigation,
Our methods or our clues, our every suspicion.
I told him that, first, we would inquire on our side,
That they should do the same.
SWASHBUCKLER
I hope we coincide,
In our line of action. Did he give you some…tips?
HENRY
Yes. Not to expect anything from the barkeeps,
Rather ask their clients.
SWASHBUCKLER
Did we pick the right shop?
HENRY
Again, yes. But we will need to split up and hop,
For there are many others. We could make three teams.
SWASHBUCKLER
‘Tis right. We have scores of people to see,
HENRY
Droves,
SWASHBUCKLER
Reams.
HENRY
There is also a man, well versed in…everything
Who knows all about Prague, what is there happening.
His name’s Aquarius, his shop is in Old Town,
Like this inn. He would wear the biggest, rarest, crown,
If knowledge was a title.
SWASHBUCKLER
It sounds promising.
Well, any other issue we need addressing?
(Enter Irina)
IRINA
Henry! It is such not a surprise to see you!
(She bows her head ever so lightly in direction of Swashbuckler)
Armand…
HENRY
Krasota! Walking in here, in plain view?!
Are you not afraid this…event might cause a stir?
IRINA
What can I say, Henry? I like to give a spur
To hard-working people and foreign spies alike.
I’m generous with my beauty.
HENRY
How ladylike…
IRINA
What? They do not see something gorgeous every day…
Do they?
HENRY
Definitely not. You’re here for the fray,
I suppose.
IRINA
Wrong, for revelry, jest, and romance.
SWASHBUCKLER
We came for the same reasons all the way from France.
IRINA
Then we will meet one another in the ballroom,
Won’t we?
HENRY
I look forw
ard to it. Who is your groom?
IRINA
I am not sure just yet. I feel that it might change.
HENRY
It depends if you’re done exacting your revenge?
IRINA
Henry, Henry…How long has it been?
HENRY
Too long, why?
IRINA
You should know I have no reason for you to die.
HENRY
When was the last time we tried to kill each other?
Was it in London? Greece? Maybe in Hanover?
IRINA
Water under the bridge…
HENRY
Why not tell the truth then?
IRINA
It so happens a tragedy has befallen
Not just England but, sadly, Europe as a whole,
Because of your incompetence and a wee mole.
Is that truthful enough? Be careful what you wish…
SWASHBUCKLER
Now that is being honest!
HENRY
I do not relish
The ominous prospect…
IRINA
You are not one to sob,
So don’t tell me what to do, and do your own job.
Now, I have an appointment that I cannot postpone.
(She makes to leave)
SWASHBUCKLER
Love the perfume, by the way. Fire and brimstone?
(She looks at him but does not acknowledge his quip. Exit Irina. Swashbuckler and Henry keep talking. Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery)
MOINEAU
You see, jackanapes, ‘twas easier than we thought.
Information was free, didn’t need to be bought.
We will have lunch, drink some ale, and be on our way.
TEW
And you really think he will give his boon away?
I don’t care what anyone says, it’s codswallop
Eh, Avery?
AVERY
What? I was eyeing that trollop,
Not listening to you. I know my name’s one-sack…
MOINEAU
Stop it! Our goal –
AVERY
Is to be done with stale hardtack.
To me that is more important than gold. After…
So, I don’t care what it takes : robbery, murder,
I’ll do it.
TEW
I like your newfound enthusiasm.
AVERY
I’ve just been reminded of a nice phantasm,
That, in order it be satisfied…well, it is…
Easier when you possess plenty of riches.
MOINEAU
‘Tis getting tiresome. One-sack, one-eye, are ye done?
(Swashbuckler and Henry overheard the conversation and stood up to approach the pirates)
SWASHBUCKLER
One-eye? A pirate’s name if I ever heard one.
MOINEAU
Sailors, good sir. We are poor and frail sailors.
HENRY
While, for our part, we are poor yet mighty jailers.
TEW
I am called one-eye for I lost one to a hook.
SWASHBUCKLER
Let me guess…You were fishing…somewhere…on a brook,
And it happened so fast…
TEW
You presume correctly.
AVERY
I am called one-sack –
SWASHBUCKLER
I will stand the mystery.
What might three…gentlemen, like yourselves, be doing,
Here, in Prague, of all places?
MOINEAU
Strolling, visiting…
Granted, this city is not the most maritime,
But we can enjoy it unless…it is a crime?
SWASHBUCKLER
Not yet. So, this has nothing to do with the ball?
TEW & AVERY
What ball?
SWASHBUCKLER
The one in Prague Castle. The concert hall
Will welcome many a noble man and woman.
TEW & AVERY
When?
MOINEAU
I’m not interested, for I’m no cracksman.
TEW & AVERY
When will it happen?
MOINEAU
Shut it, for crying out loud!
SWASHBUCKLER
It could attract unsavory folks, the wrong crowd…
I suggest you be extra careful your time here,
Guards are on the lookout – and each one has a spear.
MOINEAU
We will pay heed to your extremely sound advice.
With any luck, we will be gone by then.
SWASHBUCKLER
That’s nice.
MOINEAU
Now, if you will excuse us, we have some business…
SWASHBUCKLER
Of course, I hope I didn’t cause any distress.
What did you say your name was again, voyager?
MOINEAU
I didn’t. I do not share it with a stranger.
(Swashbuckler awaits the reply, hand on the hilt of his sword)
I was named after my father : Jacques Moineau.
SWASHBUCKLER
Jacques Moineau, eh? He must have been…a drôle d’oiseau.
Enjoy your stay in Prague, your return to the sea.
By the way, where is your father now?
MOINEAU
No idea.
Possibly in Singapore.
SWASHBUCKLER
‘Tis impossible!
MOINEAU
If he was present, he would say improbable.
(Exeunt Moineau, Tew, Avery)
SWASHBUCKLER
We will need keep an eye on them.
HENRY
I doubt them too.
If three men ever looked like pirates…well, they do.
Scene 3
(Aquarius’ shop. A bazaar full to the brim with sundry objects, stacks of books, chemistry equipment. Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery)
MOINEAU
Is there someone in here? Is the place deserted?
TEW
Is this a test? See how long we will have waited
Before tearing the place down?
AVERY
This shop is a mess.
Look at all this junk…’Tis scary I must confess.
Vials, bottles filled with limbs, sundry instruments…
TEW
Eclectic items, odd jars, dubious contents.
AVERY
Look at that! A helmet, from a real knight’s armor!
TEW
You’ve a vizard, Avery. For a warrior,
It be most befitting.
AVERY
I see you found one too!
TEW
It’s my face you cur!
MOINEAU
Enough already you two!
TEW
Are you sure he’s not dead that doctor…Sirius?
AQUARIUS
(The voice comes from afar)
Aquarius.
TEW
Doctor who?
AQUARIUS
‘Tis Aquarius.
Not Doctor ‘Sirius,’ not Doctor ‘who?’ either.
Since you are not men of science, why the bother?
What’s the need for this ruckus, this cacophony?
Who are you to disrupt my precious harmony?
MOINEAU
Most wise Aquarius, my name is Jacques Moineau.
We have sailed with my friends straight from Porto Rico.
We were told you could help in matters that pertain
To secret lore. We could drive an easy bargain.
We are most pliable and ready to offer,
A lot more than is worth a short stack of paper.
AQUARIUS
I don’t need to be wise : you’re looking for John Dee.
Well, his papers that tell the possibility,
Of turning refuse into gold. ‘Tis quite a task.
MOINEAU
You –
/>
AQUARIUS
No. I know because you’re not the first to ask.
How are you different? Why should you possess them?
MOINEAU
It will not be used for riches, or cause mayhem.
It is meant to create our sweet Libertalia,
An island, a refuge, for any pariah.
Far from all the troubles and travails of the world,
In which the powerful and the weak have been hurled
All alike. ‘Tis utopia, a paradise.
‘Tis less than civilization : a compromise,
Between a life of crime and one of slavery.
‘Tis not to end up rich, but secure and happy.
AQUARIUS
I’m surprised, for you seem to be speaking the truth.
I am old and ‘tis a rare thing to see, forsooth.
I’m a Pangloss to boot, an overt enthusiast,
But ‘tis the first time I see such honesty fast.
MOINEAU
I knew you would see reason.
AQUARIUS
‘Tis not just reason.
‘Tis ennui and the coming of my last season…
(Speaking more to himself than to the pirates)
It is not people surround me. ‘Tis a tidings.
A tidings of magpies. For they like shiny things,
Trinkets, dross, baubles, gold and other bagatelles.
And when it is not things, it is damsels or belles
(When it is not floozies, filles de joie, trulls, harlots).
How I long to converse not with prize idiots,
But with the geniuses of old, Plato, Aristotle,
Diogenes, or even any apostle.
As the poet said, the flesh is unfulfilling
Alas! and I have read all books. ‘Tis maddening.
I am sorry for musing sadly. My last breath
Should happen soon, I am not afraid to meet death.
This is also my way of saying – just in case –
That since I fear not the Grim Reaper’s sweet embrace,
You have nothing with which to threaten me. Nothing.
You need not think about stealing or menacing.
MOINEAU
All those horrible thoughts never did cross my mind.
Now, what say you we put introductions behind?
What about the papers, those written by John Dee?
Do you have them? Do they tell of the…recipe?
AQUARIUS
Yes, yes. But have you something to trade?
MOINEAU
I do.
A rare volume on pagan religion : Vodou.
AQUARIUS
(He looks at the book)
Fie! I already have it!
TEW & AVERY
We did this for naught!
MOINEAU
Are you certain that those papers cannot be bought.
AQUARIUS
(He ponders the question some time)
There is one thing…
TEW & AVERY
What is it?
AQUARIUS
Well, other papers…
MOINEAU
Which ones?
AQUARIUS
Are you willing to become gravediggers?
TEW & AVERY
How so?
AQUARIUS
There is a tomb in the cemetery,
In which are interred tools…powerful sorcery.
It is that of Rabbi Loew, the famed creator
Of the golem, a juggernaut and destructor.
Through powerful hexes, he did, that Maharal,
Animate a lump of clay, strong but amoral.
Bring what you find to me…You can keep your Vodou.
TEW
If he is around the corner, why didn’t you –
AQUARIUS
(To himself)
Blessed ignoramuses! Because of the curse…
AVERY
What?
AQUARIUS
Rehearse…potion-making. I have to rehearse.
All the time. And I’m old. And busy. You can leave…
(He dismisses them summarily. Exit Aquarius)
MOINEAU
He did say curse. Well, we will find others to heave
That tomb. We will hire two strong men, to deal with that.
To work, ye fools. And keep all this under your hat.
Scene 4
(In the streets of Prague. Enter Swashbuckler, Henry, Colin, Robin, John, Patrick)
SWASHBUCKLER
Aquarius was no help.
HENRY
He’s not in his prime.
It was too much to ask, helping us defeat crime.
He leaves in his ivory tower of knowledge,
Not safely inside, mind you, rather on the ledge.
JOHN
We should do as you both suggested earlier :
Split up, investigate, alone or together.
PATRICK
I’ll join the police, they question their informants.
HENRY
For my part I will talk to the guild of merchants.
SWASHBUCKLER
There are many