drunkards, over in Hradcany.
JOHN
I know a few ladies who feel quite gossipy.
ROBIN
I’ll to Mala Strana, it’s full of busy streets.
Peradventure someone will talk.
COLIN
If it’s bandits?
I think I’ll go with you. You know, just to be safe.
(He looks embarrassed)
Er…How is your wound by the way? Does it still…chafe?
SWASHBUCKLER
We have two more days before the ball gentlemen.
It is time to prove that, as friends and as brethren,
We are stronger and smarter than our enemies.
They are ahead but we have skills, abilities.
They are plenty, we are tight-knit and resourceful.
They are afraid, rushing, we are thorough, careful.
We should not waver for we are gaining on them.
Never doubt it and we will not face a problem
We cannot overcome. Now, away all of you,
We meet at the tavern later for a review.
(Exeunt Swashbuckler, Henry, John, Patrick)
COLIN
So…Mala Strana. Across the Charles Bridge…
ROBIN
Yes, and?
COLIN
Nothing, nothing.
ROBIN
My arm is fine, so is my hand.
COLIN
I didn’t –
ROBIN
I see you glimpsing from time to time.
COLIN
I don’t want you to end up with septi…septim…
ROBIN
Septicemia, with a French ‘i’, not an ‘aïe’.
COLIN
That one. In any case, I don’t want you to die.
ROBIN
I can’t, my…our mission is far from over yet.
COLIN
It seems so important to you. You look so… set.
ROBIN
I am. I need prove that though hatred is potent,
Faithfulness, friendship and love are more important.
I want to show betrayers never do prosper
‘Tis truth that vanquish all and end up the winner.
(They stand in awkward silence for a moment)
ROBIN
Earlier you mentioned the fact that I seem raised
Differently than most.
COLIN
You wonder what amazed –
ROBIN
I do. Pray tell, Colin, what is it you find odd?
COLIN
I already feel bad for looking like a sod
When earlier I said all those things about you.
ROBIN
But I do want to know what is your point of view.
COLIN
Why the sudden interest? What changed since last night?
ROBIN
I have overreacted, you may have been right.
I value your opinion. If I know what’s wrong,
Maybe I can correct it.
COLIN
You are lithe and headstrong,
‘Tis a dangerous mix, but you are not my foe.
There is nothing to correct, Robin. I should know.
(He pauses a few seconds, uncertain whether he should proceed or not)
I have been watching you, spying your every move,
There is nary a thing in you I disapprove.
You have the qualities only women possess.
I know I should stay quiet but I cannot suppress
The heavy thoughts that weigh on me like an anchor.
I’m about to capsize, and unleash your rancor,
But I will speak my mind. Either way it is death.
So bear with me, Robin, for a while hold your breath.
You seem to have been fed not only the best milk,
You appear to have been dressed in the best of silk.
Your bearing is royal, your mien avuncular.
Your parents must have laced your drinks with some nectar,
And mix with victuals the Gods’ own ambrosia.
I could forget my name, be struck with amnesia,
Just by staying too long with you on this mission.
Your face is so demure, it screams of perfection.
Your self-restraint, sobriety, are examples
For many a man. They should have their own temples.
You share with goddesses, simplicity, kindness,
Raw power you always use wisely, thank goodness!
You should settle for King, or no less than a Duke
(Robin is about to say something)
Please allow me, before uttering your rebuke.
You deserve a mansion, or better a palace,
To highlight your assets : you’re a rara avis.
You look fit for brocade, even on mundane days ;
You should wear damask with elaborate inlays,
as you get out of bed. I imagine you change
Attire twice a day, for you own a wide range.
I picture that at night, you wear yraigne for bed
(‘Tis said to be light and strong like a spider’s thread).
Your eyes are like two gems, at night coruscating,
Wells of inspiration during the day. Soothing
Is how your voice sounds even in the early hour.
Your breath is a perfume while mine is just sour.
Yet I know you practice both sword and rapier,
And if we were to duel I would not wager
That I’d be the victor. I have experience
But you…your mere carriage commends obedience.
I could go on and on, until the trumpets sounds –
ROBIN
(She’s blushing and trying to cover her face)
Pray, Monsieur, stay quiet. Your avowal abounds
With compliments I do not deserve.
COLIN
Every one
Is tried and true, I swear. Next to you I look wan,
And I am musketeer, several years older.
Yet, you’re the one impress your will on the other.
Nothing that I could add would be superfluous.
ROBIN
Everything that you said is but meretricious.
COLIN
If only you spoke French, I would give an encore.
ROBIN
You see gifts where are none. I do not bleed ichor.
COLIN
But –
ROBIN
Marry, Monsieur, stop! Let us leave it at that.
We are on assignment. To be apt for combat
We have to stay focused.
COLIN
I do apologize.
I had to speak my mind. Did I antagonize –
ROBIN
No, Colin. I value your friendship above all.
But let’s quell the matter and resort to our role.
I appreciate more than you know, I admit,
Your confession. It’s true, it does elicit…
Something…within myself that I have never felt.
COLIN
Please do not feel obliged –
ROBIN
I am not here to pelt
You, Colin. Please, it is now my turn to finish.
We have still a lot to achieve and accomplish.
We have Europe to save – we are deeply embroiled –
There are conspirators, evil plans, should be foiled.
We are to help our kings by playing the police.
We are quite busy. But I want you to know this :
I find your attitude neither unbecoming
Nor untoward, improper…even unsettling.
I cannot say more…yet. You are not immoral.
Your timing I’m afraid, is less than optimal,
Inopportune even. I wish you had waited.
I brought this upon me, it was not intended.
I do thank you though for being blunt, not tacit,
It shows that you have courage, that you h
ave merit.
I would very much fancy you staying around.
That I do enjoy your presence should not astound.
COLIN
If I may…I would we went our separate ways.
ROBIN
But…I…
COLIN
I must insist. My…My speech underplays…
Greatly…my state of mind. My feelings are wayward,
My assurance is gone, yourself appear awkward.
I am confused and lost, ‘tis not acceptable,
When we are expected to be reliable.
I wish I could take back, much – if not all – I said.
Please forget everything, otherwise I’m afraid
It will put our mission in full jeopardy.
Out of respect for me, please stay away. Merci.
Act IV
Scene 1
(The scene takes place first in the street, in front of Aquarius’ shop, then inside the shop itself. Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery)
MOINEAU
You see, dear scallywags, the task wasn’t so bad.
TEW
The booty be decent –
AVERY
We’ve reasons to be glad!
MOINEAU
We found a book, objects, and handwritten parchments.
This should be well enough to trade the documents.
The mage will be happy.
TEW
We avoided the curse!
AVERY
I would have minded leaving fair Prague in a hearse.
MOINEAU
I was inspired to hire those ugly handymen.
If Aquarius be right, ‘tis a bad omen.
TEW
Where are they anyway? They did earned their reward.
AVERY
Maybe buying new clothes now that they can afford…
MOINEAU
They will meet us later, they had errands to run.
AVERY
That grave digging exhausted me, it was no fun.
TEW
And we hardly had any sleep.
MOINEAU
It’s opening.
(The shutters open. They walk into Aquarius’ shop. Enter Aquarius)
AQUARIUS
What is it that you want early in the morning?
MOINEAU
We brought you what you asked.
AQUARIUS
Already? Cor! ‘Twas fast!
MOINEAU
It was easy.
TEW
Simple.
AVERY
Quicker than say ‘Avast!’
MOINEAU
As you can see, we are gentlemen of our word.
AQUARIUS
(Aquarius shuffles piles of papers)
So am I. Here it is, what you want, early bird.
(He hands Moineau some documents)
As you can see at the bottom is his trademark.
Rarely he used his name, sometimes he used futhark,
But always were his numbers, double ‘O,’ seven.
It is his signature, on his letters even.
You have the formula, you have the ingredients…
MOINEAU
What are those signs, symbols? And all those elements?
AQUARIUS
I took the liberty to write down…‘Tis a chart.
It does indicate how you should practice the ‘Art.’
You will need mercury, silver, gold and camphor.
It will necessitate vials, an athanor,
And sundry equipment…‘Tis all inscribe below.
MOINEAU
How fast is this process?
AQUARIUS
Alas, extremely slow.
It would take you a year.
MOINEAU
‘Tis better than nothing.
TEW & AVERY
A year?!
MOINEAU
Enough, scoundrels.
(To Aquarius)
We do not mind waiting.
Right?
(Enter Swashbuckler, Colin, Robin)
COLIN
You were inspired, Swash, to follow those pirates.
ROBIN
We need to arrest them.
COLIN
Put them all behind struts.
ROBIN
Bars.
COLIN
Either way.
SWASHBUCKLER
Good sirs, you will need follow us.
We are arresting you. Please do not make a fuss.
We are trained soldiers while you carry no weapon.
You have a bunch of sheets, we have a garrison.
TEW
Why? We did naught wrong.
AVERY
Except…the cemetery.
MOINEAU
Hold your tongues, fools. It is time for diplomacy.
(He lurches forward and gets a hold of a sword. He nods to his accomplices to do the same)
We went to great length, an awful lot of trouble,
To get those documents.
COLIN
Now you are in double,
For you won’t be leaving as long as we draw breath.
MOINEAU
‘Tis your warrant you sign, cuz it won’t be my death.
There is too much at stake to just give them to you.
(He puts the papers in his vest)
AQUARIUS
Stop it!
ROBIN
You will not be harmed until we interview –
(They thrust their swords at one another a few times but are impeded by the furniture and all the junk in the shop. They break some beakers)
AQUARIUS
Criminy! Watch out rogues! This is all my life’s work.
Help me my assistant! By God, where is my clerk?
Where is Joseph Ducreux when you need him the most?
MOINEAU
I sympathize. When a lad is not at his post,
It is most displeasing.
AQUARIUS
You want a distraction?
(He rummages in his right pocket and gets some powder he throws to the ground. Nothing happens)
Fie! Those are my ground cocoas for my concoction.
(He rummages in his left pocket and gets another powder he throws again to the floor. There is a puff of white smoke and when it lifts, he has disappeared. Exit Aquarius)
SWASHBUCKLER
What say you scoundrels we fight like real men.
TEW
Agreed!
ROBIN
Evil is fast spreading, time to root out its weed.
(The characters aim for the door. They all exit the shop except Aquarius and start the fight in the street)
Scene 2
(Swashbuckler is paired with Moineau, Colin with Tew, Robin with Avery. They fight on and off stage)
SWASHBUCKLER
What did you do it for? Is it power? Money?
MOINEAU
Something ye’ll never experience : liberty!
Ye can’t ask a soldier to fight for an ideal.
What do ye know of loss, pain, suffering, ordeal?
You take orders, you obey, you have no meaning.
You borrow it from others…You are a lemming!
Poor soul, you have never known the taste of freedom.
Your pathetic existence is…someone’s kingdom.
SWASHBUCKLER
I do not endanger people’s lives recklessly.
I have honor and faith, morals and dignity.
TEW
Mates, I’ll help you, we should be done in a second.
This lad be weak.
COLIN
Poor sod, I’m as hard as diamond.
You’re a donkey!
ROBIN
An ass…
AVERY
Mine’s even easier.
Tew, who will be the first to win? Care to wager?
(Enter Henry, John, Patrick)
HENRY
Surrender now blackguards! You are overpowered.
&
nbsp; We are six now. Your defeat cannot be deferred.
(Enter Thieves 1 and 2. The second one is bulky, huge, wears a scarf over his face and sports ragged clothes)
MOINEAU
Help, lads! Come hither lend us your arms and daggers.
See that? We just enrolled a set of murderers…
One is a golem!
JOHN
Egad! They have a golem!
COLIN
So?
JOHN
‘Tis a devilish creature.
SWASHBUCKLER
Not a problem.
Henry?
HENRY
Yes?
SWASHBUCKLER
Prithee assist me. Do take my place.
(Henry rushes to fight Moineau while Swashbuckler tackles thief 2. Exeunt. Patrick struggles with thief 1)
SWASHBUCKLER
Aroint, fiend!
PATRICK
May I ask what is that we face?
ROBIN
We saw them take the documents. They must be stopped.
COLIN
If you can’t manage that…well, they have to be dropped.
PATRICK
John, what is a golem?
JOHN
A demon in the flesh.
Or…not…since it has none.
TEW
You like him? He be fresh…
AVERY
Fresh from the graveyard, where we picked him up last night.
TEW
We revived him.
AVERY
He obeys our command, that’s right.
We crafted him out of solid rock, not mere clay.
His weak spot is his hand – on which yours will not lay –
For ‘tis where is inscribed his word of life : ‘Emet.’
To kill him would require that this be turned to ‘Met.’
MOINEAU
You should run while you can, he is unstoppable.
COLIN
Well, your face is wonky and you’re despicable.
‘Tis why you should surrender.
TEW
A bloody poet,
That be no opponent.
ROBIN
‘Gainst an analphabet?
I should think so.
AVERY
The lad be mighty protective.
PATRICK
There’s no need for armor against your invective.
(He stabs Thief 1 who drops his sword and staggers down the street. He follows him. Exeunt)
HENRY
John, see to it that the old man does not escape.
I will need have a word, once I’m done with this ape.
(John enters the shop. Henry turns to Moineau once more)
You have not your sea legs this is terra firma.
MOINEAU
My sword is all I need to inflict a trauma,
Which is what your allies will feel when I kill you.
HENRY
Your eyes are terrible, you take me for a shrew
When I am a soldier more than experienced,
Strong, embattled.
MOINEAU
You forget knave, as evidenced –
(Henry slashes Moineau’s vest with the point of his sword. The papers fall to the ground. Moineau hesitates a second then decides to run away. Exit Moineau)
HENRY
Two down, three to go.
(He pursues Moineau. Exit Henry)
ROBIN
This is your last chance, scoundrel.
(The swordfights switch : Tew turns to Robin and Avery to Colin)
AVERY
Tew? What we be doing?
TEW
Bumping off a minstrel.
COLIN
Your boss is fleeing. Doesn’t that give you ideas?
AVERY
You be worse than –
TEW
On a sick dog a swarm of fleas.
Aboard a ship, you wouldn’t stand a chance.
COLIN
Boohoo!
TEW
Teetotaler!
ROBIN
My…! Is that the worst you can do?
(She lurches forward and disarms Tew, but she ends up off balance for a second and he jumps on this occasion to push her against a wall. She tries to get up but collapses under the effort. She remains on the ground unconscious. Tew escapes. Exit)
COLIN
Robin…! You’ll pay for that, knave!
(He stabs Avery on the shoulder.)
AVERY
Ouch! Until next time…
(Exit Avery. Colin goes to Robin’s help. He carries her inside the shop. Exeunt. Enter Swashbuckler and Thief 2)
SWASHBUCKLER
This is not a battle, barely a pantomime.
‘Tis no monster I face, only a criminal,
Even if he has the strength of an animal.
THIEF 2
I have been to prison. I won’t be going back.
SWASHBUCKLER
As you wish. Here is my secret compound attack.
(Swashbuckler delivers several feints and thrusts in a row, finally piercing his enemy’s chest. Thief 2 collapses)
You sealed your own fate, fell for my most artful thrust.
I did not enjoy it, I suffer no bloodlust.
(Enter Henry)
HENRY
I admire your dexterity and aptitude.
They set a shining example, Swash.
SWASHBUCKLER
Pulchritude.
(He waves his sword)
It was pulchritude slew the monster…means ‘beauty.’
HENRY
I am English, I know what it means. ‘Tis…funny…
Odd. What made you choose such a name for a weapon?
SWASHBUCKLER
Well, nature abhors a vacuum. Whereupon,
For every life I take, I like imagining
A new one replaces it…a new beginning.
I help create beauty, in my own crooked way.
HENRY
An interesting take. I might use it one day.
(They get near the fallen papers. Swashbuckler picks them up)
SWASHBUCKLER
What in the…?!
HENRY
In the name of the wee man!
SWASHBUCKLER
‘Tis not…
HENRY
All this fighting and this killing, it was for naught!
SWASHBUCKLER
It is not the treaty. It is some…gibberish.
I have never seen those symbols, mixed with English.
HENRY
I have. I wot not what they mean, as it happens.
Supposedly they descended from the heavens…
SWASHBUCKLER
We will need go inside, ask the old man for more.
He must know what this is that both of us ignore.
Scene 3
(In Aquarius’ shop. Robin is sitting in an armchair, recovering. Colin is pacing nervously the narrow aisles. Aquarius is looking pensive)
COLIN
He fought, he fainted, he looks hurt. C’est grave, docteur?
You know what ill affects him? Will he get better?
AQUARIUS
(Looks at Robin, auscultates her for a minute, feels her pulse, touches her forehead. Then he stands up and looks around in his shop)
I need my vials, my books, every ingredient.
There are no instructions to treat –
COLIN
What?
AQUARIUS
Such patient.
Let’s see. Wait. Let’s see. How about…an ounce of shonth?
I forget, my assistant finished it last month.
(Talking to himself)
(For the millionth time he has to be reminded
To place a new order : our stocks are depleted.)
(Turns to Robin)
Fear not, shonth is ginger and not recommended
For what ails you. What next? Something basic? Acid?
I could pour
in your glass a drop of fresh silver
As well as blood of snake, or an eye of elver.
COLIN
That made me shiver. I think I’m gonna be sick.
AQUARIUS
Why don’t you wait outside? You will feel terrific.
COLIN
I cannot leave his bedside unless he is well.
ROBIN
Worry not, Colin. This trifle is no death knell.
(Enter Swashbuckler, Henry)
HENRY
(Turns to Colin and head nods towards Robin)
Colin, how does the lad feel? Is he maimed or hurt?
COLIN
We are not sure yet. Forgive me if I seem curt.
(Swashbuckler hands the papers over to Aquarius)
SWASHBUCKLER
What are those?
AQUARIUS
Rare papers. Handwritten manuscript.
John Dee’s work, done entirely in angelic script.
SWASHBUCKLER
Are they worth a lot?
AQUARIUS
For the uninformed? No, no.
They are abstruse and cryptic. Not for the wise, though.
HENRY
For pirates?
AQUARIUS
It depends…If they are resourceful…
Can I have them back? Perchance, they could be useful.
SWASHBUCKLER
What if I keep them?
AQUARIUS
They are mine! It will cost you.
Have you got a fiefdom?
(Swashbuckler nods yes)
That much. And your gold, too!
You look friendly, I’ll throw a steed in the bargain.
SWASHBUCKLER
My fiefdom? For a mule?
AQUARIUS
A steed, sir.
SWASHBUCKLER
What a gain!
Am I the King of England, lost in a meadow,
To be dealt such lousy, one-sided quid pro quo?!
What did they give you for them? Money?
AQUARIUS
Er…Nothing.
They…stole them.
HENRY
Unlikely. We are confiscating.
Make sure our lad there is in full recovery,
We might change our minds.
AQUARIUS
‘Tis outrageous! Larceny!
I accept. Now be gone and let me do my work.
SWASHBUCKLER
Colin, stay with Robin. If the old man does irk –
COLIN
Swash, I will take care of everything, worry not.
I’m certain Robin’s state is no cause to be fraught.
(Exeunt Swashbuckler, Henry)
AQUARIUS
Then let’s resume, shall we? How about this purple –
(He looks at some vial)
Powder. It’s safe, I can prescribe a whole scruple.
ROBIN
What is it?
AQUARIUS
I assume…Elysian asphodel.
I sprinkle some over a glass of muscadel,
When I fancy one.
COLIN
(Colin brings something from behind a counter)
If he decides to wolf down
That nice-looking strudel?
AQUARIUS
What? Put it away clown!
This is meant for a dog that suffers belly aches,
Not for a grown adult. That would require mandrakes.
COLIN
This is not a disease, it is a scourge, a curse.
ROBIN
(Robin doesn’t look excited)
Will I then feel better?
AQUARIUS
It can’t make you feel worse.
COLIN
You don’t seem confident, that’s a cause for alarm.
AQUARIUS
I know what I am doing, it involves no harm.
COLIN
What speciality, what credentials are yours?
AQUARIUS
Well, everyday I face and have to deal with boors!
I am a physician, can treat any disease.
I have completed an alchemical treatise :
The book of Aquarius. Are you cognizant –
COLIN
I can’t say that I am.
AQUARIUS
It is most excellent.
(He turns To Robin once again)
If you are reluctant, why not try some bugloss.
Wait… ‘Tis a heart stimulant, ill-fitting like dross.
I have concoctions aplenty, the widest range
You will find in Old Town.
COLIN
(Colin comes from behind a shelf with something in his hand)
How about an orange?
AQUARIUS
(Looking exasperated)
If she suffered from mange, I would consider it.
Now, please find us a sleeping draught and swallow it.
ROBIN
At this rhythm, will I survive the antidote?
COLIN
Do not falter in your will to live. Lose not hope,
I pray thee. We are doomed to failure without you.
ROBIN
Cheers, Colin, but you exaggerate my value.
COLIN
I swear on my life we wouldn’t have gotten far
Without your skills, your tact – you are no faire-valoir.
AQUARIUS
Young man why don’t you try and make yourself useful
By drinking some cordial.
COLIN
How much?
AQUARIUS
Until you’re full.
(Exit Colin. Aquarius turns to Robin and stares at her for a long time)
You