Second-worst-case scenario. “Did they hook up?”
Marna pauses too long again, and this time pain alights along my skin as if I’m being eaten by fire ants. She lets out a fake laugh. “No . . . don’t be silly.”
Marna is lying. She always pauses awkwardly before she lies.
“I’ve got to go.” I sound as deadly as I feel.
“Kaidan, wait!”
“You paused, Marna.” I let this sink in.
She sounds frantic. “Please, listen. It’s not what you think.”
“It’s exactly what I think.”
“No, I mean it. There was just one moment, one tiny kiss, but they’re not—”
“Stop,” I whisper fiercely, squeezing my mobile. “I don’t want to hear it.”
I can’t believe this is happening. In this moment I acknowledge to myself that I always held out a small hope that Anna would never allow it to happen, no matter how much Kope pursued. But she gave in, and for all I know maybe they’ve been together all along and the news just now got to Marna. They might’ve even been together when I saw her in February, a thought that wrings my lungs of air.
Within a matter of seconds, I rebuild the walls around myself that Anna Whitt tore down. The I-don’t-give-a-damn-about-anything walls. My jaw clenches and I sit up straighter.
I don’t care.
I don’t feel.
Nothing can touch me.
“Kai?” Marna whispers on the other end of the phone. I scarcely hear her.
Anna from work stands in front of me, staring down at her phone. Her aura is gray with disappointment and she lets out an “Ugh.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask her. Marna tries to pipe up, and I say, “Not you, Marn. Hang on.” I put the phone to my shoulder and look at the frowning Anna.
“My roommate is coming home and doesn’t feel good—she doesn’t want any people over.” She pushes straight strands behind her ear.
A sickening sort of determination to prove just how much I don’t care comes over me. “Brilliant,” I say. Anna’s eyebrows come together in confusion until I say, “Party at my place, then.”
She slowly grins. “Really?” Her excitement makes my gut twist with nervous guilt, but I ignore it. I’ve put this girl off for too long. And for what reason? If my Anna is moving on . . . I shake my head. Not “my” Anna. She’s never been mine.
Raj bounds over and slaps me on the shoulder. I put the phone back at my ear as word spreads that I’m having people over. My parties used to be epic, so the guys are stoked.
“Gotta go, Marn. Fun to be had.”
“Don’t do it, Kai. It’s not—”
“Bye, then.”
I hang up and my stomach turns. For the first time, I don’t try to move away or escape when Anna talks to me, playfully pushing my arm or slapping my knee. She can sense the difference. I see it in the way she’s searching my face, wondering if I’ve finally seen the light.
Yes. Yes, I have. And it’s blinding.
She’s filled with happiness and excitement, bright and shining.
I give her my attention, but my chest is filled with a hive of stinging hornets.
We waste no time moving the festivities to my place, and soon it’s overflowing with people. The party fills the whole apartment complex as neighbors open their doors and filter over. Music blasts from my speakers loud enough to shake the floors, just how I like it. Everywhere I look people are drunk, high, dancing, snogging, falling on one another, laughing. Anna sits between Raj and Bennett on the couch, playing a drinking game with cards.
I lean against the wall, watching as people drift past. My rage has not subsided. It’s still in my eyes when Anna glances up and catches my gaze. She appears taken aback by the intensity there, her aura zapping with excitement and trepidation. Her guardian angel sees this and starts whispering to her. I want to tell the poor fellow not to waste his spiritual breath.
I raise two fingers and beckon her to me. Without a word to the other guys, Anna gets up and makes her way through the crowd, nervous but determined. They watch her. She stands before me now, breathing faster.
“What’s up? Are you okay?”
“No, actually.”
“Um.” She rolls her bottom lip between her teeth. “So . . . what’s wrong?”
I’ve told Anna on numerous occasions I don’t date people I work with, that I’m not dating material anyhow, and that I’ve got loads of crap going on in my life. It has been enough to keep her at bay so far, and yet here she is.
“A lot is wrong with me, Anna. But I think you’ve figured that out by now, yeah?” My hand snakes around to the back of her neck, and I feel the light vibration of her breathy moan as I pull her closer. Her aura pops with shock and elation. My body is steady, but inside I’m shaking, driven by everything I refuse to feel.
“Can I . . . help you?” she asks.
“I think you can.”
For the first time in what feels like forever, I give my body permission to take over. My mouth covers hers. At the feel of her lips, months’ worth of desire explodes through me. I back her roughly against the wall, and she grabs the back of my shirt in her fists. From across the room the entire band hollers their approval, but I can hardly hear.
I know I have to control myself, because I can and will hurt her if I don’t. I break the kiss and take her by the hand, pulling her to my room. It’s packed with people. I don’t have the patience to wait for them to leave, so I pull her into the bathroom. She grabs my face the second the door is closed and we’re kissing again. She doesn’t protest when I pull off her shirt or strip down her jeans. And she definitely doesn’t protest when I raise my own shirt over my head and drop it to the floor.
“Holy shit, Kai,” she breathes, running her hands over my chest and stomach. “You should just walk with your shirt off all the time.” Her eyes dart up to mine as if she’s horrified she’s just said that out loud. I kiss her again, but she keeps breaking the kiss to look at me, and kiss me again. For some reason I cannot take it—cannot stand being looked at right now. I turn her and press her against the bathroom door. It has the desired effect. Her palms are against the door, face turned to the side, hips pushing back against the front of me in a way that makes me grab her hips and groan.
I need more.
I reach around to her front and slide my hand down her stomach, and into her knickers. I use my other hand to hold her up, and it doesn’t take long until she’s squirming, moaning, out of breath, weak-kneed. I hold her up until she stills.
“I can’t believe that just happened,” she whispers between breaths.
The scent of her lust surrounds us, and the familiar sensation of emptiness begins spreading through me.
She turns to me and takes my face again. I close my eyes and let her kiss me slowly. Suddenly, moisture builds behind my lids, and I have the powerful urge to cry. I’ve had moments of emotion lately, but I haven’t truly had the urge to cry like this since I was a child. My throat is dangerously tight.
“Kai . . .” She whispers my name against my mouth, but I cannot open my eyes. Her hands move down my sides to the front of my jeans. She undoes them, and touches me with a gasp. My hands are on her waist and I tighten my grip.
“Anna . . .” When I say that name I’m far away, and the saddest, most heart-wrenching sense of wrongness invades me. This is not who I want touching me. I can’t do this.
I gently grab her wrist, and wrench the word from my throat. “Wait.”
I open my eyes and find her staring at me. I pull away, and with great effort manage to zip up my jeans. My abdomen clenches with a stab of pain.
“God,” she says. “I’m sorry, I . . . What’s wrong?” Her voice quivers. I lean my forehead against hers because she’s such a sweet girl and she doesn’t deserve to be dragged into my train wreck of a life.
In that horrible moment I know that no lie or feeble excuse will do. I clear my throat and stand straight to look at her.
“Last year,
when I moved here.” I clear my throat again. “I . . . there was a girl. In Georgia. She’s sort of . . .” I am tongue-tied, having never spoken these feelings out loud.
“You love her?”
I search the wall over her head before I nod. “Yeah. And her name is also Anna.”
“Oh.” She snorts and crosses her arms, looking down. “No wonder.”
“I’m sorry. I had an awful day and I’m an absolute idiot to have put you in the middle of it.”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s . . . whatever. No biggie.” But her aura says otherwise.
She reaches for her jeans and I hand her her shirt. I snatch up my own and pull it over my head. As she’s buttoning her bottoms with shaking hands I reach for the door.
“You’re an amazing girl, Anna Malone. I truly am sorry.”
Her eyes are watering when she looks up at me just before I leave her. I push my way through the crowded apartment. At the couch I ignore the jeers of my mates, and shake my head at Raj’s offer to do a line of coke. Instead, I lean down and swipe Bennett’s pack of cigarettes and leave the apartment. I walk all night and smoke the entire pack. I will spend the day tomorrow hacking up tar, but I don’t care.
I just don’t care anymore.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Reunited
“She finds color in the darkest places,
She finds beauty in the saddest of faces.”
—“Walk Away” by The Script
I know she’s coming to California, the newly eighteen and graduated Anna. I’ve been warned by the twins, and I’ve prepared myself to be unmoved. She’s only coming to inform us what’s going on—the mystery we’ve been kept in the dark about for the good part of this year—and then she’ll leave again. I’m certain Belial won’t allow her to linger. The demons are having a summit in Vegas, so Anna has a short window of two or three days to travel unseen.
This is business, not personal, and I won’t allow any emotion to interfere. Marna says Anna’s traveling without Kope now, and I’m dying to know why, but I won’t ask. Cool, calm, and collected.
This is all very easy to say until I see her standing at the railing of Blake’s deck, overlooking the cliff side and beach where we’ve been surfing.
The moment I see her up there in pink and silver, blond hair blowing in the breeze like a siren . . . every feeling I’ve suppressed comes crashing over me, wave after wave. The emotion that trumps all others is anger. Seeing her makes me furious, and I know it’s irrational, but I’m seething about how she’s made me love her, how she’s gone and fallen for him. I don’t care what Marna says. I know Anna. She wouldn’t hook up with Kopano if it didn’t mean something to her. She’s not impulsive like most people.
I wonder if she’s truly happy with Kope or if she’s just settling. I wonder if she enjoys touching him as much as she enjoyed touching me. I wonder if Kope is able to control himself now that he’s finally being physical with someone. I wonder how it would feel to punch him in his perfect face.
We’re quick to climb the steps to Blake’s house. I want to tell all of Blake’s friends to get lost instead of ogling her like the fine piece of arse she is. I mean, bloody hell, the girl fills out that outfit perfectly. She looks strong and toned, and she’s as fresh-faced and shy as ever. I stand in the back while Blake tackle-hugs her and the other blokes try to flirt. I’m overflowing with loss in her presence. It hurts to look at her, so I grit my teeth hard and lean against the rail, staring out at the ocean instead.
Blake, smart lad that he is, sends the other blokes away, and it’s just the three of us. Anna takes on the same position as me, leaning against the railing, staring out in thought, looking gorgeous. It’s as if this is a holiday for her, while I’m over here in knots.
The anger is back, full force, along with an urge to lash out.
“Where’s your boy?” I ask. When our eyes meet, I know she sees my anger. Fuck cool, calm, and collected. I want something real. I want to see her as mad as me. I go on. “I’m surprised he left your side. I thought Belial and Alocer would’ve arranged your marriage and you’d have a pack of adopted orphans by now.”
The perfect little couple and their perfect little life. They probably talk about how they pity me and the others.
Blake tries to laugh off my comment, but I’m not going to let him defuse this. I want to see Anna blow up. I stand tall and face her. She starts to say something but is distracted at the sight of my body. I’ve bulked up quite a bit since she last saw me. I’m filled with animalistic pride at the way her eyes take me in and fondle me.
She finally snaps out of it and says, “We’re friends. Just friends.”
Bollocks.
“Do you snog all your friends, then?” I’m about to suggest she snog Blake, so he’s not left out, but he takes off into the house.
Anna’s eyes appear sad, but I’m not buying it.
“I never meant for it to happen, Kai. We were—”
“I’d rather not hear the details, thanks.”
She is still too calm. I need to see her get angry. I need to know that I can still bring out the vixen in her the way she brings out the beast in me. I need to know I can make her feel something other than pity.
She tries to sidle closer and I move away from her. I need a drink and she needs a reminder that she’s Neph, just like me—imperfect and cursed. I stride to the bungalow and toss back a cold beer. Her eyes are on me as her jaw locks. She’s knows I’m attempting to stir her up. She comes right over, trying to get me to stop and talk, but I dodge her.
When she touches my arm I turn to fire. I fight back an urge to take her straight down to the floor where she can feel the weight of me on top of her. I pull away quickly. She doesn’t get to touch me whenever she likes. Not anymore.
Anna follows me about the deck, determined to make me see that what she’s done is fine.
“Is this all because of Kope?” she says to my back. “You’re acting like . . .”
I turn, staring her down.
“. . . like I cheated on you or something.” She finishes in a small voice that pierces my heart, as if she truly never knew she was mine.
I walk away, considering what a fool I’ve been. I toss the bottle in the air over and over, wishing I could smash it into a thousand bits. Anna still follows me.
“You really have no right to be upset with me,” she says. “I heard what you told him on the phone.”
Him. My stomach sours, but I laugh it away. Anna should know actions speak louder than words. Plenty of my actions have shouted my love for her, but she chooses to cling to flimsy words instead.
“Words are powerful, Kai, and so is a lack of words. You wouldn’t even talk to me anymore. I didn’t know what to think! And then to hear you tell him that? How was I supposed to feel?”
I will not take the blame for her actions. Could she not sense the anger and sarcasm in my voice when I spoke to Kope?
“Nothing I said could’ve pushed you into his arms if you didn’t want to be there.”
She huffs. “Yeah, well, in one really bad, freaked-out moment, that’s where I ended up, but it wasn’t planned. It felt . . . wrong.”
A chuckle escapes me at the malicious joy I experience over their kiss feeling “wrong.” Is it possible there’s something imperfect about Kopano after all? “Perhaps your boy Kope is just out of practice. Although some things should come natural for him.”
She throws her arms up and lets them fall to her side with a defeated slap. “All right, you’re being unreasonable. We’ll talk when Blake comes back.”
She looks away, too calm. What will it take to piss off this resilient girl? She walks to the edge of the pool, and my mind searches for something to push her buttons and bring her to life.
“It was inevitable,” I say. I toss the bottle in the air again as she spins to face me, eyes narrowed.
“Inevitable?” she asks. I hold back a smile at the anger brewing in her eyes. “Like you and
that Anna chick you work with?”
How . . . ? I miss the bottle and it clatters to the deck. “Shite.” I pick it up, trying not to show my surprise that she knows. Fuckin’ Marna. I tamp down the guilt I feel. I didn’t touch another girl until after I’d heard about Anna and Kope. Still, though. I never wanted Anna to know, and it makes me feel like a filthy bastard when I think about it.
Flustered, I call to Blake to come outside. I failed to make Anna lose her cool. Point to her. I’m glad when he joins us, because together we’re able to tease Anna. Tag team effort. It’s brilliant, and I sit smug when we finally get her to blush, flushed with frustration.
“I don’t appreciate when people are fake with me.” She says this pointedly to me, and I frown. Is that what she thinks? “If you guys will sit down and shut up for a minute, I’ll tell you what I came here to say, and then I’m out of here. You two can find someone else to make fun of.”
I think she’s bluffing about leaving, to make us feel bad, but I sit up straighter at the mention of her news.
“Remember that nun, Sister Ruth, who I was supposed to see on the road trip?” I nod. The one who passed away. “Well, she came to me as a spirit. It turns out that she was an angelic Nephilim. She descended from the guardian angel of the Apostle Paul. It’s his Sword of Righteousness that she gave me.”
My mouth is agape and so is Blake’s.
“She found me so she could tell me a prophecy. The prophecy foretells that the demons will be wiped from earth forever, led by a Neph of both light and dark.”
My heart is a bass drum in my chest. A Neph of light and dark . . .
“You,” I whisper. Her eyes catch mine and hold them as she nods.
All I can do is stare as my mind reels. Anna is the center of a prophecy dating back to biblical times. I shouldn’t be surprised—I knew she was different, but this is huge. Dangerous.
“Tell us the entire prophecy,” I say.
Anna swallows, and rattles it off. “‘In the days when demons roam the earth and humanity despairs, will come a great test. A Nephilim pure of heart shall rise above and cast all demons from earth, sending home to heaven those righteous lost angels with whom forgiveness is shown, and sending those lost forever to the depths of hell where they shall remain with their dark master until the end of days.’”