He has the decency to laugh. “Why don’t we order some wine first, and then you can tell me the reason behind the suitcases?”
“I’d like that.”
Over dinner, I begin to loosen up around him, even though he watches me in a way that makes me flush under his gaze. We discuss my plans in Paris, and his work. School. New projects. Life. The future. We talk about everything and nothing at all, always avoiding Ronan and the past. Always avoiding our last encounter.
Soon we fall back into the old ways where he reclines his back on the chair twirling the red wine in his glass while I do most of the chatting. In no time, we’re back to being dear friends.
While taking a sip, I seize the opportunity to admire him unabashedly. Time hasn’t changed Lawrence Rothschild. No. He’s as lethally attractive as the first moment I set eyes on him. Every pore, every atom in his body is wired with virility.
There’s a small smile on his face that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle attractively. “In some ways, you’re the same.”
I raise an eyebrow, placing the wine glass down on the table. “You mean I still don’t have a clue when to shut up?”
He chuckles wryly. “And in other ways, you’re very different. What’s changed, Blaire?” he asks softly.
“Everything.” I trace the white tablecloth with the pads of my fingers. “You know, I don’t have much anymore, but I’m happy. Everything I own, I’ve earned by working on my two feet. And it’s the best feeling in the world. I look at myself in the mirror each morning and I’m not ashamed.” I raise my face and smile.
“I’m finally free, Lawrence. For once, when I look in the mirror, I like the person who’s staring back at me. Don’t get me wrong. I still like pretty things, but my existence and self-worth do not revolve around them. I don’t have to hide behind them, either.”
Lawrence reaches for my hand, lacing our fingers tightly together. He doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t have to. His touch is enough. “Where’s Ronan, Blaire? Why isn’t he with you?”
I attempt to smile, but I can’t hide the pain from Lawrence. “Some things aren’t meant to be.”
“Don’t I know it?” Lawrence adds quietly.
I lift his hand, raise it to my mouth, and kiss it. “I’m so sorry for everything, Lawrence. Even after all this time, it still hurts to know that I caused you so much pain. You didn’t deserve any of it. I didn’t—”
“There’s no room for logic when the heart is involved. To love is to lose all sense of reason.” He stares straight ahead, his mind far away. “Before you came into my life, I thought that I couldn’t love again, that my life was as good as it was going to get. But you made me want more. Need more. You did hurt me, but you also awoke something in me that had lain dormant for years.”
“What’s that?”
Lawrence trains his eyes on me, a rueful gleam illuminating his green gaze. “Shall we call it the need to love and be loved in return?”
Later in the evening, we’re standing outside the restaurant. The summer breeze is warm against my skin and makes strands of my hair fly wildly in different directions. As we look at each other silently, sadness fills me from within, sorrow gripping my heart with its sharp nails. A gut feeling tells me that this is the last time that we’ll see each other, and I’m not ready for that.
A knot forms in my stomach. “So is this good-bye?”
He stares at me and without saying a word, I already know the answer. I can see it in his eyes.
“Lawrence, I—”
“Don’t say it, Blaire. Don’t say something that you’ll regret.”
My eyes absorb the man standing in front of me, memorizing his features so dear to my heart. “I regret many things that happened between us, but I won’t ever regret you, Lawrence. Not you,” I add softly.
I love you.
Taking a step forward, I close the space between us. I place my hands on his shoulders, stand on my tiptoes, and kiss his cheek. I shut my eyes momentarily and breathe him in, losing myself in the past. Meeting him at the Met. Going to his estate for the first time. The taste of his kisses. The feel of his arms around me. The laughter. The friendship. Yes, most of all, the friendship. My friend. My lover.
As I’m moving away, I whisper in his ear, “I’ll always remember Coney Island.”
He doesn’t touch me. He doesn’t reach for me. My blood runs cold. It’s unfair to be this close to him, yet still so far.
“Good-bye, Blaire. Be kind to Parisian men and their hearts.”
I take a step back and begin to walk away from Lawrence. My feet are shaky. Don’t look back, Blaire. Don’t. Let him go.
When I reach the curb of the street, I hear Lawrence call out my name. I’m about to turn in the direction of his voice when his hand grips my arm, spinning me around, and he pulls me flush against his chest. Burying his fingers in my hair, his hands cradling my head, he dips his head and presses his mouth to mine.
A kaleidoscope of emotions burst inside me, stunning me with their intensity. And as he steals my breath away with a bruising kiss that makes every nerve in my body come alive, I see a different life flash by. Lawrence standing by the altar, his smiling eyes trained on me. Lawrence and I at the beach chasing two little boys who look just like him, their laughter, our laughter, filling my ears, creating music. Making love by the fireplace, slow, needy. It’s a beautiful life.
As he deepens the kiss, his tongue seeking mine, I allow myself to be swept away by him and the beautiful portrait in my mind. And for a short magic moment, somewhere between the past and the present, I yearn for that life. But deep down, I’m aware that it can never be. Not when my heart knows that Ronan is alive somewhere in this world.
Breathless and shaken, I bury my head in his chest while my arms go around his waist. I hold onto him tightly as I fight through the pain of finding him just to lose him all over again. Why is doing the right thing always so hard?
“My love, my darling, not a day goes by when I don’t remember,” he murmurs hoarsely. “But it’s time for me to let you go.”
Even after all these years, I know that I will always love Ronan with all my heart. I surrendered it to him willingly that night by the Bethesda Fountain. But as I watch Lawrence disappear into the crowd, I realize that he’s taken away with him a small part of me that I will never get back, leaving a hole in my chest that no man and no love will ever be able to replace. It will always belong to Lawrence.
But I’m not afraid of the pain anymore.
Nor do I have to run.
If my life, and losing Ronan and Lawrence have taught me anything about myself, it’s that I’m a survivor. I’m strong because I’ve been weak. I have sharp edges because I’ve been broken. Through all the neglect of my childhood, the pain, the fear, the heartache, and the lonely days and even lonelier nights, I remain standing.
And no matter what storms life continues to throw my way, I know now that I have the strength within me to weather them all.
So if my story ends with no knight in shining armor in sight, I’m okay with it because I don’t need one to save me.
I have myself.
And that’s good enough for me.
Ronan
“HERE YOU ARE, the man of the hour!”
“Hey, Jackie.”
“Why are you hiding from all your guests? This party is insane.”
I turn in the direction of my sister’s voice, our eyes locking. “I couldn’t stand the noise.”
“Well, I’m celebrating. All your photographs sold out within the hour, Ronan. Again.” She leans against the wall and takes a sip of champagne from a crystal flute. “I’m so proud of you, but I’ve got to say that I can’t get used to seeing them losing their minds over my little brother. It’s trippy.”
I bury my hands in the front pockets of my slacks as I stare at a photograph hanging on the wall, willing myself to feel some sort of excitement or enthusiasm, but it’s of no use. There’s nothing inside me. She took it al
l with her, leaving the ghost of a man behind.
Sometimes I see her in the curves of a naked woman lying on my bed or in the color of bluebells in the spring. Even after all this time, the smell of rain still reminds me of her. She’s everywhere and nowhere. Between heaven and hell. Her memory raises me high just so reality can slam me down—she’s gone. Every day and every night the chains inside my soul rattle with her name, calling out for her to set me free.
She told me to forget her, to move on, to love again. But I wish she could have told me how to do those things. How can I live a life without her in it when she’s as much a part of me as I am her?
“What’s wrong, Ronan?” Jackie asks quietly.
“Nothing’s wrong. Let it go.” The words sound empty in my ears.
“I think you’re lying to me. You aren’t happy, Ronan. I can’t remember the last time I saw you smile.”
“What’s there to smile about, Jackie?”
Her brown eyes, the same color as mine, spark with light. “Your success!” She spreads her arms, signaling my spacious SoHo flat. “Your life. Everything that you have accomplished on your own. I mean, take a look at this place. It’s ridiculous.”
Yes, I’ve achieved success beyond my wildest imagination and without the help of anyone, but it means nothing to me. Nothing has for a very long time. Soon after Blaire left, I threw my body and soul into my work. I created to fill the gaping hole inside me. It didn’t work. However, it took my mind off of the fucking pain that was threatening to break me in two each and every day without her.
I was selling my photographs in the subway one day when a man stopped and asked me if I had taken them. Turns out he was the curator of a very famous New York museum. The rest is history.
“I better get back to my guests,” I say smoothly.
She grips my arm and stops me from taking another step. “It’s because of her, isn’t it?”
I slant a wry look at her, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t understand what you mean.”
“I thought that I was doing the right thing by keeping her away from you—”
“What do you mean, Jackie?” The small hairs on my arms stand on end. My heart begins to pump hard. “Who did you keep away from me?”
“Blaire.” She hangs her head as her shoulders crumple in shame. “I went to see her the day you came to say good-bye to Ollie. I only had your best interest at heart …”
Barely keeping my control in check, I turn to face my sister, holding her by the arms. My hands are trembling. “What did you do, Jackie?” I whisper harshly. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Oh, Ronan … I …” She looks up at me. “There’s so much that I have to explain.”
Blaire
“Au revoir,” I say as I watch the couple leave the gallery. Their bank account took a hit, but their home is going to look fabulous. It’s been a couple of months since I moved to Paris and things couldn’t be better. Jacob and Joanna have been a pleasure to live with and work for, and I’m in love with the city. The architecture, the culture, the fashion, the food (oh my God, the food!), the art and the people are all breathtaking. Every day I fall a little bit more in love with it all.
I sigh, giving my head a tiny shake, and go back to my desk and get back to work. I’m going over some paperwork when I hear the glass doors open and close behind me. Smiling, I turn around to greet the new customer.
As my eyes land on him, my smile freezes and I feel the air knocked out of me. Blinking repeatedly, I absorb his achingly beautiful features, but it’s his eyes that hold me captive and their slave.
“Hello, Mrs. Klein,” he says huskily, his voice full of tenderness.
“What—” I grip the desk, feeling like I’m about to faint. “What are you doing here?”
“Elly told me where to find you.” He closes the space between us, detaches my fingers from the desk, and takes me in his arms. My knees give out, too weak to hold me straight, but he holds me tight in his embrace as he caresses my wet cheek.
“I came to get what’s mine. Besides, you forgot something.” He takes my hand in his and places the paper ring on my finger, right where it belongs. Then he smiles into my eyes and the world suddenly makes sense once again.
“Always and forever and over a thousand eternities, mine.”
I WANT TO THANK MY HUSBAND and my family for loving me and supporting me through it all. I love you more than words can ever describe.
Next I would like to thank each and every single person that helped me in creating Sweetest Venom—my very special and kick-ass group of beta readers. Without your help and feedback this book would have never been completed. Your unfailing dedication to these characters and your wisdom were my guiding light. Luna, Jx, Priscilla, Rosalinda, Kathy, Rachel, Megan, Melissa, Mint, Milasy, Tennille, Deana, Kelley—SV wouldn’t be what it is without you! You guys are not only my team, but you are my friends. I love you, girls.
Luna and Jx, thank you SO much for your friendship, support, and help. You kept me on track when I wanted to give up. And you were there for me when I was racing toward the end. I don’t know how I would’ve done it all without you. You guys rock my world. I love you!
Penelope, my P, I don’t know what I would do without your friendship and your guidance. Seriously. I love you, woman.
Claire, #soulsisters. #darksideisalwaysbetter #loveyou #givemeOliverandIllgiveyouLaw
Corinne, one day I promise to listen to all the amazing advice that you give me. LOL. Love you!
Priscilla, thank you for your friendship. I’m very lucky to have it.
Rosalinda, your feedback regarding Blaire’s past was indispensable to the story. Thank you so much for everything that you did and for your friendship.
Melissa, Megan, and Mint, we DID it!!! WE DID IT! We met about four years ago. We bonded over our love for books, and the rest is history. You were the first three people who read my first draft of Easy Virtue back when it was all a big dream of mine. And you have been with me ever since. Thank you!
Kathy N., thank you so much for listening to me vent about my characters every other week. <3 you’re the best.
Jennifer, my beautiful, generous, caring, patient, and very talented editor, thank you so much for being there for me and for dealing with my crazy. I may have written Sweetest Venom, but it was your work and magic that made it readable and enjoyable. Thank you so much!
Ryn, I want to thank you for perfecting SV with your proofreading services. Also, thank you so much for squeezing me in. You rocked!
Kassi, you’re a rock star. Thank you so much for making SV pretty and for answering all my questions and meeting my crazy deadlines. I’d be dead without you. <3
TRSOR Lisa and Milasy, thank you so much for putting up with my crazy, your friendship, and for your help, my friends. I don’t know where I would be without your support. You organized a kick-ass cover reveal and blog tour. Love you, girls <3
BIG, BIG SHOUT OUT to my girls in the EV Discussion and Spoiler group. You guys have made that place something really special. Here is to hoping SV gives us as many hours of discussion as Arsen and EV did. MAD LOVE TO YOU ALL!
I want to give a special shout out to all the bloggers and individuals that helped spread the word about my work. No one would know about my novel if it weren’t for your help. I would be nothing without your help. Thank you for believing in me (again) and in Sweetest Venom. I’m so lucky and very grateful to have you in my life.
To FYW, thank you for all your help! Liquidate that! ;)
BBFT, best group ever!
Thank you to all my family and friends for putting up with me and for always being there for me. I know I’m forgetting someone and if I do know that I’m truly sorry. I love all the encouraging words, the lovely words from every single person that has stopped by my page and said hello. I love every single one of you.
This book would not be anything without the support and love from all of you. Thank you so, so much.
&nbs
p; Buy links:
Easy Virtue Volume 1
http://amzn.com/B00QJB2RTG
Arsen. A broken Love story
http://amzn.com/B00EPZUSYY
Mia Asher, Sweetest Venom
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