Once we’re done eating, I get up and walk to the closest garbage can, disposing of the napkins and leftover food. I stand still, close my eyes, and lift my face toward the sky, absorbing the heat from a fleeting ray of sunlight. The air has turned bitterly cold, but I don’t want to leave just yet. Breathing deeply, I enjoy the salty smell of the water and the call of the seagulls nearby. As the chilly wind picks up speed, blowing my hair in all directions, my senses come alive. I sense Lawrence standing behind me before the warmth of his suit jacket enfolds me. His hands rub the length of my arms, warming me as he pulls me toward him. I lean my back on his chest and slowly open my eyes. Each blink brings the cloudy sky, the stormy ocean, and the seemingly endless horizon into focus.
And it’s peaceful.
And it’s magical.
And maybe it’s the security of Lawrence’s arms around me, or maybe it’s Lawrence’s quiet strength seeping into my bloodstream, but somehow I find myself opening and sharing my deepest secrets with him. I tell him about my childhood, the Ferris wheel ride with my dad, of my mom packing her shit and leaving me behind. I tell him of Paige Callahan and her father, Matthew. I tell Lawrence how Matthew used to fuck me in a dirty motel in exchange for pretty gifts and money, and how after he was done with me, he’d go back to his big house on the fancy side of town and pretend to be the exemplary father and the pillar of the community.
When I’m done, I feel unburdened and, oddly enough, unashamed. This is the difference between Ronan and Lawrence. Ronan held me on a pedestal. He saw in me the person he desired me to be—someone worthy of him. And I was too afraid to shatter that illusion. I wanted to believe it myself for however long we were together so I would be worthy of him. If I had told him about my past—of who I really am—he would have run for the hills, and I was too selfish to do so. I wanted him too much. But you can only live a lie for so long before it smothers you, poisoning every word, every touch, and every kiss. Lawrence, on the other hand, holds no illusions of me. He knows me for who I am, and it’s freeing. So freeing.
“Before you say anything, I just want you to know that it’s all in the past. It doesn’t bother me anymore.”
Lawrence rests his chin on top of my head, hugging me harder. “Is it?”
I remain silent, trying to find the answer within me.
“I’m not going to pretend to know what’s in your heart, Blaire. Only you’re privy to that. But what I can tell you is that I hope one day you wake up and realize that all those people and memories don’t determine who you are. You get to do that.”
“You make it sound so easy. Tell me, what have you done with my cynical friend? You look the same, but you don’t sound anything like him.”
I look up as he looks down, our gazes locking. “He’s currently unavailable. So, in the meantime, you’re stuck with me.” He grins.
“Oh, yeah? And who are you?”
“Just a regular guy enjoying the company of a beautiful woman.”
Blushing, I feel butterflies doing their usual chaotic dance in my stomach. I push myself away and turn to face him as I start to walk backward, giving my best come-hither look. “Come on, Casanova. You promised me the unknown and I’m still waiting for it.”
The thing about happiness—beautiful chaos that it is—no matter how short or lasting the moment is, is that it makes you soar, makes you want to dance and laugh. Happiness makes everything seem possible, and there’s no better feeling than to share it with someone special.
I run toward the steps that lead down to the beach. Once I reach the sand, I take my leather booties and socks off, place Lawrence’s coat on the steps, and sprint in the direction of the ocean. The water is freezing, but it’s invigorating. I spread my arms, tilt my head back, and begin to spin, faster and faster until I lose my balance and fall in the water. Laughing, I try to stand up on shaky feet and fail miserably, landing on my ass once again.
I spot Lawrence coming down the stairs. He puts his cell away and buries both of his hands inside the front pockets of his pants. Windblown hair. Crooked grin. I’m drowning in his manly beauty. “How’s the water?”
“Toasty,” I say, my teeth chattering.
“Liar.”
I push a wet strand of hair off of my face. “Why don’t you come and try it?”
“I think I’m going to pass. I don’t want to spoil your fun. Besides, I can admire you better from afar.”
“Aww, what’s the matter?” I pout, taunting him. “Afraid to get a little wet?”
“Is that a dare?”
I raise an eyebrow. “It’s whatever you want it to be, baby.”
“Minx.”
He removes his shoes and socks and rolls up his pants, the muscles of his chest and arms stretching the white fabric of his dress shirt. With his tie long gone and the top two buttons undone, he looks like pure sex, and I find it hard to breathe. I lick my lips, feeling a different kind of warmth spreading through me.
He steps into the water, walking my direction. “Jesus Christ, this water is cold.”
“Help, please. I can’t get up,” I ask, extending my arm out.
Lawrence takes my hand in his. “You’re cr—” I tug his hand with all my strength, pulling him toward me, and make him fall in the water too. After the initial shock, he wipes his face clean as I’m rolling in the sand unable to stop laughing. The poor man looks like he wants to kill me.
He runs his fingers through his wet hair, pulling it back. His deadly gaze focused on me. Oh boy. “You’re going to pay for that, my dear Blaire.”
“Is that so?” I mock, appearing to be unafraid as I get ready to make a run for it.
A challenge, or mischief, lights up his eyes as a wolfish grin darkens his face in a dangerous but delicious way. And before I know it, he lunges forward, catching me by the ankles and pulling me toward him until his body cages mine. I scream and laugh at the same time.
Nervous, I lick my lips that suddenly feel so dry. He kneels over me as he captures both of my hands in his and raises them above my head, holding me his prisoner. “Gotcha, little girl.” He leans forward, and I think he’s going to kiss me but instead he bites my neck. “Should I fuck you right here as part of my payback?” He grinds his cock against my sex. Hard. Making me moan.
“Lawrence,” I breathe throatily and tilt my hips up to welcome him as I wrap my legs around his waist.
“Men don’t fall in love with women like you, Blaire.” He burns me with his gaze. “They lose their fucking minds.”
He closes the space between our mouths with a smoldering, soul-reaching, logic-defying kiss. The cold sand, the freezing water, and the howling wind disappear around us. All that matters is the man on top of me, his body touching mine, his lips breathing fire into me.
We pull apart, and I’m trying to get my wits together when I feel a lump of sand land on my face. Opening my eyes, I find him above me staring at me with a lopsided smirk.
“Oh, you ass. That was so not fair.”
“Quid pro quo, quid pro quo, my friend.”
I wipe my cheeks broodingly. “That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one left with a lady boner and sand on her face.”
And then the most beautiful thing happens in front of me. Lawrence throws his head back and barks with laughter. Freely. Easily. Spontaneously. Could he be the same man I met at the Met in what seems a lifetime ago? Gone are the rock hard eyes and the mocking smile. He’s been replaced by this carefree stranger with bright evergreen eyes.
Yes, the unknown with Lawrence is definitely inviting.
We’re walking back to the car when Lawrence changes trajectories and walks back to the park. “Forgot something.”
I nod drowsily. With my arm wrapped around his waist and his around my shoulders, I lean my head on his side. Glancing up, I see that the Ferris wheel is lit up and functioning. “Look, Lawrence! The Ferris wheel is open.” I take a moment to admire its lights against the purple, pink and orange twilight. “I wonder if they
only open it at night?”
A moment or two later, Lawrence says, “No idea.”
I’m so tired that I don’t even notice where he’s taking me until we’re standing in front of the large, colorful wheel and there’s a man dressed in uniform, waiting for us. Puzzled, I let go of Lawrence and turn to look at him.
“What’s this?” Frowning, my gaze ping pongs between the ride, Lawrence, and the man. “You didn’t?” But even as the words leave my mouth, I remember seeing Lawrence putting his cell away out on the beach. Breathless, my heart beats as though it were a stampede crushing my chest.
He caresses my cheek before tenderly tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “I did.”
“Why?” I ask with a trembling voice.
He grabs my chin, making me look at him. “I think it’s about time to make new memories, and what better time than right now?”
He begins to look very blurry. Fucking tears. I close the space between us and hug him, really, it’s more like I’m trying to crush him. I shake my head, unable to speak as I bury my face in his chest. When I’m able to stare at him without making a fool of myself, I tilt my head back and meet his gaze. “How can I ever thank you?”
“You could start with a kiss,” he counters smoothly.
“Is that all?”
He raises an amused eyebrow.
I giggle before kissing him hard on the mouth. “How’s that?”
“You could try harder,” he drawls, looking lethally attractive.
“You wicked man,” I say as my lips land gladly on his once again.
Lawrence
ON OUR WAY BACK TO THE CITY, Blaire kept falling asleep on my shoulder, so I suggested that she spend the night at her own place and get some rest. I look out the window as we leave Blaire’s apartment behind.
“I like her,” Tony says after driving silently for a couple of minutes.
I chuckle wryly. “I see that she’s bewitched you, too.”
“Why not? She’s a breath of fresh air.” Tony pauses for a moment, weighing his next words. “You’re changing, Laurie.”
“Am I?” I drawl, pretending to be bored.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you take a day off since you started running the company. I’m glad.” His eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. “She makes you happy.”
Leaning my head back on the leather seat, I close my eyes momentarily and imagine Blaire’s pale face when I first saw her. A raven haired sorceress with hollow eyes and an empty smile. So different from the girl with the wild hair and wild heart who spun and laughed on the beach a couple of hours ago. And as I stood there, watching her, transfixed and in awe of her tempestuous beauty, I realized that I wanted to be the one to protect her from everything and everyone who had ever hurt her just so she could look at me like that again—without a shadow of another man in her eyes.
Today as I watched her on the beach, the oddest sensation came over me. I felt as though I was staring at the beginning and end of my life. My salvation and downfall. Call me stupid, but I thought that every action and every path taken and not taken had conspired to bring me to that place. To that moment. To her. “She does.”
“It’s a beautiful feeling, isn’t it?” Tony says, and I can almost hear the smile on his face.
“No, it’s fucking terrifying.”
I open my eyes and stare at the dark ceiling of the car, shadows morphing into living creatures. It’s so damn easy to fall in love, to lose one’s head in a woman’s body and her aphrodisiac taste. That is until the idyll comes to an end and it takes you a lifetime to forget her and the man you used to be. And I would know ...
“I’m in trouble, Tony.” The debilitating admission is torn from my chest.
“I know you are, my boy.”
“I thought I was safe.”
“From a woman?” He laughs. “No man is ever safe.”
But it didn’t start like that, did it?
No. She started as an obsession—one that I couldn’t seem to shake. I thought if I got close to her, I would find just another pretty face sleeping her way up to the top with nothing inside. I thought that once I fucked her, I’d be able to flush her out of my system and obliterate her from my body and mind.
I was wrong and a fool.
If anything, every minute and every second that I spend with her, I’m more and more consumed by this violent need. A need that won’t leave me alone and constantly calls for her.
“You know what I think?” Tony says.
“Go ahead.” I run my hands frustratingly through my hair.
Tony’s opinion is one of the few that I trust and respect without question. When my father and mother were too busy with their lives to pay attention to their son, it was Tony who was there for me. He taught me how to drive, how to throw a punch, and he made me feel loved.
“I think you’re in grave danger of falling in love … if you haven’t already.”
I’m about to reply when my cell phone begins to ring. I pull it out of my pocket, read the name on the screen, and take the call.
“Is everything all right, Laurie? I thought we were supposed to meet for dinner at our restaurant. I’ve been waiting for you for over an hour.”
I look at my watch and curse under my breath. “I’m terribly sorry. I—”
“It’s fine, I get it. Things happen. I was just worried because it isn’t like you not to show up. Actually, I don’t think this has ever happened before.”
As I listen to her voice on the other line, I become aware of one simple fact. For the first time since I met her all those years ago, I can’t quite recall what the woman on the other line looks like. The usual yearning for her that fills my chest like a burning fire has gone out, leaving memories slowly crumbling like ashes in its wake. Instead, it’s Blaire who inhabits my every thought. I feel a smile tugging at my lips as I think of our day together at the beach. Her contagious laughter echoes in my ears. The realization that I can’t wait to see her and hold her in my arms again takes hold of me.
“Laurie? Are you there?”
“Sorry. What were you saying?”
“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound … I don’t know—funny.”
I look out the window trying to focus on the passing cars, but it’s no use. All I see is Blaire. My fingertips tingle with the memory of my hands gliding across her skin as I kissed her. “I don’t know.”
“What’s the matter?” she presses, her voice soft.
The matter is that nothing is as it should be.
“I think I’ve lost my Goddamn mind.”
Blaire
THE NEXT MORNING, I’m toweling my hair dry when I hear the doorbell ring. After placing the towel on a nearby chair, I tighten the belt securing my silk robe before I go check out who’s at the door. I look through the peephole, my eyes widening, and smile a slow smile when I see him standing outside my apartment.
My blood rushing, I unlock and open the door as fast as I can. “What are you doing he—”
Before I can react, Lawrence steps inside my apartment, buries his fingers in my hair and pulls me close to him, pressing his body against me. His mouth seizes mine as I slide my arms instinctively around his neck and surrender myself to the onslaught of his savage kiss.
And what a kiss it is.
Weak-kneed, I’m barely able to stand straight by the time he pulls away. “Good morning, darling,” he says huskily.
“Whoa,” I manage to say in a daze, slightly shaking my head.
He tightens his arms around me, infusing my body with warmth. “Damn fucking right.”
“Modest much?”
“I wouldn’t know.” He grins crookedly. “What’s that?”
“Impossible man.” Standing on my tiptoes, I grin and place a soft kiss on his chin. “Good morning … Wait, aren’t you supposed to be at work already?”
His gaze unwavering, he raises a hand, letting the back of his fingers trace the curve of my jaw. “Fuck work. Spend the day wit
h me.”
“Again? So soon?”
He shrugs carelessly. “Why not?”
Oh, Lawrence, my friend, if you only knew how happy you make me. “And what would you like to do?”
He surprises me by scooping me up in his arms. As he nears my bedroom, Lawrence leans down so his mouth is close to my ear and whispers huskily, “You. All—day—long,” scattering shivers down my spine.
By the time he steps inside my bedroom, I notice that Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars is playing in the background. I step away from him once he places me gently on the floor. Suddenly feeling shy, I walk toward the windows to pull the curtains closed.
“Don’t,” Lawrence commands. As my hands grip the fabric, Lawrence steps behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “I don’t want to miss a thing. Dance with me.”
I let out a shuddering breath. I nod and wrap a hand behind his neck as the other falls naturally on top of his, bringing our bodies much closer than before. And in this fashion, we begin to sway slowly to the melody. My room and everything inside of it disappears. Nothing remains but Lawrence and the feel of his arms around me.
Slowly he unties the belt securing my silk robe and spreads it open until my naked body is exposed to him. One of his hands begins to travel a leisurely path across my body, caressing my hips, his fingers sliding across my stomach, grazing the edges of my hot core, driving me wild purposefully. He cups my breasts, pinching my nipple as he bites into my neck hungrily, making me cry out in pain. His touch is teasing—taunting—divine—revering. Our breathing becomes labored, shallow.
“Here, Lawrence,” I reach for his hand and guide him to where I need his touch the most. Want and lust emanate from our bodies as we get lost in the heat of the moment and the erotic rhythm of our hips. “I need you here.”
Lawrence lets go of me and pushes me against the window. Belatedly it occurs to me that someone could be getting an eyeful but I can’t bring myself to care. With my back pressed against his front, I close my eyes when I feel Lawrence’s magic hands spreading my ass, rubbing me in that forbidden place, setting me on fucking fire.