I could suddenly explain all Finn’s odd behavior: he was completely insane.
What it came down to was that I knew nothing about him. I could barely tell when he was mocking me and when he was being sincere. Sometimes I thought he was into me, and other times he obviously hated me.
There wasn’t anything I knew about him for sure. Except that despite everything, I was starting to like him.
Sometime in the night, after I had changed into sweats and a tank top, and after I had spent a very long time tossing and turning, I must’ve finally fallen asleep. When I woke up, it was still dark out, and I had drying tears on my cheeks. I had been crying in my sleep, which seemed unfair, since I never let myself cry when I was awake.
I rolled over and glanced at the alarm clock. Its angry numbers declared it was a little after three in the morning, and I wasn’t sure why I was awake. I flicked on my bedside lamp, casting everything in a warm glow, and I saw something that scared me so badly, my heart stopped.
THREE
stalker
A figure was crouched outside my window, my second-story window. Admittedly, a small roof was right outside of it, but a person standing on it was about the last thing I expected to see. On top of that, it wasn’t just anybody.
Finn Holmes looked hopeful, but not at all ashamed or frightened at having been caught peeping into my room. He knocked gently at the glass, and belatedly I realized that’s what had woken me up.
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He hadn’t been peeping intentionally; he’d been trying to get my attention so I could let him into my room. So that was slightly less creepy, I supposed.
For some reason, I got up and went over to the window. I caught sight of myself in my mirror, and I did not look good. My pajamas were of the sad, comfy variety. My hair was a total mess, and my eyes were red and puffy.
I knew I shouldn’t let Finn in my room. He was probably a sociopath and he didn’t make me feel good about myself. Besides, Matt would kill us both if he caught him in here.
So I stood in front of the window, my arms crossed, and glared at him. I was pissed off and hurt, and I wanted him to know it. Normally I prided myself on not getting hurt, let alone telling people they had hurt me. But this time I thought it would be better if he knew that he was a dick.
“I’m sorry!” Finn said loud enough so his voice would carry through the glass, and his eyes echoed the sentiment. He looked genuinely remorseful, but I wasn’t ready to accept his apology yet. Maybe I never would.
“What do you want?” I demanded as loudly as I could without Matt hearing me.
“To apologize. And to talk to you. ” Finn looked earnestly at me. “It’s important. ”
I chewed my lip, torn between what I knew I should do and what I really wanted to do.
“Please,” he said.
Against my better judgment, I opened the window. I left the screen in place and took a step back so I was sitting on the end of my bed. Finn pulled the screen out easily, and I wondered how much experience he had sneaking in girls’ windows.
Carefully, he climbed into my room, shutting the window behind him. He glanced over my room, making me feel self-conscious. It was rather messy, with clothes and books strewn about, but most of my stuff sat in two large cardboard boxes and a trunk on one side of my room.
“So what do you want?” I said, trying to drag his attention back to me and away from my things.
“I’m sorry,” Finn repeated, with that same sincerity he had demonstrated outside. “Tonight I was cruel. ” He looked away thoughtfully before continuing. “I don’t want to hurt you. ”
“So why did you?” I asked sharply.
Licking his lips, he shifted his feet and exhaled deeply. He had intentionally been mean to me. It wasn’t some accident because he was cocky or unaware of how he treated people. Everything he did was meticulous and purposeful.
“I don’t want to lie to you, and I promise you that I haven’t,” Finn answered carefully. “And I’ll leave it at that. ”
“I think I have a right to know what’s going on,” I snapped and then remembered that Matt and Maggie were sleeping down the hall and hastily lowered my voice. “And what you’re doing at my window in the middle of the night. ”
“I came here to tell you,” Finn assured me. “To explain everything. This isn’t the way we normally do things, so I had to make a phone call before I came to see you. I was trying to figure things out. That’s why it’s so late. I’m sorry. ”
“Call who? Figure out what?” I took a step back.
“It’s about what you did tonight, with Patrick,” Finn said gently, and the pit in my stomach grew.
“I didn’t do anything with Patrick. ” I shook my head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. ”
“You really don’t?” Finn eyed me suspiciously, unable to decide if he believed me or not.
“I—I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stammered. A chill ran over me and I started feeling vaguely nauseous.
“Yeah, you do. ” Finn nodded solemnly. “You just don’t know what it is. ”
“I’m just very . . . convincing,” I said without any real confidence. I didn’t want to keep denying it, but talking about it, giving credibility to my own private insanity, scared me even more.
“Yeah, you are,” Finn admitted. “But you can’t do that again. Not like you did tonight. ”
“I didn’t do anything! And even if I did, who are you to try and stop me?” Something else flashed in my mind, and I looked at him. “Can you even stop me?”
“You can’t use it on me now. ” Finn shook his head absently. “It’s really not that major, especially the way you’re using it. ”
“What is it?” I asked quietly, finding it hard to make my mouth work. I let go of any pretense I had that I didn’t know what was going on, and my shoulders sagged.
“It’s called persuasion,” Finn said emphatically, as if that were somehow much different from what I had been saying. “Technically, it would be called psychokinesis. It’s a form of mind control. ”
I found it disturbing how matter-of-factly he talked about all of this, as if we were talking about biology homework instead of the possibility that I possessed some kind of paranormal ability.
“How do you know?” I asked. “How do you know what I have? How did you even know I was doing it?”
He shrugged. “Experience. ”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s complicated. ” He rubbed the back of his head and stared at the floor. “You’re not going to believe me. But I haven’t lied to you, and I never will. Do you believe that, at least?”
“I think so,” I replied tentatively. Considering we’d only spoken a handful of times, he hadn’t had much of an opportunity to lie to me.
“That’s a start. ” Finn took a deep breath, and I nervously pulled at a strand of my hair as I watched him. Almost sheepishly, he said, “You’re a changeling. ” He looked expectantly at me, waiting for some kind of dramatic reaction.
“I don’t even know what that is. Isn’t it like a movie with Angelina Jolie or something?” I shook my head. “I don’t know what it means. ”
“You don’t know what it is?” Finn smirked. “Of course you don’t know what it is. That would make it all too easy if you had even the slightest inkling about what is going on. ”
“It would, wouldn’t it?” I agreed.
“A changeling is a child that has been secretly exchanged for another. ”
The room got this weird, foggy quality to it. My mind flashed to my mother, and the things she had screamed at me. I had always felt I didn’t belong, but at the same time I’d never consciously believed it was true.
But now, suddenly, Finn confirmed all the suspicions I had been harboring. All the horrible things my mother had told me were true.
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“But how . . . ” Dazedly, I sh
ook my head, then one key question sprang to mind. “How would you know that? How could you possibly know that? Even if it were true?”
“Well . . . ” Finn watched me for a moment as I struggled to let everything sink in. “You’re Trylle. It’s what we do. ”
“Trylle? Is that like your last name or something?” I asked.
“No. ” Finn smiled. “Trylle is the name of our ‘tribe,’ if you will. ” He rubbed the side of his temple. “This is hard to explain. We are, um, trolls. ”
“You’re telling me that I’m a troll?” I raised one eyebrow, and finally decided that he must be insane.
Nothing about me resembled a pink-haired doll with a jewel in its stomach or a creepy little monster that lived under a bridge. Admittedly, I was kind of short, but Finn was at least six feet tall.
“You’re thinking of trolls the way they’ve been misrepresented, obviously,” Finn hurried to explain. “That’s why we prefer Trylle. You don’t get any of that silly ‘Billy Goats Gruff’ imagery. But now I have you staring at me like I have totally lost my mind. ”
“You have lost your mind. ” I trembled in shock and fear, not knowing what to think. I should’ve thrown him out of my room, but then again, I never should’ve let him in.
“Okay. Think about it, Wendy. ” Finn moved on to trying to reason with me, as if his idea had real merit. “You’ve never really fit in anywhere. You have a quick temper. You’re very intelligent and a picky eater. You hate shoes. Your hair, while lovely, is hard to control. You have dark brown eyes, dark brown hair. ”
“What does the color of my eyes have to do with anything?” I retorted. “Or any of those things—”
“Earth tones. Our eyes and hair are always earth tones,” Finn answered. “And oftentimes our skin has almost a greenish hue to it. ”
“I’m not green!” I looked at my skin anyway, just to be sure, but there was nothing green about it.
“It’s very faint, when people do have it,” Finn said. “But no, you don’t. Not really. Sometimes it gets more predominant after you’ve been living around other Trylle for a while. ”
“I am not a troll,” I insisted fiercely. “That doesn’t even make any sense. It doesn’t . . . So I’m angry and different. Most teenagers feel that way. It doesn’t mean anything. ” I combed through my hair, as if to prove it wasn’t that wild. My fingers got caught in it, proving his point rather than mine, and I sighed. “That doesn’t mean anything. ”
“I’m not just guessing here, Wendy,” Finn informed me with a wry smile. “I know who you are. I know you’re Trylle. That’s why I came looking for you. ”
“You were looking for me?” My jaw dropped. “That’s why you stare at me all the time in school. You’re stalking me!”
“I’m not stalking. ” Finn raised a hand defensively. “I’m a tracker. It’s my job. I find the changelings and bring them back. ”
Of all the major things that were wrong with this situation, the thing that bothered me most was when he said it was his job. There hadn’t ever been any attraction between us. He had just been doing his job, and that meant following me.
He was stalking me, and I was only upset about it because he was doing it because he had to, not because he wanted to.
“I know this is a lot to take in,” Finn admitted. “I’m sorry. We usually wait until you’re older. But if you’re already using persuasion, then I think you need to head back to the compound. You’re developing early. ”
“I’m what?” I just stared up at him.
“Developing. The psychokinesis,” Finn said as if it should be obvious. “Trylle have varying degrees of ability. Yours are clearly more advanced. ”
“They have abilities?” I swallowed. “Do you have abilities?” Something new occurred to me, twisting my insides. “Can you read my mind?”
“No, I can’t read minds. ”
“Are you lying?”
“I won’t lie to you,” Finn promised.
If he hadn’t been so attractive standing in front of me in my bedroom, it would’ve been easier to ignore him. And if I hadn’t felt this ludicrous connection with him, I would’ve thrown him out right away.
As it was, it was hard to look into his eyes and not believe him. But after everything he had been saying, I couldn’t believe him. If I believed him, that meant my mother was right. That I was evil and a monster. I had spent my whole life trying to prove her wrong, trying to be good and do the right things, and I wouldn’t let this be true.
“I can’t believe you. ”
“Wendy. ” Finn sounded exasperated. “You know I’m not lying. ”
“I do. ” I nodded. “Not intentionally anyway. But after what I went through with my mother, I’m not ready to let another crazy person into my life. So you have to go. ”
“Wendy!” His expression was one of complete disbelief.
“Did you really expect any other reaction from me?” I stood up, keeping my arms crossed firmly in front of me, and I tried to look as confident as I possibly could. “Did you think you could treat me like shit at a dance, then sneak into my room in the middle of the night and tell me that I’m a troll with magical powers, and I’d just be like, yeah, that sounds right?
“And what did you even hope to accomplish with this?” I asked him directly. “What were you trying to get me to do?”
“You’re supposed to come with me back to the compound,” Finn said, defeated.
“And you thought I would just follow you right out?” I smirked to hide the fact that I was really tempted to do that. Even if he was insane.
“They usually do,” Finn replied in a way that completely unnerved me.
Really, that answer was what completely lost me. I might have been willing to follow his delusions because I liked him more than I should, but when he made it sound like there had been lots of other girls willing to do the same thing before me, it really turned me off. Crazy, I could deal with. Slutty, not so much.
“You need to go,” I told him firmly.
“You need to think about this. This is obviously different for you than it is for everyone else, and I understand that. So I’ll give you time to think about it. ” He turned and opened the window. “But there is a place where you belong. There is a place where you have family. So just think about it. ”
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“Definitely. ” I gave him a plastic smile.
He started to lean out the window, and I walked closer to him so I’d be able to shut the window behind him. Then he stopped and turned to look at me. He felt dangerously close, his eyes full of something smoldering just below the surface.
When he looked at me like that, he took all the air from my lungs, and I wondered if this was how Patrick felt when I persuaded him.
“I almost forgot,” Finn said softly, his face so close to mine I could feel his breath on my cheeks. “You looked really beautiful tonight. ” He stayed that way a moment longer, completely captivating me, then he turned abruptly and climbed out the window.
I stood there, barely remembering to breathe, as I watched him grab a branch of the tree next to my house and swing down to the ground. A cool breeze fluttered in, so I closed the window and pulled my curtains shut tightly.
Feeling dazed, I staggered back to my bed and collapsed on it. I had never felt more bewildered in my entire life.
I barely got any sleep. What little I had was filled with dreams of little green trolls coming to take me away. I lay in bed for a while after I woke up. Everything felt muddled and confusing.
I couldn’t let myself believe that anything Finn had said made sense, but I couldn’t discount how badly I wanted it to be true. I had never felt like I belonged anywhere. Until recently, Matt had been the only person I ever felt any connection with.
Lying in bed at six-thirty in the morning, I could hear the morning birds chirping loudly outside my window. Quietly, I got up and crept downstai
rs. I didn’t want to wake Matt and Maggie this early. Matt got up early every school day to make sure I didn’t oversleep and then drove me to school, so this was his only time to sleep in.
For some reason, I felt desperate to find something to prove we were family. All my life I had been trying to prove the opposite, but as soon as Finn had mentioned that it might be a real possibility, I felt oddly protective.
Matt and Maggie had sacrificed everything for me. I had never been that good to either of them, yet they still loved me unconditionally. Wasn’t that evidence enough?
I crouched on the floor next to one of the cardboard boxes in the living room. The word “memorabilia” was scrawled across it in Maggie’s pretty cursive.
Underneath Matt’s and Maggie’s diplomas and lots of Matt’s graduation pictures, I found several photo albums. Based on the covers, I could tell which ones had been Maggie’s purchases. Maggie picked albums covered in flowers and polka dots and happy things.
My mother only had one, and it was adorned with a faded brown, nondescript cover. There was also a damaged blue baby book. Carefully, I pulled it out, along with my mom’s photo album.
My baby book had been blue because all the ultrasounds had said I was a boy. Tucked in the back of the book there was even a cracked ultrasound photo where the doctor had circled what they had incorrectly assumed was my penis.
Most families would have made some kind of joke about that, but not mine. My mother had just looked at me with disdain and said, “You were supposed to be a boy. ”
Most mothers start out filling the beginning of a baby book, but then forget as time goes on. Not mine. She’d never written a thing in it. The handwriting was either my father’s or Maggie’s.
My footprints were in there, along with my measurements and a copy of my birth certificate. I touched it delicately, proving that my birth was real and tangible. I had been born into this family, whether my mother liked it or not.
“What are you doing, kiddo?” Maggie asked softly from behind me, and I jumped a little. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. ” Wrapped in her house coat, Maggie yawned and ran a hand through her sleep-disheveled hair.
“It’s okay. ” I tried to cover up my baby book, feeling as if I had been caught doing something naughty. “What are you doing up?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” Maggie replied with a smile. She sat down on the floor next to me, leaning against the back of the couch. “I heard you get up. ” She nodded at the pile of photo albums on my lap. “You feeling nostalgic?”
“I don’t know, really. ”
“What are you looking at?” Maggie leaned over so she could peer at the photo album. “Oh, that’s an old one. You were just a baby then. ”
I flipped open the book and it went chronologically, so the first few pages were of Matt when he was little. Maggie looked at it with me, making clucking sounds at my dad. She gently touched his picture once and commented on how handsome her brother was.