What happened this morning flashed through my memory, how painful it was when I was dying. I understood what Draven was saying before. He wasn’t telling me that I would face all of the times I’d dodged death before; he was telling me that I would feel what I began to feel this morning, that I would I die a thousand deaths. I still didn’t understand, though. I didn’t understand how I got here, how I went from that life to fighting Escorts, to meeting Draven for the first time, dying for him, being born in this life, what we were fighting now, or how it all connected. Though my eyes were open to what the nightmare was really about, that I knew now that it wasn’t Draven behind that door, I didn’t understand what my mom was saying, how I connected to those boys Bianca had, how Draven connected to that prince.
“When did we figure out what we were? When did the battle with the Escorts begin?” I asked.
He didn’t answer me.
“Silas, I’m asking you for a reason, and it’s not just to save Draven. I’m almost positive that I’ve provoked the devil himself. I have to protect Monroe. I have to figure out how the people I thought would help me now need my help -- if it’s even them. How to do what everyone thinks I can.”
“You have to remember if you’re going to help.”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“Aren't you afraid that if you remember, you’ll know how much you love me? That you see that the love you think you have for Draven can’t compare to what we had? Are you willing to take that risk to help people you don’t even know?”
I felt my stomach tying itself in knots. A thousand scenarios rushed through my mind. I told myself that my mom would never lead me into something that would take Draven away from me, that regardless of what I remembered, I walked away from Silas and into Draven’s arms. The question was not if I would stop loving him as I dove deeper into my memories; it was if I were prepared to live with the guilt, to feel that goodbye to Silas, for it not to be some past life, but a part of me now.
I held on to the idea that those people that I didn’t know, the ones which needed my help, were people that could help stop this, they could help find balance in this world. That if that was Landen with Bianca, that Willow would die with him, that the devil would find victory in that moment.
I nodded. “Open the door, Silas.”
He stared at me for what seemed like an eternity. I knew he was questioning my motives, trying to see if there was a single ray of hope, that my decisions were based on love for him.
“We were in Egypt,” he said finally. “A priest came to where we were staying. He told us he dreamed of us, that it was time for us to leave this world.” He sighed. “We’d lived a long time. We were ready to die, so we followed him to his temple.”
“But death wasn’t what he meant,” I said as I started to see this temple in my memory. The sand stones, the torches that led our path.
“No. When we got there, he introduced us to another couple.”
Silas reached for my hand, and when I felt the hum of his skin, I saw this couple clearly in my mind. I saw an older woman, a woman that looked entirely too much like Madison, standing next to a man that was tall. His eyes were so blue that I couldn’t help staring at them.
“Madison was there,” I said breathlessly.
“No, not there. That soul belongs to the one you’re calling Willow now. The man ... he’s called Landen now.”
My eyes closed as defeat came to me. I was terrified for Madison -- was she a sacrifice? Am I leading her to that?
“I ... I ... I don’t understand.”
“Look closely,” Silas said as he squeezed my hand tightly.
When I focused on this girl, the dinner we had with them then played through my memory. This girl, she seemed older; her soul seemed older. Though the eyes, the long dark hair, the olive skin was the same, the details were different. That wasn’t Madison, but all this memory did was cause more questions. Why did Madison look like Willow? What would happen when they met? How would the dream of the dark prince play into this?
“Are they undead, too?” I asked, glancing to my side at him, wondering if Landen and Willow were like Silas, or like me and Draven.
“No. They had the luxury of dying, though they didn’t see it that way.”
“They wanted to live on and on like we did?”
“Yeah. They despised that they had to die and be reborn in ignorance. That in each life they would not only have to discover who they were once again, but that they would have to find each other. They felt that with each life they only moved a few feet forward. They also felt that they were running out of time, that with each life they became more illuminated. They believed once they’d reached full illumination that they wouldn’t be given another life; that instead they’d be a part of the great cosmos – the spirits that guide us.”
“And what’s so wrong with that?”
“They wanted to finish what they began. They believed that they were destined to redeem another world. They were the ones that put a name to what we fought. They were the ones that taught us the paths of the string, and ... they let us see what we’d been blind to until that point.”
“What else did they teach us? What did they say to us? Did they know this day was coming?”
He tensed as anger engulfed his image. “They told us we’d see them again in another life and that when we did, our paths would collide - but that I wasn’t to tell them what they told me until they were ready.”
“You and not me. So you can help them, but I can’t.”
“I said me for a reason. They knew ... they knew you would die and be reborn before that time.”
“Are you serious?”
His jaw locked as frustration filled his eyes. “I don’t know what Willow said to you then. You just told me that when we met them again, for me not to forget how much you loved me. You told me to forgive you and to protect our promise to not only Isis, but to Landen and Willow ... to each other.”
I felt my heart racing. I knew that more than likely Willow had seen Draven in my future. I wondered what advice she gave me then, if I honored her words or disobeyed them. I knew I held enough of this memory now that I could look back, watch our conversation, but I didn’t want to do that with Silas next to me. I knew I had my reasons for keeping this secret from him.
“Where did they take us in the string? How did they teach us to get to The Realm?”
“Seeing the string was effortless. Landen had a theory that we were reborn in such a place, that on our birth, the glow of the string – the energy of the world -- was captured in our eyes. They told us that the world we were in was in its infancy, that at that time we would cause more strife than healing by staying there. They took us to another world, one that was filled with souls who often spoke to their higher self. They spent most of their time in mediation. It was in that world that we grasped who or what we were.”
I could see this place coming to life in my memory. It was a place that my wildest dreams could not create. Everything glowed. You could see the energy of the Earth lingering on everything, not just the living things. It was full of peace and understanding. The people there were not ruled by emotions, they were witnesses. They saw themselves as separate from the body...they were like angels. “They taught us to see our bodies as moving energy. They showed us how to move from place to place with a thought.”
Silas nodded. “Until that point, we had seen ourselves as living. We had focused on our bodies as a solid substance, but that was not the case ... our bodies perished ... our soul was walking the Earth, now holding the image our bodies had ... we learned that we could disappear to the human eye, that any distance for us could be traveled within an instant ... we learned how to invoke peace, to calm those we were meant to help. They showed us how powerful we really were.”
“They weren’t like that, though, those people, Landen and Willow,” I clarified, trying to make sure my imagination was not filling my memories with things that were un
true.
Silas moved his head from side to side. “They had bodies, they lived and died. What they knew of us was more of a feeling. Even though their knowledge of us seemed to be clear, we understood after a while that they were not answering our questions; we were, the answers were always inside of us. We had just been too preoccupied with thinking that we were alive.”
“We should have stayed there,” I mumbled, wishing for the peace of that place.
“We stayed for fifty years, then Willow and Landen came back there. They were old and ready to die. Before their last breath they took us to other worlds. Our perspective had changed ... we didn’t see the hungry, or the artist struggling to show their passion; we saw the auras of light. We saw the Escorts for the first time. Landen taught me how to end them. Later we discovered where Escorts were created. We discovered The Realm by following them. Landen opened the door for us. We took the first step. Understanding came, our life path was clear.”
I swallowed hard, fearing meeting Landen. I feared he would take Silas’ side, that he would want to end Draven. I told myself if Draven were the one that saved him, that maybe he would see my point of view, that the Escorts could be saved, that The Realm would perish once they were.
“What are you supposed to tell them? What do we know that they do not know? If you know they need us, that they are in danger, then why are you calmly sitting here?”
“I’ve been watching them for centuries. Waiting for the moment I must take action. The time is near. Now I have to find and protect the ones they told me to.”
Wait. What? “Who? Where are you going to find them?”
“Old souls die in old cities, and when they repeat their death, they become like me. I was told to comfort and guide them, to not let them fear what they are or drift aimlessly for hundreds of years the way we did.”
“What? What are you talking about? People are going to die, and you are going to let them? Do nothing to stop it?!”
“It’s not my place to stop it.”
“You’re not a reaper, at least I don’t think you are. Do they even want to become what you are? Is that even fair?”
“They will have the choice, and you only become what I am, what you were, if you feel your fight is not over, if you know that your work is unfinished.”
“A ghost.”
“Undead.”
“Whatever. I don’t think I agree with that. If I knew people were going to die, even if they would still be here in some way, I would prepare them for it, give them some kind of warning.”
“Everyone in your path chose to be there.”
“Fine. Look,” I said, standing, “you do what you have to do, what they told you to do. Right now, I’m getting Monroe out of here. I’m getting Draven out of here.”
“Monroe needs to be in Chara, at least for now.”
“And the rest of us?” I asked.
His stare cascaded over me. Want. I felt want emanating from him. I wasn’t his. Not anymore. “It’s not time to rest; it’s time to fight.” He finally said.
“Do you know for sure if Landen is the one with Bianca? Can you reach him?”
He didn’t answer; he just looked away from me.
“Fine then. Tell me what he said to you so I can say it to them; it may be what I need to say to save him.”
He moved his head from side to side. “I may love you, but I do not trust you. Landen told me in private for a reason. Willow had her reasons for speaking to you alone as well.”
“Yeah, but I don’t remember – you do. That means you should find them; this is all happening for a reason.”
“Maybe you should see the moment she spoke to you,” he said in a damning tone.
I furrowed my eyebrows. “Trust works both ways. I don’t trust you right now - at least I don’t trust Draven’s fate if it rests in your hands.”
“Harsh words, but very true. You shouldn’t trust me with his life because all I need is an excuse.”
Anger blazed through me as I balled my fist. “What do you want?! You obviously have no desire for me to die – to be what you are. So what is your plan? To kill Draven and then live as a ghost by my side until death does come for me?! I’m not the one that has my priorities out of line – you are. Maybe you should go back to that world we were in and remember peace, calm.”
He was standing before me before I could even blink. He peered down at me with eyes that were filled with agony. “I did everything. I loved you. I protected you. We have walked through heaven and hell together – and what did you do? You left. No reason. No excuse. You left. I’ve never stopped looking for you, and when I found you, was it a blissful moment? One that I have dreamed about endlessly? No. We are right back to the worst day of my life. I’m forced to watch you love a man that is the reflection of everything we promised Isis that we would fight. You abandoned me. You abandoned your city – your promise.”
And with those words, he vanished, leaving me with more questions than answers. I knew one thing: I was going to see my way into that memory. I was going to figure out what Willow said to me, what warning I avoided or ran right into.
Chapter Eight
In a vacant daze, I walked back to my car. I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like I was running out of time and that if I didn’t get my head together, people would die.
Madison was still sitting in my car. I could see the glow of her phone reflecting on her face. I was sure she was talking to Britain, weighing her decision to leave or not. I almost hoped he would talk her into staying here, at least until I figured out why she looked so much like Willow.
I opened the passenger door and slid down in my seat and crossed my arms, glancing in the mirror at Monroe, who was still unbelievably calm.
“Well...?” Madison said, finishing the text she was writing before she hit ‘SLEEP’ on her phone.
“Can you please tell me why I attract self-loathing boys to me?” I complained as I tried to hide the grief in my voice.
“I would be glad to if you would stop blocking Silas from me,” she promised.
“Fine,” I said, locking eyes with her. I let her see the nightmare, the past; I even let her see Egypt, Willow. I braced myself, waiting for her questions, the fear she should have once she figured out that she looked just like Willow, at least the younger version of that woman I knew then. I could only imagine that Willow was our age now, an identical twin to Madison.
“Well, that’s a little deeper than I thought it would be,” Madison said after a few minutes.
“What part?”
“Isis. At least you know now why you have always found peace fighting for this darkness.”
“Madison, seriously, that’s all you got out of that?”
“OK, fine. You loved him, you feel like you are in debt to him - but correct me if I’m wrong: you left him for Draven. End of story, you found a new love, a deeper one.”
“Fine,” I said as I turned the car on and backed out of the driveway. I showed her, showed her Willow, and she didn’t even try to ask questions about that. It was obvious she was not going to face this, and I was sick of worrying about what would happen when she figured it out. For all I knew, she already knew.
We drove in silence to her house. I pulled up behind her car and put my car in park.
“OK, listen, I have already told them what’s going on. I wont be long. I guess just say what you have to say to Draven, and I will be there as soon as I can to help you seal the deal. We’ll leave tonight.”
“Sure about that? No other goodbyes you want to say?” I bit out, gripping the steering wheel, trying once more to get her to talk about how she felt about Britain, what she would do if she were standing between him and that prince.
“This is a good test for him. We’ll see if distance makes his heart grow fonder.”
“I’m not letting you leave without facing him. You have to stop running from your heart. Close the door if you don’t want it open.”
Madison reached to op
en the door. “We have to convince the others to leave first.” She pulled the seat forward to let Monroe out, then waved behind her as she walked into her mom’s house.
I slammed my fist on the steering wheel. I was so mad at myself. How come I couldn't get through to her? What was I going to do if she got hurt, if something happened to her?
Monroe calmly pulled her seat belt across her. “You can show her all day long. Her mind is not going to let her see what she cannot handle.”
“What? What are you saying? Did she not see her? Willow?”
“You spend almost every moment of every day with her. Do you honestly think that you have never let your guard down when it comes to seeing that prince? Do think that the door was not open for her to walk through?”
“Monroe, does she know?”
She moved her head from side to side as she stared at the house.
“Why is her mind blocking it?”
“It’s just too much.”
“Are they going to hurt her? Is anyone going to hurt her?”
“Madison is the only one that can hurt herself.”
“What does that mean?”
“All of you made a choice. You are here now because of it.”
“I need to get you safe,” I mumbled as I backed out of the driveway.
I started to shift through all that I had been through that day, all the darkness, all the deep conversations trying to find answers. I was mad at Silas. I walked away from that conversation with nothing but guilt. I may have learned about my beginning to this curse, that I knew Willow and Landen before, but none of that was going to help me now. I needed to know more about that devil, The Realm, who Silas was about to help become like him. It almost sounded like back then Willow and Landen were building an army. The question was, what war would need soldiers born across time? What was really happening right now?