PARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
Tim and Tod pant their way around the corner, both almost dead as they limp up to the BMW.
TIM: Thank God we parked this far, they could have seen the plate.
TOD: Yeah, lucky us, I just wanted to know how it is to have a stroke.
TIM: (catches his breath) Alright, seems like we'll have to skip to plan B.
TOD: We got one?
They look at each other for a long beat. Until something sparks in Tim's eyes.
TIM: That badass friend you keep talking about, does he really exist?
TOD: Yeah, why?
TIM: Think he can get us 80 grand of coke?
TOD: What?! We don't have 80 grand!
TIM: We got the car. We just need an advance to let him know we're for real.
Tod is puzzled as Tim's wheels start spinning.
TOD: Okay, listen, I don't think it's --
TIM: We got less than three hours, there's no time to think! You just mind the car, I'll handle the rest.
Overwhelmed by Tim's charge Tod dithers for a beat, then gets in the car.
TIM: We gotta hold on, man, we're in a jungle, only the strongest survive!
He pats on the roof and the BMW rolls away -- the BICYCLE KIDS appear right behind it.
KID ON BIKE: Hey, I thought I told you not to show up again!
TIM: Oh, you did? (Pops out the toy gun) I just must have forgot.
The kids turn white, fly away on their bikes. Tim smiles, finally resolved to get the respect he deserves when he GETS GRABBED by the neck...
INT. FRIDGE VAN BACK - CONTINUOUS
...thrown on the van floor, right in front of Garrone.
TIM: What the hell..!? You're early on your schedule, grandpa, you broke your clock or what?
GARRONE: Well well well, you finally dropped the act! Now that's the scamp your grandma talked about... (pops out his revolver) just the one I wanna chat with.
Funky music kicks in as we CUT TO:
INT. DARK STAIRWELL - DAY
Pipe and Beanie poke from behind the corner: armed, strung up and ready to move when a LOUD THUD booms down the stairs.
PIPE: (heaves a sigh) Tell me a thing, when I told you to gather an army of badasses, which was the part you didn't get?
JAY-D stands up behind them, puts on a Public Enemy cap.
JAY-D: Chill out, bros, I'm fine.
BEANIE: Shut the fuck up! (Back at Pipe) There was two of them, I put the smart one on them pricks. And by the way, I still don't get what the fuck we're doing here!
PIPE: (sighs again) If we want our shit back we can't let those fuckers close the deal with Garrone, and the granny is the only way we can do it.
BEANIE: Yeah, so what?
PIPE: So we go and get her, you bum!
JAY-D: Yo, can I get my iron now?
PIPE: I swear to God, if they don't shoot you I'm gonna shoot you myself!
INT. GARRONE'S HIDEOUT - DAY
Pipe and Beanie kick the door open, storm inside guns drawn.
PIPE: Everybody freeze!
BEANIE: Down on your knees motherfuck --
They stop. Glance around. Down their guns at the empty place.
EXT. GARRONE'S MILK PLANT - DAY
The Lincoln rolls past a wall, stops before a brick building. Cows moo in the distance as Vito helps Eileen out the car.
EILEEN: So, what are we doing here?
VITO: Relax, it's just a precaution.
TONY: The boss just wants you to be safe, we're leaving nothing to chance.
INT. GARRONE'S HIDEOUT - DAY
Pipe and Beanie search the place up: empty as Jay-D's head.
JAY-D: I told you bros, we should've warned we were coming.
BEANIE: Call me bro again and I'll shove that cap up your nose!
MALE VOICE (O.S.): Hello?
Pipe snaps around, draws his gun at DAN AND MATT.
DAN: Take it easy, the door was open!
MATT: Yeah, man, we just wanna talk business. Which one of you is Tony?
JAY-D: Tony?!
BEANIE: Shut that ass! What the fuck do you want from Tony?
DAN: (pops out a bottle) I got two pints of cash right here, what the fuck do you think I want?
He snickers at Matt as Pipe turns to Beanie.
PIPE: Call the other genius, find out where those two are.
EXT. HIMALAYAN GRILL PARKING LOT - DAY
Tim hurries around a small building with a backpack on his shoulder, turns the corner to catch up to Tod.
TOD: Here you are! Will you tell me where the hell you've been?
TIM: Later, there's no time now. Everything okay with the car?
TOD: Yeah, sure. I practically gave it away, my father's gonna kill me, it's alright!
TIM: Did your friend arrive yet?
TOD: Yes. And I think maybe we should talk about it...
He nods to across the lot, where RON "BOOM BOOM" HERNANDEZ, 60s, sits on a powerchair with a rug over his legs.
TIM: That's your pusher?!
TOD: He sold me a joint six years ago, must have seen a lot since then.
TIM: Yeah, I guess he has. He brought the coke?
TOD: He says it's in the car, don't ask me how but he came driving.
TIM: Alright then, the wheels are turning, let's kick it!
He winks at Tod as he moves AROUND THE CORNER, ups the pace.
TIM: ...hoping that wreck won't kick the bucket in the next half an hour!
MALE VOICE (O.S.): Hey boy, what a rush...
Tim throws away the backpack, instinctively ups his hands as he turns to face BERNIE.
TIM: Mr. Gilbert?! Man, you scared the hell out of --
BAM! A punch hits his chin.
TIM: Fuck! What the hell was that?!
Bernie goes to pack another punch but he's already exhausted.
BERNIE: Where is Eileen, you monster? What the hell have you done to her?
TIM: You just won't leave me alone, will you? Well, never mind... (picks up the backpack) it's all gonna end soon anyway!
Bernie's astonished as Tim walks behind the corner, where SAMIR stands by the service door in a dishwasher uniform.
SAMIR: Listen, I'm not sure I should do this, you know?
TIM: Well, then get sure... (walking in) it will all run smooth!
INT. HIMALAYAN GRILL - DAY
Indian music plays in the background as a taut Tod walks up to BRETT and his Wonder Woman tee.
BRETT: Hey, here at last!
TOD: Sorry, just met some traffic and -- why is it set for three? (Cuts Brett off) Let it go, I'm sure Tim told you more than he told me!
BRETT: Well, he told me about your bud, and you know what? I can't wait to ask him how he found that Shakira porn tape!
A grin of terror on Tod's face as we CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM STALL - DAY
Tim's putting stockings on his face, then a cap and sunglasses. He sticks his hand into the backpack, freezes.
TIM: Holy shit!
EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY
Tim sneaks around the corner, thanks heaven as he picks the toy gun from the ground. He tucks it in his pants when --
FEMALE VOICE (O.S.): Tim?
He turns around, gets almost blinded by the glare of Vicky's braces.
TIM: Vicky, what are you doing here?!
VICKY: I'm having lunch with Brett and that friend of yours... you're not?
Tim fakes a smile, tries to think fast and smart once again.
TIM: Would you like to have a drink?
AMONG THE PARKED CARS
Two dozen cops stick their eyes on Tim as he walks Vicky to the back door.
HARKINS (V.O.): Suspect is moving, everybody keep ready.
INT. UNMARKED POLICE CAR - CONTINUOUS
Harkins hangs the mic, shoots Lewis a glance.
HARKINS: I fear this is gonna turn bad... (checks his gun for ammo) we better prepare for the worse.
INT. GARRONE'S MILK PLANT - LUNCHROOM - DAY
Vito sits by the TV, hypnotized by a cooking show.
VITO: Wow, I didn't know freshwater shrimps even existed.
EILEEN: Well, I prefer wurstels, they're cheaper and more tasty.
SAL: (shuffles the cards) Come on guys, nobody wants to play?
VITO: Didn't you lose enough money yet?
EILEEN: Maybe later, Sal, I'm a little tired right now.
Vito notices the sad expression on her face.
VITO: Don't worry, Eily, your pills are on their way.
EILEEN: Oh, it's not that. I'm just concerned about my Timmy.
VITO: Well, then relax. If he's the crackerjack you say he is I bet he's doing just fine!
INT. HIMALAYAN GRILL - DAY
Tod is sweating, Brett still on the menu as Indian music keeps playing.
TOD: Will you get a move on, we got a deal to close!
BRETT: Well, can't we order before?
Tod is about to lose it when he looks over his shoulder.
TOD: Oh my fucking shit!
BRETT: I got it, okay!
He stands up, Tod pulls him back down.
TOD: Maybe you're right, we better grab a bite first.
Music pumps up as we CUT TO:
TIM: in the middle of a dance floor, hazarding breakdance moves over the strumming of a sitar.
VICKY: Come on, let yourself go!
TIM: Really, I'm not in shape... (studying a way to the bathroom) and maybe I should go get some air, it's getting hot in here.
VICKY: Yeah, much hotter than I thought!
Her braces shine at the gun bulging in Tim's pants.
TIM: Wow, maybe we're running a little bit, aren't we?
VICKY: Well, I'm still a virgin, we can run even faster!
Tim shelters behind a waiter's tray as she starts closing in.
TIM: Hey, what about our drink?
VICKY: Yeah, why not?
WAITER: Taj Mahal for two?
TIM: Is it alcoholic?
WAITER: It's aphrodisiac.
Vicky's grin widens as she grabs a glass, swallows her drink in a sip. Tim holds his breath and throws down his.
VICKY: Wow, I'm already boiling! (Forces Tim in a corner) I feel like I'm really about to lose it, you know?
She sensually ups her arms, pops a hairy armpit in his face.
TIM: Oh boy!
He points the bathroom when a sting rips through his stomach.
TIM: Wait a... sec...
Vicky doubles in his eyes as her voice booms in slow motion.
VICKY: Aarree yyoouu aallrriigghhtt?
INT. MAIN HALL - CONTINUOUS
A turbaned waiter is serving starters when Tod spots Tim wobbling to the bathroom.
TOD: Come on, it's the moment!
He pulls the dish from under Brett's mouth, turns around and nods to RON, coughing his lungs out across the hall.
VICKY (O.S.): Enough for the dancing...
Vicky sits down just as Brett walks away.
VICKY: ...I fear poor Tim's got the runs.
TOD: I wouldn't worry about that, he should be fine in a minute.
VICKY: I hope so. Maybe he just drank his Taj Mahal too fast.
TOD: (drops his smile) A Taj Mahal?
VICKY: It's aphrodisiac.
Tod's eyes fill with terror as he turns to the bathroom.
TOD: It's alcoholic!
INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Brett walks in, pulls straight into a stall. A beat and Ron's wheelchair almost tears down the side stall door.
AROUND THE CORNER
Tim hangs over the floor with his face against the wall, hugging a urinal as if it was his girlfriend while a hot stream of lava explodes out his butt.
INTERCUT ADJACENT STALLS
Ron curses like a maniac as he tries to unwedge his wheelchair from between the WC and the door.
BRETT: You need help, sir?
RON: Yeah, help me kick your ass! What a retarded idiot would set up a deal with a paraplegic in a motherfuckin' toilet?
BRETT: I'm sorry, I didn't know you were --
RON: Shut the fuck up! Just give me the money and let's cut this farce!
BRETT: Well, first I've got to check out your stuff. You know, verify if it's authentic.
RON: What the fuck are you talkin' about?!
BRETT: No offense, I've just got to be sure before I hit the market. I got a tablet, we can test it together if you want.
RON: Who the fuck do you think I am, your fuckin' boyfriend? I'm clean, you asshole!
BRETT: Whoa, I didn't mean it like --
RON: You'll double your money with this shit, you wanna go on or you wanna keep wanking on that crapper?
Brett ponders that for a beat, then:
BRETT: Okay, you win... (takes out a checkbook) who do I make the check out to?
INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Drenched in sweat and still panting, Tim finally catches his breath when he hears the fuss behind the corner. He tries to get off the urinal, finds himself stuck to the drain pipe.
TIM: Holy...
He starts kicking wildly, until something cracks in the wall: a GEYSER erupts as the urinal tips over.
TIM: ...shit!!
AROUND THE CORNER
Ron has Brett against the wall and a taser in hand.
RON: Rotten son of a dog, now I'll teach you to fuck with me!
BRETT: Cool down, sir, checks are a legally recognized payment method!
Ron's about to spark him when he sees the SLIME on the floor.
RON: What the fuck..?!
TIM (O.S.): Up your hands, punks!
They turn to face the barrel of the toy gun. Tim stands behind it, shirt rolled up his face, torn pants halfway down.
TIM: Pop out money and shit and nobody will get hurt, okay?
TOD steps in, freezes at a worse sight than what he expected.
TIM: You too, hands up!
Tod obeys as Ron stares at the side of Tim's gun.
RON: You fuckin' bum, there's a replica sign on that thing!
TIM: Oh yeah? Pretty eagle-eyed for a cripple, aren't you?
As he levels the gun the shirt slips down his face.
BRETT: Tim?!
RON: You know each other?! You punks were trying to rip me off... with a fucking check?!
Tim and Tod turn in shock to Brett.
BRETT: Would somebody tell me what the hell is going on?
PIPE (O.S.): We take back our shit, here's what.
PIPE AND BEANIE stare at Ron as they catch up guns in hand.
PIPE: Or you really thought you'd screw us with the help of this cripple?
RON: Damn bastards, can't you have some respect for a disabled?!
BEANIE: Fuck you! I wouldn't respect you if you were Mike fuckin' Tyson on his ass!
He checks the wheelchair's back, pops a taped box out of it.
PIPE: Bingo!
BRETT: Hey guys, he didn't tell me this stuff was yours, I got nothing to do with this!
HARKINS (O.S.): Well, we shall see that.
Harkins and a pair of cops draw their guns from the doorway.
BEANIE: Aw fuck!
HARKINS: Put down your weapons and get your face against the wall, all of you!
Pipe and Beanie down their guns when a door UNLOCKS across the bathroom -- everybody turns to see EDNA walk out a stall. She arranges her hair as OLD VIRGIL steps out the same door.
HARKINS: What the --
Pipe and Beanie run across him, send him down in the slime.
HARKINS: Fuck!
He tries to get up, lets go a SHOT.
TIM: Fuck!!
Everybody ducks down, Edna pops out her pepper spray.
VIRGIL: Holy fuck!!
TOD: Get down, madam, it's too danger -- aaarrghhh!!
She pepper-blinds him, keeps spraying wildly as Ron's wheelchair takes off for the door. Tim grabs Tod, runs out after him.
HARKINS: Everybody stop right now!!
Hands up agai
nst the wall BRETT is crying like a baby.
BRETT: I swear to God, I don't even like Shakira!!
EXT. HIMALAYAN GRILL PARKING LOT - DAY
A herd of cops chases Pipe and Beanie down the lot as RON storms out the front door and among the parked cars. Tim tries to keep up, pulling behind a blinded, cursing Tod.
TIM: Wait, you can't leave us here!
RON: Fuck you! You got the cops on me, I just hope they bump you off!
He stops by a minivan, opens the door as a platform thrusts under his wheelchair.
TIM: Think, dumbass, if they arrest us they're gonna ask us about you!
RON: I don't give a fuck! (As the platform moves up) You creeps just get the hell off --
BAM! Tim hits him hard, knocks him out cold on the side of the van.
TIM: Oh shit!
TOD: What?
TIM: We got a problem, the guy can't drive!
TOD: Sure he can, it's a disabled car!
TIM: Well, he couldn't drive it if it was a Ferrari!
TOD: Fuck him, you drive!
TIM: I can't, I never did!
Tod stands up, eyes still closed.
TOD: 'Scuse the pun, but I can't see the alternative!
HARKINS (O.S.): Down there!
TIM: Holy crap!
THE COPS take off for Tim and Tod as they dive INTO THE VAN:
Tim sticks the keys in, waits for something to happen.
TIM: What do I do now?
TOD: Stick the keys in, come on!
TIM: I just did!
TOD: Then turn it on and get moving, you dick!
EXT. PARKING LOT
The minivan hits a pair of cars, jerks away with Ron hanging on its side.
HARKINS cocks his gun, aims at the van wheels when BERNIE steps in the line of fire, running his heart out after Tim.
HARKINS: Shit!! Everybody to the cars!
Bernie stops exhausted as the minivan redlines out the lot.
BERNIE: That little delinq -- whoa!!
He dives out of the way as POLICE CARS launch in pursuit.
HARKINS jumps into one, fuming and disgustingly soggy.
HARKINS: C'mon, get moving! (As Lewis smells the air) And don't say a word!
Lewis downs the window, hits the gas.
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREETS - DAY
The minivan meanders among traffic, Ron still hanging on its side, wailing cars on its tail.
INT. MINIVAN
Tim is squashed against the seat, terrified face tilting between the windshield and the controls on the wheel.
TIM: Fuck it, we're gonna wreck us up!
TOD: You're doing great, just relax!
TIM: Yeah, why not? I'm driving for the first time on a handicapped car, with police on my back and a paraplegic out the window! And I don't even have a license!
TOD: Well, now that is the weird thing!
TIM: Did I tell you how my parents died?
TOD: No. And I don't wanna know!
EXT. STREET
A column of SCREAMING CARS joins the chase from a sideway.
INT. MINIVAN
Tim winces in the mirror as Tod keeps groping through the glove box.
TOD: Here it is!
He pulls out the wad of cash for their advance. Then a pair of taped packets.
TOD: Is this what I think it is?
TIM: You won't believe it, but this must be our lucky day after all!
He hits the throttle through a crossing when a TRUCK bursts out at their right.
TIM: Holy fuck!!
He avoids it by a whisker, realigns the van when a LOUD THUD comes from its side. Tim looks OUT to see Ron is gone!
TIM: Shit!!
TOD: What was that?
TIM: Holy God, I killed him!
RON (O.S.): You wish you had, bitch!
Tim jumps on his seat as Ron rises from the backseat, sticks the taser on his neck --
TIM: Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!!
EXT. STREET
The van squirms like an eel, hell breaks out across the lanes!
INT. MINIVAN
Tim fights to control the wheel as Tod gets to take Ron off of him.
TOD: Stop it, you asshole, you're gonna get us killed!
Tim hangs a turn, chops down a row of rearview mirrors.
RON: Damn fucker, you're destroying my van! Can't you fuckin' drive!?
TIM: No!
A storm of screaming horns as he speeds toward a side street, straight against traffic.
RON: Aaaahhhh!
TOD: Aaaahhhh!!
INT. POLICE CAR - CONTINUOUS
Harkins sees the bedlam in the sideway.
HARKINS: Go ahead, we'll get them on the other side.
Lewis keeps his head out, stomps on the gas.
EXT. SIDE STREET - DAY
The minivan pulls out of the mess and to the back of a line. Tim hits the horn, sticks his head out the window.
TIM: Get out of the way, we got an emergency here!
AHEAD OF THE LINE
A familiar face pops from a school bus, eyes bugging in the mirror.
DRIVER: You son of a bitch!
TIM sees a horde of kids run out the school gate, and JIMMY, the little hulk, charging right straight at him.
TIM: Holy shit!!
He kicks the car in reverse, jumps on the curb...
INT. MINIVAN
...ravishes the sidewalk as Ron and Tod hang on tight.
TOD: There goes my car, that scratchie won't pay half of this mess!
TIM: Forget about it, it's gone anyway.
RON: What the fuck are you two talking about?
TOD: Yeah, man, what the fuck are you talking about?!
EXT. STREET
The car gets off the curb, a crowd of parents on the chase as it peels away down an alley.
INT. MINIVAN
TIM: It's Garrone's fault, he wanted to kill me! He's convinced we're real criminals, I had to improvise...
TOD: Improvise what?
TIM: I told him we're counterfeiters. (Hangs a right) I gave him the scratchie to let him think we got a fake scratchies business.
Tod's eyes would bug out if they could.
TIM: Hey, I had no choice! You know the tale of the half cake?
TOD: Fuck your tales man, you fucked up!
TIM: Well, it says you can't cry over spilled milk, okay?
RON: Shut up, you pricks, we lost them!
Tim checks the mirror, no police in sight.
TIM: Holy crap, we've made it! We just --
RON: Watch out!!
EXT. CROSSING
Tim lays down eighty feet of rubber to stop right after the crosswalks, inches away from the YOUNG MOM and her stroller.
INT. MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS
Tim's heart resumes beating as he engages the reverse and gets the car behind the stripes -- right next to a SQUAD CAR!
RON: My motherfuckin' shit!
INT. POLICE SQUAD CAR
Wolak stares puzzled at the clunker out the window and the three weirdos aboard, the radio airing their description as he keeps listening to his iPod.
INT. MINIVAN
The light turns green, Wolak rolls away.
TIM: I can't believe it, it's gone!
TOD: Let's not draw attention, come on, let's get moving!
Tim keeps smiling, hits the gas --
EXT. CROSSING - CONTINUOUS
-- throwing Tod against the windshield as they take off in reverse, then swerve on a side and crash against a lamppost.
INT. MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS
The engine revs a pair of seconds before dying with a rattle. It takes Tim another second to realize he's still alive.
TIM: Are you alright, guys?
Sirens wail in the distance as Tod finally opens his eyes. He turns to see Ron has flown out the back window.
TIM: Man, I hope your friend's insured!
TOD: Fuck him! And fuck you, too! Can't you see the mess you put us into?! I could have got blind, you fu
ck!!
TIM: Hey, you can see now, can't you? And anyway, it was your fault as much as mine!
TOD: Yeah, the fuckin' fault of trying to help you!
TIM: Well, to quote someone you well know, next time you feel like helping me just mind your fucking business, okay? If it wasn't for you I would have acted rational, and maybe now I wouldn't be in this hell of a shit!
TOD: Rational? You're really talkin' about rational?! Will you tell what's so rational about a grown-up quoting fairy tales? Working on a school bus 'cause he just can't get a real job?
Sirens grow louder as he stares hard at Tim.
TOD: You wanted to cope with yourself? Well, you did, and guess what? You lost on all the line. (Almost disgusted) You're a failure, man, a fuckin' miracle wouldn't set you right!
Silence falls heavy as a boulder as Tim sits still and hushed. He is hit, beaten like a rag doll. Too dazed to hear the sirens stop, a dozen guns getting cocked.
COP (O.S.): Put your hands up and get out the car, now!
INT. HARKINS' OFFICE - DAY
Phones scream in the distance through the doorway, muffled by two lines of cops as a cuffed TOD holds a cold pack on his eyes. Dull stare on the floor, Tim seems to be miles away.
TIM: ...and, well, I think this is all.
Harkins stares at him, fuming into a pea green bathrobe.
HARKINS: And tell me, what makes you think I'll believe this load of bullshit?
Tim has no answer. He keeps looking at his feet as one of the cops hands Harkins a paper. He gives it a long look, then nods at the guys.
HARKINS: Take away those handcuffs...
Two flaming balls pop behind Tod's bandage.
HARKINS: ...it was sugar in those packets.
TOD: That sneaky little bastard!
HARKINS: Don't think you're not in trouble anyway! What the hell were you thinking? Why didn't you call us right away?
TIM: Well, we thought... I thought...
Tod puts the cold pack back on.
TIM: Obviously I've just been stupid.
HARKINS: No doubt about it! You put your grandma into a hell of a mess, and I just can't see how we can get her out of it.
By the look in his eyes neither does Tim.
HARKINS: You chose to play the heroes, handle this on your own, now don't think you won't have to answer for that!
He stares them down as he takes a milk bottle from his minifridge.
HARKINS: If there's nothing else you can go fill the record, and cross your fingers until this mess is over.
TIM: Hey, wait a second...
His eyes lock on the bottle, where a STYLIZED GARRONE smiles before the milk plant drawn on the label.
INT. POLICE STATION - DAY
A dozen cops surround Harkins as he speeds down the hallway.
HARKINS: I need an assault squad ready, and I want it twenty minutes ago! And get me the District Attorney, I need the irruption approved.
The cops move away as Tim sticks on Harkins' tail.
TIM: Captain, wait, you can't do this!
HARKINS: You better stand aside, kid, you already did enough damage.
TIM: A raid would be too dangerous for my grandma, you know that!
HARKINS: What I know is an old lady is held hostage by criminals just because of you, and if something goes wrong from now on you'll have to answer for that, too.
He stops by a door, stares hard at Tim.
HARKINS: You infringed a dozen laws, ravished the city, and I bet the Attorney would love to slam you and your friend in jail and throw away the key! If I were you I'd start looking for a lawyer, possibly not a public one.
The door opens on the OLD SUIT, green tie with ketchup stains.
TIM: Oh shit...
HARKINS: Exactly. Most of all, if I were you I'd start praying for my grandma.
INT. MILK PLANT LUNCHROOM - DAY
Sal walks in with a cup, quietly moves to the sofa.
SAL: Eileen, I brought you some tea. (Touches her shoulder) Eileen?
The cup shatters on the floor, Eileen doesn't move.
JOEY: (storms in) What the hell's going on?!
SAL: She's ill, we gotta get her those pills!
JOEY: Hey, you heard the boss.
SAL: Think she'll do him any good if she snuffs it?
They exchange a tense look, then run out together.
INT. EILEEN'S FLAT - NIGHT
Tim's derelict shadow slogs in through the door. Still in the entrance, surrender in person. He tried his best, fell awfully short. Down on the canvas with no bell to save him, defeated, and for the first time alone. Or maybe not...
MALE VOICE (O.S.): Welcome home, boy.
Before he can turn he gets grabbed by the neck and pushed IN THE KITCHEN, where POPE is eating rusks behind a carpet of wrappers.
TIM: Damn, what's everybody got with my neck? And what the hell are you doing here?
POPE: Fridge was empty, you were the first to come in mind.
TIM: We have a deal, in case you forgot, and right now I got more serious stuff to think about anyway.
POPE: There's no deal, you and your bud don't have a dime. Or a BMW, in case you thought I'm that stupid.
Tim gulps, his grit quickly gone at the grin of Pope's goon.
POPE: Now regarding your commitments, I just fear they'll have to wait. (As the goon cracks his knuckles) There's an easy way and there's a hard way out of this, you choose.
BERNIE (O.S.): I think we'll take the easy one...
BERNIE appears on the doorway, a rusty revolver in hand.
BERNIE: ...I hope you'll do the same, Pope.
POPE: Bernie Gilbert, now that's a surprise.
Tim is even more surprised. Pope snaps a cracker.
POPE: Put down that scrap, will you, we're just talking business here.
BERNIE: Really? And which of your honest activities were you talking about? Illegal betting? Loan sharking? Or bag-snatching your own customers?
Tim bugs his eyes at Pope. He just swallows the morsel.
POPE: Go on, Bernie, what do you want?
BERNIE: Nothing. And so do you. You already took your money, leave the kid alone and he'll forget about the housebreaking.
Pope stares at him as he cleans up his mouth.
POPE: What can I say, you're one hell of a retired doorman, aren't you?
He glowers at Tim as he slowly stands up.
POPE: And you're some lucky kid indeed.
He walks out with his goon as Bernie finally downs the gun.
BERNIE: Thank God, I was having cramps!
TIM: What the hell are you doing here?
BERNIE: You mean besides saving your butt?
TIM: Thanks a lot, but I was doing fine on my own. (Shows him the door) And whatever you've come to talk about, you better try with your friends at the Department.
BERNIE: They're gonna put Eileen into a hell of a trouble, you know that!
TIM: What I know is she's already in trouble, and Harkins is the only hope to get her home.
BERNIE: Harkins is a swellhead! (He heaves a long sigh) Listen, I know we never got along, but we've got to put that aside and do something for your grandma.
TIM: Well, seems like I already did more than enough, don't you think?
He flops on a chair, chopped down as a dead tree.
TIM: I don't know how I thought I could handle this. I tried my best, and look at the mess that I've done!
BERNIE: Oh yeah, you really did... (sits next to him) You swindled a bunch of criminals, tried a robbery, almost killed a pusher, you've been chased by the entire Department and paralyzed half the city in the process... (cracks a smile) I know a lot of established criminals who would never even dream of that.
Staggered by something of a compliment out of Bernie, Tim lifts his eyes from the floor...
BERNIE: You know the tale of the ugly duckling?
...sets them on the old picture of him and his grandma.
TIM: I remember it by
heart.
BERNIE: If there's ever been a moment to give back to your grandma, well, this is it.
TIM: How?
BERNIE: We know who they are and where they're at. Harkins wants a blitz? We'll blitz in there before him!
He pops out a radio, a map of town and an asthma spray. He's for real.
TIM: Okay, so we know the place and you got a gun, we're just two anyway.
BERNIE: (smiles with confidence) A little delinquent and a retired cop, what else do we need?
INT. MILK PLANT - NIGHT
Sal and Joey rush down the hallway with a bag full of medicines, a tense Garrone right behind them as they get to the lunchroom. Sal freezes on the doorway.
SAL: Aw shit...
Garrone pushes him aside to step into the EMPTY ROOM. His face fills with rage as he heads back down the hallway.
GARRONE: Come back with her, or don't come back at all.
EXT. MILK PLANT - NIGHT
The street is deserted, nothing in sight but a WHITE CAR behind a corner. Two lenses reflect behind the glass.
INT. WHITE CAR - CONTINUOUS
Harkins puts down his binocular, shoots Lewis a taut glance.
HARKINS: News from the station?
Lewis shakes his head. Harkins slurs a curse, takes the mic.
HARKINS: Everybody keep on hold, we're still waiting for the green light...
INT. UNMARKED POLICE CAR - NIGHT
Wolak lurks across the plant, eyes on the wall and a big pack of Doritos.
HARKINS (V.O.): ...just keep your eyes open and report every movement.
WOLAK: Roger.
He fills his mouth with chips as TWO DARK FIGURES cross the street behind the car.
EXT. MILK PLANT - CONTINUOUS
Tim crouches down the wall, dressed in black, wary eyes. Bernie follows in a black coat and shades, hits straight on the wall.
BERNIE: Holy herald!
TIM: Will you take off those glasses?
BERNIE: Well, we said to go mimetic... (gets them off anyway) Okay, let's get to the plan. The hardest part will be climbing up this wall.
Tim looks up to twelve feet of concrete, no footholds.
TIM: Okay, how do you think to do it?
BERNIE: As I said, we'll climb over it.
A beat of silence.
BERNIE: Once over the wall we'll get inside and cut the current, dressed like this we'll be almost invisible.
TIM: Well, that will be only after cutting off the current.
BERNIE: Exactly.
Silence again.
TIM: Do we have a backup plan?
BERNIE: We don't need one. We find Eileen and we get out just like we got in, that's all the plan we need!
EXT. OUTSKIRTS STREETS - NIGHT
Heavy rap pumps loud as the WHITE SUV flies down the road, horn blaring for no apparent reason.
INT. WHITE SUV - CONTINUOUS
Music hammers on the windows as Beanie froths with rage, gas on the floor as he keeps headbutting the wheel.
BEANIE: Them fuckin' motherfuckers!!
PIPE: Will you calm the fuck down?
BEANIE: The fuck I will! Our shit is gone, we almost got busted and we're left with two pounds of fuckin' sugar!!
PIPE: Sugar's gonna do just fine, okay? We got a deal with those morons, we'll just roll along. (The horn blares again) Then we get back at fuckin' Hardee's, flip the place over like a -- shit!!
EXT. STREET
The SUV swerves on the sidewalk to avoid EILEEN, waving her hands in the middle of the street. Pipe and Beanie jump down.
PIPE: What the fuck are you doing, trying to kill yourself on my fuckin' car?
EILEEN: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I will have to ask you boys for a lift.
BEANIE: Are you fucking kiddin' me?!
EILEEN: No, but I'll be slapping you if you don't watch that mouth of yours!
Beanie is just stunned.
EILEEN: I would take a bus as I always do but, well, you won't believe it, I've been kidnapped by a gang of milk producers and I don't even know where we are!
PIPE: A gang of what?!
EILEEN: Milk producers who think my nephew stole their money. Ridiculous, isn't it?
Pipe is much more than stunned.
PIPE: You can bet your ass that it is.
EXT. MILK PLANT YARD - NIGHT
Tim crumples down the wall onto a BRAMBLE BUSH. He aches back on his feet when Bernie lands right on him.
TIM: Holy fu --
BERNIE: Shhhhh!!
He beckons Tim to keep it quiet. They're both out of breath as they shelter behind a TRACTOR.
BERNIE: Alright, the most is done.
TIM: I don't think so, it's gonna be full of armed people in there.
BERNIE: Well, we're armed as well! And we got the surprise effect on our --
He freezes at the sound of footsteps -- before they can turn TOD swoops on their back!
TOD: Here you are, I'm just on time!
TIM: What the fuck..?!
BERNIE: Ssshhhh!!
TOD: Yeah, man, keep it low or you'll get us caught!
TIM: (struggles not to shout) What the hell are you doing here?
BERNIE: Yeah, and how the hell did you get in?
TOD: There's two acres of open fields behind this place... why, where did you get in from?
Bernie is taken aback. Then boggles at Tod's white tee.
BERNIE: And there go our mimetics! You're going to screw our plan!
TOD: Plan? Mimetics? I saw the glare of your bald head from a mile away!
TIM: Fancy that, you didn't turn blind after all!
Tod goes to reply when a MOVING LIGHT makes them freeze. Bernie points to a broken window and they get moving.
INT. MILK PLANT - NIGHT
Tim dives inside a dark room, Tod follows. Rushes to help Bernie as he lands flat on the floor with a dull thud.
BERNIE: I'm fine, don't worry.
TIM: Come on, let him help you. He'll rub it in your face anyway.
TOD: Alright, listen, I've been a bit harsh with you and I'm sorry for what I said, okay?
TIM: My ass! I'm too busy right now to give a damn about your conscience troubles, so cut this shit!
TOD: I don't -- okay! So I said you're an idiot, and I'm an idiot too, no doubt about it!
TIM: No doubt indeed!
TOD: Yeah, but you know what? Two days ago we were dealing with broke drunkards and pesky kids, and then we went up against a bunch of badasses, top class, and we almost made it through!
Tim just lets him go on.
TOD: For the first time in my life I was doing better than botched cocktails and strip club runs, but then we just blew it. I mistreated you and I regret it, but I came back to close the circle, to go down all the way. (Shakes his head) Well, probably I was wrong this time, too. I should have just let you alone and get back at Hardee's!
TIM: Holy shit!
TOD: Yeah man, they wanted me back and --
Tim walks over him to reach to a wheezing Bernie.
TIM: Mr. Gilbert, are you alright?
BERNIE: I'm sorry, I just can't go on.
TIM: What the heck are you talking about? This is your plan!
BERNIE: I can't make it, Tim, and I would only slow you down anyway.
Tim is tongue-tied, gets handed a bunch of rusty scraps.
BERNIE: That's my gun, should they inspect you they won't recognize it.
TIM: What if I need it?
BERNIE: A blindfolded brat would assemble it with one hand. Here's the bullets... (hands him a balled up sock) keep them away from the gun, and just try not to screw it all up.
TIM: (wet-eyed) I won't. Just stay here and rest, okay? We're gonna find grandma and come back to... Mr. Gilbert?
Bernie's eyes are glassy. Tim holds his breath, lays a hand on his forehead.
TOD: What the heck are you doing, checking a fever?
Tim moves his hand on Bernie's wrist. Shakes his head.
T
IM: What should we do now? We can't just leave him here.
TOD: We could try to reanimate him, you know, the mouth to mouth stuff.
Drool drips from Bernie's frozen grimace. A jacket lands on his face as Tod makes the sign of the cross.
TIM: What now?
TOD: Well, now it's up to us. We're gonna have to make it on our own... (holds out his hand) and I just know we can.
They lock eyes for a beat. Then shake hands...
TIM: Yeah, sure we do!
...finally move together for the door.
TIM: Say, did you really turn down that job at Hardee's?
TOD: Six bucks per hour, you can bet your shoes that I did!
INT. WOLAK'S CAR - NIGHT
Wolak's enjoying his Doritos when he spots something outside the car. Grabs the mic.
WOLAK: Captain, I fear we got a problem...
INT. HARKINS' CAR - NIGHT
WOLAK (V.O.): ...a potential treat closing in, maybe armed, possibly with bad intentions.
HARKINS: (heaves a sigh) Wolak, what the hell are you talking about?
EXT. MILK PLANT WALL - CONTINUOUS
Accompanied by the tinkling of glass, the BUM sways past Wolak's car behind a familiar cart of bottles. He keeps grumbling as the drunkest of drunkards until --
BUM: Looky here, we meet again at last!
He smiles at the WHITE SUV, sitting unguarded along the wall.
BUM: First the wine and now this, must be just my lucky day!
He grabs a bottle, SHATTERS the driver's window with its bottom. Unlocks the door and gets in --
BUM: Fuck!!
He beats it down the road as Eileen steps out the backdoor.
EILEEN: Well I never!
A shadow stretches on the ground right from behind her.
TONY: Well I never, indeed.
INT. MILK PLANT - NIGHT
Pipe and Beanie stalk the hallway guns in hand, warily glance around as they move past an ajar door.
BEHIND THE DOOR
Immobile in the dark Tim and Tod resume breathing.
TOD: Shit, those two are just what we needed!
TIM: Well, too bad for them! We've gone too far, I'm not stopping now!
TOD: Come on, man, no need to act tough. (Smells the air) It's okay if you shitted yourself.
TIM: It's not me, I thought you farted!
A FLUSH petrifies them as a door opens behind their back.
VITO: Damn peppers, they're gonna kill me some -- you fuckin' motherfuckers!
INT. LUNCHROOM - NIGHT
The door slams open, Vito throws the guys in.
VITO: Just look who I met in the toilet!
EILEEN: Timmy!
She springs up from the sofa as Tim rushes to hug her.
TIM: Grandma, thanks heaven you're fine!
TONY: Oh, what a happy sight, I'm sure the boss is gonna love it!
TIM: I just hope you gave her her pills, or your boss will get all but love!
EILEEN: Calm down, Tim, I took along my pill box, don't worry about that.
TONY: (drops his smile) Guess what, maybe the boss won't be that happy after all. (To Joey) Stay with them, we'll be announcing the good news.
He moves out with Vito, Joey locks the door behind them.
JOEY: You really thought you could make it, uhm? Well, if you knew the boss like I do you'd be shitting yourselves right now!
As he turns around TIM stands right in front of him...
TIM: Keep still and shut, or you will dream you were shitting!
... holding a METALLIC JUMBLE resembling more a coffeepot than a gun.
JOEY: What the fuck is that?!
He shakes his head, pulls out his gun and -- WHAM! Tim knocks him out cold with the butt of his scrap.
EILEEN: Timmy!
TIM: Wow, second time in a day.
TOD: Yeah, dude, way to go!
He picks up Joey's gun, pokes out into the hallway.
TOD: All clear, let's move.
EXT. DESERT STREET - NIGHT
Dan sits on his bike, nervously tapping on the tank with his eyes on the street corner and a milk bottle in hand.
MATT: They're not coming! Those motherfuckers blew us off!
He keeps consuming tarmac as Dan puts on his helmet.
DAN: You know what, fuck those bums, we'll find some other one!
DOWN THE ROAD
Father Gregor storms out the Chapel with a bag full of cans.
GREGOR: I'm telling you the last time, enough preaching on world thirst!
BORIS: We shouldn't throw away these goods of God, you know, it's a sin to --
GREGOR: There's nothing alcoholic, I already checked.
BORIS: You also checked for that cart? It was a gift for the needy.
Gregor rolls his eyes as he forces the bag into the dumpster, drops half the cans out of it.
GREGOR: Why don't you just go to sleep and forget your bottles and your carts?
He moves back inside as a CAN rolls down the curb, just as the bike THUNDERS closer -- SLIDES and WRECKS against the parked cars.
BORIS: Sleeping? With all this din?!
INT. MILK PLANT - NIGHT
Footsteps rumble down the hallway as Tony, Vito and Garrone fly around a corner -- freeze before the barrels of two guns.
PIPE: Well well well, goodfellas in the house!
TONY: What the fuck are you doing here?
BEANIE: Just came to say hi before I feed you to my dog!
PIPE: Yeah, and to take back our milk since we're here.
GARRONE: Why the hell should I care about your milk?! Which then again is my milk, since I wasn't paid for it!
PIPE: Bullshit! We know you got a deal with those morons, and you know what? I don't give a fuck! We lead the game now, you bums, we got the granny!
GARRONE: (just stares at him) Are you serious?
BEANIE: As a dick in the ass.
GARRONE: You mean the lady in your pimp car out of here? Same one who's downstairs with my men?
JOEY (O.S.): Boss!
Joey catches up, still aching and dizzy.
TONY: Damn idiot, what the hell are you doing here?
JOEY: Guys, I fear we got a problem...
Garrone's smile dies, Pipe and Beanie down their guns.
INT. MILK PLANT - OTHER HALLWAY - NIGHT
Tim and Tod scan the place for a way out, finding nothing but locked doors.
TIM: Damn, we're stuck without the keys!
EILEEN: Maybe we should look in Vinnie's office.
TOD: Vinnie?
EILEEN: It stands for Vincenzo. He's not a bad person if you --
TIM: Grandma!
EILEEN: Upstairs, first door on the left.
Tod takes her arm as Tim runs for the stairs.
EILEEN: It won't be dangerous, will it?
TOD: Don't worry, he knows what he does.
He pokes around the corner -- spots the bad guys in full running up another stairway.
TOD: Well, kind of...
He walks Eileen to the ajar door of a storeroom.
TOD: Maybe I'd better lend a hand while you wait in here, okay?
He runs away as she locks INSIDE THE ROOM. Turns the light on a big can, empty bottles, and a sack of what looks just like powdered milk.
INT. GARRONE'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Tim grabs a bunch of keys from a shelf when he hears the approaching rumble of quick footsteps.
TIM: Shit!
The DOOR gets thrown open, Tony flicks on the light.
BEHIND A CURTAIN
Tim holds his breath, throws a bullet in a corner as he slowly moves the other way.
GARRONE: shakes his head at TIM'S SILHOUETTE, perfectly visible through the curtain.
GARRONE: Come on, go get that demented.
Tony and Vito jump at Tim when the light goes off again.
TONY: What the -- aaaahhh!!
Hubbub breaks out in the darkness! When Garrone turns on the light Tim is gone...
&nb
sp; INT. MILK PLANT - CONTINUOUS
...running with Tod around a corner and down the stairs.
TIM: Hey, I thought you were afraid of the dark.
TOD: Yeah, let's say I'm working on it.
He's white as a sheet as they get to the storeroom and start knocking.
TIM: Grandma, we gotta move!
The door SWINGS OPEN, a wide-eyed Eileen steps out the room.
TIM: A-are you okay?
TONY (O.S.): There they are!
A BIONIC WOMAN EFFECT kicks in as Eileen grabs a fire extinguisher off the wall, throws it in slow motion against the bunch on their tail.
EILEEN: Remember me to buy that powdered milk, will you? Come on, let's go!
She runs away, literally, Tim and Tod flabbergasted as the bad guys start to SHOOT.
TOD: Fuck!!
INT. WHITE CAR - NIGHT
Harkins hears the shots in the distance, grabs the mic.
HARKINS: Central, for the sake of holy heaven, we need that authorization!
OPERATOR (V.O.): I'm sorry, we still can't get to the Attorney.
HARKINS: Well, you keep trying... (takes out his gun) when you get him just tell him to keep sleeping!
INT. MILK PLANT - NIGHT
Bullets hiss along the walls as Tim and Tod jump around a corner to run toward the shed, where a HERD OF COWS is freaking out over the gunshots.
TIM: Alright now, let's get this party started!
He opens the shed gate and... the cows just keep mooing in their stalls.
TIM: Shit!
TOD: Go ahead, I'll cover you!
The footsteps grow louder as he pops out Joey's gun, holds his breath and SHOOTS -- the gun recoils off his hand and to the floor, STARTS SHOOTING on its own.
TIM: Don't waste bullets!
TOD: Run!!
They both fly down the hallway, catch up to Eileen into a LARGE MACHINE ROOM. As an oasis in the desert a SHUTTER appears in the distance.
TIM: Come on, we've almost made it!
He finds a remote among the keys, hits a button and the shutter starts to rise. They run for the outside when GARRONE pops right in front of them.
TOD: Fuck!
They turn around, find the rest of the bad guys behind them.
TIM: Alright everybody, let's keep it cool now... (pops out his bungled scrap) we don't want the situation to degenerate, do we?
Uncertain of what he's clutching nobody reacts. Uncertain of what he's doing Tim wisely lays the scrap on the ground.
GARRONE: Well, here we are at last. Maybe I won't get back my money, but something tells me the fake scratchies business will have a new boss really soon.
EILEEN: Fake scratchies?
GARRONE: I'm sorry, dear, but you were right, your nephew is not the quiet boy he seems to be. You know, it's just a pity you won't have time to clear things up.
BERNIE (O.S.): Don't worry, they'll have all the time in the world...
Tim and Tod turn in awe as BERNIE appears outside the shutter, alive and kicking with a gun in his hand.
BERNIE: ...and you will have plenty of time to explain about that "dear".
He waves his gun around, has everybody drop down theirs.
EILEEN: Bernie, what are you doing here?
TOD: Yeah man, we thought you were dead!
BERNIE: Not at all! That's my vascular arrhythmia, it just gets worse when I'm tense.
TIM: What about the gun?
BERNIE: I had another in my panties.
GARRONE: The old school! These twerps always underestimate us, don't they?
BERNIE: Yeah, as if retirement could change what we are!
GARRONE: Oh, there's no retirement for us... (closing in on Bernie) no retirement and no surrender.
BERNIE: Hey, hold it right there!
He doesn't. Bernie points the gun up, pulls the trigger and -- CLICK, nothing happens.
GARRONE: Ops.
He recovers his smile as Bernie sees Tim duck out down the hallway. Finally remembers of the bullets in his pocket.
TIME ALMOST FREEZES as Bernie takes a deep breath, throws the gun far and high --
-- Tim jumps, stretches up to grab the handle of the gun...
-- ...as the rest of it just keeps flying away.
Tim lands back down as the bad guys burst out laughing.
BERNIE: Run away, boy, go call the police!
Laughter goes on as Tim turns to Eileen, then Tod: no more hope in their eyes, nor in his. Finally faced by defeat, their wrecked train at the end of the line.
GARRONE: Well, you should listen. If I were you I'd get out of here, and fast.
Everybody picks their guns up as he turns to the wall, gets the shutter sliding down. When he turns around Tim is gone.
GARRONE: Yeah, I didn't have a doubt.
TOD: Okay guys, it's clear we got a huge misunderstanding here. I'm jobless, this man lives on a pension!
GARRONE: You know, you can say a lot about me, but for sure I'm not greedy. (Gets right in Tod's face) At the end of the day I don't give a damn about money, but I give a lot about respect. And you disrespected me, big time...
Tod is shaking as he pulls out his gun and -- Pipe COCKS his.
PIPE: Fuck your respect, gramps, what about my shit?
TONY: Fuckin' asshole, put down that gun!
He points his at him. Beanie aims at Tony, Vito at Beanie: boiling point!
TOD: Alright, we better leave you alone to sort your things out, okay?
GARRONE: Try to move and I'll drown you in a pile of dung! (Back at Pipe) Now shove this in that empty head of yours: there's a ton of coke in here, and you won't get a gram until this story's over!
HARKINS (O.S.): Well, I just guess it is now.
Harkins steps from around the corner, a DOZEN COPS drawing guns from behind hay bales and tanks.
HARKINS: You're surrounded, and you just said all I needed to hear.
BERNIE: Perfect timing, Captain, I almost feared you didn't hear the shots!
GARRONE: Well, look what we got here, an informer! (Puts the gun on his back) I should have known by the smell of your aftershave!
BERNIE: Hey, what's wrong with my lotion?
HARKINS: It's over, Garrone, put down the gun!
BERNIE: Shoot him up, Cap, don't worry about me!
Harkins doesn't seem to: as he cocks his gun Bernie passes out on the floor. Garrone is taken aback, quickly sneaks behind Eileen.
GARRONE: Come on, don't make me have to shoot her! (Off Eileen's aghast look) Excuse me, dear, I wish I didn't have to do this.
EILEEN: I don't excuse you at all!
Harkins has no choice but to have his men drop their guns.
GARRONE: Well, gentlemen, I fear you'll have to go on without us...
He actuates the shutter as a strange creak filters from the outside.
GARRONE: And don't try to follow me if you don't want to --
He turns around as the ground starts to tremble, the creak growing louder as TWO LIGHT BEAMS break in through the shutter --
GARRONE: Holy crap!!
Everybody dives down as the TRACTOR swoops in with a hellish clatter! Chaos breaks out: the cops jump on the bad guys as the tractor ends his run against a wall.
Sitting at the wheel behind a thick cloud of smoke, TIM shakes off the impact when he spots GARRONE fleeing down the hallway. He backs the tractor from the wall, floors the gas.
GARRONE sees the tractor coming, ups his pace.
THE TRACTOR closes in, horn shouting in the hallway.
GARRONE ups his hands in surrender as the horn keeps blaring.
TIM: Get out of the way, I don't know how to stop this thing!
He flies past him before crashing on a tank. Garrone is dumbfounded, lets the cops cuff him without any resistance.
GARRONE: Well, I must admit it, maybe I'm just too old for all of this...
EXT. MILK PLANT - NIGHT
Flashing lights illuminate the building as the cops escort the bad guys
to the squad cars.
Eileen and Tod glance around in concern, finally see TIM slowly limping their way.
EILEEN: Oh my, thanks heaven you're fine!
TOD: (gives Tim a big five) Man, you've been great!
Tim smiles, just knows he's been.
TIM: Come on, I did what I had to do!
EILEEN: Oh no, he's right, you've been a hero! And you can also drive!
Suddenly Tim's smile seems to falter.
TIM: Sure I do, I mean, shouldn't I?
EILEEN: Come on, Tim, I know you don't have a license, I'm not that dumb!
In a reflex developed over the years Tim goes to pop the umpteenth lie. But then he meets his grandma's eyes:
TIM: I know you're not. And if sometimes I come up with a fib is just 'cause, well, I don't want you to think that I'm an idiot.
EILEEN: Oh boy, how could I ever think that of you? I never did! Not even when you mistook Bernie's suppositories for candies!
She smiles at him, warm and tender.
EILEEN: You're my little boy, Tim, whichever way you'll choose to follow, whatever trouble you'll get into, you will always have me standing by your side.
Tod is wet-eyed as Tim hugs his grandma for a long beat.
TIM: You know, I just wonder how many other things you know about me!
EILEEN: Well, let's say I know it's not Mickey Mouse in those boxes...
BERNIE (O.S.): Eileen!
Bernie waves at her from a stretcher.
TIM: That old snitch!
HARKINS keeps instructing his men as he moves over Eileen with a paramedic.
HARKINS: Here you are, madam, safe at last! A night in observation and it'll be all over.
EILEEN: Observation?! I'm more than fine, I just want to go home!
PARAMEDIC: That's only a precaution, madam, just a few routine checks and a cup of hot milk.
EILEEN: (frowns) Powdered milk?
PARAMEDIC: Well, if you prefer.
Eileen takes his arm, walks away without a word.
TOD: All's well that ends well, isn't it?
HARKINS: In your place I wouldn't take it so easy. You ignored my orders, ran a hell of a risk, and you will have much to explain before I make my report!
TIM: Well, at least nobody got hurt!
BOOM!! A huge explosion, tractor pieces flying among the cops as a good half of the plant comes crumbling down.
Lighted by the flames Tim's smile quickly fades...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. POLICE STATION - THE DAY AFTER
A limpid sky looms over the city, sun shining on a crowd of cops and an officer in full dress.
CHIEF DEPUTY: ...and it's therefore with great pleasure that I'm proud to honor the here present Bernie Gilbert for the courage shown in action.
Accompanied by the cheering of the cops he pins a medal on Bernie's chest.
Tim and Tod join the applause as Harkins and Eileen arrive arm in arm.
TIM: Grandma, at last! How do you feel?
EILEEN: Never been better! The milk was delicious, and the nurses could play rummy.
HARKINS: Yeah, and I bet they wish they didn't!
The crowd begins to scatter as he walks Eileen and the guys toward the parking lot.
HARKINS: You know, it's been two long days, I'm glad everything turned up fine in the end.
EILEEN: Well, I'm just sorry for Vinnie and the boys, they're not that bad after all.
HARKINS: I wouldn't worry about them, with their reputation they'll do just fine even in jail. Unlike your nephew, he's got to thank heaven the Attorney was so benevolent.
TIM: Well, you know what? Never underestimate a public lawyer!
He glances at Tod as they walk past the OLD SUIT, arguing with the Attorney over a horse races paper.
TIM: He also managed to get rid of those flyers. Who knows, maybe I could re-apply for that school!
HARKINS: You should. It seems they're still looking for an accountant.
TOD: Well, looks like somebody's gonna stop cleaning toilets!
HARKINS: They're also looking for a driver, they caught the old one drinking on the job.
TIM: Looks like someone's gonna drop those mojitos!
Everybody's laughing as they reach the parking lot.
HARKINS: You know, at the end of the day what really makes me glad is the one thing I should be angry for.
EILEEN: Is it the powdered milk?
HARKINS: Garrone's money. It had to be seized as the proof of a crime, but to know you gave it to the needy of your parish can only make me happy!
Tim and Tod drop their smile, turn in shock to Eileen.
TIM: The needy of the parish?!
HARKINS: Even the priest couldn't believe it, when we told him he started crying for the joy!
EXT. GOOD SHEPHERD CHAPEL - DAY
Father Gregor is still crying as he rummages the dumpster.
BORIS: Drop it, Greg, that cart is gone for good!
Gregor keeps digging in the trash as the BUM stops by the curb. Picks a scratched milk bottle from the ground.
BUM: Hey Father, is this yours?
BORIS: Milk? Enjoy it, it's all yours.
The bum whistles away as a furious Gregor starts to curse.
EXT. POLICE STATION - DAY
Tim and Tod are still shaken as Harkins stops at the gate.
HARKINS: You showed great heart, madam, and how they say, do good and good will follow...
She stands puzzled as he hands her the scratchie.
EILEEN: What does it mean?
HARKINS: Well, I guess you could call it good news.
TIM: Yeah, and nothing to bring to church!
HARKINS: Madam, I gotta go now, I wish you nothing but the best.
He shakes her hand, puts on his mean look for the guys.
HARKINS: As for you two, I don't want to see your faces again. Ever.
TOD: (cracks a smile) You got my word, sir, we'll try to walk the line.
HARKINS: I just hope you will.
He keeps dead serious as he turns around and walks away. There's an awkward beat of silence.
TIM: The needy of the parish?!
EILEEN: Well, we must always think about who has it worse, you know?
The guys are struck dumb as she looks down at the scratchie.
EILEEN: One hundred thousand dollars?! That's quite a lot...
Tim finally smiles again as Bernie catches up on his Corolla.
EILEEN: ...had I known about it I would have given away all the money!
TIM: (freezes) You didn't?
EILEEN: I kept the half for us. We don't swim in gold, too, do we?
Tim is weirded out, almost afraid to ask.
TIM: Grandma, where's the rest of the money?
She gets in the car and, as if it were nothing:
EILEEN: In the laundry hamper.
The Corolla disappears in a cloud of smoke as the astonished faces of Tim and Tod slowly turn to each other.
EXT. DICK AND BOB'S SECOND-HANDS - DAY
The BMW glows in the sun as Bob shakes hands with a customer.
BOB: The best buy you'll ever get, and I'm not joking!
TOD (O.S.): Stop! Hey, stop!!
Bob turns around as Tim TACKLES DOWN the customer.
BOB: What the hell..?!
TOD: This car's already sold, okay?
He hands Bob a wad of cash, takes back his keys.
TIM (O.S.): Guys, I think we better call an ambulance...
He looks down at the senseless VIRGIL as Dick gets out the BMW.
DICK: Hey, what the hell's going on here?
He's panting and sweaty as EDNA steps out the passenger door.
TOD: Holy fuck!
She adjusts her hair when she spots Virgil on the ground. Pops out her pepper spray.
TIM: Okay, I think we better come back later...
TOD: Run!!
Music kicks in as run they do: Dick, Bob and a furious Edna on their tail, sirens wailing in the d
istance as we
FADE OUT.
Also by Andrea Lombardi
Screenplays
Bai yezhù - L’uomo che spense la rete
The Games Plan
Novels
Niente paura, siamo nei guai!
Short tales
The monkey heist
Revenge of the trash
Una notte a Roma
Un tranquillo giovedì di fine agosto
Un giorno di ordinaria illegalità
Piacere di non conoscerti
La ronda di Capodanno
L'alba del pianeta delle formiche
Spazzatour de force
L’audace colpo della scimmia innamorata
You can follow and contact Andrea on Twitter: ParoladiSergio
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