“My, aren’t you a passionate little thing,” she murmured as she sat down in the chair in front of my desk. “I see why he likes you so much.”
“He doesn’t just like me, Doris. He loves me.” I leaned forward on my desk, staring her down. “Now, tell me what you really want, and then get the hell out of here. I have work to do, and honestly, I really just don’t like you.”
“You may not believe me, but all I want is for Cash to be happy. Is it so wrong that I want him to be happy with his family?”
“Family isn’t always blood. You and his parents? I’m pretty sure he can do without them in his life. But that’s his choice. He’s got me and his bandbrothers.” A sharp kick behind my belly button warmed my heart, and I stroked my hand over the baby’s foot. “And his daughter. We’re the family he deserves.”
She gave me a sad smile as she stood. “I’m very glad you see it that way, Amara. I’ve been scared that Cash would have no one once I’m gone. It has been a recurring nightmare I have been having since my diagnosis. I can rest easier knowing the most important person in my life will have people who love him for himself, who will fight just as fiercely for his happiness.” To my surprise, tears filled her eyes, but she hastily blinked them away. “Thank you for loving him.”
“What…?” I whispered as she walked away. “Wait!”
She turned at the door to look at me one more time, and I saw through the mask she had been wearing. I saw just how sick she was. Her time was nearly up, and she had used most of her energy to test me to ensure her grandson had people who loved him to be there for him once she was finally gone. “Don’t tell him I was here. It will make things so much easier.”
“Mrs. Mathias!” But she was already walking away again, and I was too stunned to follow after her.
Chapter 24
Cash
Seeing Amara’s name on my phone, I grabbed it off the arm of my couch. “Hey, Dreamer. I was thinking Thai for dinner. Are you and the baby up for that?”
The charged hesitation on her end had me sitting up straighter on the couch. I didn’t know what was wrong, but in my gut, I knew she was hurting. Then she sobbed brokenly, and I jerked to my feet, already heading for the door. A replay of finding her in the coffee shop the day her dad died crashed through my head, and all I wanted to do was get to her. Now. “Cash, y-your grandmother was just here.”
Anger began to boil in me as I punched the call button for the elevators. Fucking Gigi. She couldn’t get me to answer her calls or texts, so she went to my weak spot. Figures. I should have seen it coming. “What? Baby, I’m sorry. I’ll deal with her. She won’t bother you again, I promise.”
“No!” she cried, cutting me off. “Cash, you have to talk to her. Find her and talk to her.”
“What? Why? If she’s upset you, I don’t want anything to do with her.” I punched the button for the garage, glad the elevator was empty as I made the ride down to my car. My damn family was always trying to ruin everything good in my life, it seemed. Not for the first time, it was thrown in my face that I was better off without them in my life.
“Because she loves you, and I think you two should talk. Please.”
“Amara,” I warned, but yet again, she cut me off.
“For me. Do it for me, babe. Just find her.”
Clenching my jaw, I unlocked my car and got in. Fuck. She knew exactly what to say to get me to shut up and do what she wanted. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. “Okay, fine. I’ll call you after I’ve seen her.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “And, Cash?”
“Dreamer?”
“I love you,” she breathed before hanging up.
Gritting my teeth, I turned the car in the direction of the hotel where I figured my grandmother was most likely to be staying. She was a creature of habit and comfort, so there were only a few that I knew she would step foot in. Turning my car over to the valet, I jogged inside and with surprisingly little effort charmed the receptionist into telling me which room Gigi was staying in. Minutes later, I stepped off onto her floor and pounded on her door.
I could hear footsteps on the other side, but there was a pause before the door opened. There wasn’t a single flicker of surprise on her face when she met my gaze. The oxygen tubes in her nose fluttered as she inhaled deeply then stepped back. “I told her not to tell you,” she muttered in a petulant voice as I walked into the room.
“That’s the funny thing about loving someone. You tell them things that have the potential to hurt them.” She flinched at my words and shut the door. “What the fuck are you doing here, Gigi?”
Her eyes frosted over at my language, but she didn’t call me out on it as she normally would have. Which should have told me then and there that something was wrong. “I needed to make sure your Amara was strong enough to love you and deserving enough of your love in return.”
My brows lifted. “And?” But I already knew the answers. No one deserved my love more than Amara. No one could ever love me like she did. She was my heart, my soul, and I wasn’t going to let anyone touch that. Least of all Gigi.
“And I can die in peace knowing you have someone who will have your back through thick and thin.” She gave me a grim smile. “I’m glad you found her, Cash. I hope the two of you will be happy.”
“The three of us,” I corrected her. “We’re having a daughter.”
She folded her hands in front of her. “I saw the ultrasound photo. Congratulations.” Then she cut straight to the chase, becoming the same old lady I remembered through every step of my younger years. “When will you be marrying Amara? My great-grandchild needs the Mathias name.”
“That’s not happening.”
The frost in her eyes got colder. “You’re not planning on marrying this girl? What the hell, boy? I thought you loved her.”
“I do love her, and I have every intention of marrying her. But any kids we have won’t have the Mathias last name. It will be Graves.”
“And when do you expect that to happen?” she demanded, looking put out, but not arguing for once.
“Soon,” I assured her. “That is, if she’s still willing to be with me after having you barge into her life and treat her like shit.”
“I see she’s been telling stories,” Doris Mathias grumbled.
“She didn’t tell me shit. All Amara said was that I needed to find you and talk. Based on past experience, I’m guessing you upset her pretty badly.” I crossed the sitting area angrily and turned to glare at her. “What did you do, Gigi? Offer her money? Tell her to abort the baby? Try to persuade her to convince me to return to the Mathias household and take up the family trade?”
“One out of three. I guess I’m not as evil as you assume I am,” she said with a shrug. “I did offer her money, even told her to name her own price.” I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for her to continue. “But she turned me down and told me to go to hell. Then she cut into me about trying to change you and not loving you for yourself and how much talent you have. That’s when I knew she was the real deal.”
“Of course she’s the real deal. She. Loves. Me.”
“I’m well aware of that, boy. But I had to be sure. I can’t die and leave you here on your own.” Her voice quivered as she lowered her eyes to her folded hands, suddenly looking very small, and for the first time in my life, I could see just how weak she was under the surface. It hurt to see her like that, and I felt myself crumbling, yielding. As pissed as she could make me, as many times as she had tried to screw with my life and bend me to her will, I still loved this woman. “I needed to know you had someone who loved you enough.”
All the anger that was seething in my gut died down, and I blew out a frustrated breath. “Gigi.”
“My time on this earth is limited, Cash. I don’t have much left. And I was terrified of leaving you alone. Now… Now, I don’t have to be scared of that anymore, and I can die in peace.”
My heart cracked at just the thought
of her dying. I knew she was sick, the oxygen in her nose a constant reminder of that. But I thought it was just a setback, not a death sentence. She was Doris Fucking Mathias. Nothing could take her from this world until she was goddamn ready to go.
Jaw clenching to hold my emotions in check, I crossed to her and folded her into my arms. “Gigi, don’t say things like that. You’re not going to die anytime soon. You’re too stubborn to let death take you anywhere.”
A strangled laugh had her breathing harder, and she leaned into me weakly. “I wish that were true. I would fight him tooth and nail. But I’m already losing this battle. Don’t hate me for only wanting the best for you.”
“Ah, Gigi. I don’t hate you.” I kissed her brow. “You drive me crazy and I want to strangle you, but I don’t hate you.”
“I’m glad,” she whispered softly. “So glad.”
Epilogue
Amara
Six Weeks Later
The air had a crisp coolness to it as it blew around us in the weak sunlight of autumn in Virginia. I stood beside Cash as the minister said the last prayer and Doris Mathias was slowly lowered into the ground. I held his hand tightly, trying to give him the strength he needed to say goodbye to his grandmother.
The past six weeks had been a roller coaster of emotions and traveling back and forth from one coast to the other. After spending a few days in SoCal to get to know me better and to bond with Cash, Gigi had flown home alone. A week later, Cash and I had flown out to see her for her birthday, and the old woman had been full of life and smiles. But two weeks later, she was admitted to the ICU for pneumonia and slowly began to fade before our eyes. Five days ago, she slipped into a coma and never woke up.
After having gotten to know the old lady—and being commanded to call her Gigi just like her grandson did—it hurt to say goodbye to her. But watching Cash, as he tried to be strong, as his heart slowly broke with each passing day when Gigi didn’t open her eyes, was excruciating. All I could do was stand beside him and hold his hand.
From Cash’s other side, his best friend Caleb put his hand on his Cash’s shoulder in support, as the rest of Tainted Knights stood behind him. Santana and Kassa were with them, but from across the open grave, Kin stood with her two stepsisters, Angie and Carolina. There were no dry eyes at the gravesite, especially not mine. Gigi had been loved and respected by many, if the turnout for her funeral was anything to go by. But Cash’s friends—his family by choice—they weren’t so much mourning Gigi as they were hurting for their loved one.
Slowly, the funeral came to an end, and Cash turned away from the sight of the casket now in the ground as soon as the minister stopped speaking. “You okay?” he asked me as he tucked me closer against his side, his fingers unconsciously rubbing over my stomach through my black dress. That was where one of his hands usually ended up, and I knew feeling his daughter kick against his touch was comforting for him.
I cupped his face in one hand. “I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about.”
He lowered his head to kiss my cheek, and I felt the rush of his exhale on my neck. “I’m ready to go home, Dreamer. Let’s get out of here.”
I glanced to my left, catching the eye of Harden Mathias. I couldn’t read him like I could Cash. There was no expression in his red-rimmed eyes, no life. During our time watching, waiting—praying—for Gigi to wake up, Cash’s parents hadn’t attempted to speak to him once. And I hated them for it. How could they not comfort their own child when he was hurting? How could they not want to know about his life? Or just fucking say hello?
Still, I didn’t want Cash to have any regrets. “Do you want to speak to your parents?” I asked hesitantly, unsure what the right thing to do here was. Unlike how Cash took care of me when Dad died, I was struggling with how to take care of him with the passing of his grandmother, and I felt helpless.
“No,” Cash told me firmly. “If they wanted to speak to me, they had plenty of chances over the last few days. I just want to take you home and put this all behind us.”
Nodding sadly, I walked with him and the others back to the limos waiting for us on the road beside the graveyard. Kin came up beside me, staying well away from the other Tainted Knights members as she hugged Cash and then walked away without a backward glance.
Caleb gave him what looked like a bone-crushing hug, and I worriedly watched the behemoth of a man, wondering if he was actually going to crush Cash’s bones into dust. What the hell did they feed the guy to get him that huge? And how could he be so big when his twin sister was so tiny? It boggled my mind, and I was relieved when he stepped back without causing bodily harm to the man I loved.
When Caleb’s arms wrapped around me in a gentle hug, I was surprised but leaned into him for a moment. Despite his hulk-like size, Caleb was nothing more than a gentle giant. Once he released me, the two friends shared a long look with some unspoken message before he took Carolina’s hand and dropped an arm around Angie’s shoulders as they followed after Kin.
“Now’s not the time to cause another fight,” I heard Kassa hiss at Jace as Kale and Santana were next to hug Cash. “Leave her the hell alone for once in your life and let her move on.”
“Fuck that,” Jace growled in a voice that was low and intense. “I’m not just going to let her walk away from me again.”
“Too late. She’s already gone. And you have no one to blame but yourself. Now chill out, or I’m going to have Gray restrain you.” With a withering glare at her brother, Kassa moved away from him and then hugged Cash. “I’m so sorry about your grandmother.”
“Thanks for coming,” he told her with a grim smile. “I really appreciate you all being here today.”
She squeezed his arm. “We’re family, dummy. We’ll always be here when you need us.”
Sin, Kale, and Santana rode with us to the airport, while the others stayed behind. Kassa told me they were going down to Bristol to visit with her adopted mom and wouldn’t be home for a few more days. The ride to the airport was quiet, no one seeming to want to bother Cash as he stayed stuck in his own head, lost in his grief.
I sat beside him, quiet as the others but tracing my fingers up and down his arm comfortingly. My heart was aching for him, and I didn’t know what to do or say that could make this better. There had been no words that offered comfort when I lost Dad. I doubted there really were any that could mend a heart broken by the loss of a loved one. Only time could heal that kind of pain.
Hours later, as we were flying over the Grand Canyon, he finally seemed to snap out of it. Reaching over, he pressed his hand flat to my stomach as he leaned in close to press his lips to my ear. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Yeah?” I murmured, unable to hide my shiver at the feel of his breath on my ear.
“What if we name the baby Charlotte?”
I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting, but him wanting to discuss baby names wasn’t it. Still, I couldn’t help grinning at the name choice. “You want to name her after the city where she was conceived?”
He grinned, and though I could still see the sadness in his gaze, I knew he was already starting the healing process. “Yeah, it suits her.”
“How do you know that? We haven’t even met her yet.”
He pressed his hand a little firmer into my belly, and our daughter immediately kicked against him. “I know her already. She’s stubborn, playful, and just as beautiful as her mother.”
“And you want to call her Charlotte?” He nodded eagerly, and I sighed in mock resignation, covering his hand with one of my own. “Okay, you’ve talked me into it. But only because I love you.”
“Love you too, Dreamer.”
Playlist
“Idea of Her” by Whitney Woerz
“I Like Me Better” by Lauv
“Love Was Made to Break” by Andy Black
“special” by Shinedown
“Let You Down” by NF
“Under Your Scars” by Godsmack
“Ruins” by Led
ger
“Girls Like You” by Maroon 5
“Gasoline” by Piano Dreamers
“I Wanna Know” by NOTD featuring Bea Miller
“Creatures” by Shinedown
“I Can’t Breathe” by Stitched Up Heart
“Bulletproof” by Godsmack
“Rescue Me” by Thirty Seconds to Mars
Terri Anne Browning, Tainted Heartbreak (Tainted Knights Book 3)
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