Chapter 16
Stefan had never felt so lost in his life. He felt he could classify it as going insane. It tore him up inside to watch Stacey being so sick. He was trying to be strong for her, but he was just so frightened of losing her. Which is why she tried to break up with him, she knew how hard this was going to be. So he decided to throw himself into his work.
He spent the next week closing deals and being a general beast to be around. He spent his off time with Stacey at the hospital, but brought work with him. It was hard to look at her. All of her soft curves vanished, she was painfully thin. The medicine, even with the nausea medicine included didn’t help her. She was beginning to lose her hair so Alyson had taken to buying her assorted colored hair scarves.
What was worse was the energy she expended trying to make things better and easier for him. It just drove him crazy and instead of taking it out on her, he took it out on the people around him. Jody bore the brunt of it. She took it in stride until he yelled at Betsy. Betsy was a sweet young lady who was in charge of filing contracts. When Stefan chewed Betsy out because the paperwork from a deal he had been working on wasn’t back from legal yet, Jody let him have it.
“You owe that girl an apology.” Jody said as she softly closed the door behind her.
“I will do no such thing, the girl is incompetent!” Stefan yelled.
“No she is not! The Chapman contract has been put on hold because there are rumors that the company is going bankrupt. Legal has kept the contract, so there is no way she would be able to retrieve it for you. If you had been a calm reasonable human being and asked her instead of assuming she didn’t know what she was doing, you would have found that out.” Jody’s voice had gotten progressively louder but oddly still calm. “So you will apologize to that young lady and you will do it now.”
Stefan opened the door and saw the girl in question blowing her nose at her cubicle. He felt like an absolute heel. He walked over to her and she quickly straightened in her seat. She looked at him tears still in her eyes, “Mr. Spencer…”
Stefan held his hand up to stop whatever she had been about to say. “I’m sorry Betsy. I’m having some personal issues and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve it and I apologize deeply.”
Betsy dabbed at her eyes again, “Oh Mr. Spencer we know your wife is sick, we’ve been praying for her in our church group, I am sorry you have so much stress to deal with here.”
Stefan felt even worse. “Thank you. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?”
Betsy stood up, “Mr. Spencer why don’t you? You work too hard. Go be with your wife.” With that the petite little clerk put her hand on his arm and squeezed. “Keep the faith.”
Stefan felt the rage boiling up in him, but he couldn’t explode at Betsy, not again. She really was just trying to be helpful. But it was all just words, they held no comfort. Stefan turned around and went back to his office anger, irrational anger boiling inside.
Jody was waiting in the doorway. “You know she’s right. You should take some time and be with Stacey.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Sitting by her bedside is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. She fights so hard and on top of it she’s always trying to make ME feel better. It’s killing me. I promised I would take care of her and I feel like I can barely function.” Stefan sat on the sofa in his office and Jody sat next to him.
“I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through. You have a new job with more responsibilities and pressure, your mom is sick with a degenerative disease and your new bride is battling for her life. There are no words that can help you, but know that you have friends who are here for you. You just have to ask for help.” Jody hugged Stefan.
The comfort was more than he could handle. The pressure was building in his chest again and he felt as if he were about to explode. He hugged Jody tighter trying to get a grip on his emotions. But then he noticed her soft voluptuous curves and hugged her tighter not as a friend, but as a man.
She immediately felt the difference. She pulled back from him and looked him in the eye. “I’m here for you, but not like this. You’re not this man. Don’t let your pain take you somewhere else. Somewhere you will regret.” She said it softly, and without judgment.
The look on Jody’s face was one of firm determination. He could see she cared for him. They had been through a lot together and it would have been natural to take comfort in her embrace. But she wasn’t Stacey. Stacey was his world. And he was losing her. He was so terrified that she was going to be lost forever to him.
Everything in him felt empty. He got up and turned from Jody. “You have been such a good friend. Thank you for everything. And forgive me for my moment of insanity.” He smiled at her hoping that he hadn’t crossed a line with her and might be in danger of losing not only a friend but his right hand at this job.
“You know you’re the best boss on the planet, but my girlfriend would kick your ass if you ever tried anything for real.” Jody left his office laughing.
Stefan stood looking at the door in shock. All the time Jody and he had worked together, he never knew she was a lesbian. What kind of friend was he that he didn’t know something that basic about someone who he worked with every day for the past 5 years?
Stefan shook his head. Maybe it was time to take a break. He went out the door and got in his car. He sat there for a long time trying to decide where to go. He couldn’t face seeing Stacey right now. He started the car and started driving. Before long he found himself at his mom’s.
The nursing staff was always so happy to see him. They adored his mother. She was a firecracker even throughout her illness. He walked into her room, braced for her having a bad day. But she lit up when he walked in.
“Hey sweetie,” His mother held out her arms and Stefan went into them and just broke down crying. All the fear and frustration poured out and his mother held him as he cried just as when he had been a boy.
When the worse was over, Sophia handed him the box of Kleenex that been on the nightstand. Stefan blew his nose laughing, “I guess I’ll always need my mommy.”
“Well we both know that I am not going to be here always dear. But what I hope and pray for is that the lessons we have taught you carry you through the rough times. Your father said you were struggling with your faith.” His mother looked at him with such compassion.
“I’m just so angry, Mom. Why would God give me the love of my life and then I have watch her die? It just doesn’t make sense! It’s easier to just think He doesn’t exist.” Stefan hung his head feeling desolate.
His mother reached over and stroked his hair. “You’re not alone. I can’t say what’s going to happen with Stacey, but hold on to your faith. It will get you through the worst of things. I am in this place and I’m losing so much of myself. I’m scared, angry and frustrated. But what I know in my heart is that God is with me.”
“I don’t know if I can mom; I feel so abandoned.” Stefan said.
“You’ll have to come to it on your own. I can’t make you believe. What I can say is look at the people in your life. God always shows Himself through people and the world around us. Your dad is terrified of what is happening to me and he hasn’t lost his faith. I haven’t lost mine in this struggle and your wife would be unhappy to know you’ve lost yours. Hold onto all the love we have for you knowing that God is in that love.” With that she hugged her son and kissed his forehead.
It felt like all the anxiety just fell from his shoulders. The release of the stress was such a relief. Stefan actually felt as though everything might be alright. He and Sophia had lunch together and as he walked her back to her room, she turned to look at him with such love and devotion it made everything better. And she could tell.
“Now you go right now and mend things with Nick.” His mother laughed at his stunned expression. “Your dad and I always tell each other everything. How else do you think we could have survived being married this long?”
Stefan chu
ckled softly. “Bye Mom.” He kissed his mother and thought about her advice to make up with Nick. It was probably past time. At the moment he couldn’t even remember why he was so upset with him. He was missing his friend and these last few weeks; it had been hard knowing that he couldn’t pick up a phone and talk through it with Nick. They had always been there for each other. They were connected in a way that he couldn’t be; even with Stacey. He was a true friend, but the relationship had its ups and downs over the years. They had been inseparable in their youth. But Stefan still harbored a little resentment towards Nick. And it was nothing but jealousy, but Stefan’s pride wouldn’t let him admit it.
If he looked at it objectively he could see that he really had it better than Nick. But the little kid inside him still resented how everything seemed so easy for Nick. All the girls had always wanted Nick and just gave Stefan the time of day because Nick was too busy. But he was old enough to put all the old high school crap behind him. He knew he had grown into his looks and the gym membership kept him lean and fit. Stefan definitely had his share of female attention. So he really just needed to get over it.
Besides without Nick, he wouldn’t have met Stacey. Beautiful Stacey. Even being so sick, she was beautiful. It was in her eyes. She was an amazing woman and he was so blessed to have found her. Nick would have to wait. He had to go see Stacey.
He walked into her room and Nick was there. Stefan suppressed his flicker of irritation. As soon as Nick saw him he rose to exit. Stefan stopped him, “No stay Nick.”
Nick paused uncertainly but stayed put. Stefan took a steady breath and swallowed his pride. “Nick I wanted to apologize for my behavior.”
Stacey sat up in her bed, watching both Stefan and Nick intently.
Stefan continued, “I haven’t handled your illness well Stacey. And I’m afraid I’ve been taking out my anger on Nick.”
“Oh no, Stefan.” Stacey’s tone was full of empathy.
Nick piped up, “I could have handled it better Stefan, it wasn’t just you.”
“It’s just been a little harder than I thought it would be to see how much you two love each other. Just when I thought I had accepted it; I mean really she married me, I should feel secure. But I see you together and can’t help but feel a little threatened, but I’m just going to Man Up.”
Nick and Stefan laugh together and the worse is over. They actually embrace and the tension that was in the room dissipated.
Stacey took both of their hands into hers. “My boys.”
The doctor comes in and Stefan braces himself. Whenever he comes in it’s with a frown and bad news. “Well, it looks like our patient is in remission.”
Stefan can’t believe it. He looks at Stacey and she just looks so gaunt that it’s hard to believe that her leukemia is in remission. Tears spill over onto her checks, Nick’s face is wet but Stefan is dry. He really can’t believe it, is afraid to believe it.
Nick says, “Are you sure?”
Stefan says at the same time, “Just like that?”
Dr. Drake answers them both, “She is going to need to continue the drug therapy we have her on for 6 months, but we have finally found the right combination to fight this and we can see her on the mend. And it’s not just like that; she has been through one hell of a fight. But it looks like she’s got quite a lot to fight for.”
The doctor leaves the room and there is absolute silence.
Stefan breaks the silence and says, “Nick can you stay with her for a bit. I need to do something real quick.”
Nick looks confused but says, “Sure man.”
Stefan kisses Stacey and says, “I’ll be right back.”
Stefan slowly tries to digest the news that Stacey is going to be OK. It’s such a turnaround from where his head has been that it’s hard to swallow. He walked not sure of where he was headed, but when he ended up in front of the hospital chapel, he wasn’t surprised.
He walked in and sat in a pew. The chapel was empty. He had not been in this chapel before. It was small with red and purple stained glass windows. It was quiet with a smoky haze in the air. The candles were lit and the place seemed to have a holy feel to it. Stefan just sat there and felt peace. He took a deep breath and said, “Thank you.”
He sat there a few moments more; loathe leaving, but anxious to get back to Stacey. All of the struggles with his faith were forgotten. He was just so grateful that Stacey was going to be ok. He knew that all things in life didn’t turn out so picture perfect. For one, his mother still was slowly deteriorating because of the dementia and there is just so much in the world that was wrong. But at this moment none of it mattered. He was just filled with an overwhelming since of joy.
He walked down the hall to Stacey’s room and found his dad there now with Nick. They looked at each other and smiled. Everything really was fabulous.