Denny or Dad? The thought floats before I can stop it. I nod and the door widens to reveal my father. He’s out of place in a pair of jeans and a collared polo shirt.
“Come on, Jax.” John stands. “Let’s go keep Haley from starting a brawl.”
The door shuts with a loud click and the only sound in the room is the ice shifting in the bags. I pop my neck to the side, finding myself too damned tired for a screaming match. “Whatever it is, can we argue about it later?”
Dad slips into a seat across from me. An hour ago, John sat in that same chair and offered me more fatherly advice than my own supposed father had my entire life. “I told your mother you’re still alive.”
“Thanks.”
“Call her. She’ll want to hear your voice.”
“I will.” I stretch my shoulder and wince. “Mind keeping me on your insurance for a little longer?”
Dad’s face moves up as he smiles and I raise my eyebrows in response. What the hell?
“You’re good at this,” he says. “It was awful watching it, but at the same time, I smacked the guy next to me and told him you’re my son.”
I chuckle, because I got nothing to say. I take it back. I do know what to say. “Did you always know I wasn’t yours?”
The smile slips off his face and I sort of regret my choice of words, yet, I don’t. This conversation needs to be had and there’s never going to be an appropriate time or place.
“Yes. Colleen had been sick for a long time and let’s just say there was a breakdown in communication between me and your mother and I’m aware how babies are made.”
I nod, the truth not making me feel much better. “Why did you stay with her? She cheated.”
“I loved her. Denny loved her first and I stole her away from him and then when things got rough I abandoned her and Colleen. She needed comfort, and when I didn’t give it, she ran to arms that were still open.”
Fuck. I toss the bag I’d been holding to my eye into the trash. “You’re real live and let live about this.”
“I love her, West. She loves me. When you feel like that about someone, you find ways to make it work.”
My heart aches—Haley. Was what I did to her different?
“You say you love her, but you wanted me to break up with Haley. You told me to trust you, that a girl would be my worst downfall. Is that how you see Mom? Do you really love her or has it all been a show this entire time?”
My dad ages ten years with each second that passes. He appears smaller, grayer and weary. “I loved your mother from the first time she poured a beer over my head because she’d heard my type of lines before.”
My eyes widen and my lips twitch up and down. My mother poured a beer over Dad’s head? My father used pickup lines on my mother? Who the fuck are these people and part of me is loving every second. Watching my reaction, Dad’s mouth tilts up. “I think you can understand why your grandparents were less than thrilled with me.”
Dad’s parents are picture-perfect conservative and stuck-up. “Then why did you push me so hard on Haley?”
The happiness vanishes. “Because the road with your mother was difficult. From the moment we met, nothing was easy. Life threw everything it could at us and sometimes we won and other times we failed. But through it all, never doubt that I loved her and never doubt that she loved me. While that’s true, my choice to be with your mother, her choice to be with me—it made life complicated and we suffered because of it. You have to understand, West, that when it comes to your children...you don’t want hard. You don’t want to see them hurt.”
I readjust the ice bag on my shoulder, acting as if it’s slipping, but I really need a break from the intense. There’s a sadness within me and this happiness that has got me all screwed up. My parents love each other and that’s...that’s something to hold on to, but to know they’ve experienced pain, too... It somehow makes them human.
Dad leans forward and rests his combined hands in the gap between his knees. “What I said is true. You may not share my blood, but you are me through and through. Not just the stuff that drives me up a damn wall, but the stuff that makes you, you. Your sense of humor, your tenacity, how you love your family.”
Dad lowers his head and I wipe at my eyes. I’m tired. It’s why I’m emotional, but somewhere deep inside the young kid that followed this man around like he was a god rejoices.
There’s an edge in his voice, a brokenness that doesn’t belong to a man who owns the world. “You may not want it, but you’re my son. You have always been my son. You will always be my son and I love you.”
I want to say I love him back, but there are still parts of me that need to heal—internal parts—unseen hurts that need space and air. “I can’t come home. Not yet.” If ever.
“I know. I knew it the moment you threw your first punch in that cage. You’ve found something, a direction, a path I’m not allowed on, but let me at least be a spectator. Give me the chance to meet you at the finish line.”
My own voice cracks. “Okay.”
“Okay. And so you know, I’m not abandoning you. Your room’s still yours. So’s your car and credit cards. I’ll still give Haley the scholarship.”
“I’ve got to do this on my own. The temptations you’re scared about me returning to... They belong to the world at home. I’m a boy there and here...”
“You’re a man.” Dad squeezes the only nonbruised part of my body and repeats, “You’re a man.”
“Did it bother you?” I ask. “That I ended up working with Denny?” A pause. “That I’ll still be working with Denny.”
“Yes,” he answers quickly. “It does. As far as I’m concerned, you’re my son. Not his, but I understand your need to know him. Just...just at least consider offering me the same chance that you’re giving him.”
I nod, but he knows it’s not really an answer. It’s something I’ll need to think about. Dad stands and I can’t let him walk away like this. “Tell Mom I’ll be there for family dinners.”
The small smile on his face tells me I nailed the first board into that bridge the two of us are trying to rebuild. “She’ll like that. I’m proud of you, son.”
With a shut door, I find myself alone. I sigh and rub my hand over my head. Six months ago, I thought I owned the world, but I really owned nothing. Now, in the eyes of the world, I’ve lost everything...
“West?”
My head snaps up and my heart stutters. I’ve lost absolutely nothing of any value. My lips slant up and, out of respect for her grandfather, I grab a towel and stick it over my lap.
Haley’s laughter tickles over my skin. She tilts her head and that sexy, silky hair tumbles over her shoulder. “You’re letting John get to you.”
I wave at my body. “I’m not in the position to be taking on any more fights.”
Her hips sway as she strolls over to me. “Don’t worry. I have your back.”
I crave for her to curl her body over mine, but instead she drags the chair Dad abandoned moments ago next to me. She sits in it and laces our fingers together. “I should kick your ass for what you did.”
I chuckle. “Which particular event would the ass kicking be for?”
“Any of it, but mainly that you broke up with me so I could go to school for free.”
Damn, Haley’s always been direct. “I wanted you to have a chance at a future. I couldn’t stand in the way of that. At least I thought I couldn’t. By the time I understood my mistake, you were gone.”
“I didn’t come back for you,” she says. “By taking the fight you sped up my timeline, but I came back for me. You and everyone else were right—I had lost my fight and I wasn’t engaging. You tapped out on me, but I tapped out, too.”
“It won’t happen again,” I say. “Me tapping out. I learned my lesson.”
> “Me, too,” she responds.
I think about her words. That there could be another meaning. “If this is you trying to let me down easy, then be warned I plan on fighting for you.”
Haley smiles and I like that her eyes lighten with it. “I’m not going anywhere, Young.”
“We have a lot to talk about.” Exhausted, my head settles back against the wall.
I want to know what helped change her mind and where she’s going to be living now that she’s home. I need to tell her about my dad, my biological dad, about her tuition to college, a ton of things, but I’m too damned tired.
“We can talk about whatever you want later.” Haley rests her head on my shoulder. “Right now, I’m focusing on the whole happy you’re alive. You scared the hell out of me when I first arrived. You weren’t focused and Matt was pounding you to pieces.”
“I was focused.” I focused when I heard her beautiful voice. I turn my head, nuzzle my nose into her hair and inhale her sweet fragrance. She’s here. She’s honest to God here. “You mean everything to me, Haley.”
“I love you,” she whispers as her fingers squeeze mine. After a second, she rocks our joined hands. “Sometimes, after a fight, I wanted silence. Just time to clear my head.”
Silence. I exhale. Silence would be nice. “Will you stay with me?”
“For as long as you want me.”
“Then be prepared to stay for a long time.” I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation of Haley’s fingers tracing my arm.
Haley
The bell rings and both Mrs. Collins and I turn our heads to watch the flood of students fill the student parking lot. I requested a meeting with her this morning and she pulled me from last period to talk.
My lap is full of applications and pamphlets. I’ve applied for the athletic scholarship, but I have to be prepared to be solely responsible for paying for my college education. West’s dad offered to uphold his end of the deal, but I can’t accept it. That money is tainted.
There’s only a few remaining days left to graduation—the sand in the hourglass has almost run out. I sigh heavily while fingering the top pamphlet in my hand. No one ever said fighting is easy.
“Community college is an excellent option,” she says. “In fact, that’s how I started.”
Ha. Frames on her wall advertise the University of Louisville and Harvard. “Is this one of those moments where you tell me a lie to make me feel better about my choices?”
Her lips flinch into a smile. “No. This is where I tell you the truth. I couldn’t afford college, so I went to a community college to fill my requirements while I worked a job that could help me afford school. When I graduated with my associate’s, I transferred. I didn’t turn out so bad, did I?”
Guess not. I shove the paperwork into my backpack. “Thanks.”
Outside the window, I spot West, Kaden and Jax forming a semicircle as they wait for me. Living with my grandfather in his camper with Jax and Kaden is a bit like a chicken living in a factory farm, but it’s the first time in a year and a half I have a sense of home. It could be because I’m training again. It could be because I’m taking back my life. But I think it’s because I’m learning how to rely on the people I love.
“How’s your mom and dad?” Mrs. Collins asks.
“Good.” Another parent–teacher conference later and Mrs. Collins learned from John that Jax, Kaden and I are living with him. I respect her because CPS didn’t show at the gym to drag any of us away. “Actually, they’re doing very good.”
Mom found work. Nothing spectacular, but something better than what she was doing here. Maggie’s made friends at her new school and is being spoiled by my great-aunt, and my dad...
My dad joined a gym. I smile when I think of our conversation last night on the phone.
“I’m proud of you,” he had said. “For staying home. For trying again.”
“Thanks,” I responded. “Is it true? Mom said you’re fighting again?”
Dad laughed and that sweet sound healed wounds that were still open. “No tournaments in my future, but, yeah, I joined one. Your old man is slow and this body creaks more than it should, but it feels good to move. It feels good to be useful.”
Dad’s healing and it will probably be a while before he’s totally on his feet. Being in the gym isn’t a perfect solution, but it’s the start of one.
“Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?” Mrs. Collins asks.
I fiddle with the straps of my backpack, smoothing them out on my lap to see if one is longer than the other. “My mom said once if you say something out loud that it takes the power away from it. Do you think that’s true?”
Her features smooth out. “Yes. I one hundred percent agree with your mother.”
Definitely food for thought. “Thanks again.”
“If you ever need anything, Haley, I’m here.”
I smile at her as I leave. If I had a dollar for every time she’s said those words to me, I’d be a very rich girl. The May afternoon is definitely short weather and I’ve got some holey jeans screaming to be cut. After my shift at the pizza place, I’m finding a pair of scissors.
My heart warms when all three guys in my life laugh as Jax breaks down a sparring session he had yesterday, but I only have eyes for West. His bruises from the fight have faded and he’s back to drop-dead, stop-my-heart gorgeous.
He has dinner with his family four to five times a week and pays Isaiah’s foster parents fifty dollars a month to sleep on the couch in their basement. Last week, he watched his sister, Rachel, take her first steps. Since then he’s been flying high.
I’ve been to dinner with West at his family’s house a few times and it’s a strange combination of people at the table between West’s family, Rachel’s boyfriend, Abby and then me. It’s awkward for all of us, except for Abby. Because of that, we all sit back and let her do the talking.
Heat curls in my belly when West flashes me a smile. “Took you long enough.”
“I’ve got options,” I tell him. “She gave me lots of options.”
West kisses my forehead and runs his fingers through my hair. Tiny goose bumps form along my neck and I wish for the millionth time we could be alone.
Jax makes a gagging sound and I stick my tongue out at him.
“Real mature, Hays.” Yet he sticks his out in return.
West rests an arm around my shoulder and tucks me close to him. We have a half hour before the city bus, so they resume their conversation. The side door to the building opens and Conner walks out with Matt behind him. My eyes lock with Matt’s and I shiver from the coldness inside me.
He won, but he lost. It wasn’t the beating he’d hoped for and, according to the rumors at school, it’s driven him harder at the gym. It really is a waste. West and I have changed so much, learned so much and Matt is where he was before—in denial over his brother and over his own emotional instability.
“It’s over,” West whispers into my ear. “Everything between Matt and me is over.”
They hate each other and I imagine they always will, but neither will street brawl. This will become a rivalry in the cage. Matt and I have digressed to these moments of him staring at me as he passes by and me quietly panicking.
“I know.” But maybe I don’t. I’m still drawn to look at him to make sure he’s not stalking up to hurt me from behind.
“He’s not going to hurt you, either,” West says softly as he notices where my attention still lies. “I promise you—it’s over.”
I shift and West drops his arm. The three of them stop their conversation and survey me like I’ve grown antlers and a red nose. West takes my fingers and rubs his thumb over my hand. Typically that touch weakens my knees, but right now, I’m full of angst and panic and all I can think about is returning to th
e building. “I’ll be back, okay?”
West glances at my family, then back at me. “Do you want me to come with you?”
“No,” I say way too quickly. This is one of the things West hates—when I live inside my head. It’s also one of the things that drove me away from my family. “I’ve got to talk to Mrs. Collins about something. Just...talk.”
“All right.” He squeezes my hand and lets me go.
I sprint into the building and down the hall. The teachers lock their doors behind them and I pray Mrs. Collins hasn’t bolted. In the main office, one secretary is already gone and the other one holds her purse. “Can I help you?”
I don’t say anything as I skid to a halt in the doorframe of Mrs. Collins’s office. My heart pounds and my chest moves rapidly with my breaths. Mrs. Collins has her car keys in one hand and a bundle of folders in the other. She’s leaving. I’m too late.
Her forehead furrows. “Did you forget something, Haley?”
I force out the words before I lose my courage. “My ex-boyfriend hit me.”
I said it... I said the words. My vision becomes fuzzy as I wait for the world to implode...as I wait for her hate and judgment and then I realize I crave her belief.
“He hit me.” Suddenly the words aren’t as painful. “He hit me and it wasn’t okay.”
Mrs. Collins sets her files and keys on the side of her desk. “No, it wasn’t okay. Why don’t you shut the door behind you and take a seat?”
Before I can do either of those things, I desperately search her eyes to see if she’ll tell me the truth. “Am I going to be okay?”
“What do you think?” she asks in a kind, thoughtful way. In a way that makes me think that I may already know the answer.
My mouth pops open and Mrs. Collins moves around me and gently shuts the door. She’s quiet as she slides around me again and sits behind her desk. “You look okay. You sound okay. And you’re here talking to me. How do you feel?”
I sink into the chair across from her and drop my book bag to the floor. “I’m tired of handling this on my own because—” I wave my hand in front of my heart “—keeping it inside isn’t working out for me.”