I can’t glance at my brother or cousin. My cheeks are on fire and I stare at my moving shoes. Six months ago, Jax and Kaden found me as a lump, alone in a garage at a party. My body shook, my teeth chattered and all I could think was that Matt was stronger than Jax and Kaden.
With my body still pounding with the proof, I lied. I protected what I loved—I protected Jax and Kaden, and then walked away from fighting. A decision I still bleed over.
With a few hushed words, the guys seated at Matt’s table disperse, leaving me and him somewhat alone in the crowded cafeteria. None of them make eye contact with me because each of them is fully aware that they had a hand in what happened. They’re the ones that pointed out Conner’s drug use to me. They’re the ones that begged me to talk to Matt because Matt wouldn’t see what was in front of him.
“He’ll listen to you, Haley. You’re the only one he listens to.”
Nope, he didn’t listen to me and I figured out quickly why no one else had the courage to speak badly about Conner to Matt. A right hook to the head is a great deterrent.
Matt crosses his arms over his chest. “I don’t take to people hurting what’s mine.”
No, that job belongs solely to him.
Matt used to hold me in his arms. He’d caress my face, my body. I realized too late we were an inferno and that I had been chained to the stake. He touched me. He kissed me. He said words to me no one else ever had. He made me feel special.
After being with Matt, I don’t care if I ever feel special again.
“Because of what we were to each other,” he says, “I’m giving you a chance to explain.”
My toe nudges a spot of dried ketchup on the orange tiled floor. Telling him the truth enraged him last summer. Nothing since then has changed. He steps closer and cold sweat breaks out along my neck.
“I hated it when you wouldn’t talk to me,” he whispers. Once upon a time, he whispered the words “I love you” into my ear and I kissed him in return. Hurt and regret can slowly kill a person from the inside out.
“You have never wanted to hear what I’ve had to say,” I respond.
“Not true,” he says. “That’s not true.”
It is and somewhere deep inside he knows it.
“What did Conner tell you?” If it doesn’t damn me too bad, I’ll go with Conner’s version of the truth, because real truth doesn’t exist. There are only other people’s perceptions of reality.
He drops his arms and his shoulders sag. This is what snagged me initially to Matt: his ability to appear vulnerable when he’s physically anything but. “He came home all beat to hell and he said you were there and I know that can’t be true. You’d never cross me like that.”
The little liar actually told the truth for once. Where was the fib when I needed it? “Conner told you I did it?”
“He started to tell me what happened. Said you were there. Then he realized the guys were in the other room.”
“The guys” being the other fighters from Black Fire. He’d never admit to them what transpired between us. Matt continues, “When Conner wouldn’t talk, we drew the natural conclusion—Jax and/or Kaden jumped Conner. Out of respect for you, I kept everyone from going after your family that night.”
“Respect for me?” I echo.
A muscle under his eye jumps. “You covered for me once. Consider the debt paid.”
Tremors run down my spine. He’s never mentioned that night before. Just hearing him acknowledge it...
“Tell me who did it,” Matt says. “And we’ll take care of this in the cage.”
I wrap my hair into my fist. I don’t want Jax and Kaden paying for my sins, but they constantly go against guys from Black Fire at matches. Better the cage with a ref than on the street, with weapons, which has been my greatest fear. “What event?”
“No event or referee. Conner’s wrist is sprained. There’s no mercy rule on this.”
No mercy rule meaning no tournament. No public event with rules or referees. No ability to tap out if the fight becomes sick or demented or too much. A fight like this—it’s a street brawl and it could mean severe damage... It could mean death and it’s what I’ve been working desperately for months to avoid.
“No. Not happening.” I bite my tongue to keep from informing Matt that if Conner hadn’t tried to use my hair to drag me to the ground I wouldn’t have had to try to snap his wrist. What’s unreal is that if Matt looked at me, like really looked at me, he could see the bruises behind the makeup, he’d see my red knuckles, he’d see the truth, but Matt, like always...like most people, only sees what he wants.
“Then we go after both of them,” he threatens. “Hit them whenever and wherever we want.”
He moves to walk past me and I grab his arm. “Did you ever think that Conner was the one doing the jumping?”
“Why would he do that? We fight Kaden and Jax in the ring. We don’t need to street brawl to prove a point.”
“Because Conner has a drug problem.”
“Shit, Haley.” Matt rips his arm out of my grasp. “We’re back to this. Your lies killed us last time. Do you think it’s wise to go there now?”
“Listen to me!” I’m desperate enough to permit the truth to flow. “I did it. I hurt Conner. I had medication for my dad and Conner jumped me.”
“There’s no way you could have done that damage.” A vein bulges in his neck. “You’re covering for someone. Tell me who it was and tell me now.”
I close my eyes the moment I hear the voice that should be nowhere near me. I hear West. “It was me. I did it.”
West
I assess the guy in front of me: my height, my build, my problem. Actually, it’s the kid skulking behind them that’s my issue, but overhearing the argument between Haley and this bastard, it appears all related.
“Who the hell are you?” the guy towering over Haley asks.
“West. Same question back.” Since, in theory, I shouldn’t have a clue who he is.
“Matt Spencer,” Haley answers for him, then gestures to the guy that knocked the hell out of me on Friday night. “That’s Conner, his younger brother. West is new here, Matt, and I’m guessing he’s highly medicated or high and therefore has no idea what he’s saying.”
I chuckle. Highly medicated. Good one.
Haley mouths, “Leave.”
I subtly shake my head. Conner and I have unfinished business and I’m not impressed with the direction of the conversation between her and big brother. “Granted, on most weekends that may be true, but I remember this past Friday night clearly enough.”
The skulker joins the party. “I remember my fist blacking you out.”
“I have a hard time believing you remember your name.” All the signs of a hard-core user are there: paled-out face, shadows under his blank eyes and jittery as hell. I’ve seen it before at my old school. Drugs are one of those things that cross party and money lines.
Conner flashes forward and in simultaneous movements Haley slides in front of me and Matt tackles his younger brother, demanding that he “Back off” and reminding him that he “Can’t afford another suspension.”
“Are you suicidal?” Haley stretches on her toes and tries to match my height. She fails. “Is that the issue? There are 1-800 numbers that can help.”
The walking, talking inferno is back and I like it. “You looked like you needed backup. You helped me on Friday, so I’m helping you now.”
She collapses onto her heels. “I don’t need your help. I need you to listen and stay the hell away from me. Are you deaf? Maybe have a little hearing loss you’re ashamed to admit to? Because I know I specifically told you to stay away.”
“Did you do it?” Matt demands. Skulker boy stands next to big brother with his hands shoved in his pockets, but his grimace suggests h
e’s just as eager as me for round two. “Did you jump Conner?”
Other guys slip into the picture. They hang back, taking seats at the table or leaning against the windows. Why are my odds always bad?
Haley turns her head so they can’t see her whisper to me, “Say no and let me handle it.”
My eyes widen when I look at Conner. I mean, really look at him. The yellowish fading bruise on his jaw—I did that. But the black eye...the wrist. It can’t be possible. I was the only one there and when I woke up there was Haley. “Nice brace.”
“Fuck you,” Conner snaps.
“Go, West,” Haley murmurs. “You’re making this worse.”
“Who’s the new kid?” A guy with a Mohawk walks up.
Haley throws her head back. “Really?” She mows down the Mohawk boy with a brutal glare. “I mean, really, Jax?”
Jax winks at her as another guy sidles up alongside of him. “It’s a little hard to eavesdrop while being on the opposite side of the room and I have a feeling we’re all interested in the same conversation. I’ll give a cookie to whoever tells me who hurt Haley and then we’ll make the decision, like the proper gentlemen we are, of what match we’ll be pounding this out in.”
A hushed argument breaks out between Jax and Matt. My stomach plummets into free fall. Jesus Christ, how could I not notice her bruised knuckles or how the makeup poorly hides the slight discoloration near her eye? Conner is a dead man walking.
I raise my hand and it hovers close to her eye, my palm almost connecting with her skin. Heat builds in the gap as I ache to remove her bruises. Haley tilts her head away and I drop my hand, feeling cold, rejected.
“Tell me you didn’t get into a fight over me,” I whisper.
She lowers her head. “Conner wouldn’t have stopped. Even when you blacked out, he wouldn’t have stopped.”
“Haley...” There are no words. None. It’s not okay for her to wear bruises over me. It’s despicable that a guy would strike a girl. Regardless of whether she hit him first. Regardless of whether she was defending someone else. Regardless.
“Just go,” she says. “This isn’t your fight and I’ve got to make sure it doesn’t become my family’s battle, either.”
These two guys must be the cousin and brother that Jessica referred to earlier. Two feet divide Haley’s family from Matt’s brood. Everyone’s posture is open, daring, yet they remain in their neutral corners. For a few seconds, I respect them. They’re smart enough to keep the fights outside of school.
“I did it,” I announce.
Mohawk boy loses his outer playful demeanor and his inner demons possess him as he advances on me. “You hurt Haley?”
“No. I defended her.”
“I fell.” Haley grabs my wrist and her slender fingers squeeze my skin. “I fell.”
I don’t know how to help you. It’s what I want to scream. Instead, I lay my hand over hers and brush my thumb over her battered knuckles. Her hand is frozen, lifeless. She attempts to jerk away, but I hold tight. I don’t make promises lightly and I’m swearing right now to take care of her and her problems.
Releasing Haley, I face the two groups of guys. “She fell. I walked out of the store, saw Haley on the ground and Conner standing over her. I made the wrong assumption. My bad.”
The sneer on Conner’s face is almost enough to compensate for the blackout. “Bullshit.”
“Fine. Then you explain how it went down. We fought. I won. Unless you want to admit you were beat up by a girl.” I grin for effect and the asshole twitches. Several guys in his group laugh at the “joke.”
“Is that the way it happened?” Matt asks Conner.
His internal struggle plays havoc with his face. I’m not sure which one is worse. Could I admit a girl pounded me? Damn, it’s bad enough to know a girl kicked a guy’s ass in my defense. The asshole nods.
Matt scratches his temple and swings his gaze between me and Haley and Conner until settling on me. “Who are you and why are you up in Haley’s business?”
“He’s a stranger,” responds Haley right as I answer, “We’re dating.”
Haley whirls in my direction, a tornado in a cornfield. “We’re what?”
“Dating,” I state clearly. Because neither Matt nor her family is buying any of the bullshit I’m spewing and they won’t...unless we offer incentive. “In private. But it’s okay, Haley.” I overemphasize her name in the hopes of gaining her attention. “Now that I’ve transferred here, we can tell people our secret.”
She transforms into night of the living dead and blinks repeatedly. I position my hand under her elbow in preparation for if she faints. Note to self: she shocks out easily.
Mouths gape. Some guys harden into stone. Then it smacks me, is one of these guys her boyfriend? Jessica mentioned a failed relationship with Matt, but Haley could be seeing someone else. Shit. Fucking shit. Fucking shit in a Crock-Pot.
“You’re dating Haley?” The pure menace in Matt’s tone indicates I hammered the nail into the two-by-four. “My girl? You’re dating Haley?”
Haley snaps back to life. “I’m your ex-girlfriend.”
Thank God for small favors and the damn Easter bunny because that was one gift I needed. There’s no one else in Haley’s life and Jessica had it right: he is crazy obsessed.
Matt’s obviously the alpha in this mangy bunch of wolves, so I address him, “Is it a sin around here to protect your girl?”
He hasn’t peeled his eyes away from Haley since I announced our sudden relationship. Finally, he answers, “No.”
“Is it true?” Jax pinches his nose as if he’s smelling shit. “You’ve been dating this guy in secret?”
“I...” Nothing else falls from Haley’s lips.
“All the lies you’ve told since Friday... What I put up with at home because I covered for you... Over a guy again? Jesus, Haley.” He pauses, then sucks in a breath. “I’m done with you.”
“Jax!” Haley calls out, but he struts away. The other guy from her family wears the same expression my mom does when she talks about the daughter that died right after my birth. In silence, he follows after Jax.
Her posture droops. The look on her face...it’s like someone cut out her beating heart. I’ve got to get her out of here.
“Check it out, man.” I direct myself to Conner. “It was a misunderstanding. I saw you standing over Haley, I got protective and things went down. No harm, no foul.”
I wrap an arm around her shoulders and Haley tenses beneath me. I extend my other hand to Conner, knowing full well there is plenty of harm done and foul is a mild adjective to use to describe the animosity between us.
“Fuck you,” says Conner. I withdraw my hand and shrug. Hey, I tried.
“Then I’ll leave you to lunch.” I attempt to guide Haley away but it’s difficult to do when she’s grown roots and planted her feet into the ground.
“Sounds like it was an unfair fight,” says Matt. “My brother being chivalrous and helping out Haley after she fell and then you jumping him from behind. It’s easy to take down a guy when he doesn’t know you’re coming. An apology isn’t enough.”
“It’s enough,” Haley pleads. “Please, Matt, let it go.”
Matt mimics the crazy grin his insane brother had right before he knocked me out. “Do you know the lies your girlfriend tried telling me before you showed? Listening to Haley beg for you makes me wonder if you can actually take a hit.”
I rub my chin, release Haley and step into Matt. Chairs crack and squeak against the floor as his boys bolt to their feet. Matt stops them with one raised finger. “Got something to say?”
“Yeah. Thought you should know I got expelled from my last school for fighting. I got no problems taking hits.”
“Then prove it.”
“Take the sw
ing, asshole.” I’m not going to be accused of jumping a man from behind.
The air hums with pissed-off energy. Matt shoves his chest out, arms poised to come up, then a guy says, “Principal.”
Matt backs off and I follow his lead. Some old man in a gray suit watches us as he heads for the food line.
“New boy,” says Matt. “We don’t fight in school, but the moment the bell rings, your ass is mine.”
Haley angles to become a human shield in front of me. “No.”
“Haley.” My blood boils that she’s begging this bastard for anything. Does she honestly think I’m that weak? “I got this.”
“Listen to her, Matt,” Conner butts in.
“What?” Matt asks.
“One of us should fight him in the cage. You know, make it public humiliation. Best man wins and all that shit.”
Haley tunnels her fingers into her hair and clutches it as if to yank it out. “He’s not a fighter. It won’t be fair.”
“I can fight,” I snap, but not one of them acknowledges me.
“If he can’t take the hits, then he shouldn’t have messed with one of us,” says Matt.
“Matthew.” The pure desperation in her tone causes everyone to freeze. “I swear to you he didn’t know.”
The looks, the stares. All of them doubting me because Haley’s basically signed in blood that I’m incapable of holding my own. I’ve got four months in this school and I’ll be damned if she’ll be protecting me the entire time. “Name the day and time.”
Conner motions to Matt with his sprained hand as if deciding whether to have cheese on a burger. “The tournament in two months. I get the hand healed and then the two of us go at it.”
Matt nods. “All right. Are you in, New Boy, or are you chickenshit?”
I smile. An adrenaline rush floods my veins. This is possibly the craziest and the most alive I’ve felt in years. “Looking forward to it.”