‘You were a child when she died, your mother. She left you all alone didn’t she?’
‘I had my father.’
‘Your father? Don’t make me laugh. Your father was a sadistic bastard who ruined your childhood by forcing you to learn how to fight. For what exactly?’
‘For what I believe in!’
‘Is that so? How interesting.’
‘What is your goal!? Huh!? What do you hope to gain from tormenting your peers? Your friends.’
‘Friends? I don’t have any friends and neither do you. I’m alone, like you. Now that I think about it, we’re quite alike wouldn’t you say?’
‘Don’t compare me to you! You find enjoyment in tormenting people! YOU KILLED SEITO!’
Ayumi who was walking slowly back and forth in the darkness of Kioshi’s mind froze, head slowly turning so that her cold eyes could bore into him. ‘Me? No. You killed Seito, Kioshi.’
Kioshi was taken aback. ‘You... Don’t mess with me.’
‘It was your selfish desire for friend that brought Seito into your life and because your actions that he died. Imagine if you kept that mouth of yours shut. Seito would still be alive.’
‘No... It was because of you...’
‘Me?’ The world around the two changed in an instant, now becoming the familiar corridors of a Zone Three High School, covered in blood and littered with the bodies of dead student. Ayumi was stood at the end of the corridor, covered in blood. ‘Because I love the thrill of torture, it was my fault. You’re right. I wanted to hear music – I hadn’t heard music since I was a child.’
Kioshi swallowed, trying to prevent his surroundings from unnerving him. It all seemed so real, the blood glistening in the light, the raw stench filling his nose. ‘M-Music?’
‘The screams.’ Ayumi said, licking her lips. A hand wiped the blood of her face then she looked as it tainted her hand. ‘Pain is all I know, all I understand. Tell me Kioshi, tell me why you struggle. Look at you now – you act like you’re strong but where was your strength when I killed your friend? Where was your strength when you begged for darkness to steal your cowardly heart? Where was your strength when I crawled into your head?’
‘I’m not pretending to be strong. All I want... All I want is to create the perfect world!’
‘And what is the perfect world Kioshi?’
‘A world where everyone can live the life they want to live! Not oppressed by your father!’
The two were now standing in the middle of the road, devoid of any people and cars so it was just Kioshi and Ayumi under the sky blanketed by clouds, surrounding by the oppressive, black towers.
‘Let me tell you a secret about humanity, Kioshi.’ Ayumi moved a tendril of vibrant red hair behind her ear. ‘We are a broken race. There is no saving us even if you create Paradise. We hate each other – all of us. Even you. Hate is at the core of our hearts. The Deprived that walk these streets, these are people’s true form; negligent of one-another, oblivious to their peers’ cries. What makes you think that people will change if you restore them!’ Her fists were shaking. ‘We are never truly happy. We are never content, we most have more of everything and when we can’t have it then we lash out either at ourselves or others. Masochists and monsters. That what we are.’
‘I don’t believe you. I don’t believe the crap you’re saying! I’ll, I’ll stop you!’
‘You might stop me! You might stop my father! You might change the world but that will never stop the pain in your heart!’
Finally, Kioshi had had enough of the girl lecturing him. ‘WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY!?’ He began. ‘What do you want me to feel!? You’re right! I’m a coward! I started all this because I couldn’t stand my place in society! I couldn’t stand this pain in my heart! I’m weak!
‘I have no friends! My father is distant! I have nothing in my life with meaning! All I know is this internal and eternal pain!’ His hand tightened on his chest ‘All of this is to fill this hole inside my chest, the hole left here when my mother died. To end this loneliness and anger! I can’t take it! I’m only Human!’
A pain shot right up Kioshi’s body, clutching his heart. It stole the air from his lungs and forced his whole body to lock up. ‘Finally you’ve accepted the truth about your existence Kioshi.’ A voice spoke to him.
Kioshi fell onto his knees as the pain intensified, crippling his body. This voice... It’s the same voice that spoke to my mother... He thought.
‘The same voice that coaxed her into the darkness and further into madness, yes. It is the black power of Demons and Nightmares alike. The power of the Xero Xone.’
Xero Xone?
‘The Nightmares’ World. Take it and reap your hatred on Ayumi and her father Yamamoto Akira. Take it and have no regrets. That is what you want isn’t it? To not feel? To not care? Those granted with this gift understand this blessing. People like your mother.’
Kioshi’s eyes transformed, glowing a vibrant purple while his irises became black rings on his eyes. ‘I can’t! Leave me alone.’
The pain vanished.
The world felt quieter and the only sound was his own ragged breathing while he stared at the ground as it blurred and shook under his eyes. Sweat rolled off his forehead, splashing onto the dirt. A feeling took hold of him then, a feeling like he had been in that position before.
‘We don’t know what to feel anymore, Kioshi! We’re crushed! And it’s all because of you! Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth closed!? Huh!? Kioshi!? Aren’t you going to move!?’
Kioshi looked up to see Makado’s angry form glaring down at Kioshi, ready to beat him to death. Makado swung a foot, breaking Kioshi’s nose while knocking out a tooth. Bleeding, Kioshi tumbled before stopping on his side, a back to Makado.
Aren’t you going to move!?
‘What are you going to do Kioshi?’ The voice said. ‘Are you just going to lie here? Aren’t you going to fight for what you believe in? Maybe you truly believe it; that we’re just a dummy. We have no place in the world. Our body is flesh and blood, we think, we feel but our life isn’t our own. We occupy this world, but we don’t live in it. We don’t live. In the end our body doesn’t matter; our life has no meaning. We can die and our death won’t cause a ripple. If our lives are so meaningless then why do we struggle? Why do we fight?’
Kioshi was suddenly on his feet, roaring with anger then charged at Makado, spearing him on to the ground.‘All the pain I’ve felt! All the times I’ve suffered!’ He cried, grabbing Makado by the shirt and lifting him. ‘Still! I try to have faith!’ He threw his forehead into Makado’s nose, breaking it in return. ‘I’ve tried to have faith in humanity! All I want is for people to be happy! Why can’t you understand that! Huh!? Ayumi!?’ With his blazing, purple eyes Kioshi stared hard at the boy at his mercy. He threw a strong, satisfying punch. ‘I will create Paradise! I’ll create a world where people don’t have to kill themselves to mitigate the pain!’
‘Behind you!’ Ayumi cried, climbing on top of Kioshi, riding him. ‘Wheee!’ She screamed as Kioshi stood and lost his balance. ‘I was wrong! You are strong! I didn’t know that you had such power!’
‘Get off me Ayumi!’ Kioshi bellowed, stopping to pry Ayumi off. However, her arms were welded around his neck by her limitless power, being inside Kioshi’s mind.
‘Time for a handicap! You don’t need these!’ Quickly moving so that she was holding his head in her hands, she reached around and dug her fingers straight into Kioshi’s eyes. He wailed in agony, panic scrambling his mind and causing him to thrash around.
Ayumi jumped off, pushing Kioshi down who fell easily. His head hitting something hard before landing on the ground.
‘I can’t see! I CAN’T SEE!’ Panting in a panic, groping the floor, Kioshi helplessly tried to right himself. The pain burning his face was driving him insane, feeling like someone had thrown red-hot chilli power in his eyes. ‘AYUMI!’
In the darkness of his mind Ma
kado came to him, ‘So, what are you going to do, Kioshi? Idiot.’ Defeated, Kioshi fell onto his hand and knees, crying blood.
He was now blind.
‘No. No-no-no...’ His hands curled around a thin, cold pole and by navigating upwards he felt a familiar texture. A desk... Sluggishly he stood, using the desk to support himself. ‘This isn’t real Kioshi... You’re in your head... When you get out of this you’ll be fine...’
‘Is that what you think?’ Ayumi claimed.
Kioshi naturally began to panic when he heard the voice of the enemy he couldn’t see. ‘W-What do you mean!?’
‘I mean that anything that happens to you here happens to you out there. Just like when I blinded that girl Miyako. You’re blind, Kioshi.’ Ayumi laughed hard, the high pitch cry echoing in Kioshi’s mind, haunting him, taunting him, reinforcing the harsh reality.
‘DON’T FUCK WITH ME!’
‘WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO!?’ Ayumi spread her arms out, inviting Kioshi to act. ‘I told you! I told you that Humans are monsters! You didn’t believe me.’ She lowered her arms. ‘We are all broken people.’
‘You bastard!’ The dark power within him igniting, wisps of black smoke collected in Kioshi’s hand, solidifying to form a, grey longsword. Angrily Kioshi swung the weapon around, but missed, stumbling but saved himself by clasping onto a desk, panting.
‘This is how you felt before Kioshi; alone in your own world. In your personal hell. When you’re a Ghost you don’t matter to anyone right? You just want to kill yourself because to die is the same fate as being alive. But at least when you’re dead you don’t feel the pain right? We Humans are only alive to hurt. We hurt the moment we’re born when we take our first breath of oxygen.’
Kioshi lost his energy, carefully lowering himself onto the floor, focusing on the throbbing in his skull. ‘I was... I was going to fight... Start a revolution... Change... Change this world for the better. No more Ghosts. No more... Deprived...’
‘Look at you Kioshi! What can you do!?’ Ayumi mocked. ‘This is what my father wanted! Ambition is wrong! Hope is wrong! If you had only lived the life you were supposed to live in then you would still be able to see! Seito would be alive! Aki wouldn’t have found the same darkness that you have! You lost before you could even try to change the world. What can you do?’
The darkness was still raw in his heart but this darkness wasn’t in the form of anger but defeat.
‘What can I do?’ Kioshi mumbled.
‘You fight.’ His father echoed in his head.
Kioshi looked up. ‘Father?’
‘Why did you think I trained you? To be cruel?’ In the blackness Junichi formed before him, lean, black hair; lines scarring his face to make him appear older than he was and a leather eye-patch covering his right eye. ‘I fought to save the world I knew from becoming this dystopia! But I failed! I knew that as you grew up you would face challenges, challenges that would mature you, test you, show you who you really are.’
‘Who I am?’
‘You want to change the world? You want to start a revolution? Wars are tough, Kioshi! They are unforgiving and sometimes you have to do things you have to do! Sometimes you meet people who go to maddening lengths to claim victory. But whether you win or lose comes down to you, Kioshi. You decide if that person will succeed or not by your will just as your will decides whether you will succeed. If you want to survive – if you want to succeed then you have to ask yourself, what are you prepared to do? What are you prepared to sacrifice?’ Junichi crouched before him, placing a hand on his shoulder then smiled. Your mother knew this too but she couldn’t live long enough to help you in your time of need. Don’t let darkness and hate consume you. The true test of our humanity is if we can learn to forgive those who hurt us and stand up stronger. Stand up, Kioshi!
Is this really you father?
Standing with pride, Junichi uttered a defiant, ‘Yes! Our hearts are connected, yours, mine and your mother’s! Stand!’
‘Are you talking to yourself now!?’ Ayumi laughed. ‘Has madness claimed you!?’
‘I understand now that if I’m fighting then I have to give it my all. I have to put myself out there and fight with the resolve that I want to make a change.’ Kioshi rose. ‘I want to make a change, Ayumi but you’re in my way. You’re the first obstacle I need to pass to get to Akira and restore Shibuya. Looking towards darkness was cowardly but, I’ll do what I must so that I can carve out a future for not just myself but for everyone else in this world. I’ll take this darkness and turn it into strength!’ Kioshi’s eyes closed tightly, skin between his eyes creasing as he concentrated intensely. When he opened them again the red, bleeding balls were gone, instead replaced by glowing, purple eyes that burned strong, staring at Ayumi with a steel resolve.
Without warning, Kioshi took a defiant swipe of his sword, the blade lengthening enough to reach Ayumi and nearly cut off her head if she didn’t bend over backwards in time. When she straightened he was caught by the throat, Kioshi in front of her without making a sound.
Kioshi’s eyes opened wide, gazing deep into Ayumi’s own, delving into her heart – her very being. He didn’t know what he was actually doing, only following an instinct. Their eyes locked as Ayumi matched his stare with her own wide, grey eyes but her own resolve was weakening and her eyes were shaking as they were fighting to not become overpowered. Ayumi’s breathing began to pick up as Kioshi’s stare took hold of her. Growing even wider, she began to scream. ‘No! No! Get away! GET AWAY!’
The scene changed again but instead the two were in darkness.
‘I did my best but he was too strong! Please! Don’t hurt me! I don’t want to feel any more pain!’ Ayumi began to cry and when Kioshi let go of her she got onto all fours, crawling behind him to then cover her head in fear.
Buildings sprouted from the ground, rocketing into the sky, They looked like the black towers only they had details and the windows were clear. The buildings were grey from dirt and exhaust with signs everywhere, poking out of the sides like appendages and slapped across the fronts. They told of things that Kioshi hadn’t seen before the cinema, camera shop, clothes stores filled with dazzling and spectacular clothing, coffee shops, book shops, restaurants selling exotic and wonderful food, sweet stores, stores selling quirky contraptions – stores that would fill people with pleasure and wonder. Some stores even had signs that looked like they were made of lights but they weren’t on. Kioshi knew instantaneously where he was and so the thrill made him oblivious to the cowering girl behind him.
Shibuya.
And yet... why was Shibuya underground? Above them was the roof of a cave that spanned across the entire area like a dome. Shibuya was trapped, like someone had ripped it out and stuck it underground.
‘La, la la-la-la-la!’ A girl sang and soon after Kioshi heard the song the girl responsible made herself known. She was was dressed in a beautiful dress; one covered with string, ribbons and lace but, to Kioshi everything was purple so he had no idea what colour the dress was. The girl had something in her hands, something that gave her great joy. Kioshi just had to find out what it was.
Ayumi grabbed onto his trousers when he moved but irritated, Kioshi snatched his legs away, walking on.
‘La-la-la, la, la, la-la-la-la!’ She sang. Such a beautiful voice. What was such a radiant child doing in such a dark, lonely place?
‘Hey there,’ Kioshi lowered himself, ‘what do you have there?’
The girl went on singing, ignoring him.
‘You’re probably just an illusion too.’ He reached out to touch her but the girl stopped. Innocently she looked up at him with big, innocent eyes. ‘Y-You’re real?’
‘Of course I’m real silly!’ She smiled and chuckled.
‘What is that you have? I haven’t seen it before.’
‘This?’ She looked down at the sack of fabric. ‘It’s a doll! Haven’t you seen a doll before?’
‘No... So
rry.’ Kioshi smiled. ‘What do you do with it?’
‘What do you mean what do you do with it?’ She frowned, placing her hands on her hips. ‘You play with it, silly!’
‘I don’t know what it means to play. When I was as small as you I was only reading books.’
The girl poked her tongue out.
‘Mr Cat!’ Ayumi cried, jogging up to the girl and falling onto her knees, snatching the doll from the girl. ‘Kioshi! Look! It’s Mr Cat! I haven’t played with him in years! Not since I was a child!’ Her eyes were wide and filled with madness and it appeared that the hatred she held towards Kioshi had disappeared without an trace of them existing. Kioshi may as well have been a good friend to her.
Kioshi looked from Ayumi to the girl. ‘Say, young one, what’s your name?’
‘My name? I’m Yamamoto Ayumi!’ She smiled.
‘Ayumi huh? That’s a pretty name.’ Kioshi began to ponder as to what was happening. It wasn’t another mind trick created by Ayumi as the younger Ayumi was as real as he was. Ideas were forming in his mind, ideas concerning his power combining with Ayumi’s power. What if her power to get into people’s head plus my power, whatever it is created this physical manifestation of Ayumi’s past?
‘Ayumi! Get over here now! AYUMI!’ A man commanded with strong authority.
Against himself, Kioshi took older Ayumi’s hand and headed into an alley and from the dark, narrow gap he saw a cloaked figure with a walking cane approach little Ayumi who suddenly looked fearful for her life, grabbing onto Mr Cat tightly and visibly shaking. She couldn’t have been older than six.
‘Disgusting girl! So alone, so pathetic...’ Ayumi said to herself, still wide-eyed with a demented look, hands holding her skull with her fingers biting in. ‘No friends, no-one to care about her. She should kill herself. Yes, Ayumi should die. That what she wants. No! That’s what she will want! She’ll realize it soon enough!’ Mad chuckling passed through her gritted teeth.
There has to be a reason why Ayumi is the way she is. I have to find out what happened to her. Kioshi went back to observing Ayumi and the cloaked man.
The cloaked man raised his voice then brought the cane down on the little Ayumi’s head who then started to cry. ‘Where did you get that garment!’
‘I...’ The girl tried hard to stifle her tears but her weak presence only served to anger the cloaked man who swung his cane at the girl so hard that she fell to the ground, unconscious. The man picked her up, taking her away and when Kioshi peered out to look at the where the two had gone they were no-where to be found.
Ayumi ran out, plucking the discarded doll and pressing it to her chest. ‘Look Kioshi! Mr Cat has come back to me! I won’t let you go again.’
Kioshi ignored Ayumi and the darkness in his heart that was evolving into sadness, trying to get his thoughts in order. He knew that who he just saw was the man responsible for the current state of Japan:
Yamamoto Akira.
SCORN