Her parents, of course. And Bailey. Maybe Bailey’s mother. But if she told any of them the truth—that she was pregnant and planning to have an abortion—the truth in God’s Word would prevent her from getting the only sort of help she needed right now. And she couldn’t embarrass her parents now, not with all of Bloomington excited about their arrival, their plans for making movies in the city. She’d heard her father talking the other night to Dayne Matthews. They were worried that Brandon Paul’s partying could hurt the film and Jeremiah Productions. She could only imagine what her pregnancy would do to them.
Andi looked at her watch. She needed to get out of here. They would only talk in circles on this issue. She cleared her throat. “Yes. I have people I can talk to.”
“Good.” Caroline was quiet for a moment. “Andi, your mother’s concerned that you might be pregnant. Is that something you’re concerned about?”
What? Her mother suspected that? Andi swallowed hard and shook her head, recovering as quickly as she could. “No. No, I’m not concerned about that.” Andi felt the slightest bit of relief. She’d told the truth, right? She wasn’t concerned about being pregnant. She already knew she was pregnant. After her abortion next week, she wouldn’t be concerned about that either.
Caroline wasn’t about to call her a liar or ask her a second time. Instead she slid to the edge of her seat, her eyes shining with an even deeper compassion than before. “I’m here, Andi. Your parents know how to reach me. You can come back next week or more often, if you’d like. The important thing is that you have a chance to process how you’re feeling.” She kept her pace unrushed. “I want you to go home and think about the things you told me. About Rachel and Bailey and the guys they like to date. About how happy they are, and about why they’re happy.” Caroline smiled. “You have wonderful parents who love you. They’ve raised you with the truth, is that right?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Andi’s heart was beating harder than before. She couldn’t wait to leave.
“That’s right. You know the answers, Andi. I’m just here to help you remember them.”
Andi thanked the counselor. “Am I done?”
“For today.” Caroline hesitated. “Would you mind if I talked to your parents to fill them in on a little of our conversation? They just want to make sure you’re okay. I don’t have to talk to them if you’d rather I didn’t.”
“Um…sure, you can talk to them.” Andi figured that if the counselor talked to her parents, they might stop worrying about her. She signed a form stating that Caroline could discuss their session, thanked the counselor again, and headed down the hall to the lobby. But with every step, her heart beat faster. What was this about talking to her parents? Did Caroline know Andi was lying, that she really was pregnant? Or would she tell her parents to take Andi immediately to a doctor’s office for a pregnancy test? Andi wouldn’t do it. She couldn’t. She tried to stand a little taller, look a little more composed. That way her mom and dad would think they’d spent their money wisely and that Andi was on her way back to being the girl they remembered her being.
Her parents were on their feet as soon as she walked through the door. They didn’t rush toward her, but their eyes were filled with questions and hope. Her mom spoke first. “How did it go?”
“Good.” Andi remembered to smile, at least a little. “Her name’s Caroline. She wants to talk to you before we go.”
“I’m proud of you, honey.” Her dad kissed her cheek. “I know it wasn’t easy for you to come here. But sometimes we need a little help.”
Andi’s heart raced, but she forced herself to look happier than before. “Thanks, Daddy. That means a lot.” She watched her parents walk down the hall and she took her same seat in the lobby. This time her knees were shaking. What sort of person was she, lying to her parents, pretending a session with a Christian counselor had cured her problems? She was the worst possible daughter. If she could walk across the street and have the abortion now, she would. Because then she could start figuring out who she was going to be from that point forward. She could hardly be the old Andi, the untainted, innocent Andi. That girl was gone forever. Now she was a used-up coward, a person unfit to be a mother or a daughter. She had walked away from God and her parents and her upbringing, and every time she opened her mouth she spoke nothing but lies. But at least she wasn’t going to shame her parents. Not by having a baby.
Andi thought about her time with Caroline. There was one thing she’d learned from her time with the counselor, a truth that would stay with her forever. Rachel and Bailey had special guys in their lives, of course that much she already knew. But today she finally figured out why no special guys had sought after her. The answer was simple, and it brought with it a sting of tears.
Special guys wanted special girls.
Eighteen
BAILEY HAD BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO this night since summer began. It was the third week of June, and the Clear Creek High School football team was having its annual Cross-Town Scrimmage, against their rivals from Bloomington. The contest was a tradition in the community, and today it would also be the first time Bailey could watch her younger brothers Shawn and Justin play alongside Connor. The first time she could watch Cody on the sidelines, coaching.
Coach Taylor had worked out the timing of the scrimmage so that Bailey’s dad could be there, and now he and her mom were in the front seat of the family Suburban, and Bailey, BJ, and Ricky were in the back as they headed to the field. She and Tim still hadn’t gotten together—Tim’s schedule had been full as he prepared for their upcoming audition. Bailey hated the thought of breaking up with him, so she didn’t care if it took a little longer to make it happen.
But when they had talked, Tim had been kind again. The arrogance from a few weeks ago was gone. His thoughtfulness when they talked the last few times made her wonder if she was supposed to break up with him, after all. Especially when she and Cody were still not back to what they’d been at the Cru retreat. Maybe she could talk to Cody today after the scrimmage. Even if they only had a few minutes.
“Dad, you think Cody’s gonna be a good coach?” Ricky sat in the middle. He leaned forward, his eyes big. “Connor said he’s helping a lot.”
Bailey’s dad grinned in the rearview mirror. “Coach Taylor says he’s a natural.”
“Yeah, because all that time he’s spent around you.” BJ patted their dad’s shoulder. “Every time you watched films, Cody would sit next to you. Remember, Dad?”
“He did do that a lot.” Bailey’s mom shifted so she could see the rest of the family.
Bailey remembered dozens of times like that, Saturday mornings when Cody lived with them and she’d wake up to find him sitting next to her dad, the two of them watching game film on the family computer. Sometimes Bailey would stop and take in the scene, completely unnoticed because the guys were so caught up in watching and re-watching the images on the screen. She didn’t say so now, but she always figured more than the football talk, Cody enjoyed sitting next to her dad, because for a few minutes he could feel what it was like to have a father.
“I miss Cody living with us.” Ricky settled back in his seat. “He should move in again.”
The heat in Bailey’s cheeks told her she was better off staying quiet about that possibility. The feelings in her heart stirred up a familiar guilt and confusion that she still hadn’t found a way to deal with.
“You think he could, Dad? Huh?” Ricky was relentless once he hit on an idea. “That’d be perfect. He could work with Connor and Shawn and Justin all the time, and just think how good Clear Creek would be then!”
“He’s always welcome.” Bailey’s mom smiled back at Ricky.
“But he’s doing well on his own.” Their dad’s voice told them he wasn’t opposed to the idea, but he wanted what was truly best for Cody. “He’s a successful young man, and part of that is being self-sufficient.”
Self-sufficient. Bailey liked the way that sounded when it came to Cody. She liked thin
king of him more man than boy, moving into his future a different guy because of the time her parents had invested in him. And she loved that he was coaching football.
“Tim’s coming to the game, right?” BJ looked at her.
“Who?” Bailey blinked and her thoughts cleared quickly. “Oh, Tim. Um…I don’t think so.”
BJ was thirteen this summer, not a kid anymore. He looked at Bailey for a long time, as if to say her response was more than a little strange. Tim was her boyfriend, after all.
“I like Tim for you,” Ricky grinned at her. “I just like Cody better.”
A grin spread across BJ’s face and he winked at their younger brother. “I think Bailey feels the same way.”
“Okay, okay.” Their mom turned around, her expression part smile, part warning. “Enough. Cody’s a friend to all of us.”
“Exactly.” Bailey worked to muster up a lighthearted look for BJ. She couldn’t let anyone see how the remark had hit her heart dead center. “Cody’s our friend, buddy. Don’t let your imagination get ahead of you.”
“It wasn’t my idea.” BJ reached over and gave Ricky’s knee a friendly squeeze. “Ricky brought it up.”
“I think he likes Bailey.” Ricky shrugged. “I’m just saying.”
Bailey worked to slow her racing heart. What if he did have feelings for her? What if he were only waiting for her to figure out how to break things off with Tim, and then he would declare that she had been the girl for him all along? She stared out the window as Clear Creek High School came into view. But all she could see was Cody standing on her porch the day he came home from Iraq, telling her she should date Tim Reed, that he was the right sort of guy for her. How was she supposed to take that except the way she had ever since then? Cody didn’t have feelings for her that way.
They parked and spilled out, grabbing blankets and water bottles from the back of the Suburban. The Friday afternoon was warm and clear and blue, perfect for a summer scrimmage. Bailey’s mom came up alongside her as they crossed the field. “Ricky didn’t mean anything.”
Bailey loved this, how her mom knew what she was thinking and feeling before they shared a word about it. “I know.”
“I thought Cody would be around more now that he’s coaching the boys.”
“He’s mad at me.” Bailey slowed her pace, her eyes on the coaches lined up along the sidelines half a field away. “Over the whole Tim thing at the cafeteria a few weeks ago.”
“Still?”
“I don’t know what else it could be.”
Her mom was quiet, keeping pace with her. “Maybe it’s hard for him to be your friend.”
“Because of Tim?” Bailey couldn’t understand that. “I really don’t see Tim that much. I mean, he’s busy with voice lessons and acting classes, getting ready for the New York audition.”
Bailey’s mom slowed and breathed in deeply, her eyes on the distant blue sky. “Not because of Tim.” She paused and looked straight to Bailey’s heart. “Because he’s in love with you.”
Over the years Bailey’s mom had thought this about Cody before—though she didn’t always like the idea—and often Bailey agreed with her. Even if thinking so was a secret the two of them alone shared. But now Bailey shook her head. “He’s not, Mom. Maybe before, but not since he’s been home.”
She raised an eyebrow and angled her head, as if she couldn’t quite agree with Bailey. “I watched you that day when he came home from the war, the way he looked at you.” She smiled and her expression said she wasn’t going to push the subject. “I know what I saw.”
Bailey sighed. They were almost to the bleachers, and she could see Cody standing next to Coach Taylor. He looked tall and confident. A couple players ran up and asked him something, and Cody put a hand on one of their shoulders. Whatever advice he was giving, he looked intense. Like this was more than a summer scrimmage with the cross-town rival. She glanced at her mother. “I need to end things with Tim, right? Don’t you think?”
“It’s more about what you think.” Her mom’s tone was genuine. “Tim’s a great guy.”
“He is.”
They reached the bleachers and spread out a couple blankets on a bench near the top. Bailey’s mom was quiet while she waited for Bailey to continue.
Bailey took the spot beside her mom and opened her water bottle. “I go back and forth about whether Tim and I should be together. You know? I mean nothing’s really bad between us.”
Her mom narrowed her eyes and looked out at the players on the field. “I hope, honey, that if you stay with Tim, one day you’ll be able to say more than, ‘nothing’s bad.’”
Bailey allowed a feeble laugh. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Her mom looked over her shoulder. “Oh,” she stood and smiled. “Hi Tim.”
Bailey felt her heart skip a beat as she whipped around and saw Tim make his way up the bleachers toward them. He hadn’t heard what she’d said, right? The guilt inside her swelled and she quickly patted the spot beside her. “You came!”
He wore khaki shorts and a nice T-shirt, a little too dressed for an afternoon summer football game. He gave Bailey a quick hug and nodded his hello to Bailey’s mom. “I had my headshots taken this morning. My mom found a photographer from Indianapolis. She drove in today for the shoot.”
“Oh.” Bailey wasn’t sure what to say. “I guess I need a headshot too. Before August anyway.”
“Yeah, sorry. On the way here I thought I should’ve told you. We could’ve split the cost and done the shoot together.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Bailey squinted at the field. She reached into her purse, pulled out her sunglasses, and slipped them into place. “Looks like it’s about to start.” Bailey kept a few inches between her and Tim. Why did she feel so frustrated with him? He needed a headshot, right? That was part of the audition, bringing an eight-by-ten glossy. Bailey hadn’t thought much about the picture or the audition, but she figured she could get it done by their neighbor—a woman who did photography from her house. Tim just seemed a little over the top. Way more involved in the audition than she was.
So why did that frustrate her?
Bailey stared at the guys on the field. Maybe because this was the most passion she’d seen in Tim Reed since he won the part of Scrooge last fall. It was an enthusiasm Bailey hadn’t seen him express about anything else. Not about his faith or his relationship with her or his education. Which was fine. Bailey sniffed in a gulp of fresh air and sat straighter, with more of an attitude. Maybe Tim just bugged her. She didn’t like how she felt, but she couldn’t stop herself.
Just as the game was getting started, Coach Taylor’s wife, Kari, and their three kids arrived with Ashley and Landon Blake and their three. Landon was in his firefighting uniform, and Bailey glanced back and saw his fire truck in the parking lot. His partner looked like he was sitting in the rig, on the phone. They must’ve been on call—a slow fire day in Bloomington. As the group walked up, Bailey saw that they were happy and relaxed. Their laughter added to the sounds of the afternoon. Bailey was grateful for the distraction. “Hey guys…” She waved at them. “Sit by us!”
Ashley hurried up the bleachers and hugged Bailey and then Tim. “We sure miss you guys at CKT. I’m still painting sets, but the new kids aren’t the same.” She sat with her family in front of Bailey and Tim. “Well, here we are. It wouldn’t be summer without the Cross-Town Scrimmage!”
Jenny leaned forward and gave Ashley a quick hug. “I’m glad you’re all here.”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” Kari shaded her eyes and stared at the field. “My husband thinks this is the Super Bowl. It might as well be for how much preparation went into it.”
They all laughed, and after a few minutes the game began. Like every year, it was a close contest, with four lead changes. The sort of game that kept their attention to the end. Bailey was grateful. The close game meant she didn’t have to think about Tim or talk to him or wonder about her frustrations toward him.
Clear Creek pulled out a seven-point win in the last quarter with Bailey and her family and the other fans on their feet. The whole time Cody was completely engaged in the action. He was either consulting urgently with Coach Taylor or intently talking to one of the players, motioning toward the field and giving constant instruction. Bailey tried not to stare. She couldn’t help but see the similarities between Cody and her father. She’d spent her whole life watching her daddy coach, and now—watching Cody help guide Clear Creek to a victory was as wonderful as summer itself.
At the end, only Tim wasn’t cheering with them. He’d gotten a phone call and he was standing off to the side on his cell. Bailey tried to pretend he wasn’t here. He didn’t care about football, anyway, so she wasn’t sure why he’d come.
The phone call turned out to be the photographer who had taken Tim’s headshots. Everyone was going to Bortolomi’s Pizza after the game, but Tim begged off. “I guess she loves what she got, but she wants to do a few shots over. She’s only in town today.” His hands were in his pockets and he looked anxious to leave. He chuckled nervously and his eyes sparkled, not quite arrogant but clearly proud of himself. “She said I could model if the Broadway thing doesn’t work out.”
“That’s great.” Bailey tried to feel something, but the only pressing emotion stirring inside her was the urgency to congratulate her brothers and Cody. She gave him a happy shrug that said their time was clearly up. “I guess you better go.”
He hugged her, but she pulled away quickly. Before he left he grinned. “I had fun with you today.”
“Thanks.” She took another step back. “Me too.” She moved to walk away, but Tim caught her hand.
“Hey, tell me about Andi…what’ve you heard?”
Everyone was headed toward the field and Bailey wanted to join them. “Uh…I talked to her mom the other day. She’s worried about her. I think we all agree Taz wasn’t good for her.”