His mother had been absent for so much of his life, trapped by her demons and addictions. She had missed much, but not anymore. These days she was going to church with a few friends from her alcohol recovery class, and she’d been sober longer than he could ever remember. They were actually building a relationship for the first time.
She looked at him and raised a brow. “Not Andi.” She held up her copy of the Scrooge program and pointed to a photo just inside the front cover. “Bailey Flanigan. You couldn’t take your eyes off her.”
With everything in him, Cody wanted her to be wrong. Bailey wasn’t interested. She was dating Tim, and that was that. Especially tonight, when something very special seemed to linger between the two of them. Andi was striking, gorgeous as Isabelle. In his high school days, back when he was a jerk to just about every girl he came across, Cody wouldn’t have had the ability to see past Andi Ellison.
His mom was still looking at him, and he felt something crack in his resistance. Finally he drew a long breath and admitted just enough. “I’ve cared about her longer.” The crowd was filing out, moving past them, and Cody was in a hurry to talk about the play or where they were going afterwards for coffee. Anything else. Bailey and he were a thing of the past for lots of reasons. He wasn’t comfortable having his mom look straight into his heart, not when he hadn’t quite given her viewing privileges.
But they were at the end of their row, and before they could file out, she touched his arm and waited until he looked at her again. “It’s okay, Cody. I’ve known for a long time.”
“Known what?” He tried to sound neutral rather than frustrated.
Her voice grew nostalgic. “How you feel about that girl. How you’ve always felt.”
“Mom.” He forced an exhale. “No offense, but you weren’t around when Bailey and I were friends. And that’s all we were. We’ve never been anything more.”
“I wasn’t around much.” Her eyes were heavy with the pain from years lost. “But when I got out, when I came home … I saw the way you looked when you talked about her. I knew then.” She had to look up to him, but she put her hand on his cheek. “And I know now.”
“Mom.” He didn’t want to talk about Bailey. Not with his mom, anyway. He was trying to build something new with her, which meant he didn’t want to look backward. Not regarding his mom, and certainly not regarding Bailey. When it came to the ins and outs of his heart, she was hardly a qualified expert. He smiled at her. “Can we talk about something else?”
“It’s just —” She let her hand fall back to her side. Her face grew concerned, almost worried. “Cody … I like the Flanigan family, but … I don’t want you to get hurt. You’ve been hurt enough.”
He was suddenly aware of his prosthetic lower leg and his lonely afternoons and a lifetime of not knowing his mother — and, mixed together, he hated how it made him feel. “Mom, please.” He was not a victim. Not because of his war injury or his past, or anything Bailey might mean to him. “I’m not hurt. I’m fine.”
She ceded with a slight nod, and her eyes shifted to the sticky floor between them. “I’m sorry. I just … I worry about you.”
“Don’t. I can take care of myself.” He couldn’t get angry with her. It was too late for that. He put his arm around her shoulders and gradually walked her down the aisle toward the door. She was trying, something he’d prayed for. His frustration gave way to kindness, confidence. In this, their new relationship, he was the leader, the stronger one. He had almost forgotten that. “So … what’d you think of the show?”
“Good.” Her smile was tentative, but she understood. The conversation about Bailey was over. “Very good, really. The guy playing Scrooge was amazing.”
Tim Reed. Cody narrowed his eyes. “He’s been acting for awhile. Just a freshman too.”
“Really?” His mom seemed ready to move on, too, glad that Cody wasn’t upset anymore. She put her arm around his waist and gave him a hug. “The show put me in a Christmas mood.” She looked up at him. “I think we should put lights up this year. What do you think?”
The conversation felt easy again, the way Cody liked it. They were still talking about decorating for the holidays when they walked into the far end of the lobby. The crowd was spread throughout the space, and the cast mingled among them, everyone laughing and talking and taking pictures. His mom gave him a gentle elbow in the ribs. “There’s your friend. She played Isabelle. What’s her name?”
“Andi.” He followed his mother’s gaze, and there she was, looking as beautiful as she had on stage. “Andi Ellison.” Cody watched her, the way she tilted her head and tossed her hair. She was talking to a couple of guys and clearly enjoying the attention. Andi knew she was beautiful. She would always know it.
“I like that girl.” Her mom took a few steps. “I’ll be in the restroom.” She dropped her voice, as if anyone would hear her with the commotion around them. “Go talk to her. I saw her look over here.”
“Thanks, Mom.” He kept his tone light. When she was gone, he leaned against the far wall and slid his hands into his jean pockets. He wished he had feelings for Andi, wanted to be interested in her. His mom was right. Andi was into him. Cody had known that for a long time. Especially after she’d made a play for him that night when he’d helped her home after she got drunk at the frat party. But there were ten quick reasons why he wasn’t interested. The biggest: Bailey Flanigan. He could hear her laugh from across the room. He sighed, and it felt like it came from the basement of his soul.
Cody studied the architecture along the windows and doorways. He read the posters that lined the wall leading into the theater. Anything so he wouldn’t give in to his desire to find Bailey and at least stare into her eyes, tell her she’d done a great job. Don’t look for her, he told himself. She’s with Tim. She’ll be with him now.
A minute passed before he lost the battle. Without being too obvious, he made a casual sweep of the room and saw her in the middle of a large group — her parents and brothers, three of the Baxter sisters and their families. She had her red cape slung over one arm, and even from this far away the sight of her took his breath.
Cody shifted a few inches for a better look, and Tim came into view. From the opposite end of the long room, he looked like an old man, still in costume like the rest of the cast.
His eyes easily found their way back to Bailey. Her long, light brown hair falling around her shoulders in layers of curls, her fine features and infectious laugh. How had he let her slip away? Their story was almost like the one that had played out on the stage. A story of lost chances and useless regret. If he could will it, he wouldn’t be standing here alone, watching her live her life with some other guy. He would be back in her entryway, Fourth of July, holding her and telling her how much he’d missed her while he was gone. God could’ve taken him home after his capture, and he would’ve been okay with it except for one thing.
The memory and hope of Bailey Flanigan.
But instead of telling her exactly how he felt, instead of admitting he was in love with her, he’d done the opposite. He’d praised her for dating someone more her type, and he’d assured her that he wanted only to be her friend. For her sake. Because she deserved better.
But now … now he wasn’t the drunk guy who played with girls’ hearts. He was a different person, a guy who loved God and wanted a future based on faith and family. He was the right kind of guy for her now. And no one would ever love her more.
Cody stood a little straighter and filled his lungs with a determined breath. All his life he’d been a fighter. He’d scrapped and scrounged to survive as a latchkey grade school kid when his mother’s drinking left him without supervision, and he’d fought hard to find his place with the Flanigans — his only way of getting through high school. No one had worked harder on the football field, and when he was a prisoner of war, he had never, not once, given up.
So why had he given up so easily on Bailey?
The muscles in his jaw tighten
ed, and he forced himself to look away. Maybe he was supposed to take to heart the message of the musical. It was almost the New Year, so this could be the time in his life when he stopped hiding in the shadows and actually tried a different tactic. Like talking to her and texting her, being the friend he’d promised to be. She wasn’t married. Unless she asked him to stay away, he could certainly make himself more of a presence in her life.
The change of heart coming over him was so strong, he didn’t see Andi until she was standing directly in front of him. She giggled and ran her hand along his forearm. “Hey … you look like you’re in another world.”
He was. “Oh, hey, sorry. I didn’t see you.” He felt his guard go up. “You did great.”
“Thanks.” She crossed her arms in front of her and shivered a little. “I was scared to death. You have no idea.”
“We couldn’t tell.”
Andi hesitated. “Oh … your mom!” She glanced around. “Where is she?”
“Restroom. She’ll be right back.” Cody peered in the direction his mom had walked off in, and for the first time he realized she was taking a long time. He turned back to Andi. “How many shows in the run?”
“All this weekend — five shows — and then three midweek and another five next weekend. Thirteen altogether.”
“That’s a lot.” He didn’t want a long conversation with Andi. She was a nice girl, but he didn’t want to lead her on. He pressed his back against the wall behind him again. “You and Bailey weren’t at Cru this week.” Cru was the Campus Crusade meeting each Thursday on campus. At the beginning of the semester they’d all gone together.
“Dress rehearsals.” Andi wrinkled her nose in a cute girly sort of way. “This week we have a show, and then Christmas break. I guess we’ll start up again in January.”
“I guess.” He looked down the hallway again for his mom. Maybe he should go after her, in case she’d fallen or something. He gave Andi a distracted glance. “You ready for finals?”
“Pretty much.” She gasped. “I almost forgot to tell you. This guy in my science class is a film student. He’s making an independent movie and he wants me to star in it! I was just talking to him! Isn’t that great?”
“Yeah, great.” Cody didn’t want to be rude, but he was finished here. “Hey, listen. I gotta go find my mom.” He hugged her. “Seriously. You were great tonight.”
“Thanks.” She seemed flustered, a little confused by his early exit. “I sorta thought maybe we could go out for coffee, you and your mom and me. I guess I could hang out with the film guy.” She gave a disappointed shrug. “He asked, but … I don’t know. I wanted to hang out with you.”
“Oh.” He hesitated. She was sincere and kind, and a girl whose shaky faith could use all the right people surrounding her. What would it hurt if they included her for coffee? Bailey was obviously busy tonight. “Okay, sure. Let me go find my mom.”
He held back from taking another look at Bailey as he walked the opposite direction down a hall toward the bathrooms. He wasn’t sure whether to be worried about his mom or not. He’d lost track of time watching Bailey, so he wasn’t sure how long she’d been gone. A few minutes? Five … ten? He picked up his pace.
Just as he was about to turn the corner, she stepped into view, fiddling with something in her purse. She stopped short when she saw him. “Cody. What are you doing?”
“Looking for you.” He dropped his gaze from her eyes down to her purse and back up again. Why was she acting guilty? Like she was hiding something? “What took so long?”
“I got a phone call.” She slipped her purse up onto her shoulder and smoothed her coat, more confident than a few seconds ago. “Someone from my Bible study.”
Cody hesitated. He’d seen his mother crash hard too many times to count, seen her spiral into the evil, clutching hands of her addiction and each time fall lower than the last. He studied her eyes and searched for a hint of deceit, for even the beginnings of the telltale signs — the shaking hands and slightly wild-eyed look. But there was nothing, no reason to doubt her. He breathed out. “Okay.” He turned and fell in beside her. He wanted to believe her with everything in him. This was their time, their chance to be mother and son, like they’d never been before. He allowed his nerves to settle and again found a smile. “I ran into Andi. I told her she could join us for coffee.”
“That’s wonderful.” She grinned at him, maybe a little too big. Maybe not. “Introduce me!”
They reached the foyer again and Andi was still there where he’d left her, talking to a few of her fellow cast mates. He couldn’t tell if Bailey was still in the group at the far end of the room or not.
His mom leaned in as they drew nearer to Andi. “She’s so pretty.”
“Yes, Mom.” Cody chuckled. He wasn’t used to spending time with his mother, and her persistent efforts to set him up were almost comical. As if in these past few months she wanted badly — almost desperately — to become his friend and confidante.
They reached Andi, and Cody put his hand on her arm. “Mom, meet my friend Andi.”
“Andi! Why you’re absolutely adorable!” His mom still didn’t have strong social graces. She was nervous, having spent so many years behind bars of one kind or another, and sometimes she made up for it by being a little overly dramatic, a little over the top. This was one of those times.
“Mrs. Coleman, ma’am.” Andi nodded. “Nice to meet you.”
“Aren’t you sweet.” She laughed awkwardly. “Call me Cassie. That’s what my friends call me.” She gave Andi an impulsive hug. “You’re a perfect Isabelle.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” Andi’s eyes danced. Awkward or not, she was eating up the attention.
Cody was ready to leave. Across the room, he noticed Bailey separate herself from the group and jog lightly toward them. He willed her to stay away, because already Bailey suspected he had feelings for Andi. And with his mom certain Bailey was going to break his heart, everything about the coming moment screamed disaster.
His mom didn’t notice Bailey. She was still gushing over Andi in a way that was borderline embarrassing. “I’m sure Cody told you we thought you were brilliant tonight, just brilliant. Brilliant.”
She was at the last “brilliant” when Bailey reached them. Bailey seemed to register that this might be a special moment and that maybe she shouldn’t interrupt. Her last few steps were slower, tentative. “Hi. Sorry … I don’t want to interrupt.” She nodded at Cody and his mom and finally turned her attention to Andi. She was already taking a step back, retreating. “We’re getting pizza. Wanna come?”
“Um …” Andi smiled at Cody. “I’m having coffee with Cody and his mom.”
“Right.” Bailey seemed to realize she might’ve been rude. “Hi, Mrs. Coleman, Cody. Thanks for being here.”
“I was just telling Andi that she was brilliant tonight.” His mom linked arms with Andi. If Andi thought the move was strange, she didn’t act like it. His mom grinned widely. “The perfect Isabelle.”
“Yes.” Bailey seemed flustered, unsure of what to say. “Well, just wanted to see if you had plans. See you later.”
“Okay.” His mom waved good-bye to Bailey in a way that seemed almost sarcastic.
Cody was furious with his mother. She had intentionally lavished praise on Andi at Bailey’s expense. Bailey had already turned around and was walking away. Cody’s mind raced, looking for a way to salvage the moment. “Bailey … wait.” He took a few hurried steps in her direction and then walked slowly beside her until they were out of earshot of his mom and Andi. He touched her elbow and she stopped and faced him.
“You better go.” Her eyes were ice cold. “Don’t want to make them wait.”
“Bailey, please … don’t be like this.” He wanted to tell her she would’ve made a more believable Isabelle and that he’d had a revelation and he was going to be a much more present part of her life. But Andi and his mom were waiting, and there wasn’t enough time to explain himself.
“You were wonderful tonight.”
She looked at him a little longer than necessary, but still the walls were up. “Thanks.” She took another step away. “You and Andi … have fun tonight.” With that she was gone, hurrying back to her family and Tim — none of whom seemed to have noticed the two of them talking, or even that Cody was there.
Cody wanted to put the entire last ten minutes into reverse. He should’ve gone to Bailey and complimented her sooner. Tim or no Tim. The trouble was he had a habit of keeping his distance. This new determination, this change of heart God had given him wasn’t something he could act on immediately. He had to think things through first. But still — now he’d made things worse than before. Or his mom had.
He walked back slowly. His mom no longer had her arm linked with Andi’s, but she was speaking with a great deal of animation, talking with her hands and telling Andi some long story about who knew what. Their coffee break brought more of the same. His mother dominated the conversation, talking fast and laughing at times that weren’t always appropriate. Cody tried not to imagine that maybe she’d taken something in the bathroom, an upper of some kind. She was just making up for lost time, trying to be the best mother possible. That’s what he told himself.
But more than that, as the night wore on and after he’d dropped off his mom and walked Andi home, after he’d given her a quick hug good night and told her once more how great she’d done in the play, and after he ignored her slightly wounded look because he didn’t go with her into the common area of her dorm and talk for another hour, he became more convinced than ever about his next step, what the near future was going to hold. He was a fighter, and he had no reason to stop fighting now. He was going to do what he should’ve done a long time ago.
Fight for Bailey Flanigan as if his life depended on it.